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MEMOI 




OF THB 



REV. OLIVER ALDEN TAYLOR, A. M. 



LATE OP 



MANCHESTEE, MASSACHUSETTS. 



Kal 6&avaTog oifx sorai srij ovrs nsv-9^ogf oiirs xQavyij, ovra novog 
oj^x sarai In • on, ra nqajra anrild^ov* — Rev. 21 : 4. 



BY 

Rev. timothy ALDEN TAYLOR, A. M. 

AUTHOR OF 
THB SOLACE," **ZION," AND " ZION's PATHWAY. 



'H^ 



h ^. 



/^7^r.v 



BOSTON: 
TAPPAN AND WHITTEMORE, 

114 WASHINGTON STREET. 

1853. 



THB UBRAlTl 
•rCOIIOftMt 

WAiHmOTOW 



Entered according to the Act of Congress, in the year 1853, 

By Rev. T. A. Tatlok, 
In the Clerk's office in the District Court of Massachusetts. 



PRINTED BY WHITE AND POTTER, 

No. 4, Spring Lane, Boston. 



PREFACE 



FiYE years since, the subject of this Memoir committed his 
private papers, in case of his decease, to myself. He was then 
starting on a Western tour, and he acted in yiew of the uncer- 
tainties of life. Three months prior to his death, he again made 
the same disposition of those papers, provided he should not recov- 
er from the illness by which he was then prostrated. Hence, this 
work, if attempted, would naturally fall into my hands. Nothing 
but a sense of imperious duty could have induced me, in addition 
to my pastoral labors, to undertake it at all ; nor would it have 
been possible for me to accomplish what is now presented to the 
public, had I not been constantly aided by one who sustains to 
me the dearest relation in life. That I have not been injudicious 
in supposing a Memoir of my departed brother desirable and 
important, may be evinced by the following communications, 
which I have received since the commencement of the work : — 

**I mourn, with many others, the comparatively early removal 
of your dear brother. His memory is precious to me, and I shall 
be glad to see the Memoir of him which you are now preparing." 
— Rev. Mr. Gale, Rockport. 

" I rejoice that you are about to give to the public an extended 
Memoir of your dear departed brother. Such a volume, I cannot 
doubt, will be deeply interesting to all that knew him, and highly 
useful to those not personally acquainted with him." — Kev. Dr. 
Crowell, Essex. 

"He was a noble Christian, and I am glad you are preparing a 
memorial of him." — Rev. W. A. Stearns, Cambridgeport. 

Rev. Dr. Stearns, Newark, N. J., on enclosing a package of let- 



IV PREFACE. 

ters which, he had received from Mr. T., remarks : — "I senr* jou 
what I can find, and shall esteem myself happy if thereby I may 
contribute in any degree to facilitate your worthy design of pre- 
serving the precious memory of youj excellent and now sainted 
brother." 

Prof. Smith, of Bangor Theological Seminary, says : 
** I am heartily glad that you are engaged in preparing a me- 
morial of your lamented brother. May you be prospered, my 
dear sir, in your labor of love, and be enabled, by creating a 
worthy monument for your brother, to do much towards awaken- 
ing a kindred spirit among the ministry of this and future times." 

** It gives me great pleasure to know that the example of indus- 
try and success in the pursuit of sacred learning exhibited in 
your brother's life is to be presented to the public." — Rev. Dr. 
Woods, President of Bowdoin College. 

" When such men die, it is proper that a memorial of them 
should be preserved, and I am glad you are performing that office 
in behalf of one who, as a friend, a scholar, and a servant of 
Christ, has so many claims to our respectful remembrance." — 
Prof. Hackett, Theological Seminary, Newton. 

From Prof. Tyler, Amherst College : — 

" I rejoice to learn that you have undertaken to prepare a Me- 
moir of your late brother. Such a tribute is due to his talents 
and piety, to his ability and faithfulness as a minister of Christ, 
and especially to his indefatigable industry and distinguished 
attainments as a Christian scholar. He devoted many of the last 
years of his life wholly to studies, illustrative of the literature 
and the theology' of the Bible. The public have seen the results 
and are still reaping the benefits of those years of silent and un- 
obtrusive toil on the Catalogue of the Library at Andover, and in 
several volumes, rich in learning and piety, which were written or 
translated and edited by him. Could they also be made acquaint- 
ed with more or less of the process by which these results were 
wrought out, as witnessed b}^ those who saw him from day to day 
in his studies and his perambulations at Andover ; the unwearied 
patience and perseverance with which he ransacked books, and 
labored to apprehend, reconcile and digest their heterogeneous 
contents, and at the same time the conscientious and systematio 
care with which he walked and talked and sicam, and in various 



PREFACE. T 

other ways recreated and exercised, that he might preserve * a 
Bound mind in a sound body/ the process would be scarcely less 
instructive than the results were honorable to himself and valua- 
ble to the Christian community. In looking over the very valu- 
able donation of books from his private library, which, in accord- 
ance with his wishes, his surviving brothers have recently 
transmitted to the library of Amherst College, I have been struck, 
not only with his love of books, but with the wise and faithful 
use which he made of them. Large as the donation was, nearly 
all the books contain marks or notes from his pen in the mar- 
gin, or on the blank leaves, showing that he had consulted them 
and expected to consult them again ; that he appreciated their 
contents and hoped to apply them to some practical and sound 
purpose. Alas, that so many of his hopes and purposes were 
•broken off' by his early death ! There are few sadder offices 
than the distribution or appropriation by others of such a minis- 
ter's library, unless it be that in which you are now engaged — 
the preparation of a tribute to the memory of such a friend, and 
that friend a beloved brother. Yet you will experience a melan- 
choly satisfaction in rendering the service. It will be a labor of 
love on your part. May you be guided by that wisdom which is 
profitable to direct, and accompanied by that blessing which 
alone can render the work truly acceptable and useful." 

Might I persuade myself that I have in any good degree 
answered the end desired by the distinguished men whose names 
and letters are here inserted, I should rejoice. But it is no easy 
task to prepare a Memoir, even when, as in the present case, ma- 
terials are ample. 

I have failed in attempts to procure some of the letters of my 
brother which I had hoped to incorporate in this volume. One^ 
in Latin, and pronounced classical by high authority, I should 
have inserted, could it have been obtained ; but the most peise- 
vering efforts to secure it have been unsuccessful. Scores of 
letters written by him in other than the English language, are in 
my possession ; yet feeling myself incompetent to judge of their 
literary merits, I have not ventured to publish a specimen. I 
regret to say that the only Hebrew quotation in the book is incor- 
rectly printed. 

The design of this work is to present an impartial and faithful 
history of its subject. The volume might have easily been much 
enlarged. I am not without fears that I may be charged with 
1* 



yi PREFACE. 

too mucli minuteness of detail ; but I have thought that a full 
history of Mr. T/s early struggles in pursuit of knowledge, would 
constitute no small part of the interest of the narrative, and also 
render it more serviceable to the young, not a few of whom are 
encompassed with poverty. Let them here learn what perse- 
verance, in pursuit of knowledge, can accomplish. 

It has been my aim to permit, so far as possible, the subject to 
speak for himself; yet it must be obvious to every reflecting 
mind that however excellent may be the thoughts of an unedu- 
cated childi his language will be entirely unsuited to appear in 
print. It was a misfortune of Mr. T.'s early years, and one over 
which he never ceased to grieve in after life, that opportunities 
for mental discipline were not then his. It was also ever an 
occasion of regret to him, that his first years of academic study 
were passed without rigid supervision. He used his pen, per- 
haps, too much. The habit of condensation and of strict classifi- 
cation would have simplified the many voluminous manuscripts 
from w^hich the materials of this Memoir have, in part, been 
drawn. 

No one, it is presumed, will read this volume without the con- 
viction that the subject of it could say at the close of his life, as 
he did in his youth, " I have endeavored to improve every moment,** 
Diligence ever characterized him. Study was no drudgery; 
he not only loved knowledge itself, but enjoyed the acquisition 
of it. He could luxuriate in the driest principles of science, and 
would cheerfully have passed much of his life in those very re- 
searches, which multitudes, who crave the renown of the learned, 
wholly discard. 

Most sincerely do I thank all those who have cheered me 
on by their expressions of kindness and sympathy. One year 
ago this dayy the spirit of my brother winged its way from earth, 
and it is believed, to heaven. 

For twelve months I have been engaged in the preparation of 
this work, and now, through the mercy of God, I am permitted to 
see it issuing from the press. Imperfect as it is, I commit it to 
the world, thanking the Almighty, that I have been suffered to 
do aught for the perpetuation of my brother's memory. If Christ 
be honored, though but in a small degree, by this volume, I shall 
not have labored wholly in vain. Farewell, my brother, fare- 
well, a short farewell. I hope to meet thee ere long in the eter- 
nal City. 

SLATERgviLLE, R. I,, Dcc 18, 1852. 



CONTENTS. 



CHAPTER I. 

PABENTAGE AND CHILDHOOD. 

Born in Yarmouth, Mass. — Maternal ancestors clerical — 
Began life amid parental trials — Is transferred to a wilder- 
ness — Early religious impressions — Desires to unite with 
the church — Meditations — A revival in H. — Professes 
religion publicly — No relish for sinful sports — Zeal in 
attending social meetings — Love for books ■ — His library 
— A providential escape, ..... 13-29 

CHAPTER II. 

HIS FIRST ABSENCE PROM HOME. 

A dark cloud over the family ~ His discouragement — A 
brighter scene — A summer in Ashfield — Becomes ac- 
quainted with Rev. T. Shepard — Various unsuccessful 
efforts to obtain means by which to prosecute studies — 
Letter to his parents — Encouraged by Mr. Shepard — 
Last interview with his father, . . . . 30-37 

CHAPTER III. 

THE DEATH OF HIS FATHER. 

Is summoned from Ashfield — His father's charge — Returns 
to A. and studies there — Visits "VVilliamstown — Becomes 
a beneficiary of the Education Society — Prepares for a 
journey to Pennsylvania — Resolutions, . . . 38-44 

CHAPTER IV. 

HIS JOURNEY TO MEADYILLE. 

A farewell meeting — The parting — His mother's letter to 
him — The son's farewell to his mother — Her letter to her 
father — Oliver at Williamstown — Hears of the death of 
his uncle T.'s wife — Arrives at Athens, N. Y. — Writes to 
his uncle T. — Journey from A. to Meadville — Letter to 
his uncle 0., . , . , . , . i5-62 



y 



Vlll CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER V. 

RESIDENCE IN MEADTILLE. 

Letter to his mother — Extracts from his journal — Letter to 
the Secretary of the Ed. Soc. — Corner stone of Bentley 
Hall laid— Studies — Absence of his uncle deplored — A 
narrow escape — A new year — Letter to his mother — 
Debating Society — Delivers a eulogy — A critical observer 
of things — Teaches a day school; also a singing school — 
Letter to his mother — Anniversary of his arrival at M. — 
Singing school in M. — Interview with Rev. Mr. Goodell— 
Eighteen hundred twenty-two — Discouragements in study 

— Decides to leave M., ^^-73 

CHAPTER YI. 

LEATES MEADYILLE. 

Sadness on leaving — Prayer for guidance — Objects of in- 
terest — Finds friends — Lamed by walking — At Buffalo 

— Fears his trunk is lost — Acts the lawyer — Views the 
monuments of the dead — Is entertained by a Professor at 
Aiiburn — A family incident — Meets a Waterloo soldier — 
Reaches Schenectady, ....•• 74-77 

CHAPTER YIL 

IS A MEMBER OF UNION COLLEGE. 

Letters to his mother — Visits his mother — Their meeting 

— Reflections on the farm where he toiled with his father 
At the grave — Efforts to do good in H. — A family 

meeting — Skeptical tendencies — Kindness of the people 
to him in H. — Returns to College — Letter to his eldest 
sister — Journal — Letter to his mother, . . • 78-86 

CHAPTER VIII. 

COLLEGE LIFE CONTINUED. 

Smiles and frowns — Brief sickness — Letter to his brother T. 

To Col. J. L. — Becomes a beneficiary of the Albany 

Presbytery — Studies in vacation — Sickness — Generosity 
of classmates — Leaves College — Arrives in H. — Recov- 
ers and returns to S. — Letter to his mother — Elected a 
member of the Phi Beta Kappa Society — Letter to his 
brother R. — Visits a criminal under sentence of death — 
Teaches a singing school in S. — Undertakes the transla- 
tion of a geometrical work from the French — Letter to his 
mother — Death of a classmate — Graduates, . . 87-104 



CONTENTS. IX > 

CHAPTER IX. 

STUDIES THEOLOGY AT ANDOVER. 

A visit to Yarmouth — Letter to his mother — First Sabbath 
at A. — Perplexed for money — Mental darkness — A new 
year — Letter to his mother — To a brother — To Rev. J. 
Grout — Spring vacation — A strange sermon — Letters to 
his eldest sister — To his mother — Dissatisfaction with his 
religious state — Thinks of Palestine — A vacation in Bos- 
ton — A city missionary — A report of his labors — Letter 
to his mother — Returns to Andover — Visits Hawley, . 105-12i 

CHAPTER X. 

A YEAR AT GLOUCESTER. 

Letter to Mrs. Matthews — To his mother — A new year's 
present — Letter to Mr. Grout — To his brother T. — Ways 
of usefulness — Visits Yarmouth — - Returns to the Semi- 
nary, . 125-130 

CHAPTER XI. 

SENIOR YEAR AT ANDOVER. 

Death of his grandfather — Translates for Dr. Leiber — 
Thoughts on missions — Fondness for literature — Letter 
to his mother — Fears he has no piety — Reproof — Engages 
to preach at Beverly — Letter to his brother T. — Letter to 
his mother — To his sister M a — Graduates, . . 131-138 

CHAPTER XIL 

CALLS TO SETTLE, ETC. — PREACHES IN TOPSPIELD. 

Receives a call — Answers it in the negative — Is invited to 
become a missionary to the Jews — Letters to his mother 
— Correspondence with Prof. Fiske — Residence in Hart- 
ford, Ct. — Letters to his mother and brother, . . 139-150 

CHAPTER Xni. 

LITERARY PURSUITS. 

Engaged in translating from the German — Letter to his 
brother T. — To his mother — Parts with Mr. Schauffler — 
Letters to his brother R. — Reflections — Publishes Me- 
moirs, etc. of Reinhard — Xetters to] his brother T. — Va- 
rious literary calls — Contracted minds — New divinity — • 
Letters — Conjunction of Jupiter and Venus — Great de- 
jection — Studies Rabbinic — Visits Hawley — Affecting 
scene — Invited to Braintree — Decides not to go, . . 151-167 



X CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER XIV. 

LITERAEY PURSUITS CONTINUED. 

'Publishes Views of the Saviour — Translates Pfeiffer on Music 

— Prepares a history of the pulpit — Letters — Preaches 
in Dracut — Letters to brothers and sisters — Teaches He- 
brew in the Theol. Seminary — Death of Mr. Johnson — 
Is invited to the New York Seminary — Letter from Dr. 
Robinson — The early home of Mrs. Dwight — Great trials 

— Completion of the Catalogue — Distressing views of sin 

— The missionary cause — Publishes a brief statistical his- 
tory of Andover Seminary — The Mourner, . . . 168-184 

CHAPTER XV. 

DEVOTES HIMSELF TO PREJLCHIN G. 

At Dracut — An affecting death — Ordained an Evangelist — 
Preaches in Greenfield — Letters to his brother T. — Vis- 
its Hawley — Preaches in Hatfield — Receives a call — 
Thoughts on missions — A scene in Natick — Preaches in 
Danvers — Pleasing incidents — Trials, . . . 185-198 

CHAPTER XVI. 

PREACHES IN MANCHESTER. 

Letter to the American Board — Death of his uncle T. Alden 

— Sweet communion with God — Receives a call to settle in 
M. — Accepts — A journey — At Princeton, N. J. — In 
Philadelphia — At Alexandria — Visits Mt. Vernon — Re- 
flections at the tomb of Washington — Returns to M. — 
LettertoMrs. McF., 199-206 

CHAPTER XVII. 

AS A PASTOR. 

Installation — A letter from a parishioner to the compiler — 
Visits his old study at Andover — Emotions on bidding it 

farewell — Letters to Prof. Letter to his brother T. — 

Book borrowers — Buying books — Revival in M. — Letter 
to Mrs. Thacher — Zeal for old studies — Invited to the 
ordination of his brother R. — Letters to that brother — 
Heavenly enjoyment — Fanatical scenes — Death of Presi- 
dent Harrison — Private fasting — Zeal for the Sabbath- 
school — The pulpit an awful place — Temperance — The 
death of his predecessor — Visit to Andover — Comfort in 
God — Letter to his mother from Heath, . . .207-224 

CHAPTER XVIII. 

PASTORAL LIFE CONTINUED. 

Andrew Lee — His death — The pastor's grief — Frequent 
sad news from sea — Midnight call — Fearful struggles — 



CONTENTS. XI 

Kindness to the poor — Augustine — Self-examination — 
Letter to Mrs. L. from Boston — An orientalism — Thanks 
for friendship — Preparing a Memoir — At Norwich, Ct. — 
Breathings after holiness — The Salem sufferer — Miller- 
ism — Rev. Mr. Knapp, Baptist — Rerival in M. — Re- 
linquishment of salary — No fellowship with errorists — A 
comet — Spiritual pride — Salary trouble — Looking to the 
cTcrlasting hills — Wonders of glory, . . . 225-240 

CHAPTER XIX. 

PASTORAL LIFE CONTINUED. 

Letter to his brother T. and wife — Summoned to see his sick 
mother — Spiritual darkness — Prayer in the woods — 
Glimpse of heavenly light — Attends commencement — 
Graduation of his youngest brother — Visits Saratoga 
Springs — Letters to his sister-in-law C. — Letters to his 
mother — His marriage — A Sabbath at Hamilton — Letter 
to his sister M. — Letter from Boston to his wife — Na- 
tional election— Death of his mother-in-law — Habits of 
visiting — Salary trial — Letters to his wife — A smiling 
Saviour, ........ 241-257 

CHAPTER XX. 

PASTORAL LIFE CONTINTJED. 

Elected a member of the New England H. G. Society— 
Visits N. J. — Affecting baptism of an infant — The closing 

year — Letters to his sister M y — Reopening of the 

meeting-house — Letter to Mrs. McF. — To a brother — To 
his wife from Hawley — Affecting death of a parishioner — 
Death of Rev. Mr. Jewett, ..... 258-265 

CHAPTER XXI. 

PASTORAL LIFE CONTINUED. 

Rev. T. S. Wright — Death of Rev. Mr. Mansfield — Ordina- 
tion of his youngest brother — Letter to Rev. Dr. Hooker 

— A Sabbath at Wenham — Reflections on the death of his 
father — Ordination sermon published — Scenes of sorrow 

— Exalted views of Jesus — His mother's likeness — Let- 
ter to a newly married sister, ..... 266-274 

CHAPTER XXII. 

PASTORAL LIFE CONTINUED. 

Church fast — Despair and consolation — Self-distrust — In- 
quirers — Infidel lecture — Anxiety for a sick brother — 
Letter to his wife— Visits R. I. — Death of Rev. W. B. 



Xll CONTENTS. 

Tap^n — Letter of sympathy — Change of habitation — - 
Funeral of a dear friend — Case of Prof. Webster — Letter 
to his mother respecting his father — Reviral in Essex — 
The new society in M — A heavenly season at the Anni- 
versaries — Rev. Habijah "Weld — Death of Gen. Taylor—- 
A refreshing call — Birthday — Celebration at Topsfield — 
Mournful tidings — A present — Cleaveland genealogy — 
Closing a volume of journalizing — A returned Californian 

— Death of an aged saint, ..... 275-290 

CHAPTER XXIIL 

HIS LAST YEAR — SICKNESS AND DEATH. 

A new year's thought — Communion Sabbath — Dying youth 

— Publishes Articles of Faith — A letter to afflicted parents 

— A visit to Newburyport — A journey to Pennsylvania — 
Taken sick at Deposit — Visits his mother — Their tender 
parting — Returns to M. — Commencement of his last 
sickness — Is soon prostrated — His birthday — Prospect 
of recovery — Letter to his mother — An appeal to the 
Sabbath-school — A letter to the Sabbath-school — A let- 
ter to Mrs. McF. — Another letter to his mother — A letter 
to Mrs. M. — Thanksgiving day — Letter to his brother T. 

— A new attack — The last day of his life — The closing 
scene— The funeral, 291-325 

CHAPTER XXIV. 

NOTICES OP HIS DEATH ; ESTIMATE OF HIS CHARACTEK, ETC 

Boston Traveller's notice — Letters of condolence — Reso- 
lution of the Essex South Association — Also of the Salem 
Assotiation — Characteristics of him as a pastor, by Rev. 
R. T. ^- His library — Publications — Letter to the compi- 
ler from Dr. Crowell— From Rev. Mr. Campbell— From 
Dr. Nott — From Bishop Potter — From Prof. Hackett — 
From Dr. Dana — From Dr. Woods, . . . 326-347 

CHAPTER XXV. 

MISCELLANEOUS. 

Ordination Address — Reasons, etc. — Revival in Hawley, 
1816 — Western tour — Address at the dedication of the 
Union Cemetery — Poetry, Pilgrims of Leyden — Lines 
for an afflicted sister — Spring — To my wife on the death 
of her mother — Dedication hymn — On the death of C. M. 
N., only son of Rev. C. M. Nickels — Translation of 
" Dies Irae " — Monumental inscription, . . .348-896 






MEMOIK. 



CHAPTER I. 



PARENTAGE AND CHILDHOOD. 

The Rev. Oliver Alden Taylor was born in Yarmouth, 
Massachusetts, August 18th, 1801, and was the eldest of 
eleven children. His parents were Captain Jeremiah and 
Mrs. Martha Shaw Taylor. With much research in sub- 
sequent years, he traced out the lineage of his paternal 
ancestors. Speaking of them, he says : " I have found no 
men of royal blood ; no barons, lords, dukes or conquer- 
ors ; but instead thereof, pilgrims and adventurers, charac- 
terized by all the imperfections of human nature, though 
often blessed with some of the virtues of Christianity. So 
let it be. Everything on earth that exalts the human 
body, goes to foster human pride, and destroy the soul. 
Let my boast then, like Cowper's, be, 

* not that I deduce my birth. 



From loins enthroned and rulers of the earth ; 
But higher far my proud pretensions rise : 
The son of parents passed into the skies.* '* 

On the maternal side, were many of the clerical pro- 
fession. His mother was daughter of the Eev. Timothy 
Alden, who for nearly sixty years was Pastor of the Con- 
gregational Church in Yarmouth. She was granddaughter 
of the Eev. Habijah Weld, who eloquently and success- 
1 



14 PARENTAGE AND CHILDHOOD. 

fully preached the gospel almost fifty-five years in 
Attleborough, Massachusetts. Mr. Weld was son of the 
Rev. Thomas Weld, of Dunstable, Massachusetts, and 
married a daughter of the Rev. John Fox, of Woburn, 
in the same State. This latter gentleman was son and 
successor of the Rev. Jabez Fox. 

Oliver commenced life amid severe trials on the part of 
his parents. His father had just returned from a voyage 
to the West Indies, where he had been sick of a fever, 
and where events commenced occurring which eventually 
bereft him of a handsome property, and for a season de- 
prived him of his reason. When their little son was less 
than three months old, his parents removed with him into 
Ashfield, where they resided two years, and then took up 
their residence in the west part of Hawley. New Eng- 
land can hardly present wilder scenery than is witnessed 
in this town. At an early age, Oliver exhibited a thirst 
for knowledge. There were but few children in the 
vicinity, and it was not till he was eight years of age that 
he could love a brother. His father early taught him to 
be industrious, by taking him into the field and instructing 
him in the various branches of agricultural labor. Capt. 
Taylor meant ever to be kind to his children, therefore he 
employed them usefully. Whenever Oliver returned from 
the toils of the farm, he would seize a book before sitting 
down. This was his invariable custom, though he might 
be drenched with rain or shivering with cold. It was 
favorable for him that his parents were intelligent, and 
possessed of more useful books than was ordinarily the 
case with people in that period. He however was not 
long contented with the home supply, but borrowed of 
neighbors. An aged gentleman remarked, that when 
Oliver came to his house, a book was the first requisition 
of the youth. When a mere child, he was seen to weep 
because he could perceive no prospect of obtaining an 



PARENTAGE AND CHILDHOOD. 15 

education. About his thirteenth year, his zeal for learn- 
ing became so intense that he would sit up very late at 
night reading by the blaze on the hearth ; and when the 
moon was large, he often arose from his bed, opened his 
chamber window, and studied through the assistance of 
her peerless beams. The penury of the paternal abode 
could not furnish him with even a dim lamp. 

At the time of Oliver's birth, his father was not hope- 
fully pious ; his mother was ; and within the next two 
years, the father consecrated himself to Christ. Both 
parents ever after walked before their family " as seeing 
Him who is invisible." Their son was dedicated to God 
in baptism while an infant. Oliver's mother taught him 
as soon as he could learn them, prayers, hymns, and 
iBcripture truths. She used also to sing him verses respect- 
ing a little pious child who died quite young. In subsequent 
years, he told his mother that his whole soul was wrought 
up by her singing about that child. When more than 
twenty years of age, he besought her to furnish him the 
exact lines which had so powerfully affected his own in- 
fantile spirit. The operations of his mind were recorded 
by himself from the time at which he became capable of 
writing sentences. The following extracts are from an 
account written of himself: 

" When I was six or seven years of age, my thoughts 
were much on God and my soul. On retiring to rest at 
night, I would not allow myself to sleep till I had asked 
my mother so many questions as almost to tire out her 
patience ; nor before I had offered secret prayer. Indeed, 
ever since I can remember I have been accustomed to 
pray in secret, and at times with comfort. The first 
which I recollect to have told my parents respecting my 
feelings, was what occurred one morning before the break 
of day. I had lain awhile weeping bitterly ; then I arose 
and informed my mother that I was so sorry for my sins 



16 PARENTAGE AND CHILDHOOD. 

as to cry on account of them. I continued quite serious 
for some time. Occasionally I neglected secret prayer, 
but grief would be the consequence. At times I fell into 
bad company, and went so far as to join with the profane 
in their vile utterances. Always, however, I managed to 
keep my guilt from the knowledge of my parents. Once 
I became so hardened that 1 cared not whether I were 
happy or miserable. But the Lord, as I hope, brought 
me out of that state. In the year 1815 he appeared for 
my renewal. 1 then supposed that my feelings were un- 
known to every human being except myself. But my 
father has since told me that he had seen me at prayer in 
retired places, and did not permit himself to disturb me» 
Often did I long to join with some companions in social 
devotions. Moreover, I desired to unite with the Church, 
yet dared not for awhile name the desire to any one. On 
a certain evening I contrived to ask my mother divers 
questions in regard to the method of professing religion. 
She remarked, ' I would be glad to see you join the 
Church, if fit for it.' Such were her tones as to fill me 
with grief, and cut short all my queries. I knew not what 
to do. Not long afterwards, my father, returning home 
from meeting on the Sabbath, announced the coming out 
of one convert. I then thought if I were truly born again, 
some person must be able to report the fact. I resolved 
to hope no more, and gave up all as lost. At this time I 
commenced a journal, which I have continued ever since." 
Subsequently to his professing religion publicly, he dated 
back his renewal as early as the time when he wished to 
become a church member. After reaching manhood, he 
was unable to determine definitely the particular time 
when a saving change probably occurred. The narrative 
above given was penned by Oliver when a youth. I cast 
his thoughts into my own language, as of necessity I 
must. This account proceeds : " I now have a desire to 



PARENTAGE AND CHILDHOOD. '17 

be a minister of the gospel, that I may do what shall be 
in my power for the good of mankind. Oh that I had 
not spent so much of my time in sin. May I henceforth 
look to God, hope in him and trust myself in his hands, 
not because of supposed worthiness in me, but on account 
of the goodness of Jesus." 

Allusion has been made to his commencing a regular 
journal. It originated in his fourteenth year, and con- 
tinued till the close of his life. The memoir will be 
constructed in no small degree from the records left by 
the deceased. Readers must not, however, expect me to 
be scrupulous of my brother's diction ; his sentiments I 
shall carefully present. 

Meditations, 1815. — "O son of man, why dost thou 
not think of thy last end ? Return unto the Lord. Who 
shall deliver me from everlasting burnings? I cannot 
escape except through Christ, and yet I lie on a bed of 
sloth, crying for a little more sleep and slumber. Assist, 
Lord, and I will come to thee, bowing at thy feet. Save 
me — save me for Christ's sake, before it be too late." 
The preceding is a specimen of what would fill pages of 
this volume. 

At this age he was in the habit of turning into verse 
the most pathetic parts of the Bible. His first attempt of 
this nature seems to have been David's elegy on Saul and 
Jonathan. In the course of a few years the entire book 
of Lamentations had passed in this manner under his pen. 
The products of this nature left by him surely possess not 
much lyrical merit ; but they show the bent of his mind 
and the industry which characterized him in efforts for 
mental improvement. He was also accustomed, while 
quite young, to write reflections on the deaths that oc- 
curred among those whom he knew or of whom he heard. 
*' Let us seriously meditate on eternity. I behold my 
1* 



18 PARENTAGE AND CHILDHOOD. 

fellow mortals fall into the grave, and know not how soon 
I shall be called to pass the iron gate of death. Lord, 
teach me the way to Zion. — One day when I was felling 
a tree, a limb descended suddenly and liked to have killed 
me. Thanks to God, I am spared. O my soul, why wilt 
thou not hear the calls to prepare for death. Open the 
door of thy heart to a crucified Saviour. Think a few 
moments on the solemn hour when thou wilt be called to 
stand before the judgment bar. 

" Feb. 6, 1816. — Now let my pen record my sins, at 
least a few of them, for there is nothing good in me. My 
heart this day is in a dreadful state. I grow worse and 
worse every day. I have none to comfort me. My near- 
est friend knoweth not my trouble. 7. — Lord, let not 
thy spirit depart from me, but cause a double portion of it 
to rest upon me. O Jehovah, suflfer not one who cries 
after thy love, to die without it. 10. — To-day I have 
been to the house of God, but has it done me any good ? 
11. — I awoke this morning with the same hard heart, 
though a sick mother is before my eyes. 14. — O that I 
could so live, that when called into eternity I shall not be 
ashamed to appear at God's bar. 19. — My youth is 
marked by many tears. 22. — Last evening heard my 
father and sick mother talking about their immortal souls, 
and what warning should their anxiety be to me a sinner. 
Still I seem insensible to my frailty. Oh state of sin ! 
I have met with many accidents, and now have a broken 
arm. Yet my heart is hard ; I fear harder and harder. 
I am, too, ill of the headache. It is quite severe. To- 
day I have heard the Rev. Jonathan Grout converse with 
my mother respecting her mind. 23. — Still I have a 
sick mother. Oh, in what distress she was last evening ; 
how did she cry for mercy. Would that I could fear for 
my poor soul. 24, — To-day I am alone at Mr. Dickin- 



PARENTAGE AND CHILDHOOD. 19 

son's.* The family are gone to meeting. I am here 
because of my mother's sickness. I read and write, but 
how little real comfort can a sinner find! Alas, I take 
none; nor can I, dear God. Without thy presence, what 
is there in this life but sin and mourning ? 28. — My 
wounded arm is getting better ; my soul, alas, I fear is 
growing worse ; yet to-day I made a solemn promise to 
seek God. May he help me by his grace to turn from 
my many sins, and to fulfil my promise, for vain is the 
aid of man. Help me, a poor sinner, O Lord, for Christ's 
sake, or I am undone. March 1. — I have not been to 
the house of God for some time, on account of my broken 
arm, which is getting better. We hear of the goings 
forth of God in this and other towns. O joyful news ! 
May the revival come even to me. My life is running to 
waste. Lord, pass me not by. 3. — To-day I have been 
reading, and now sit down to write ; but it would be im- 
possible to express all that I feel. Sometimes I am 
inclined to murmur against God ; at others I feel as though 
I would seek him, and prepare for death ; but in a few 
moments the good thought is gone, and I say or do some- 
thing which fills me with horror. O Jesus, thunder into 
my ears the words of life. Fill me with a godly sorrow 
for all my sin ; send me ever so much pain, if thou wilt 
only preserve me from death eternal. 10. — This is the 
day which the Lord hath set apart for man to devote to 
his Maker. How little have I done to honor him. The 
things of the spirit, I fear are to me foolishness. 17. — 
Must I be forever full of wickedness ? I cry to God, and 
he will not hear me. Where shall I go, or whither shall 
I turn ? I am the vilest wretch on earth. I know there 
is none like me. Thou friend of sinners, pity me. Or 
art thou changed from a friend to an enemy of the human 

* This family resided one mile from Capt. T.'s, near the Forge. 



20 PARENTAGE AND CHILDHOOD. 

race ? I know thou hast power to save me ; to thee will : 
I look. April 10. — Give thanks to God, and bless his \ 
holy name for the goodness he has shown to my soul. 
After much affliction in my mind, I have received com- 
fort, I trust from him. Light gently flowed into my heart, 
and I felt delivered from the borders of destruction. 
Wonderfully is the Holy Spirit poured out in this region. 
How greatly doth the Lord show mercy. 28. — Attended 
meeting to-day. Last week I was examined before the 
Church with others, and to-day have been propounded for 
admission into it. There are fifty-three candidates. May 
4. — The spirit of God doth rest on old and young in this 
town. No one gainsays religion publicly. For awhile 
we did nothing but attend meetings every day in the 
week. To-morrow, fifty-three expect to profess Christ. 
I could, had I time, mention remarkable instances of very 
young children, who have had a sense of their undone 
state by nature, and have bowed at the feet of Jesus them- 
selves, and implored others to cry for mercy — so that we 
see that out of the mouth of babes God has ordained 
praise. Who can give glory enough to God for his good- 
ness to us ? May it be that 1 shall be found having on a 
wedding garment. 6. — Monday morning. Yesterday I 
attended meeting, and with more than fifty of my fellow 
mortals entered into a solemn covenant with God." He 
stood the last of the candidates, and remarked afterwards, 
that he felt himself the least of them all. '' Many were 
present from other towns. We sat at the table of our 
departed Lord. I hope that I did not eat and drink un- 
worthily ; yet fear that I have but little sense of his most 
precious body and blood. When for a moment I see 
myself in the arms of Christ, my heart is full, and I 
could devote my whole life to his service ; then of a sud- 
den, like Peter, I lose sight of him and begin to sink. 
Still he is always at hand to hear my cry for help. Forty- 



PARENTAGE AND CHILDHOOD. 21 

eight out of the fifty-three who were received into the 
Church had been baptized on the faith of their parents, 
which shows that God remembers his covenant. 11. — 
To-day I am full of sin. Pity, O God, my suffering state. 
The revival increases. 16. — The Lord, I fear, hath 
given me up to the powers of hell. 24. — This day, as 
I was travelling, I turned aside into a burying ground, and 
took a view of the graves. When the trumpet shall 
sound, the dead will arise. I w^as affected by what I 
saw, and trembled for the wicked. It is indeed a solemn 
sight to see the flesh of man returning to dust ; but sooner 
or later we must all come to it. Let us be diligent while 
we live, and make our calling and election sure. 80. — 
My mind is roving ; one temptation rises after another. 
I know not to what I shall come at last. The awakening 
increases. May it spread even among the heathen, who 
are bowing down to dumb idols. June 4. — Feel that I 
am a poor worm ; do not spend my time as I ought, nor 
enjoy religion as I should ; yet I must not murmur against 
God. Yesterday my wicked heart said it was ashamed 
of Christ. God forgive me such a suggestion, and pardon 
all my sins for his dear Son's sake. 5. — Temptations 
within and without ; Satan tries all his arts to ensnare my 
soul. How long wilt thou, O adversary, strive to torment 
me. Know thou that the Lord doth reign, and that he is 
God alone. I am in the land of hope and prayer ; in him 
will I trust. 8. — How long wilt thou leave me to mourn, 
O blessed Saviour ? Doth not my soul seek thee ? I 
desire a lasting evidence in myself of acceptance with 
thee ; also the constant presence of that meekness which 
marked thy mind when thou wast on earth. Frequently 
while I have been in company, it has been as much as I 
could do to refrain from bursting into tears and crying 
aloud, as I have thought of what Christ has suffered for 
me, and how little I am doing for him. An eternity will 



22 PARENTAGE AND CHILDHOOD. 

be too short for giving sufficient glory to him. It would 
be a privilege to die for him among the heathen. It is 
my desire, should I be fit for it, to be a missionary to 
them. Perhaps I never shall be a minister of the gospel, 
though I wish to be one. Why are we not engaged night 
and day in prayer for the poor heathen ? O that every 
Christian tongue would cry to God that the day may be 
hastened when all flesh shall see his salvation. 9. — 
There is a total eclipse of the moon this night. My soul 
has been in one for some time, but I trust the son of 
righteousness will arise upon me and chase away the 
darkness which lies between me and him. 12. — I still 
go mourning beneath the burden of sin. The heavenly 
dove has to report to the Saviour that I have grieved him 
from my heart. 14. — I think that I have some love to 
God ; may I give thanks and seek for more. To-day 
real comfort appears to be my portion. 19. — I enjoy a 
calmness of mind. But when I reflect on the death of 
Christ, and how little what he has done for the world is 
known, my heart is ready to break for grief. 21. — Am 
full of doubts and fears. Indeed, I have all the wretched 
feelings that a mortal can experience. Nearly fifteen 
years of my life are gone, and how large a portion of 
them has been spent in sin ! Unto the Saviour of sinners 
will I look, and hope in him. Cursed be the hour in 
which I first saw the sons of Belial, for they led me to 
form bad habits. 24. — Christ looks lovely — I feel sin- 
ful. 27. — The awakening appears to be dying away ; 
yet at the time when we are concluding that stupidity 
reigns all around, joyful news reaches us. July 8. — 
Yesterday we again commemorated the love of Jesus, at 
his own table. Some were received into the Church. I 
did not feel as I could wish. 12. — Now I am quite 
happy. Wonderful is the love of God. May his spirit 
still continue among us. 16. — When I am tempted, I 



PARENTAGE AND CHILDHOOD. 23 

reflect that Christ endured such trials, and thus I comfort 
myself. August 1. — Again do I feel a peaceful mind. 
23. — The eighteenth of the present month is past, and I 
am fifteen years old. Why was I made to hear thy voice, 
O Jesus, and live — how thankful ought I to be ! Woful 
is the case of sinners, without God in the world. Sept. 
1. — Another sacramental Sabbath. Eighteen have been 
admitted to the Church. We hear the welcome news 
that the gospel is carried to the distant parts of the world. 
Jesus, awake my heart to love. Let me die in the re- 
motest place, if thy cause require it. Sept. 15. — Alas, 
how little do I write to my kindred and young compan- 
ions to warn them. Oct. 27. — I am a hard-hearted being. 
No sooner am I tempted than I yield. It seems as if the 
Lord had left me to choose the way of death. May God 
rather take away my breath than let me live, if my days 
are to be spent in wickedness. But if there be the least 
hope for me on a death bed, may I live yet longer. Nov. 
4. — In the time of the sacrament, I had sudden flights of 
joy. Five united with the Church. 10. — Here I am 
stupid. Christ does not appear lovely — what shall I do? 
But did one ever die without Christ, while longing for 
him? April 24, 1817. — It is now nearly three months 
since I have attempted to write my thoughts. Why is 
the patience of God not exhausted ? May 4. — Again I 
have partaken of the memorials of redeeming mercy, 
and seemed to enjoy myself a little ; still something 
always interferes with my comfort. June 16. — I write 
not because I am happy, but because I am miserable. 
Oct. 14. — There has been an earthquake in this and 
neighboring towns. According to accounts it was felt 
also at a considerable distance. It occurred two or three 
weeks ago." 

Oliver was never fond of going into the pleasure parties 
common among young people. In order to test him, one 



24 PARENTAGE AND CHILDHOOD. 

day his mother told him that the youth in the vicinity 
were to meet the coming evening, and inquired if he did 
not wish to be one of the company. His reply was : 
" Mother, I have no desire for such places.'' This was 
when he was about fifteen years of age ; yet evening 
after evening he would walk between three and four, and 
sometimes five miles, to attend religious meetings. This 
was done after severe labor through the day. If he knew 
of an associate, who could be induced to go with him, he 
would present an invitation. The region in which Oliver 
resided was wild and mountainous. It required no little 
courage to venture out amid the darkness of night. He 
could not go in any direction without passing through 
dreary places. Occasionally he would tarry away from 
home till morning ; but it is believed that ordinarily he 
returned to his father's house. An old gentleman is now 
living who remembers to have heard a rapping at his 
door one night after himself and family had retired. On 
inquiring who might be there, and what was desired, he was 
answered : " Oliver wishes to lodge here." The lad was 
returning from a meeting, and either his strength or cour- 
age had failed him. What he sought was cheerfully fur- 
nished. Last May I saw a lady at whose husband's house 
the young people were accustomed, at the period to which 
I refer, to meet for weekly conference and prayer. She 
retained a distinct image of my brother's appearance. 
He was dressed in a manner indicative of his parents' 
poverty, and was characterized by extreme modesty. A 
remote and dark corner of the room was his habitual re- 
sort for a seat. Though not unwilling to speak and pray, 
he preferred to listen to others rather than to occupy the 
time himself. When enjoying the instructions of a pious 
teacher in the day school, he would seek private inter- 
views with his instructor, that they might bow together 
before God. 



PARENTAGE AND CHILDHOOD. 25 

My earliest recollections of him are connected with our 
being at home. He was several years older than myself. 
We toiled in the field in company many days and weeks. 
I drove the oxen and he held the plough. He felled the 
trees ; I managed the team which drew them to the house 
for fuel. I can remember nothing on his part betokening 
vanity. Once he most tenderly addressed me on the sub- 
ject of religion. When, one evening, he saw me retiring 
rather early, he expressed his regret, as he had purposed 
to speak with me about Jesus. Soon after he took the 
opportunity when we were in the field. I was only a 
child, but he told me that Jesus died for sinners, and that 
I needed to be forgiven ; said I ought never to take my 
food without asking the blessing of God upon it ; that 
all our petitions to the Lord should be in the name of 
Christ ; that it was only for the Redeemer's sake blessings 
could be given us. Once he heard Rufus and myself 
uttering language that he deemed improper, and, with an 
authority commanding our respect, he administered a re- 
buke which had a permanent effect. Oliver never taught 
his younger brothers wickedness. We are informed by 
him that himself met with sons of Belial, so did they ; but 
he was a good brother. His walk before them was wor- 
thy of imitation. Playful he could be, and at times terri- 
fied me by compelling me to get into water more deep 
than I chose. I also recollect his wooden sword, and per- 
sonations of Napoleon, who was then closing his desolating 
career. Generally he was grave, devoutly meditating and 
philosophizing. The sparseness of the population afforded 
comparatively a small number of companions for my bro- 
ther. A select few were highly prized by him. Their 
memory he affectionately cherished while he and they were 
dwellers together on earth. Some of them survive him. 
His attachments to the friends of his childhood were ex- 
ceedingly strong. In the neighborhood where his early 
2 



26 PARENTAGE AND CHILDHOOD. 

years were passed resided a few young men, whose su- 
preme happiness seemed to consist in hectoring the con- 
scientious. These Oliver feared. I have heard him, in 
later years, refer to them. He would no more designedly 
come into contact with them than with greedy wolves. 
A walk of miles would have been a joyful alternative 
to the hearing of their reproachful remarks. Sabbath 
schools did not exist in Hawley while my brother dwelt 
there. They were, however, introduced the same year in 
which he left home. His mother taught him the excel- 
lent catechism, faithfully storing his mind with holy truth. 
The sanctuary in our native town stood at a distance of 
five miles from our father's habitation. My parents taught 
their children strictly to keep the Sabbath, nor was it in their 
judgment an act of cruelty to require their little ones to walk 
up unto the courts of the Lord. Horses were not very com- 
mon in those days. We owned none. I am not able to 
say at what age we were supposed capable of performing 
the holy pilgrimage. Of one thing I am certain. Our 
parents were not more anxious to present us before the 
Lord than w^e were to stand in the sacred place. None 
of my brothers or sisters ever craved the privilege of 
being heathen. Engraven on my memory is the first 
long journey which I made to the temple of Jehovah. I 
allude to it here as illustrative of the youthful character of 
my departed brother. Within those hallowed walls I had 
been baptized, and once subsequently had I glanced at their 
exterior^ but was a stranger to the interior. The great 
era had arrived in my life when parental wisdom decided 
that I might go to meeting on the Sabbath. Scarcely an 
event, I am inclined to think, in subsequent years, has 
awakened livelier emotions or sincerer joy in my own 
breast than did their announcement to me during the week, 
that on the coming Lord's day I should join in worship 
with the great congregation. It was a pleasant sacred 



PARENTAGE AND CHILDHOOD. 27 

morn. I, the second son, was fitted out for meeting, and 
was placed under the guardianship of Oliver. A hint from 
a sister impressed me with the duty of returning to her at 
least one of the two texts of the day. For about one mile 
we passed on rather silently, O. having then a very 
meditative mood, appearing to be more or less absorbed 
in grave reflections. His step was too quick for my little 
travellers, yet I was ambitious not to tax in any way his 
patience. It was his good fortune to fall in with a kindred 
spirit after we had advanced a fifth of the distance. 
During all the remainder of the walk they conversed on 
the works of God. I was struck by their language at the 
time, and have often thought of it since. Their theme 
was suited to the day ; it was discussed with profound 
reverence. Evidently the Most High was in all their 
thoughts. Nor less distinctly do I remember the religious 
conversation between my brother and a man unknown to 
me, which was held during the intermission. 

It has been intimated that our parents were poor. Rich 
they were in faith. By the dispensations of Divine Provi- 
dence they had been compelled to seek a refuge in the 
wilderness. With scriptural submission they bowed to 
Heaven's sovereignty, and taught their children never to 
be ashamed of honest penury. Capt. Taylor was by 
nature a man of high spirits, but he had learned to sit 
meekly at Jesus' feet. He instructed his eldest son never 
to retaliate an injury. Oliver could not dress as young 
people generally did, still he went wherever duty called 
him, bearing patiently every reproach. He was not indif- 
ferent to popular opinions, but subjected his feelings to 
the manifest will of God. 

The years passed by the subject of this memoir with 
his parents, were diligently employed by him in acquiring 
all the knowledge that his circumstances permitted. A 
friend once said to him : " You can have no bitter reflec- 



28 PARENTAGE AND CHILDHOOD. 

tions for the loss of time." He replied : " I have endea- 
vored to improve every moment." It became necessary 
for him to go out of his own school district one winter to 
find a teacher capable of aiding him in arithmetic, so 
much in advance was he of his associates in study, as also 
of their instructor. In the summer season, while em- 
ployed on his father^s farm, he was accustomed to write 
out lessons on pieces of paper, place them in his hat, 
look at them occasionally, and thus commit them to mem- 
ory. In this way he mastered the rudiments of sacred 
music, and in the autumn of 1818 he commenced attend- 
ing a singing school in the central part of the town. Hav- 
ing toiled all day in the field he would walk at night five 
miles to that school. To his fidelity on the farm we have 
the testimony of his father, as imparted in those days to 
his mother. He did not need the presence of an overseer 
to stimulate him to execute the duties assigned. I find 
the following account, left by himself, of his study, library, 
etc. 

" I possessed considerable of a library, which, together 
with the books belonging to my father and mother, made 
the number nearly two hundred. Many of these had been 
sent by my uncle, T. Alden, from New York to my pa- 
rents, and were given by them to me. My study was 
sometimes a bed-room, but more usually a garret. My 
desk was one of my own manufacture. My father had a 
number of joiners' tools, and I made with them myself a 
desk, but continued to improve its structure till I was 
pretty well satisfied with it. In it were deposited my 
papers, books, etc., and to it I resorted whenever I came 
from the field. My attention was chiefly directed to music 
and mathematics, in which I had but little instruction. I 
also studied Turner's Arts and Sciences, and History, and 
wrote poetry. I began to study about the year 1813." 

When he was a lad, having been sent one winter sea- 



PARENTAGE AND CHILDHOOD. 29 

son some miles from home, two men in a sleigh invited 
him to ride. He accepted, and was soon asked to drink 
from a bottle which they were carrying with them. He 
declined. At length, finding himself going in a wrong 
road, he jumped from the sleigh. One of the men caught 
his hat, but finally perceiving him bent upon doing with- 
out it threw it after him. This event occurred in icar 
time, and admitted of a serious interpretation. His de- 
liverance seemed at the time, to himself and parents, as 
quite providential. In that early period of his life he was 
theoretically and practically in favor of temperance. 
Items from his recorded recollections of childhood : — 
" When I first began to read my Bible, I recollect not the 
exact period, I had been informed that a lion is the strong- 
est and fiercest of animals ; also, that an eagle is the swift- 
est and noblest of birds. Like other children I had observed 
some birds flying very high and quick ; also, I had seen 
some animals trying their strength, and evincing much 
power. I had come to the conclusion that man is by no 
means swifter than the former nor stronger than the lat- 
ter. Yet, reading an account of Saul and Jonathan, I 
found that they were said to be swifter than eagles and 
stronger than lions. At first I believed the statement to 
be literally true. Soon, however, I asked, can it be so } 
The more I reflected the more I doubted, and finally re- 
ferred the case to my mother. She said the language 
meant that those men were very swift and very strong. 
I believed her, but still was perplexed." " I recollect of 
hearing, when a child, an echo to my voice as I was speak- 
ing directly in front of a building. I thought somebody 
was within mocking me. Immediately I asked my mo- 
ther to explain it, which she did satisfactorily." " Having 
in my young years read a tale, I was much affected by it, 
till my mother told me there was no truth in it, when I 
cared nothing about it." 
2* 



30 HIS FIRST ABSENCE FROM HOME. 



CHAPTER II. 

HIS FIRST ABSENCE FROM HOME. 

Having completed his seventeenth year, Oliver felt 
that some direct and efficient steps must be immediately 
taken towards obtaining an education. So minutely are 
the events of this period described by himself, that I shall 
need do but little except copy from his journal, which he 
wrote out in the spring of 1820. " In the fall of 1818, 
my ever beloved but afflicted parents were called to 
severe trials. True, these sorrows were only a continu- 
ation of others by which they had been almost inces- 
santly encompassed since their entrance into the marriage 
state. But of these I was a large partaker. The mind 
of my father, naturally strong, had been enfeebled by 
crushing reverses in his secular affairs. Now, as at some 
former periods, a dense cloud enshrouded his intellect, and 
reason was dethroned for several weeks. To all the 
older members of his family, this was a season of awful 
anguish. I perceived this cloud arising some time prior 
to its assuming so fearful a position over our heads, and 
I thought I foresaw the entire destruction of all my 
cherished plans in regard to the obtaining of an educa- 
tion. I knew not that any mercy was in store for me. 
The Lord, however, soon opened a door of hope by re- 
storing in some measure the health of my father. The 
scenes of those few weeks were often afterwards the 
subject of conversation and of adoring praise between my 
mother and myself. No sooner had my father become 
in a good degree restored, than 1 began to importune him 



I 



HIS FIRST ABSENCE FROM HOME. 31 

for permission to be absent during the winter, provided I 
could pay my own expenses as I should pass along. He, 
ever anxious for my welfare, and hindered from giving 
me an education only by the want of property, readily 
complied with my request. I improved the opportunities 
afforded me, attending both an evening singing school 
and a day school, also working for my board. Many 
persons were very kind to me, whose generous acts I 
shall ever hold in grateful remembrance. Some scoffed 
at every exertion that I made, and ridiculed the idea that 
I could ever be anything. Had I not been previously 
informed that my mother's brothers, who obtained an 
education, passed through essentially the same trials, and 
that a multitude of others had fared no better, I should 
have given up in despair. The winter passed amid 
various conflicts. Much was my mind distracted by the 
unreasonable remarks whigh were made respecting my 
efforts, until, by the kindness of the Rev. Jonathan Grout, 
I was received into his family. Under his tuition, I en- 
joyed about seven weeks of uninterrupted study. Never 
was I free from anxiety lest my father might be again 
attacked as he had been during the preceding autumn. 
As spring opened, I returned to aid him by manual labor. 
He judged it best that I should seek employment away 
from home for the ensuing six months. I accordingly 
engaged myself for that period to a gentleman in Ash- 
field, and commenced my services on the 20th of April, 
1819. The thought that I must toil in the field rather 
than discipline my mind, lay with oppressive weight upon 
my heart. Often while on the farm, did I look upon the 
Academy, which was within my sight, and sigh that I should 
thus be doomed to spend the flower of life, when I ought 
to be enriching my intellect. Determined to make every 
possible exertion for the attainment of my darling object, 
on the 16th of May, I wrote to the Kev. Timothy Alden, 



32 HIS FIRST ABSENCE FROM HOME. 

my uncle, President of Alleghany College in Meadville, 
Pa., stating my case to him, and requesting him to inform 
me whether I could go and work for him a part of the 
time, and he assist me in my studies. I requested him 
also, if he deemed it best for me to commence the jour- 
ney, to inform m.e what route I should take to reach him. 
After anxiously waiting some time for an answer, I almost 
gave up the hope of receiving one. While in this per- 
plexity, I was informed that the Rev. Thomas Shepard, 
a young clergyman recently settled in Ashfield, desired 
to see me. At this information a gleam of light dawned 
upon me, and I determined to call immediately upon him 
and state my circumstances. I did so. He encouraged 
me, and said the only difficulty in my way was the neces- 
sity my father felt of my services, or what would be an 
equivalent in money — one hundred and fifty-four dol- 
lars, in addition' to the wages of the present season. I 
could be allowed three years in which to make out the 
whole sum, though a part must be paid annually. Mr. 
Shepard expressed the earnest hope that there might be 
some overturning in my favor. In June I received a 
reply from my uncle T., who informed me that he had 
written in my behalf to the American Education So- 
ciety, and that on getting their returns, he would furnish 
me with the result. In the meantime, I continued my 
labors on the farm of Mr. S. Whilst I was with him, I 
used to write out portions of my Latin grammar and 
place them in my hat, that I might commit them when at 
work. Without attracting special attention, I could get 
occasional glances at the paper. In this way I would 
proceed several days till I had a suitable lesson, then I 
recited it to a young student, Mr. Elijah Paine, of A. 
The whole transaction I kept secret from my employer. 
On the last day of August I made a visit to my parents, 
and obtained from my father the conditions on which he 



HIS FIRST ABSENCE FROM HOME. 33 

could release me. At the expiration of four months, by 
mutual agreement, Mr. S. and myself parted, and I under- 
took to make out the remainder of the season in different 
places. In the meantime, I was waiting anxiously for a 
second letter from my uncle T. Before it came, I again 
wrote to him, making a more full statement of my case, 
and asking whether or not I had better go on to him. My 
letter was written Oct. 11th. Three weeks subsequently 
I received one from him, dated the 13th of the same 
month. The Education Society informed him that I must 
study the Classics three months, and be recommended by 
an authorized committee, before I could enjoy their patron- 
age. Thus matters were standing at the close of the 
time specified by my father as the term for manual labor 
during that year. I should have observed, however, that 
I worked a short time for a Mr. W., of Deerfield, who 
perceiving me absent minded and neglectful of duty, 
inquired into the cause. I told him my desires for an 
education, and he advised me to obtain it. His advice 
much encouraged me. Not far from this time, I made 
application to a man in Conway, who had previously 
promised me money, provided I could find him security ; 
but he now said that he had parted with it all in another 
way. Several unsuccessful letters I wrote to wealthy 
gentlemen in Ashfield. I also sent a line to my grand- 
father Alden, directing it to my aunt, who lived with him. 
In this effort I succeeded no better than in others." Ex- 
tracts from the last named here follow : 

"Ashfield, Oct. 24, 1819. 
'* Dear Aunt : — You have probably heard that it is my 
desire to obtain an education, for the purpose of devoting 
my life to God. I hope this desire of my heart is 
pure in his sight. You probably know what hinders me 
from carrying out my purpose. I have written to my 



34 HIS FIRST ABSENCE FROM HOME. 

uncle Timothy^ asking bis assistance, and he has promis- 
ed to grant it so far as is in his power. My father feels 
unable to part with me without my securing to him one 
hundred and fifty-four dollars. I have made many pro- 
posals to different persons, yet all has been of no avail. 
But what shall I do ? Is there no friend in all the Chris- 
tian world that can afford me any assistance ? Before 
giving up to despair, I will make one more application. 
If I wait till I am of age, I shall be too old to commence 
study. Shall I sink in despair of help in this land of 
gospel light ? What I would abruptly propose is this : 
supposing my grandfather would lend me the money for 
a number of years, I will agree to pay it to him, with 
interest, or to any person he may direct, so soon as I 
shall be able. Dear Aunt, I am obliged to suppress many 
tender feelings when I make such proposals. I promise 
by every bond of Christian affection to pay the money if 

1 live, and am ever worth it. These are the only condi- 
tions on which I can request it, or make a promise con- 
cerning its being refunded. You will much oblige me by 
reading this letter to my grandfather, making the request on 
my behalf, and returning me an immediate reply. If he 
should not feel able to lend me the full amount, though I 
know not as any smaller sum will answer, perhaps he 
can one hundred or sixty-five dollars. Could he let me 
have the whole sum, I should be able to enter at once 
upon my studies. I must send this letter without rewrit- 
ing it, and if you cannot excuse my faults, my extreme 
haste will ; or if not, I must bear the blame. I should 
be glad to write you on religious subjects, but at present I 
have no time. For the rest of my letter, please read Ps. 

2 : 11 ; Ps. 6, likewise 13 ; and 27 : 4." 

I here insert' parts of a communication written from 
Ashfield to his parents, and bearing date a little earlier 
than the preceding. 



HIS FIRST ABSENCE FROM HOME. 35 

" Dear Parents : — I improve this opportunity to in- 
form you what are my calculations. You probably have 

heard that I have left Mr. . I desire that you 

should get every thing ready for me that I may start on 
my journey to Meadville by the first of November. O 
my dear parents, all things are in the hands of God, and 
why is it not our duty to commit every interest to his 
care, and attempt to do that which is of the greatest im- 
portance. The question then arises, which is of the most 
importance, that you should keep your son to help you 
maintain your family in a civilized land where religion 
flourishes, and where the road to happiness is plainly 
seen ; where the word of God is known, and where we 
can fly from hell and escape to heaven, or to let your 
dear son go and declare the Word of Life to the heathen ? 
Place six-eighths of this world in the balance of eternity 
against nine persons, the number in your family, myself 
excepted. Our Saviour has commanded us to ' preach the 
gospel to all people.' I shall go to my uncle's at the time 
mentioned, or before. If you could say to your son, 
'you are at liberty, we shall ask no more of you,' I 
should go with greater joy." 

Completely foiled every where else, he again resorted 
to Mr. Shepard. " I asked him if he would make the 
Jirst payment to my father. He replied it was a great 
risk, yet he was willing to become responsible on condi- 
tion my father should allow me to attend the Academy 
in Ashfield the ensuing three months. Here for the first 
time the door seemed to be opened, and only those who 
have experienced a similar relief can judge of my feel- 
ings." With a bounding heart and quickened steps he 
went on the same day to see his father, and report the 
position of affairs to him. " With joyful arms he received 
me. Never shall I forget this meeting with him and my 



36 HIS FIRST ABSENCE FROM HOME. 

mother. Little did I then think that it would prove my 
last interview with him." The arrangements were made 
as the son desired, when he and his parents walked 
together, calling on neighbors as they went, stopping at 
every house, he bidding farewell to them all, expecting to 
live among them no more. " Thus we passed on for 
three miles conversing on religious topics. Though I 
spent only about two hours with my father, they seemed 
the most agreeable of my life. When I affirmed my con- 
viction that a Christian ought never to fight, he charged 
me always to maintain that opinion. This was his last 
injunction to me. I saw his face no more till it was cold 
in death." 

Since the decease of my brother, I have received the 
following statements from Rev. Thomas Shepard, now 
of Bristol, E,. I. " It was some time during the summer 
of 1819 that Oliver was introduced to me. I remember 
well his first appearance. There was something remark- 
ably sedate and subdued in his countenance. His expres- 
sive eye and deep-toned voice were much the same then 
that they continued to be while he lived. At his first 
interview, he lost no time in describing to me the strong 
desire of his heart, the subject which pressed upon him 
by day and by night — an education for the work of the 
gospel ministry. One argument he urged as a strong 
indication of Providence, was the fact which had been 
told him by his mother — that she both before and at the 
time of his birth had consecrated him to the Lord for the 
sacred office. But obstacles were in his way ; obstacles 
which to others less determined and persevering, would 
have proved insurmountable. Again and again did he 
visit my study after the labors of the field were over, with 
the same engrossing topic. Finally he came with his 
father's terms of freedom, which appeared to light up a 
little glimmer of hope. I told him I would consider the 



HIS FIRST ABSENCE FROM HOME. 37 

subject, but it looked dark. In the meantime I conversed 
with the Rev. Mr. Grout, and obtained his opinion that 
the sum demanded by your brother's father was the least 
which could possibly answer. I then said to Oliver, I 
will be responsible to your father for the requisite sum. 
This at once lifted a great burden from him," The 
kindness of Mr. Shepard was ever held in the most 
grateful recollection by the subject of this memoir. In- 
deed, it should be observed, that the preaching of Mr. S. 
exerted a stimulating influence on my brother's mind. I 
have often heard him speak of it as having had that effect. 
Most of the clergymen in that region were men of great 
excellence, but some were neglectful of their studies, and 
nearly all of them a little too formal in the style of their 
discourses. Mr. S. was then just from Andover, and full 
of ardor. 

Nothing now seemed immediately necessary for Oliver 
but to devote himself to study. He became, in Decem- 
ber, 1819, a member of Sanderson's Academy, friends 
volunteering to give him by turns his board in their own 
houses. " Nothing of any note," he observes, " occurred 
for one month, except the various opinions expressed 
respecting myself." Some, it would appear, doubted 
whether there was in him a foundation for an intellectual 
superstructure. He adds : " The first marked success 
with which I confounded them, was in the exercise of 
memory. I soon found that all the most respectable 
people encouraged me." By writing on his thumb nails 
the heads of a sermon while hearing it. he would be able 
to repeat nearly the whole discourse Monday morning. 
" It was a hard task," remarks Rev. Mr. S., " for him to 
discipline his mind to the minutiae of a new language ; 
his progress was slow, his mistakes were numerous. But 
his patience and perseverance were such as overcame all 
difficulties. He had fixed his eye on the mark, and reach 
3 



38 THE DEATH OF HIS FATHER. 

it he would if within the scope of human effort. The 
time was set for me to give a written obligation for your 
brother''s release from his father, but before its arrival, 
death put a period to the life of that father." 



CHAPTER III. 



THE DEATH OF HIS FATHER. 



As the young student was just beginning to enjoy the 
privileges he had long desired, and when it seemed that 
every serious obstacle in the way of his procuring an 
education was removed, the Lord suddenly dashed from 
his hands that cup of joy. While engaged in his studies 
at the house of one who was gratuitously entertaining 
him, his attention was suddenly arrested by the arrival of 
a messenger from his home in H. He was startled with 
the intelligence that his father was very sick ; not expect- 
ed to survive the night. '' That sad evening," he subse- 
quently says, " I shall never forget. Every prospect of 
pursuing my studies was apparently cut off forever. 
Should my father be taken away, I must provide for my 
mother, brothers and sisters. The family in which I was 
boarding well remember my anguish ; but Mrs. A. com- 
forted me by saying that the Lord was perhaps designing 
me good, and was thus preparing my heart to receive it. 
Amid the coldness and dreariness of that night, I started 
for the scene of sorrow to which I was summoned. 
Gloomy thoughts swarmed within me, still I kept up the 
hope that life might be preserved to my suffering parent. 
About sunrise the next morning, when in sight of my 
father's house, I was accosted by a lady whose very looks 



THE DEATH OF HIS FATHEE. 89 

revealed the sad tale of woe which her lips were about 
to announce. My father was no longer among the living. 
Near the midnight hour, his immortal spirit had taken its 
everlasting flight. I entered the desolate home, and met 
my heart-stricken mother and her children." The com- 
piler has a distinct recollection of O.'s arrival on that 
melancholy morning. His head was bandaged on account 
of a violent pain in it. As he came in, my mother 
inquired whether he would at once be conducted into the 
room of his deceased father. He was too much over- 
come, and craved to be excused a little while. He felt 
that on him rested new responsibilities ; but they were 
assumed w^ith a sense of their solemnity, and with a desire 
to do whatever he might for the happiness of those who 
survived in the family circle. The journal proceeds : 
'^ The dwelling contained the breathless body of my 
father, and his face wore a smile ; but O, there was no 
spirit within the clay. Where now was that buoyant 
hope which only the day before was cheering my heart ? 
Gone, gone, apparently eternally gone. I had never been 
so animated with my prospects as I was just previous to 
the announcement of my father's sickness. Now I was 
plunged into a depth before unknown. My bright visions 
were fled, fled. There lay my father. Long, long as 
my breath remains, shall I most affectionately remember 
him. After being burdened and perplexed for a series of 
years, he was just emerging into circumstances of com- 
fort. The last seventeen months of his life had been 
peculiarly happy. Religion, during all that time, was 
preeminently his daily theme, and God his unceasing 
trust. On the 2d day of January, 1820, he had been to 
the house of the Lord, heard a New Year's sermon, par- 
taken of the sacrament, and returned to his family. 
While cheerfully conversing with them on the evening of 
the Sabbath, he was seized with the sickness which, in 



40 THE DEATH OF HIS FATHER. 

three brief days, terminated his earthly sojourn." Oliver's 
father could leave no pecuniary legacy for his absent son, 
but he was enabled to do what it is believed was of far 
greater value to that son. Just before the father expired, 
the mother inquired of him if he had any v^ord to leave 
for O. ? He replied, " tell him to live godly in Christ 
Jesus." Another quotation from the journal. " Here 
was an end of my studies, at least for a while. I was 
forced to be resigned outwardly, though within I fear my 
heart was hard. Why, I said, could I not have been per- 
mitted to converse with him in his last moments ? Then 
the relieving suggestion would arise, '' perhaps he would 
have enjoined it upon me to reside always with my 
mother." This remark he makes as intimating with what 
sacredness he should regard the mandate of a dying 
father, and also his conviction that the providence of God 
and his conscientious mother could better decide as to his 
duty, than could his father on that bed of death. We 
see here the development of a trait of mind with which 
we shall become more familiar as we proceed with his 
history. However dark the clouds about him, he was 
ready to hope that behind them, yea, within them, were 
blessings soon to be revealed. " During the remainder of 
January, I continued with our bereaved family, superin- 
tending my mother's affairs. With her consent, I reen- 
tered, on the 1st of February, the Academy in Ashfield ; 
but ah, how melancholy were my reflections on going 
back. I had left at home a widowed mother, and father- 
less brothers and sisters. The weather was cold and 
dreary. I was considered by many as almost a fratri- 
cide. A cousin of mine, prompted, I doubt not, by the 
tenderness of her heart, sharply rebuked me for leaving 
home when my presence was so much needed there. But 
my mother had given her consent ; surely I should not 
have gone without it. Judicious friends were decidedly 



THE DEATH OF HIS FATHER. 41 

of the opinion that I ought to continue my studies at Ash- 
field, provided I would make frequent visits to my mother 
in order to ascertain that she and her family were com- 
fortable." At an interview with his mother, March 20, 
she handed him a paper on which was inscribed the inci- 
dent in regard to the consecration to the ministry that she 
had made of him, and to which Rev. Mr. Shepard alludes. 
This she intended he should receive as her recorded sur- 
render of him to the pursuit of knowledge for the honor 
of Christ. He continued in A. till April, and found the 
people very kind. His board and tuition were gratuitous. 
Early in the month just named, he went to Williams' 
College to be examined by the Faculty as a beneficiary 
of the American Education Society. Eev. Mr. Shepard 
and Esquire Paine, of Ashfield, furnished him with the 
requisite testimonials. This journey was performed on 
foot, and at the season of the year when travelling was 
extremely unpleasant. In view of his anticipated exami- 
nation, he says : " I trembled ; for if successful, I should 
have taken one step towards surmounting all obstacles. 
If, on the other hand, I should fail, my way would be 
seemingly hedged up." His emotions are more fully 
developed in the following language : " Williamstown, 
April 5, 1820. Here I am at the college in the room ot 
Mr. Lucius Field, expecting every moment to be called 
to the President's house for examination. What prayer 
shall I put up to God for success ? O Lord, grant that I 
may be carried through in a calm manner, and do thou 
for me more than I am able to do for myself." The 
gentleman in whose room this was written, had been his 
teacher, and now kindly interested himself in this his 
former pupil. After the ordeal was passed. President 
Moore remarked: "Yes, Taylor, we are well pleased 
with jour examination." On leaving Williamstown, he 
composed some farewell verses. Before returning to 
3* 



42 THE DEATH OF HIS FATHER. 

Hawley, he made a visit to his uncle Oliver Alden, then a 
merchant in Athens, N. Y., from whom he received sundry 
articles of clothing which he very much needed. While 
at his uncle's, he wrote, by request, several pieces of 
poetry ; one, an acrostic on that respected friend's name. 
He returned, April 15, to his mother, who told him that 
she had been exercised with a multitude of anxious 
thoughts during his absence. '' I see," his journal con- 
tinues, " a prospect opening before me for the gratifying 
of those desires which I have always cherished, of obtain- 
ing knowledge. To search for wisdom, yea, to become 
a philosopher, was an aim of my childhood. I find, how- 
ever, that it requires no study to become acquainted with 
sin. There are within me tendencies of which I have 
reason to be afraid. Persons had offered to educate me, 
provided my father would have given me up without 
remuneration. Yet he was perfectly justifiable in requir- 
ing it. His views of an education and of benevolen 
enterprises were enlarged. He was willing to give me 
up whenever the providence of God should indicate that 
to be his duty. Often did he comfort himself and me by 
saying if I was to be useful in any particular way in the 
world, means would in some manner be furnished without 
his going counter to the dictates of his own conscience. 
Having been brought on thus far, I feel under high obli- 
gations to be grateful to God for his fostering care ; for 
his-' interpositions by which I have been preserved amid 
multiplied dangers from the dawn of my existence to the 
present time. Pride is a poison which operates very per- 
niciously in my heart. O to be relieved from it. I can- 
not see that I have grown in grace for the last three 
years ; whether I shall come out a believer or an infidel 
I know not, but think I can supplicate the guidance of God. 
April 20. — I am now at work for my mother, arranging 
her spring affairs, and making preparation for a long 



THE DEATH OF HIS FATHER. 43 

journey. To-day, in accordance with a request of mine, 
my mother presented me with a brief history of my 
father's life. 23. — In a few days I am to take leave of 
my friends here, and commence a journey of nearly 550 
miles. It is considered as a great enterprise, and especi- 
ally as I am to bid farewell to a widowed mother, and 
fatherless brothers and sisters. O may God direct me 
till I die, preparing me for all disappointments. But what 
are my motives ? My greatest burden is the condition of 
our family. There are seven children younger than my- 
self. My mother is poor. I think it will be necessary for 
me to obtain from her a letter to my uncle. How any of 
us will succeed is known only to God." Owing to the 
delay of an expected letter from the Education Society, 
he was fearful of being compelled to postpone his jour- 
ney for three months. The thought was distressing. 
" Being a youth, exposed to many a snare ; having pro- 
fessed Christ before men, though knowing that the Lord 
alone can keep me, I feel the importance of binding my- 
self to the observance of certain regulations." Here 
follow a number of specifications, among which are the 
following : " On arising Sabbath morning, I will, if pos- 
sible, read a portion of the Bible, examine myself, and 
spend at least half an hour in secret prayer, asking par- 
don for all my sins, and for the grace of God to assist 
me in keeping the day holy. Nor will I forget to suppli- 
cate mercies on others. Wherever I am, I will aim to 
spend the Sabbath so as to honor God. For this end, I 
will refrain from worldly concerns, and never needlessly 
absent myself from public worship." Other days he 
resolved to commence in a similar manner, and to close 
them with prayer. He would likewise guard his tongue 
from speaking evil, but teach it to converse as opportu- 
nity might arise on the interests of the soul. He pur- 
posed to make special preparation on Saturday for the 



I 



44 THE DEATH OF HIS FATHER. 

return of the Lord's day, and never to appear at the table 
of Christ without serious examination of himself. A deter- 
mination is expressed to improve every moment of time. 
April 26. — " Resolved henceforth to use as few words 
as are consistent with propriety." Under this date, he 
speaks of going to Ashfield, in order to make farewell 
visits, and to obtain money for his contemplated journey. 
Ten dollars were borrowed of Rev. Mr. Shepard, for 
which he gave his note. Many persons expressed them- 
selves very friendly towards him, but pecuniary dona- 
tions for poor students were rare occurrences in those 
days. April 28. — The Education Society's letter ar- 
rived. " Now I am prepared to commence my journey. 
I intend to keep a kind of diary, if practicable, in which to 
record my observations on the progress of vegetation, 
and the nature of the soils through which I may pass. 
Once a week I shall write to my uncle Oliver, for if I 
should be taken sick on the way, he would be able to 
render me assistance. I have only ten dollars and 
seventy-five cents. It will be my aim to travel as cheaply 
as possible ; perhaps at an expense of fifty cents a day. 
April 28. — This evening I am to bid farewell to this 
neighborhood. Many are wondering how I can leave my 
mother ; but I think I have endeavored to search out my 
duty. To God I commit her, and unto him I look for his 
merciful guidance in my youthful ways. I am a sinner. 
Numerous thoughts I would gladly pen, but want of time 
forbids. Mother has written me a short farewell." 



HIS JOURNEY TO MEADVILLE. 45 



CHAPTER IV. 



HIS JOURNEY TO MEADVILLE. 



April 29, 1820, was the day assigned for his departure. 
On the evening preceding a large number of young peo- 
ple, from the vicinity, assembled at his mother's in a fare- 
well meeting. The season was one of deep solemnity. 
There were those present who had been inclined to treat 
with neglect, if not contempt, the invitations of Christ. 
They had now convened at the widow's house to sympa- 
thize with her, and to listen once more to the voice of a 
fellow youth, as he should address them, and call upon 
Heaven to grant them mercy. His mother says the meet- 
ing continued till 2 o'clock at night, and the room was 
filled with weeping. In closing the services he bade his 
youthful associates an affectionate adieu. Of this interview 
he made himself a record : " O how solemn to part with 
friends, as I do not expect to return in less than five years." 
He thus speaks of his departure : " This morning took 
leave of the house where peace, joy, and sorrow have in 
turns possessed my heart ; a place where died my dear 
father, whom, though I loved, yet often disobeyed. I 
mourn for the grief which I occasioned him, and am ready 
at times to burst into tears. May the choicest of heaven's 
blessings rest upon my mother. All that I, mourning, can 
do, is to commit her to God. I have now started on my 
long-anticipated journey with $11.10 with which to de- 
fray my expenses." 

The eldest surviving brother was a witness to the affect- 
ing scenes of that morning. The sun had risen pleas- 



46 HIS JOURNEY TO MEADVILLE. 

antly ; the widow and her children, who still remained 
with her, sat down for the last time around the family- 
board, and then gathered at the household altar. Months 
before, he who exercised the office of priest there, had 
been summoned to a higher service ; and the son who 
had been for a season a substitute in that capacity, was 
officiating now, perhaps, as he thought, for the last time. 
Prayers being ended, all the articles of clothing which he 
was to take with him are fastened to his own shoulders, 
giving him more the appearance of a soldier than a stu- 
dent, with the exception that his only weapon was a staff, 
presented him by a relative. The course from his mo- 
ther's house which the young traveller must pursue was 
so ascending that he could be watched for nearly half a 
mile. 

It was, indeed, a great event, — at least it was so con- 
sidered in that region, — for a young man to commence 
such a journey under those circumstances, and on the 
next Sabbath the widowed mother requested prayers in 
the house of God, that the Lord Jehovah would prosper 
her son in his arduous enterprise. 

Allusion has been made to the son's request that his 
widowed parent would furnish him with a letter, which he 
might show as proof that he did not leave her without her 
consent. The following is that letter : 

" April 24, 1820. 
" My Dear Son : — Duty and nature have for this some 
time been at variance, but duty has at length gained the 
victory; yet after all, my son, it is a trying time with 
me ; you must needs think that it is a great thing for me, 
in my lonely widowed state, to have you separate from 
me. The ties of nature are strong and binding, and it is 
impossible for children to feel for parents what parents 
do for children ; but I am sensible you feel enough for 



HIS JOURNEY TO MEADVILLE. 47 

me ; you have searched your heart, you have studied 
what your duty is ; therefore, my son, the first thing you 
have got to do, is to perform your duty to your God, and 
in so doing, you will do your duty to every living crea- 
ture. You are cast out into the wide world at a time 
when you need to be much on your guard ; youth is easily 
drawn aside ; therefore gird on the whole armor of faith, 
and for an helmet take the hope of salvation, whereby you 
may be able to withstand all the fiery darts of the adver- 
sary. Eemember the words that your dying father left 
behind for you, ' Live godly in Christ Jesus.' May it 
never be said of you, that you have left your first love. 
Let nothing hinder you from daily and fervent prayer ; 
and when you address the throne of grace, remember 
your mother, brothers and sisters. The eyes of many are 
fixed on you as being an instrument in the hands of God, 
to bring many souls to Jesus ; and let it not be said that 
O. is an apostate ! 

" This world, my son, is a gloomy place to me ; and 
should I hear that my children follow the ways of sin and 
iniquity, it would quickly break my heart. All the satis- 
faction I expect in this life, is to strive to do what shall be 
most for the glory of God, and to see my children walk 
in truth. I have often, my son, viewed the hand of God 
in taking away your father. I had, for a long time, per- 
ceived that our hearts were firmly united ; I have now 
one tie less to bind me to earth. I have often, when 
passing by your father's grave, said, ' There lies the 
chiefest thing that made life dear to me.' I am now 
about to have you separate from me, and it is with cheer- 
fulness I give you up. If you can be the means of bring- 
ing but one poor heathen to the knowledge of Jesus Christ, 
it will more than amply recompense me for all the trials 
I have passed through. Your father and mother have trod 
a most thorny road for near twenty years, but the kind 



48 HIS JOURNEY TO MEADVILLE. 

hand of our Heavenly Friend led us through these briars 
and thorns. He has seen fit to take my partner first, be- 
cause he was most fit to go. I have got to travel the road 
a little longer, and then, if I am one of the chosen of God, 
I shall meet all the happy saints in glory. Sometimes I 
think that I have faith to believe, that the promise to the 
widow and the fatherless will be amply fulfilled to me 
and mine. Give yourself no uneasiness, thinking you 
have gone away against my will, for I cheerfully perform 
the vow I made in my youth. I give you not up to man, 
but to God ; and as the Lord guards his children, so will 
he guard you safe, if you go on to fear him, until you 
arrive at your journey's end." 

Extracts from the son's farewell to his mother : '^ O, 
my dear mother, my time is short, which requires that I 
should express my thoughts in as few terms as possible. 
I am about to leave you, I know not for how long a pe- 
riod. Truly it is with reluctance I go, but I have endea- 
vored to ascertain my duty ; whether I am deceived or 
not I cannot tell. It is a great sacrifice for you to yield 
up a child as you have me, and consequently great are 
the obligations which I am bound to fulfil. O, my dear 
and affectionate mother, I am indebted to you for your 
kindness, and am unable to repay you except by perform- 
ing my duties as faithfully as 1 can. I am sure you will 
not remember against me the sins of my more inexpe- 
rienced years. Wherein I have wounded your feelings I 
hope you will forgive me." 

The circumstances of her son's departure are described 
in the following selections from a letter of the mother, 
written to her father, Rev. Timothy Alden, of Yarmouth, 
on the day this son left her : " Oliver has taken his leave 
of me, perhaps forever. About two hours since we gave 
the parting hand and shed the farewell tear. He has set 



HIS JOURNEY TO MEADVILLE. 49 

out on foot, and alone, for Meadville. Last evening we 
had a prayer meeting on his account, and I never wit- 
nessed a more solemn scene. There was a goodly num- 
ber of young people, as well as older ones. Each male 
church-member present offered a prayer. One and an- 
other of them also addressed the assembly. When O, 
gave them his parting counsels, every heart seemed to 
melt. I never witnessed more general weeping on any 
occasion whatever. It being too painful for him to utter 
his last words to me, he left them on paper. I now cast 
my eyes on one side of me and there is a garment of my 
deceased husband ; I take up a little book and in it are 
the parting words of my now absent son. Two of my 
children have gone to reside away from home. One after 
another they must leave me ; though crying around me, 
each says : " Do, mother, let me live with you ; I will do 
all I can for you." But I am obliged to obey reason 
rather than feeling. There are times, however, when I 
cannot help yielding to the latter. Had some kind angel 
whispered to me a year ago, and informed me what 
scenes I must pass through in the course of twelve 
months, I should have said it would be impossible for me 
to endure them. But the Keeper of Israel hath said, 
" As thy days so shall thy strength be." I have given up 
Oliver to God. He was the son on whom I might natu- 
rally rest myself for support. I surrender him for a more 
noble object, and am confident that the Lord will open 
some other way by which I shall be sustained." 

It should be stated that the arrangement by which Oli- 
ver was to furnish his father a specific sum of money, 
failed on the death of that father. Still, by going to 
Meadville, the son expected to be able, through the kind- 
ness of his uncle there, to render his mother pecuniary 
assistance, and this he accomplished. 

Arriving at Williamstown, Oliver was pained with the 
4 



50 HIS JOURNEY TO MEADVILLE. 

intelligence of the death of his uncle Timothy's wife. 
He was anticipating the happiness of receiving at her 
hands the kindness of a mother. She departed this life 
the 3d of April, 1820, falling asleep in her blessed Re- 
deemer. At W. he penned these reflections : " Death, 
wilt thou still sound in my ears ? Wherever I am wilt 
thou pursue me ? My God, are such events for me or 
against me ?" To his mother he wrote, May 1 : " My 
journey to this place was pleasant ; but ah ! a report of 
Death's doings falls upon my ears wherever I may be." 
Resuming his journey he supplicated divine assistance, 
that he might be given to serious reflection and gain wis- 
dom in all his course. We find him noting down obser- 
vations upon scenery, soil, men and manners. He made 
another visit to his uncle Oliver, at Athens. 

" Athens, N. Y., May 3, 1820. 
" Dear Uncle Timothy : — I left Ashfield April 27th, 
Hawley 29th, Williamstown May 1st, and on the 2d arrived 
here, being now on my journey to M. It was truly hard 
parting with my friends. I left them all in health, and 
my mother in as good spirits as I could expect. But ah ! 
dear uncle, the solemn knell follows me wherever I go. 
This letter, which I intended to write to an uncle and 
aunt, must be addressed only to a dear uncle. But the 
subject is too mournful for me to dwell upon. On ac- 
count of my not being much acquainted with the ways 
and manners of the world, I, though ever anxious to be 
under your care, have felt a timidity in going to you, yet 
I even wish I were now at your house. Alas, wishes are 
vain. I think I could sympathize, especially with my 
dear cousins, in their loss. But how many steps must I 
take before 1 arrive at the destined place ! As to my 
journey, I have made all the preparation that is necessary, 
so far as relates to information, recommendation, &;c. 



HIS JOURNEY TO MEADVILLE. 

And now, dear uncle, how and where shall I meet you? 
If you are likely not to know me when you meet me, I 
will now inform you that you will see before you a tall, 
blackish youth, clad with poor clothes, and with a heavy 
pack of ragged ones on his back, perhaps moneyless, and 
trembling at every step he takes for fear of the reception 
he may meet with on account of his own imperfections. 
When I arrive I shall expect you to be a second father to 
me in directing me. Therefore excuse my abruptness, 
and be ready to receive your absent child." 

From Athens he also addressed a letter to his afflicted 
cousins, expressing his deep sympathy with them in the 
loss of their mother. " Dear friends, though my hand 
cannot reach you, nor my eye behold you, at present, yet 
my prayers shall ascend in your behalf, and ere long I 
hope to meet you." After leaving A. he wrote to his 
uncle of that place. His letter bears date May 9th : 

" Dear Uncle : — It is hardly sundown. I have taken 
up my lodgings at the meeting of the turnpikes from Athens 
and Albany, at Mr. B.'s. I feel very much fatigued, and 
my feet are quite sore. If I find Mr. S., I think I shall 
stay a day or two and rest. I was somewhat ill yesterday 
after I left you ; yet got along pretty well. I tarried in 
R. last night, so that I have come between thirty and forty 
miles to-day. I feel lonesome, far away from all my 
friends, but hope to prosper. Thus far, since leaving you, 
I have spent only twelve and a half cents." 

On arriving at MeadviUe, he wrote again to this uncle, 
under date May 23d : 

" Dear Uncle : — On the 8th of May I left Athens for 
Meadville. During that day little else presented itself to 
my view but a very rough country, full of rocks and 



62 HIS JOURNEY TO MEADVILLE. 

stones, with here and there a miserable looking house, the 
oven being built out of doors ; one oven appeared made 
of clam shells. The region through which I passed wore 
to me but a poor appearance, till I came to Cherry Val- 
ley, which in a measure made amends for the past. I 
intended to have made Sangersfield on the 10th, but feel- 
ing quite weary, when within fifteen miles of that place, I 
requested a stranger, whose conveyance, by chance, was 
not loaded, to carry me. He said he v^ould three and a 
half miles /or a treat, I accepted the offer, and he stopped 
at Mr. F. M.'s tavern for his pay. When in the hearing 
of the landlady a word was dropped about Massachusetts, 
she started inquiries, which divulged the fact that she was 
sister of Esq. W.'s wife of A., where I had boarded last 
winter. She was glad to see me, and I was agreeably 
entertained for an hour. The rainy weather was very 
unfavorable to my progress. My limbs and feet frequently 
pained me so that I could not sleep till midnight. I found 
some very large trees. The land, generally speaking, is 
good, but nowhere did I find the garden of Eden. In 
some places the only means I had of distinguishing the 
cultivated from the uncultivated soil, was by the deadness 
of the trees. I arrived yesterday about 12 M., and was 
kindly received by my mourning friends. At present I 
like the appearance of the country here very much. 
During my journey I had opportunity to ride only about 
six miles. There is little or no travelling in private con- 
veyances in any part of the country, so that I found but 
very few, and most of these were going the other way. 
On counting my money, I find that I have spent about 
five dollars and sixty cents, on the road. I was not ex- 
pected here so soon by several days. Already I feel some- 
what rested, and calculate to make early arrangements to 
commence study. My journey is ended ; the Lord has 
been merciful to me. I feel indebted to my distant friends 



RESIDENCE IN MEADVILLE. 53 

for their kindness to me. Will you do me the favor to 
write to my mother on the reception of this, and enclose 
it to her. I can write only one letter this week.'* 



CHAPTER V. 



RESIDENCE IN MEADVILLE, 



Letter to his mother, dated Meadville, May 30th, 1820 : 

" Dear Mother : — Doubtless you have heard of my 
arrival at this place on Monday of last week, as on the 
following day I wrote to my uncle Oliver, and requested 
him to write you. One week from the Monday after I 
left you, I started from Athens with as much provision as 
I could carry. One day I spent in Sangersfield, with our 
old friends, who were in good health. Friday, I went 
eight miles out of my way to find some cousins, but could 
only hear of them. On Sabbath * in travelling, it was 
my lot to fall in with some very wicked, profane persons. 
Indeed it was difficult to find any other company, though 
sometimes I had such good fortune. And now, dear 
mother, here I am at a great distance from you ; yet 
when I look back it appears reduced to nothing. I am not 
at all homesick ; but as I think of you, with my brothers 
and sisters,! feel melancholy. Here, wherever I turn my 
eyes, everything seems in mourning — tears are stealing 



* It would seem from this statement, tliat on one Sabbath he pur- 
sued to some extent his journey. "We wonder not at the company he 
met. It was deemed by many, where he was nurtured, not wrong for 
those on a journey to pursue it a part of the Sabbath. But we are 
sure that such were wrong^both in principle and policy. 
4* 



54 RESIDENCE IN MEADVILLE. 

down all faces. O, my dear mother, I must commend 
you to God, and leave you in the arms of his love, re- 
questing you to do the same for me. I hope you will 
indulge no over-anxious thoughts about me ; I think that I 
shall be provided for, and trust that you will be also. You 
must write me a long letter immediately on the receipt of 
this, telling me all your plans. Remember me to inquir- 
ing friends, and tell them that I have commenced my 
studies. Say to the youth from me that they must remem- 
ber they are born to die." 

From his journal. " May 28. — The Sabbath is by no 
means so well observed here as it is in Massachusetts. 
May I devote six days as I ought to the duties of the 
world, and consecrate more especially the seventh to 
religion. My mother occupies many of my thoughts ; 
perhaps she is now praying for me. 80. — Overwhelmed 
with considerations of the past, I walked this day alone 
to the grave of my aunt." There he composed a piece 
of poetry. " June 3. — I miss the society of those Chris- 
tian companions with whom I associated in New England. 
To-day I attended the funeral of a little child. Dear 
mother, I have thought of you, and endeavored to com- 
mend you to God. This is all that I can do. I hope you 
have never repented of having permitted your son to leave 
you. 8. — I find that my tongue is an unruly member." 
Alluding to affecting deaths in M., and thinking of his 
own great insensibility, he says : " Surely such an un- 
moved sinner as I am is more fit for the society of devils 
than of human beings." 11. — Referring to his deceased 
aunt, he observes : " Doubtless she would have promoted 
my welfare ; but oh, she is gone, gone, — forever gone ! 
Thou hadst heard of the exit of my uncle and of my 
father, before thine own departure. Hast thou met them 
in the realms of bliss ? Could I have only witnessed thy 



RESIDENCE IN MEADVILLE. 55 

dying scene ! But no ! Much do the deaths of my several 
friends occupy my thoughts. 1 shall never forget the 
night when the summons came for me to go and meet my 
mother, brothers and sisters in tears. It will perhaps be 
only a little while before I gjiall hear of the departure of 
other kindred, or news of my death will be borne to them. 
17. — How affected I am at the loss of friends, yet how 
careless of the love of Christ." 

Extracts from a letter to the Secretary of the American 
Education Society, dated 

" Meadville, June 22, 1820. 
" Dear Sir : — I received your letter of the 15th of 
April, and directed to Judge P. of Ashfield, on the 27th 
of the same month, for which, and the appropriated sum 
of fifteen dollars, I give my thanks to the Society ; and I 
hope my conduct will ever be such as to secure their kind 
regards. Previous to receiving this letter, I had made 
arrangements so far as this, that if it were agreeable to 
the Society, I should perform a journey to this place for 
the purpose of studying with my uncle ; because by this 
means I should not only be under the care of a tender 
friend, but also he could furnish me with such books as I 
need, and afford me sundry other aids, from time to time ; 
for the doing of which, the Rev. Thomas Shepard, of 
Ashfield, was so kind as to lend me $10.00, to whom I 
gave an order on the Society to draw the #15.00, because 
through his hands I could receive the remaining five, as 
well as in any other way. Before I left my mothex^^some 
persons were so kind as to afford me a little assistance. 
Four several friends presented me with $2.12, and from 
others I received sundry articles of clothing, which are of 
great use to me ; in all to the amount of $12.50, so that I 
have clothes sufficient to last until I hope to get some by 



k 



56 RESIDENCE IN MEADVILLE. 

teaching school. On the 29th of April, 1820, I com- 
menced my journey, and arrived at my uncle's, in this 
place, on the 22d day of May. After resting a day or 
two, I commenced studying, and have continued the same 
till the present. The expenses of my journey, a distance 
of more than 500 miles, amounted to about $5.60. Your 
respectful, grateful, and humble servant." 

" July 1. — Tomorrow I expect to sit at the table spread 
to commemorate the death of Jesus Christ our Lord, but 
fear I shall crucify him afresh. I discover within me the 
seeds of infidelity. May divine mercy meet my case, 
for otherwise I am helpless. 2. — I have just returned 
from the Lord's supper. How happy is it that the toiling, 
weary, and tempted Christian may drown for awhile his 
sorrows in the scenes commemorative of a Saviour's love. 
Alas for me, I enjoy not his smiles ! When I behold him 
hanging on the cursed tree, his countenance appears like 
that of an angry God. At his table, he seems to address 
me in the language of rebuke : ' Friend, how camest thou 
in hither, not having a wedding garment ? ' and with a 
piercing look he bids me depart. 5. — To-day was laid 
with much ceremony the corner stone of Bentley Hall." 
On the occasion he delivered an original poem. A piece 
of Plymouth Rock was deposited under the corner stone. 
" July 10. — I have been very agreeably entertained for 
two days past, by friends from Massachusetts. The fact 
that they came from New England, is alone sufficient to 
endear them to me. 12. — Received to-day a letter from 
my mother, and have the satisfaction to hear of her health, 
though her worldly prospects are such as to occasion me 
pain. God of mercy, be thou her portion — her conso- 
lation amid the darkest forebodings. The Lord is just 
and kind, but my heart bleeds anew when I remember 
my mother. 25. — An uncommonly large meteor was 



EESIDENCE IN MEADVILLE. 57 

visible this evening for a number of seconds ; soon after 
it disappeared we heard a loud explosion. 30. — Sabbath. 
I have been quite sick all day ; am better this evening. 
Aug. 7. — This morning, as usual, I arose between the 
hours of four and five to apply myself with renewed 
vigor to my studies. I learn from public papers that the 
late meteor was seen in different places, and is supposed 
to have been about 60 miles from here. Ah, did the con- 
cerns of religion engage my attention as do the things of 
the world, how differently should I live ! 10. — Have re- 
cently conversed with a fellow student on sacred subjects. 
This evening we walked together. He evidently has 
reflected seriously since our last interview. I ought to 
be encouraged to persevere in well-doing, leaving the 
result with God. 23. — My uncle takes his departure 
this day on a missionary tour among the Indians. His 
son W. accompanies him. It is his purpose to be absent 
six weeks. I love him almost as my own father, and 
shall feel sorrowful in his absence. What I should do 
were he to return no more, I know not, yet such an event 
may take place, and I leave him and my mother in the 
hands of a heavenly parent. 24. — Commenced the Greek 
grammar, though without any instructor. While my uncle 
is absent, I am called upon to officiate at the family altar, 
yet for this my heart is but little prepared. Evening : 
Just about committing myself to sleep for the night, I 
would offer up a prayer for thee, my mother. Wrote a 
letter yesterday in Latin to my uncle at Buffalo. Sept. 
1. — Make slow progress in Greek. Am indeed quite 
solitary in it, having neither guide nor companion. 7. — 
How solemn we ought to be in the hour of devotion, and 
how thankful for the ability to pray for absent friends. 
10. — I have thought much good might be effected by 
writing passages of Scripture on slips of paper, and leav- 
ing them where they will attract attention. 16. — My 



58 RESIDENCE IN MEADVILLE. 

heart is as black as the ink with which I write. I see the 
point at which I should aim, yet as clearly that towards 
which my course tends ; wide apart are the two. Bless, 
Lord, the mother, whose anxious heart may now be bur- 
dened for me, and fill her with thy love. 17. — I almost 
believe that everything depends on application. As far as 
I can see, most great men have made themselves such. 
There is indeed something indicative of greatness in as- 
piring after it." At this time he was engaged in a weekly 
juvenile prayer-meeting. " How unlike I am a minister 
of the gospel, yet I dare to speak in Christ's name. 
Should I fly anywhere else than to thee, thou who hast 
been the God of my life ? but alas, at the very throne of 
grace I find my heart hard. 26. — Had a very narrow 
escape with my life. I was riding a young fractious colt, 
when a little dog ran out and barked. At first I tried to 
hold the creature, but this was impossible. The saddle 
was so loosely girded that I could not spring off. My last 
resort was to endeavor to remain in my seat. This I 
accomplished till the animal coming to a descent took a 
sudden turn to the up-hill side of the road. The saddle 
immediately turned, and I was thrown off the lower side 
upon a soft sandy place, but holding the bridle I was 
dragged a little, till the horse escaped and ran about two 
miles. Not much injury was done. Doubtless I should 
have been killed if my foot had hung in the stirrup. Oct. 
4. — My uncle has just returned, somewhat enfeebled, but 
in tolerably good spirits. Should he die I know not what 
would become of me. 8. — Last evening, to indulge my 
melancholy, I wandered alone in the field. I have at- 
tended meeting to-day, and felt that I could pour out my 
soul in prayer into the bosom of God. 15. — How many 
blessings I enjoy ! Grant, Lord, that the path of duty 
may be plain, and my will prompt to walk therein. 22. 
— Yesterday we had no preaching. I was rather unwell, 



RESIDENCE IN MEADVILLE. 59 

but spent a part of the day in the woods, supplicating 
divine aid. Nov. 19. — Have heard read this evening a 
few pages of Bunyan's Holy War, and see myself fight- 
ing in the wrong party. Dec. 5. — One year has passed 
away, since I saw for the last time my father's face. No 
more shall I behold him, till the trump awakes the dead, 
22. — Two hundred years have rolled away since the 
landing of our forefathers on Plymouth Rock. Through 
my uncle's instrumentality the day has been celebrated. 
At his request, I wrote an ode for the occasion, which 
was printed, and sung this evening. In connection with 
others, I also spoke an original piece, written in blank 
verse. 31. — As the year comes to a close, it urges me to 
serious reflection, telling me that perhaps I may never see 
the conclusion of another. Neither should I at this time 
forget my mother, but lay her situation before the Lord. 
Moreover, it becomes me to reflect that study demands my 
best attention. Lord, help me in all these respects. Jan. 
5, 1821. — A year has passed away since the death of 
my father. O thou guide of human affairs, prepare me 
for all the future scenes that await me. This I ask for 
the Saviour's sake." 

" Meadville, Jan. 11, 1821. 
" Dear Mother : — Your letter of the 19th of Decem- 
ber was received yesterday. With painful anxiety do I 
await the arrival of letters from you, and tremblingly hail 
their advent. The many trials to which you are subject 
cause me grief, which is increased by the fear that you 
keep back a part from my knowledge. Well may I be 
anxious for so kind and tender a parent. I rejoice that 
you rest on the Eock of Ages, and would that I might rest 
there too. But my heart is harder than a stone, and some- 
times the temptations of Satan seem almost overwhelming. 
It would give me happiness could I see you only a few 



60 RESIDENCE IN MEADVILLE. 

moments. I am sensible that I receive far more mercies 
than I deserve. Most kind parent, be comforted in re- 
spect to me. I am under the care of an affectionate 
uncle, to whom I am not afraid to look, and who I trust 
will reprove me when I err. You must let me hear about 
your situation. I am pleased that sister Martha and bro- 
ther Rufus are contented with their homes, and am sorry 
that sister Mary is so afflicted with sickness. I am pleased 
that your neighbors are kind, and hope they will continue 
to be so, and thus comfort you. I am expecting to com- 
mence a school next Monday, about seven and a half 
miles from this place, having engaged for one quarter. 
Nothing do I undertake without staining it with sin. Some- 
times I feel that I render myself unworthy of the kindness 
of my uncle and cousins here ; still they are very atten- 
tive to me. May heaven bless you. I can hope and 
pray for you, but God must perform. One year has passed 
away, which brings to my recollection the death of my 
father. I think much about my brothers and sisters, and 
hope to receive a line or two from each of them. Re- 
member me, if you please, to Mr. Grout, and all who 
inquire after my welfare." 

In the year 1820, Mr. Taylor was, with others, engaged 
in a " Debating Society." He has left in manuscript a 
number of his own debates, which evince much enthu- 
siasm in this method of mental improvement. Early in 
his course of study, he learned or formed for himself a 
system of stenography, which he employed more or less 
during his subsequent life. Whatever is written in this 
way remains sealed so far as his friends are concerned. 
It is evident that many times he wrote in that way merely 
for the purpose of concealment. At others, he may have 
simply aimed to save labor. Occasionally, likewise, he 
journalized in Greek or in Latin. 

On the 9th of January, 1821, he delivered, by request, a 



RESIDENCE IN MEADVILLE. 61 

eulogy on a fellow student who had died the first day of 
that year. This effort he closed with an appropriate 
poem, a part of which was subsequently published in a 
newspaper of that region. 

My brother seems to have been ever busy with his pen. 
Scarcely an object of interest escaped his notice. Either 
in prose or in poetry he recorded something concerning 
each one. Here follow some of his observations. " The 
Indian's grave : Here rest the remains of one of the 
tawny race, together, perhaps, with all she possessed on 
earth. The only monument pointing out her grave is a 
large pine tree, and that has been recently prostrated by 
the wind. She has gone, as go the entire family of 
Adam, to mingle with her kindred dust ; but little known, 
and soon forgotten ; yet no hero, whose fame has filled 
the earth, reposes more sweetly, nor can the dust of the 
statesman or of the philosopher be distinguished from 
hers." After these comments, he adds a few plaintive 
poetic lines. " In the vicinity of Meadville, there are 
certain tumuli, which appear to have been the work of a 
people who existed here ages since. Most of them seem 
originally designed for defence, being cast up in the form 
of a breast work. When thrown open, they are found to 
contain human bones, sometimes deposited in layers ; 
others are without any apparent order." " French Creek : 
General Washington, at the commencement of his public 
career, passed up and down this stream." " In Meadville, 
tradition says, that in the old French war a brass field- 
piece was deposited in a well, which was then filled up. 
Much search has been made for it, but as yet no traces 
have been discovered. Indian graves are laid open on 
ploughing in almost every direction. In short, this coun- 
try, where science begins to flourish, is very interesting." 

From his journal while teaching school. " Being desti- 
tute of clothes, and of money with which to purchase 
5 



62 RESIDENCE IN MEADVILLE. 

them, I found it necessary to teach. After various exer- 
tions I obtained a school in Wayne township, about eight 
miles from Meadville, and commenced it near the middle 
of January, 1821. Many of the scholars were Germans, 
and could, at best, speak only a little English. I boarded 
among my patrons. In February, I succeeded in secur- 
ing a singing-school." His scholars in this latter school, 
he says, thought that they might conduct as they should 
please, and accordingly gave him considerable trouble 
when he attempted to restrain them. The following 
thoughts he penned while in W. : " Jesus wept, but was 
never known to smile while here on earth. His greatest 
joy was on the bloody cross, and there, too, was his most 
poignant grief; and when he bowed his head in death, all 
nature seemed to say, what new thing is this.^ and with her 
mantle veiled his head. O, my God, my soul is cast 
down within me. Enemies threaten me on every side, 
though I have sinned against thee only ; let me fall into 
thy hands, not into the hands of man. On thee only 
must I rest my dependence, thou God of mercy. When 
will mortals learn to pity their fellow creatures, and to 
assist each other. Darkness surrounds me on every side, 
and the wilderness, with its beasts of prey, adds solemnity 
to the scene. O Time, how art thou wasted, and Eternity, 
how art thou trifled with ! Senseless mortals spend vainly 
their hours, and trust their eternal all to the season of 
pain, disease, and death. How majestic are the works of 
God. When I survey them, I seem to dwindle myself 
into nothing. On every side I find him equally wonder- 
ful and incomprehensible. The comet, which traverses 
God's empire in distances so great, does not explore half 
of his dominions. A Newton, whose expanded mind 
glances at immensity almost like a God, yet prostrates 
himself before the meanest of thy works and owns the 
infinity of thy skill. Eternity itself can never fully re- 



RESIDENCE IN MEADVILLE. 63 

veal thee. Worlds are hung upon worlds. Why, then — 
if these are the conceptions which I have of thee — why, 
then, is my heart so loath to adore thee ?" 

" February 5, 1821. — I am now at my school- house, 
and alone. The labors of the day are at an end ; my 
pupils have dispersed. None are present but God and 
myself. Darkness is surrounding me. What, my soul, 
is thy situation ? Saviour of sinners, I desire to take 
refuge in thy beloved arms. 6. — To-day it seems that 
Jesus smiles upon me. Under his wings would I shel- 
ter myself from all the temptations and storms of life. 
Though in a lonesome wilderness, and away from every 
earthly friend, Christ can sustain my spirits. 7. — Lord 
wilt thou prepare me for the singing-school this evening, 
tuning my voice to the honor of Jesus. 13. — Dear 
mother, I am alone in my school-house. I desire to know 
how you and my sick sister, Mary, are. 22. — Read the 
17th chapter of John. Be encouraged, my soul, — press 
forward. 28. — A few hours more of dreary winter, then 
comes pleasing spring. So time flies without a moment's 
stay, and sweeps along every one on its current. Prepare 
me, O God, to av/ake in the morning with the light of a 
new season about me. May thy love spring up afresh in 
my soul, and my tongue, loosed from the cords of sin, 
utter celestial strains. March 5. — Jesus, grant me the 
beamings of thy face, then can I disregard the ills of 
earth. If I am clothed with thy righteousness, though in 
the eyes of men poorly clad, I shall go on till I take an 
honorable degree in heaven. 8. — I wish that the thun- 
ders of Mount Sinai might awaken me. Any other state 
is preferable to a stupid one. Lord, it is easy for thee 
to humble me by a word. But without thine interposition 
my heart refuses to surrender its idols. Unlock its rusty 
gates and come in, thou mighty King. 21. — No eye but 
thine, O God, sees me. Thy blessings I implore. 1 have 



64 RESIDENCE IN MEADVILLE. 

no worthiness of my own by which to merit it of thee, but 
I have understood from thy holy word that thou hast one 
to bestow on sinners who seek it in the name of Jesus 
Christ. I am a sinner ; I ask it of thee for the sake of 
thy Son. Turn my hard heart; deliver me from the 
power of evil spirits that surround me and thirst for my 
blood ; save me from the pit of everlasting destruction. 
Cause me to hear thee if it require a voice of thunder. 
Break thoroughly my heart, and let its fragments be ce- 
mented with the love of Jesus. March 26. — O, my dear 
mother, where is thy soothing voice ? Where are those 
lips that used so often to speak for my consolation ? 
Have I been so indifferent to thy kindness as to influence 
thee to forget thy child ? 27. — When I take a retro- 
spect of my life I seem to view all things as ordered for 
the best.*" At Wayne he united with others in sustaining 
a debating society. His discussions of various topics were 
written. In closing an exhibition of his views respecting 
the last war between the United States and Great Britain, 
he adds : " I detest war, with all its causes and effects. 
I cannot believe that man should be murdered by his fel- 
low-being for the sake of human gratification. The prac- 
tice of war for such a cause is alone sufficient to stamp 
forever our race as brutes." 

"At Meadville, April 30, 1821. 
" Dear Mother : — Your letter of March 8 has been 
received. Day before yesterday uncle T. started for 
Philadelphia, to be absent six weeks. It is lonesome with 
us. Fie seems to me as my own father. I think I feel 
his absence as much as his own children do. During the 
three months past I have taught both a day and singing- 
school. Perhaps you remember that when I was learning 

to sing, Mr. laughed at my singing. I told him 

that ' he might yet hear of my teaching a singing-school.* 



RESIDENCE IN MEADVILLE. 65 

He replied ' he never should.' You now may have the 
pleasure of telling him that I have taught for three months 
a day-school and singing-school at the same time. Dur- 
ing my engagement in teaching I have made it a practice 
in my lonely hours, from time to time, to dedicate a line 
to you. Some of these detached pennings I will now 
transcribe. Jan. 23. — It is a very dreary place here, 
and I shall long for my engagement to be out, that I may 
return to the friends with whom what enjoyment I have 
is found. 27. — Dear Mother: I am now at home, and 
you cannot tell how happy I feel after having been among 
strangers from almost all nations. Feb. 12. — My school- 
house is situated in the woods, so that when my scholars 
are gone it is a pleasant place for meditation. 13. — I 
am here, O my dear mother, alone, my scholars not yet 
having come. Could I only have a look at you and my 
brothers and sisters, the sight would be heart-cheering. 
Time and paper now fail me to quote more of what I had 
in this way written. My schools closed under as favora- 
ble circumstances as I could have expected. What is the 
reason, O my dear mother, that my sleep is rendered un- 
pleasant by dreams of your griefs. Sometime since I 
dreamed that I was a little this side of your house, and 
you were standing near me, and your appearance so 
struck me that I cried out ' O my dear mother, what is 
the matter V Then I turned my head away from you 
and wept. Mother, 1 have opened my heart to you with- 
out the least garb of hypocrisy. I would tell you that it 
is a miserable heart. The labor of the past winter has 
been the most severe that I ever endured. In going home 
Saturday nights and returning Monday mornings, together 
with my walking to board about with the families, I have 
travelled upwards of 350 miles. Why do not my sisters 
write me ? Tell them that they and my brothers are re- 
membered by me, and I hope they will not forget me nor 
5* 



66 RESIDENCE IN MEADVILLE. 

their God. I shall review this letter with a fear that I 
have expressed some thought which I ought not. You 
must throw the mantle of candor over all my faults. One 
thing more: when I am distressed and perplexed lam 
comforted with the thought that I have been consecrated to 
God. It gives me happiness, and holds me back from sin." 
On resuming his studies he offers the prayer that he 
may be influenced by a desire for God's glory. May 9. 
— ''I hope in the end to conquer self. 20. — Saviour, 
hast thou forever left me to be enslaved to my own self- 
ish passions ? Numerous have been thy mercies to me 
in years past, so let them be hereafter. May thy Spirit 
wholly possess my soul. I desire always to live as my 
father's dying injunction to me requires — ' Godly in Christ 
Jesus.' 22. — This day, about 12 M., completes a 
year since my arrival at Meadville. A review of the last 
twelve months makes my heart beat. How little my im- 
provement. 15. — God of Grace, preserve amid fierce 
temptations the soul that rests on thee. 16. — Am much 
rejoiced to see my uncle here again. Yet, when 1 behold 
his children meeting him with open arms, and reflect that 
I have no father, no home, my feelings struggle within 
me. 24. — Lord help me to be calm amid all the trials 
of life. 10. — I know that my earthly sojourn must at 
length end in eternity, and much have I hoped, as well as 
prayed, that the iniquity of my heart might be removed 
from me. I have also made the most solemn promises to 
break away from all my sins, yet here I am, soon to meet 
my twentieth birth day, with the viper clinging to me. 
Should it not now be shaken off, it may eternally adhere 
to me. Most seriously do I resolve to begin anew my life. 
Yet, O my God, I am weak. Be thou unto me like Israel's 
pillar of cloud by day and pillar of fire by night. 18. — 
To-day I am twenty years of age, and have been admit- 
ted a student of Alleghany College, and to the Almighty 



I 



RESIDENCE IN MEADVILLE. 67 

I direct my prayer for assistance in discharging the im- 
plied duties." 

" Dear Mother : — Never shall I forget you till the 
cold sods cover my lifeless clay. This heart may be left 
to be ungrateful to that mother to whom I owe so much, 
but can never cease to remember her. On the 18th day 
of August, when I was twenty years of age, I became a 
member of the College in this place. I would endeavor to 
rest on my God, for then shall I be safe. I have but little 
religious exercise of mind. My feelings, for the most part, 
are very low. I often think of those friends in Hawley, 
with whom I used to converse on sacred subjects, and 
feel somewhat guilty for not having written to several 
persons there, especially to Mr. Grout. I have sent you 
a newspaper containing the first poem I composed in this 
part of the world." 

"August 31. — Summer now ends, and life on earth, 
ere long^ w^ill have ceased forever ; all its pleasing scenes 
be gone, never to be recalled. Then, if the soul possess 
no sure anchor in the skies, she must be everlastingly 
tossed about on the fiery billows of hell. Sept. 9. — I 
formed a second Sabbath-school in this place, other per- 
sons cooperating with me in its management." He was 
also actively engaged in helping sustain a young peoples' 
meeting on the evening of the Lord's day. " Oct. 1. — A 
goodly number are present at our meetings, and give good 
attention. This evening I for the first time made an ad- 
dress to them. May the Lord smile on our exertions. 
22. — I recently received a polite invitation from a gen- 
tleman of this vicinity to reside in his family as a tutor to 
his children." Owing to the interruption an acceptance 
would occasion to his studies he declined the invitation. 
*' I should have to spend from four to six hours daily in 
teaching the family." 



68 RESIDENCE IN MEADVILLE. 

The following extracts are from a communication which 
he prepared for a friend in whom he felt a deep interest, 
and yet whom he was afraid to address orally. " You 
have been born in a Christian land and blessed with pious 
parents, and scarcely a day has gone over your head 
without your hearing something relative to the salvation 
of your soul. Your dear mother has joined the congrega- 
tion of the dead, and you know that according to the 
course of nature you must eventually follow her. Where 
then, my dear friend, do you wish to land ? In heaven, 
or in hell ? Speak to you I cannot ; warn you I must. 
Have you been brought up and nourished by devoted pa- 
rents that you may be fuel for hell fire ? Must your de- 
parted parent hereafter behold you afar off in the tor- 
ments of despair? Hard, indeed, must your heart be, if 
you are insensible to her prayers and tears. Do you not 
still remember her words to you in that trying hour when 
her nature was dissolving in death, that then her spirit 
seemed to come back for a little moment on your ac- 
count ? I almost hear her, though in the agonies of 
death, on her bended knees, and in tears, supplicating 
mercy for you." 

'* October 25. — Have opened a singing-school in this 
place, which I procured at the suggestion of my uncle. 
People in this country feel at liberty to make as much noise 
as they please, both in day and singing-schools. 29. — 
A letter, just received from my mother, contains nothing 
but good news, for which I would be very thankful." 

As the autumn of 1821 was wearing away, Mr. Taylor 
became convinced that he could not enjoy at M. the pri- 
vileges which were essential to his highest success in ob- 
taining an education. He could not, at once, decide 
where he should go ; but desired to place himself under 
the best tuition. '' It is probable that I shall be necessi- 
tated to pass over six or seven hundred miles, without mo- 



RESIDENCE IN MEADVILLE. 69 

ney, to some other college. I should prefer Cambridge 
on some accounts, though the expenses there will proba- 
bly shut me out." 

''November 25. — I have this day heard two excellent 
sermons from the Rev. Mr. Goodell, an appointed mis- 
sionary. He is now on a tour through the United States, 
and intends to go as far as Brainerd. It is his purpose 
next year to embark for Jerusalem, the city of David. 
Mr. G.'s text in the forenoon was in Psalms 84 : 8. In 
the afternoon, Romans 10: 14. Both discourses were 
affecting. He stopped with my uncle, and I of course 
was introduced to him. I told him that should I be pros- 
pered I hoped to salute him hereafter in the sacred city, 
and he replied, ' I hope so.' About this time. Rev. Mr. 
Remington and wife were in Meadville, on their way as 
missionaries to the Indians. Mr. T. became much inter- 
ested in them, wrote for them a parting hymn, also sent 
letters by them to Messrs. Dyer and Howes, already 
located among the aborigines." 

Letter to his mother, December. — "I am now engaged 
in teaching a singing-school in this place, by which means 
I shall be able, I hope, to furnish myself with clothing, and 
to pay some debts. My uncle T. leaves here next Monday 
for New England ; he expects to call upon you, but to 
be able to spend with you only a few hours. Yet you 
must keep him, if possible, until my brothers and sisters 
can all see him. He has passed through many trials, and 
so have you. We frequently entertain missionaries here. 
Not long since Rev. Mr. Goodell was here, who is des- 
tined to Palestine. I long to take my station on Mt. Zion, 
and to preach the gospel in the streets of Jerusalem. 
To my brothers and sisters I would say, remember your 
Creator, and prepare to meet him. Young companions, 
whom once I used to see engaged in religion, how is it 
with you now ? Do you still walk uprightly, honoring your 



70 RESIDENCE IN MEADVILLE. 

God, or have you looked back after having put your hands 
to the plough ? And you, whom I left on the brink of hell, 
hovering over eternal burnings, where are you now ?" 

The following was written toward the close of 1821, 
at a time when his feelings were desponding. " Amid 
sorrows and temptations happy is the man who has Jesus 
Christ as his guide and protector by day, and for his pil- 
low by night. O, my Saviour, could I have such a friend 
as thou art, not all the gainsayings and reproaches of the 
world, or the temptations of devils, should affect me. 
Whether the resting place of my head by night were 
composed of down or stone, in thee I would rejoice. I 
feel distressed. Come, therefore, blessed Jesus, and give 
me thine aid. This world is a burden without thee. 
Come on wings of love. I feel myself to be wretched, 
and would lean on thee. O come ! O haste ! for I know 
not what to do. I lay my hand upon my heart and look 
up. I cannot speak. I would tell thee, but I have not the 
power of a child. O take my heart and keep it. Non 
ullus amicus immutabilis nisi Deus, ille semper amicus 
presens." 

January 5, 1822. — "Received a letter this day from 
my mother, informing me of her health. It brings the 
cheering intelligence of a revival in Hawley, also of one 
in Ashfield. The latter commenced in Saunderson's 
Academy. And why is there no still small voice among 
us here?" In his journal Mr. T. has left a somewhat 
minute description of the inconveniences with which he 
was obliged to struggle in his attempts to study. They 
were such as would have utterly disheartened any one not 
invincibly set upon improvement. His uncle was absent 
much of the time, and there appears to have been no re- 
sponsible person to hear his recitations. Four different 
musical instruments were simultaneously played by as 
many persons in the only room which he could occupy as 



RESIDENCE IN MEADVILLE. 71 

a study. This annoyance he must endure at the very 
hours appropriated to his lessons. Naming this and other 
hindrances, he adds : " Such is a short account of the 
obstacles in the way of my applying myself to study ; yet 
my future success in life depends upon the manner in 
which I spend a few of these first years. 

" February 3. — To-day, with others, I am to sit at 
Christ's table. Permit me, a worm, O God, to reach 
forth my hands and take the symbols of his death who 
mercifully offered himself as our propitiatory sacrifice. 
14. — Blessed Saviour, when temptations threaten, or the 
world flatters, deign to be my deliverer. May Calvary be 
my beacon amid all the storms of earth. 16. — I have 
been paying debts to-day, and there is decided pleasure 
in dischg/ging pecuniary obligations. 24. — We have 
very interesting news from Mr. Parsons, the missionary. 
He was at Jerusalem at the last accounts. As unholy as 
I am, I sometimes wish myself ready to start on a mission 
thither. March 7. — The blustering resolutions of a worm 
will not drive away sin." With reference to entering 
another college he observes : " I fear the change which I 
know I must make, and desire the Saviour's aid. April 4. 
— Soon I am to part with friends here. Have some 
anxities about what will prove to be the revelation of 
the future in respect to my college course. Am most 
troubled, however, about my mother. Nor am I without 
solicitude in regard to my brothers and sisters. O Jesus, 
let me be nailed to thy cross rather than lose sight of it." 
Should Mr. Taylor leave Meadville he could not render 
so much aid to his mother as he had done while there 
through the special kindness of his uncle. 15. — "I have 
just read an account of Mrs. Poor's death, printed in the 
Herald. Let me spend my life for Jesus, living alone for 
him." 

Having by letters and otherwise gained information 



72 RESIDENCE IN MEADVILLE. 

relative to several colleges, he decided to remove to 
Union, Schenectady, N. Y., as affording the greatest pe- 
cuniary inducement. "April 21. — Bade adieu to my 
Sabbath-schools. Find I have become attached to this 
place. It vv^ill be painful for me to leave it. From friends 
I have received many favors. Some things indeed have 
gone wrongly. My advantages for study have been small. 
What I am to do for money I cannot tell. If I am care- 
ful, v^hat I have may suffice to bear my expenses to Sche- 
nectady." Concerning the income from teaching sacred 
music, he made this record : '' I have received for teach- 
ing singing about $120.00. Thus the art that I acquired 
by dint of effort in my native town, in spite of ridicule, 
has been of much pecuniary benefit to me. I hope equally 
by my fidelity to confound all who have ever opposed me. 
When I told Mr. D., who lives in the neighborhood of my 
last school, of my intention to go to Schenectady, he re- 
marked that he had but one thing to say, the Lord go 
with you." 

Duty alone impelled Mr. Taylor to leave Meadville. 
He was strongly attached to his kindred there, and was 
affectionately treated by them. His uncle Timothy showed 
him marked favors. But the college at M. was new and 
of uncertain promise. What is the designation of grad- 
itate worth, if the mind be not disciplined ? My brother 
thirsted for knowledge, not for the naked name of student. 
The two years spent at M. probably resulted in far less 
advancement in classical attainments, than might have 
been made under rigid instruction, and with proper accom- 
modations. But indolence never characterized Mr. T.'s 
mind. He was constantly doing something. It is easy, 
however, to perceive that he needed a kind of instruction 
which he failed to obtain. He should have been trained 
to more rigid exactness in expressing his thoughts. 

No one can fail to see evidence in these pages of ar- 



RESIDENCE IN MEADVILLE. 73 

dent attachment in Mr. T. to his mother. Why did he 
not write her more frequently, and oftener receive letters 
from her ? It was his rule to pay postage on all their 
mutual correspondence. Hence every time letters passed 
between them, he was taxed by the U. S. government fifty 
cents. Surely we need not marvel if the poor student 
sent epistles of love but seldom to his dearest earthly 
friend — his mother. 

Alleghany College has been for a number of years 
under the control of the Methodists. We hope they will 
render it highly subservient to the cause of Christ. In 
the recent energetic efforts of that denomination to ele- 
vate themselves intellectually, all the lovers of Jesus 
must rejoice. Meadville has at present a Theological 
School, established by Unitarians. It is our prayer that 
hereafter the commanding energy by which this latter 
institution is sustained, may bring rich trophies to the 
Christ of the Scriptures. 

In closing this chapter it should be observed, that 
Mr. T. never ceased to entertain the highest regard for 
his uncle, the President, while the latter lived. Proof of 
this fact will be amply adduced in subsequent pages of 
this memoir ; and it may be proper here to state, that 
when seized by the disorder which carried him to eternity, 
my brother was actually engaged in preparing a brief 
outline of the life of this revered friend and benefactor. 
It is expected that something of this nature may yet be 
given to the public. 
6 



74 LEAVES MEADVILLE FOR SCHENECTADY. 



CHAPTER VI. 

LEAVES MEADVILLE FOR SCHENECTADY. 

It was the 30th of April, 1822, that my brother bade 
adieu to his friends in Meadville. With much emotion he 
took his departure. His pecuniary resources amounted 
to less than twenty-one dollars. Journal: *' May 1. — 
About ten, A. M., at Erie. Arrived here last evening 
soon after sundown, and am to-day so fatigued that I can 
scarcely move. I may be under the necessity of going 
by stage, which will consume all my funds. Perhaps I 
shall remain here till to-morrow, and watch for a vessel to 
Buffalo. The Lord, I hope, will favor me. O ! merciful 
Father, wilt thou deign to give me strength. 2. — Yes- 
terday, after making arrangements to send my trunk, and 
not finding a passage for myself by water, I recommenced 
my journey. At a distance I saw the old fort, but was 
unable to procure a ferry-boat, in which I might cross to 
it. My curiosity was also excited in seeing the relics of 
an ancient beaver dam. Half past one, P. M. : have just 
been kindly entertained by Mr. R. Thus far I have found 
generous friends. I am obliged to resort to bathing, for 
easing the pain in my feet. 3. — Passed last night with 
Mr. Montgomery, and am now at Mr. Stone's. This latter 
gentleman has given me a letter of introduction to a 
young man studying for the ministry, and with whom I 
visited the ' Burning Spring,' three miles from this place." 
May 5, he was at Buffalo, having met with marked kind- 
ness all the way from M. Here he was perplexed because 
his trunk had not arrived, " But the God against whom I 



LEAVES MEADVILLE FOR SCHENECTADY. 75 

have sinned is my refuge." 6. — Without waiting for his 
trunk, he agreed with a gentleman to forward it when it 
might arrive, having prepaid its freight, and taken a re- 
ceipt signed by a witness. " 7. — Rode twenty-two miles. 
Keep me, O God, while I journey here below. I have no 
abiding place, and no preserver but thee." 8. — During 
a ride he witnessed a horse-trading, which resulted in a 
small law-suit, and in which he acted the lawyer for one 
of the parties. However, his client was beaten. Under 
the last date, he observes : " I feel this morning as if I 
could freely express myself to God in prayer, asking pro- 
tection for myself and mother. May he grant me suc- 
cess, and his shall be the praise forever." On the night 
of the 8th, he was at the house of Dr. Fitch, formerly 
President of Williams' College. This gentleman gave 
Mr. Taylor a hearty welcome, on account of the friend- 
ship existing between the Dr. and Rev. T. Alden. " 9. — 
Passing through Canandaigua, I turned aside for a moment 
to view the monuments of the dead." May 10th, he 
reached Auburn, and was entertained by one of the pro- 
fessors, to whom he had a letter of introduction. On his 
way to A. he wandered from the proper road. Stopping 
to obtain directions, he found himself the object of special 
regard in a family to which he was an entire stranger. 
He had entered the dwelling of a widow, whose son she 
had not seen for years. A daughter dwelt with the 
mother. These fancied they saw in Mr, T. a resem- 
blance to an absent son and brother. " As I was leaving 
I read to them the letter of introduction furnished me by 
my uncle. This revealed my name, and object in jour- 
neying. We conversed together. At their earnest solici- 
tation I took tea with them. The mother expressed the 
hope that some kind person would befriend her son. Both 
were deeply affected when I left. I hurried away that I 
might indulge my tears, and find a place to offer up prayer 



76 LEAVES MEADVILLE FOR SCHENECTADY. 

for this afflicted family." During this journey, our tra- 
veller spent his Sabbaths in the worship of God, always 
resting from his labors. May 12th, he was at Judge 
Bradley's, in Marcellus. In this place he lingered 
awhile, enjoying the kind attention and hospitality of 
friends, and acquiring such useful knowledge as came 
within his reach. Wearied out with walking, he took 
passage at Syracuse on a packet-boat; yet the thought 
of spending two or three dollars as fare, oppressed 
him. " I met an Irishman, formerly a soldier in Wel- 
lington's army, and who was in the battle of Waterloo. 
He was destitute of food, money, and friends. Having 
with me a few crackers, I shared them with him. There 
was something interesting in the poor man. We con- 
versed a little on religion. He was willing to toil for a 
livelihood, but was ignorant of every trade and pursuit of 
industry. My heart felt for him as I bade him adieu. 
14. — I am much at a loss respecting duty. If I continue 
on this boat, it will consume my money. I think I shall 
try my feet from Utica. We shall arrive there to-morrow 
morning." Having walked awhile, after leaving U., he 
embarked on one of the lumber boats, but abandoned it 
before evening. " 16. — Staid last night at a noisy Dutch 
tavern. For lodgings and a supper of milk I paid 18 
cents. Passed on in the morning four miles, and took 
breakfast ; then rode eleven with a gentleman, and arrived 
at Schenectady at 2 P. M. ; called upon Dr. Nott very 
soon, and in a few hours I was a regular member of Union 
College. What a new era now opens before me, and how 
much I need the direction of heaven. While praying for 
myself, I will remember the condition of my mother, 
brothers, and sisters. All I can do for them is to bear 
them in supplications before the Lord." He computed 
the distance from Meadville to Schenectady to be four 
hundred and fifty miles. About one half of the way he 



LEAVES MEADVILLE FOR SCHENECTADY. 77 

rode. His journey cost him six dollars. " May 17. — 
I have been borrowing and buying articles for fitting up 
my room. The students are kind to me ; so is the Col- 
lege Registrar ; otherwise I know not what I should do. 
I feel melancholy this eve ; am alone. Have attended 
chapel once. My room is in the north section, North 
College, fourth story. No. 45. Dear mother, I am not 
forgetful of you. Kind and indulgent God, I am a worth- 
less creature, and have grievously sinned against thee. 
Look down from heaven, and behold me here alone in 
thine awful presence. Forgive my sins. Wilt thou also 
compassionate the case of my widowed mother ; of my 
brothers and sisters. Has not my path of duty been 
plainly pointed out ? O wilt thou direct me in the course 
of study, upon which I have now entered, and help me 
to act wholly for thy glory. Be thou my keeper and in- 
structor. Grant these requests, for Jesus' sake. 21. — 
Am fearful my trunk will never reach me. It contains 
my clothes, books, and papers ; indeed all my earthly 
possessions. God, however, has greatly prospered me 
hitherto, and I will hope for the best. 29. — I have been 
engaging a gentleman in town, who understands the French 
language, to hear me recite in it occasionally. June 1. — 
My trunk has at length safely arrived, and I find myself 
fairly located in Union College. I have great reason to 
return thanks to Almighty God for succeeding me in my 
recent undertaking. How sudden the transition seems to 
have been, from Meadville to this place ! Still must I 
trust in thee, O God of all *my mercies. To whom else 
can I resort ? " Soon after reaching Union College, he 
wrote to his mother, giving the reasons for leaving Mead- 
ville ; an account of his journey to Schenectady, and his 
prospects there. In regard to the approaching vacation, 
he says : " If I can find an opportunity to take a school 
here or anywhere, or to enter into some other employ- 
ee 



78 IS A MEMBER OF UNION COLLEGE. 

ment, so that I may obtain money and clothing, I shall do 
it. But if not, how is it with my good friends in Hawley 
and Ashfield ? Are they willing to help me, or have they 
forgotten me ? Shall I venture to come and see you, 
provided my friends will assist me ? Please write soon 
and inform me. Amid my movements I have not forgot- 
ten you, my dear mother." 



CHAPTER VII. 

IS A MEMBER OF UNION COLLEGE. 

We are now to contemplate Mr. T. as having fairly com- 
menced his collegi'ate career. His zeal for knowledge 
had not at all abated by the deficiency of privileges en- 
joyed hitherto. It is probable that he was at this time 
inclined to undertake the mastery of too many branches 
of study. Journal : " June 7, 1822. — I have just received 
a letter from my mother, by the hand of a Hawley friend. 
She informs me that some of my associates, whom I left 
impenitent, have of late indulged the Christian hope. O 
glorious news ! I rejoice with them. 11. — I have taken 
a short walk this morning, and have examined some 
flowers. There is a beauty in every natural object." 

" Union College, July 25, 1822. 
" Dear Mother : — I have attempted to write you a 
letter recently, and filled the sheet so full before I was 
aware of it, that I could not do it up. Therefore I am 
obliged to commence another. I have delayed writing 
some time, that I might the better inform you of my situ- 
ation, and tell you more definitely what my prospects are. 



I 



IS A MEMBER OF UNION COLLEGE. 79 

I had indeed thought of postponing my letter until the 
18th of the next month, when I shall be twenty-one years 
of age, and then take a general review of my past life. 
But I am afraid you will be looking for me home, and be 
disappointed. Perhaps you will be surprised when I tell 
you I have concluded not to visit you this vacation, though 
I wish much to see you. When commencement day was 
over, and I saw other students get into the stage homeward 
bound, I must acknowledge I felt quite desolate ; but if we 
do all things for Jesus' sake, every event will work for the 
best. This thought frequently occupies my mind when I 
feel depressed. I try to do and suffer all for Christ. I 
am often obliged to make every exertion in my power to 
keep my spirits from sinking. I survey the mercies I 
have received, and compare my situation with what it 
might be. Once I was looking forward to the age of 21. 
anticipating the moment, when, receiving the blessing of 
my parents, I should bid them adieu, and commence my 
studies. That period, which then seemed an age in the 
distance, has almost arrived, but instead of being about to 
bid my father adieu, he, years since, took an eternal leave 
of all earthly things. Whether you live comfortably or 
not, is a query which often causes me anxious thought. 
I have been favored in regard to my studies. I am now 
entering upon my sophomore year. At present I am 
teaching a school in this city ; a small one, it is true, but 
one which will furnish me with some means. Many dark 
clouds arise before me, but the blackest of them all is 
occasioned by my sins. I shall rather run in debt than 
be absent from College to teach school. The officers of 
the institution advise me to this course. In calling upon 
two of them to-day, and presenting my circumstances, 
one of them remarked that any one who should determine 
to get along, would succeed ; but if I should find my way 
hedged up, they would consult together for me. At first 



80 IS A MEMBER OF UNION COLLEGE. 

my intention was to board myself; but 1 soon felt sick, 
and found it would not do ; and have accordingly made 
other arrangements. I think much of your debt of $50. 
I fear and tremble for you, and hope and pray that some 
way will be shortly opened by which you will be relieved. 
Having told you all that relates to my earthly circumstan- 
ces, it would be pleasant to converse about that heavenly 
kingdom whither we, if God's children, are hastening. 
It is, however, now nearly Saturday night, and I must for 
the present bid you, dear mother, adieu." 

" Sept. 1st. 
" My dear Mother : — I have lately received two very 
agreeable, refreshing letters, which ought to have been 
answered before now. Both were in your hand-writing. 
I had commenced a Latin letter to Mr. Grout, when I re- 
ceived your last, and have since begun a letter to you, 
which, owing to a multiplicity of studies. 1 did not finish. 
This^ however, I intend shall reach you. It was my pur- 
pose to have written many epistles to my friends during 
the present vacation ; but they have been more neglected 
than at other times. I reside in my room, which, as I 
before stated to you, is in the fourth story, with only one 
window, and that opening to the west. No one else re- 
sides in this section of the college, which is disconnected 
with the others. The brick walls surround me. So you 
would naturally suppose that I am in a gloomy place ; 
especially so when I tell you that I am fastened in with 
bolts and bars, such being the law. But I have a key, by 
which I can lock myself in or out, as I please, so that I 
am a voluntary prisoner. Indeed, this would be some- 
what like a prison, had J not sufficient to employ me, not 
merely for a vacation, but for an age. My fellow stu- 
dents remonstrated with me for desiring to spend a vaca- 
tion here. But how can I be lonely } I arise in good 



IS A MEMBER OF UNION COLLEGE. 81 

season, and after meditating on the admonitory sentence 
which king Philip commanded to be uttered every day in 
his hearing, " Thou art mortal," I spend the forenoon in 
mathematical, philosophical, and historical subjects. I 
also am examining a metaphysical point, on which I am 
to write a composition. French occupies me in the after- 
noon. This language I can read and write considerably, 
though I can speak it but poorly. Yet I am happy to find 
that my pronunciation is quite correct. Frenchmen un- 
derstand me without difficulty. If my life be spared I 
expect to commence the Spanish next winter, On the 
north side of my room is a library, containing several 
thousands of volumes, to which I have untrammelled 
access, all the keys of it being in my possession. There 
is another, to which I can be admitted if occasion require. 
If I look out from my window, I have a full view of the 
city, and the Mohawk river ; also of the plain where the 
Indians used to dance." 

'' Sept. 12th. 
" Dear Mother : — How much time must I spend in 
going to the post office to find a letter from you, and still 
return disappointed. If the reason is that you are afraid 
it will distress me to pay the postage, I must beseech you 
not to deprive me on that account of hearing from you. 
Kind and generous mother, do let me have a letter. The 
Lord is yet more merciful to me than I deserve. Friends 
I find here, though I become acquainted with as few per- 
sons as possible. Recently I received some excellent 
articles of clothing, from a source unknown to me. O, 
how anxious I feel to discharge my duty. Much, very 
much, is incumbent on me. I desire to be prepared to 
see my only remaining parent ; to meet, in the spirit of 
the gospel, those who opposed once my effi^rts to obtain 
knowledge, and to prove myself an honor to those who 



82 IS A MEMBER OF UNION COLLEGE. 

have befriended me. I wish to be deserving of the name 
of scholar — a name which many thousands disgrace ; to 
be worthy the name of a Christian." 

Near the close of 1822 he made his mother a visit. 
Two years and a half had passed away since their affect- 
ing farewell was spoken. He reached the humble dwell- 
ing of his parent after the darkness of night had settled 
around it. She was then residing in that part of Hawley 
denominated Bozrah, but was absent when he arrived. 
It was not long, however, before she returned. Seeing 
her coming he hastened to meet her, and embracing her 
in his arms, exclaimed : " My mother ! my mother ! O 
my mother!" Journal, Dec. 14, 1822. — " To-day I 
have visited that part of the town where my father lived. 
To me all things seem changed. Here is where my de- 
ceased parent used to toil. Well do I remember that 
many questions did I propose to him while hoeing corn in 
that field — questions relating to the nature of objects 
around me. Yonder is the mountain over which I was 
accustomed to pass with my father to the house of God. 
Here I behold some of the noblest works of the infinite 
Creator. In towering grandeur hills are piled on hilLs 
till their summits seem lost in the clouds. I enter the 
very dwelling in which once lay his — my father's — life- 
less form. O, the scenes of sorrow through which he 
passed in this habitation. Yet unspeakable joy was here 
experienced. Jesus dwelt in this abode. — Now I stand 
by the side of his grave. Beneath this cold turf moulder 
those once active limbs. Briars and thorns have already 
taken possession of the ground where he lies. 15.— 
This day I have attended public worship in the same 
sanctuary whither, in childhood, I resorted so often. Many 
and solemn have been my thoughts, and various the emo- 
tions of my heart. I have already attended one religious 



IS A MEMBER OF UNION COLLEGE. 83 

meeting with my mother's neighbors, in which we mutu- 
ally communicated our feelings, and endeavored to adopt 
measures to promote a revival of religion in the vicinity. 
23. — After public services yesterday I stopped at Col. 
Longley's, for the purpose of attending a Sabbath evening 
meeting. It was with much reluctance that I went to it. 
I knew that I should be expected to speak, and I shrank 
from the attempt. I think, however, the Lord loosed my 
tongue, for I spoke twice with a good degree of freedom. 
26. — Last night, for the first time in nearly three years, 
we were all together as a family. We are eight children, 
four sons and four daughters, and a widowed mother. 
This morning I parted with brother R. I gave him 
a trifling present, yet all I had to bestow. The Lord 
bless him. O, how he seemed to love me. I conversed 
with him about his soul, as I did with all my brothers 
and sisters ; have also just bidden adieu to my sister 
S. Her eyes were filled with tears. If I meet her no 
more on earth may we greet each other in the land of 
eternal joy. I made several calls on the ' neighbors of 
my mother, offering a prayer in each family." He 
speaks of being tempted with skeptical thoughts. It was 
at the time when the Unitarian development was at 
its height. He, however, laid down certain positions, 
which he regarded as fully proved, and by means of 
which he was saved from that species of infidelity. Be- 
fore coming to H. it was his impression that he should not 
go much into society. More he supposed would be ex- 
pected of him than he could possibly perform ; besides, 
he remembered the little confidence felt by some in his 
talents. On arriving, however, he soon found himself in 
the company of devoted friends, who treated him as a son 
and brother, doing for him as if one of their own family 
circle. Articles of clothing, and also money, were kindly 
given him. He observes : " I desire to keep the kind 



84 IS A MEMBER OF UNION COLLEGE. 

hand of Providence in view, which has so often opened 
a door for me when I was depressed and shut up, seem- 
ingly without a way of escape. To the ladies' society, 
which has generously assisted me, I have written a letter 
of thanks. 80. — Prepared for my return to college, and 
bade adieu to my mother. Having sent my trunk by 
stage, I walked on to the first tavern in Lanesborough. 
31. — x\rrrived at Mr. H.'s, in Nassau. Jan. 1, 1823. — 
I intended to go this day to Albany, but a snow storm de- 
tains me. A new year has begun ; may I in it make 
great progress in the acquisition of useful secular know- 
ledge, but especially in spiritual. 3. — Reached college 
lo-day in health. 29. — I am informed that I have tones 
of voice which must be overcome ; also, that I have much 
to do in order to become a good speaker. My ambition 
would soar at once to the highest pinnacle of fame, but in 
order to advance at all I must closely apply myself. It is 
a pleasure in my case to acquire knowledge. At present 
I am reading the memoirs and remains of Kirke White, 
and find my mind stimulated in its thirst for knowledge. 
His end I would avoid. I have many fears that my de- 
sires for learning do not strictly accord with religion, but 
may God be all in all to me. Hitherto I have written 
more or less of poetry, but now there seems to be no time 
for it. While anxious to excel in every branch of study 
I constantly commit mistakes which confound me. Often 
do I repine on account of the days spent in farming when 
I ought to have been disciplining my mind ; but the Lord 
pardon me. 30. — Mrs. H. lately informed me that she 
hinted to Dr. Nott my aims and desires, saying that I dis- 
liked to leave my studies and teach school. He expressed 
great interest in my case, and said I should be assisted. 
Accordingly his son has called upon me to inquire into 
my circumstances. I explained them very freely. I fear 
too much so, as if I was expecting unreasonable aid. 



IS A MEMBER OF UNION COLLEGE. 85 

" February 2. — A sacramental Sabbath. With what 
thoughts am I about to commemorate Christ's death ? Do 
I not feel unworthy of even the least of God's mercies ? 
4. — It is difficult, I find, to keep the honor of Jehovah 
before my eye in every study. Dr. Yates called upon me 
to-day and made various tender inquiries respecting my 
needs, and I freely opened my mind to him." 

A letter to his sister S. : 

« March 27. 

" Dear Sister : — This letter will probably find you 
residing at the old place, where for years we enjoyed 
each other's society. I love to ruminate on the bless- 
ings we there received. Yes, I delight to rove in im- 
agination over those hills, and to converse with the 
scenes of my youth. It is, however, with sadness that I 
remember the days passed in the field, which ought to 
have been devoted to books. I now sufl^er greatly for 
want of early mental discipline ; but I will not repine at 
the divine wisdom which ordered the circumstances of my 
youth. Perhaps you feel like complaining, when you 
contrast your present privileges with mine. Be assured, 
my sister, that I grieve for you. The warmest sympathies 
of my heart are with you. Endeavor to improve all the 
opportunities within your reach. Much may be done by 
reading and meditation. Let the Bible be your chief 
book. Neglecting that, involves us in numerous errors. 
I feel that my own sins in respect to it have placed me 
on slippery ground. The holy Comforter has been grieved 
from my breast. Fly to the arms of Jesus, and live al- 
ways near to him. Why have I received no letters from 
my friends during the winter past ? Have they all for- 
gotten that my home has been within the cold walls of a 
college, and that I have needed at least a letter to cheer 
me } So anxious have I been to receive one from mother, 
7 



86 IS A MEMBER OF UNION COLLEGE. 

that last night I was tempted to take one from the office 
which she wrote me before my visit to her last December. 
Say to her that I have already travelled about twenty 
miles to and from thfe office, and yet all in vain. Of late 
there have been some indications of an awakening in this 
city, but if there be any cloud of mercy, as yet it is no 
larger than a man's hand." 

Journal : " April 1. — And must it be that he who fills 
immensity shall receive so little of my attention ? Resist- 
ance to him — it is death ! Wonderful Being ! In thee 
centres all good. On thy works I would gaze ; their wis- 
dom and greatness I would admire !" 

" April 15. 
'' Dear Mother : — You cannot but feel anxious and 
tremble for the child you love, nor can you fail to fear 
when you know he is surrounded by danger. I honor 
your watchful eye and the tenderness of that hand which 
would lead me in the ways of virtue. It must be a grief 
to an affectionate child to find that his course disturbs the 
peace of the beloved guardian of his early years ; but do 
you suppose your son will ever become a denier of God ? 
These worlds upon worlds teach us in a language which 
reason cannot but receive, that there is an Almighty Cre- 
ator. But where shall we go for the development of the 
character of the Framer of all things, except to the Bible ? 
Believe me, it is hard to study for the glory of God alone. 
Our selfish natures will protrude themselves. From some 
remarks of mine, which may have been unguarded, you 
fear that I am an infidel. To be an infidel is to be blind- 
folded, bound hand and foot, and cast into hell fire. As 
to bad company, I have no company at all. My study is 
my home. Can it be that you, who know that my book 
is my life, suppose me to have become reckless of study ? 
You ask me, in positive terms, whether I am an infidel or 



COLLEGE LIFE CONTINUED. 87 

not, and I can answer you with confidence in the negative. 
You wish to know whether I attend to secret prayer, and 
whether I read the Bible ? My answer is, I do both ; but 

how dull and formal ! How hard it is to confine the 
thoughts to that most precious book ! I have not of late 
enjoyed the smiles of the Saviour, and I have much feared 
that I do not know what it is to be born again ; yet my 
struggles are that my soul may rest upon my Redeemer. 

1 seek his face. I long for his love. I endeavor to hate 
things which I ought to hate, and ask, ' Can I not do it for 
Christ's sake ?' I pray for deliverance from sin, yet in 
the midst of my intercessions some beloved idol hurries 
me av/ay from the mercy seat. Alas, how often do I 
have to fight over the ground which I had supposed com- 
pletely subdued. My dear mother, how much you fear 
for me. May we meet in the haven of rest at last. Shall 
that mother, whose prosperity alone gives me comfort, 
continually be distressed on my account?" 



I 



CHAPTER VIIL 



COLLEGE LIFE CONTINUED. 



Journal: "April 16, 1823. — When I experience the 
smiles of those around me my joy is great, and I am ready 
to think the world is in my favor, and pride myself on my 
good qualities. If, on the contrary, I meet a frown, at 
once I conclude the world is against me. The truth is, 
in neither case should the mind be much moved. O let 
me rest calmly and continuously on Christ." At a later, 
but lost date, he says : " I arose this morning and felt quite 



88 COLLEGE LIFE CONTINTTED. 

strong for study ; enjoyed also some confidence in prayer/ 
O, that I could feel more. It is my desire to cast my all 
upon Jesus. May 27. — Have been sick two or three 
days. Retired to rest Sabbath evening soon after tea, but 
owing to a severe pain in my head I slept none during 
the night. Monday I called in a physician, and Tuesday 
was able to go out. Much do we need friends when we 
are in pain and distress ; but in college no mothers, no 
sisters, no affectionate cousins, are present to watch 
around us. May I be impressed with the importance of 
abiding in the friendship of Christ. O, when will the Sun 
of Righteousness spread his healing wings over the earth ? 
Great God, may I call thee mine, whatever is my terres- 
trial lot. This high privilege I crave only in Christ's 
name. I am nothing of myself. Well might I despair if 
I did not know that thou art holy, just, and good. Fill 
my heart with thy love, bless my mother, brothers, and 
sisters." 

A letter to his brother T., June 13 : 

" Suffer me to speak freely to you, for, though I feel 
much for all my brothers, it is to you that I now address 
myself in particular. In imagination I often behold you, 
and the thoughts thus occasioned affect my heart. I look 
upon you without a kind father to direct you while passing 
through the world's wide maze, and I know that you are 
in danger of being deceived. Against this I would guard 
you, were it in my power, telling you of each fatal snare. 
Know that vain and uncertain are all things here below. 
Nothing is more deceptive than the course youth are in- 
clined to take. The path of religion is safe and sure ; all 
others are false. Be assured that there is security for 
those only who live near the bosom of Jesus. I wish you 
to make one resolution, — 'As for me, I will serve the 
Lord.' You should give yourself much to reflection in 



COLLEGE LIFE CONTINUED. 89 

every respect. Be faithful where duty calls you. Improve 
every moment of your time in treasuring up useful know- 
ledge. Above all things be kind to your only remaining 
parent. Remember her tender solicitude, and alleviate 
her cares. Trust not to the advice which young persons 
may give you." 

Letter to Col. J. L., of Hawley, July 4 : 

" Dear Sir : — This morning I was early awakened 
by the ringing of bells and the firing of cannon. Day, 
this, ever to be remembered. But, alas, how perverted 
are its hours ! Of the propriety of commemorating our 
nation's birth day I make no question. Every good, I am 
aware, is abused ; yet it is a question meriting discussion 
whether this anniversary be not productive of more evil 
than of benefit to man. Our fathers have entailed upon us 
the richest blessings. We enjoy liberty^ and what asso- 
ciations are attached to this term ! I will, however, pass 
to other themes. Students enjoy walks ; three of us were 
out one Saturday of late just at night. We passed along 
on the bank of the canal. A shower had fallen, and 
God's bow was then on the cloud. We admired the 
works of the Creator till twilight was beginning to suggest 
a return. Suddenly the cry of a lad warned us that some 
one was drowning not far from where we were. A fel- 
low mortal, a youth of eighteen, had gone down into a 
watery grave. We could all swim, yet not one of us had 
been accustomed to dive. With the utmost dispatch pos- 
sible we constructed a raft out of a gate and boards. 
Soon a diver came, and the lifeless body was brought up. 
It had sunk in nine feet depth of water. All exertions to 
resuscitate it proved unavailing. The youth has left no 
near relatives, but being hopefully pious we trust he 
has gone into the joyful presence of an eternal Father. 
It was with melancholy hearts that my companions and 



90 COLLEGE LIFE CONTINUED. 

myself returned to our rooms. Yonder, I see to-day, at 
their sports, the companions of the deceased. He was to 
have been with them. How uncertain is human life." 

Having, early in July, been kindly invited to spend his 
coming vacation in a family not very far from college, 
where it would cost him but little, he observes : '* I much 
fear that should I accept, it would prove a great hindrance 
to my studies. Every thing of this nature I dread, deem- 
ing it my duty to make the greatest progress possible in 
the acquisition of knowledge. 13. — Of late I have made 
an effort to get under the Albany Presbytery, yet I shud- 
der at the thought of employing the Lord's treasures on 
myself. It seems to me a fearful things In the latter 
part of August he attended a meeting of the above named 
ecclesiastical body at Saratoga, and was received as its ben- 
eficiary. He remarks: " Each step, during all my course 
of study, thus far, has been taken with the utmost effort. 
My appearance, I should judge, is by no means promising 
at first sight. The rustic habits of my youth cling to me. 
It is only after long acquaintance that people conclude I 
can know anything. At times I am nearly overwhelmed 
with trials ; then again I have confidence that God, for 
Christ's sake, directs me. 22. — This morning I have 
been greatly perplexed with thoughts on the distracted 
state of the world. What tries me the most is to think 
that mankind are generally destitute of sympathy one for 
another. Man in his earthly pilgrimage is pursued by 
disease and death. He needs compassion from his fel- 
lows. I have before sworn, and here I repeat my solemn 
oath, to spend my life in relieving the sufferings of hu- 
manity. But may I never fall into the hands of man. 
Sept. 11. — To-morrow our vacation closes. I have not 
accomplished so much as I had anticipated. Yet I can- 
not wholly condemn myself. Much I have read ; some I 



I 



I 

I 



COLLEGE LIFE CONTINUED. 91 

have meditated. One demonstration I have written in 
Latin. My knowledge of French has been advanced so 
that I can write a letter in it, and also converse a little. 
In reading it I am quite at home. Furthermore, I have 
written seven or eight pieces of poetry, besides prose 
compositions. Time's rapid flight grieves me. I must 
draw tighter and tighter every string." Sept. 12. — He 
met with a severe disappointment in not seeing Mr. and 
Mrs. Ferry, missionaries on their way to Mackinaw. 
They called at his study, but he was out. Oct. 25. — 
" Shall I ever tread thy hallowed ground, Jerusalem ? 
Will my feet ever stand on thy solemn hill, O Calvary .^" 
In November Mr. T. was taken sick. It was his opin- 
ion, and also that of some judicious physicians, that he 
would have soon recovered had not a mistake been made 
by a young medical student in administering to him. 
After remaining awhile in college without improvement, his 
class-mates raised a sufficient sum of money to defray his 
expenses and sent him to his mother's. He was attended 
by one of their number. The journey was tedious. It 
was performed in a private carriage ; the weather was 
changeable and the roads were poor. At its completion 
Mr. T. felt nearly exhausted. When within sight of the ma- 
ternal abode he found himself obliged to rest for a night. 
Great fears were excited among his friends that he had 
come home to die. " Nov. 23. — I am now beginning to 
recover in some measure from my sickness. When Dr. 
Smith first called here to see me, he had no sooner set 
his eyes upon me than he asked if I had not been taking 
calomel. He perceived its effects on me. I was brought 
to my mother's the 19th instant, where I have since been 
confined to the house. God grant that this affliction may 
humble me, and assist me to live hereafter more to his 
glory than I have done. How it tends to abase pride to 
be thus prostraied by sickness. 30, Sabbath. — May I 



92 COLLEGE LIFE CONTINUED. 

spend this day to the honor of God. How should my 
heart leap up to him. The more I dwell on scenes just 
past in my history the greater does the divine compassion 
appear. I have just heard of the death of Abner Kings- 
ley, whom I left at college in usual health. We were in- 
timates. Dec. 12. — For some days I have been able to 
read a little." 

January 10, 1824. — We again find him at college. 
Referring to his late illness, he says that previous to it 
success in study had fostered pride in him. His affliction 
he regarded as a necessary chastisement from God. In 
allusion to a report, which he knew to be false, that he 
had been deranged, he remarks : " I will avail myself of 
the occasion to pray for the continuance of my reason." 
Viewing the divine hand in all that had come upon him, 
he adds, " I must go and sin no more, lest a worse thing 
come upon me. 18. — My instructors and fellow stu- 
dents all believe that my recent sickness was the result of 
too close application. Last evening Dr. Yates sent for 
me that he might caution me against late hours. He had 
noticed my lamp to be burning both early and late. Feb- 
ruary. — My prayer to God is that none of my tempta- 
tions may overcome me ; O let every fibre of my heart 
be fastened on Christ. I am comforted that the greatest 
conflict prepares for the greatest glory. 28. — Yesterday 
was held a fast for colleges. I am too much dependent 
on fellow creatures. March 28. — A fortnight past I have 
been afflicted with the mumps^ and a severe time they 
have occasioned me. April 2. — One for some time un- 
der conviction now rejoices in Christ. Indeed there is at 
present considerable religious interest in college. Three 
of us united our supplications in behalf of the individual 
just named, and we trust we were heard in heaven. 4. 
— In reading Brainerd's life this morning, especially that 
part of it in which he speaks of the difficulties attendant 



COLLEGE LIFE CONTINUED. 93 

upon the introduction of Christianity among the Indians, I 
was struck with the importance of candidates for the min- 
istry examining carefully the proofs of the gospel, and of 
studying metaphysically the attributes of God. I purpose 
to pay the strictest attention to these points. This morn- 
ing I have knocked at the door of my heart, and find some 
longing desires after God. 13. — More engagedness in 
prayer of late, with earnest requests for showers of grace 
upon my own soul. In the present vacation I am teach- 
ing French and learning Spanish.*" 

" April 27. 
"Honored Mother: — Were I to see you two ques- 
tions you would propose, one respecting the health of my 
soul, the other of my body. I must tell you that the 
former is sick and neglected. I am afraid you will de- 
ceive yourself in regard to my case if I do not speak 
plainly. I feel no love to God, am often troubled with 
temptations, and do not stand fiery trials as a Christian. 
Yet I believe Jehovah to be the centre of all perfections, 
and Christ to be the only Saviour. I desire to loose all the 
binding influences which hold me to earth except such as 
religion requires, that I may meditate on heaven. Jesus, 
I long for thee. Plead, mother, before the throne of grace 
for me ; plead earnestly, as for a fallen, wretched worm, 
destitute of grace. My health of body has been good 
since I saw you, with the exception of a rather severe 
time with the mumps, which have prevailed in college. 
For two weeks I was confined to my room, and chiefly to 
my bed. Dr. Yates and his family saw that I was pro- 
vided with every thing necessary. Please write imme- 
diately and particularly ; be also as a letter from me to 
my brothers, sisters, and friends." 

May 3. — "An Italian came to college asking alms. 



94 COLLEGE LIFE CONTINUED. 

It was gratifying to me that I could converse a little with 
him in French, as he did not speak English." 16. — 
Mr. T. was deeply engaged in studies, and at the same 
time heard a number of pupils recite. Not far from this 
time we find him rather congratulating himself on the loss 
of an appointment which seemed to belong to him equally 
with the receiver of it. He thought his clothes were not 
sufficiently good for him to appear in public as a per- 
former. *' 25. — Was severely reprimanded to-day for 
applying myself so closely to study. July 11. — The want 
of needful money has greatly perplexed me of late. 
Everything in earth, hell, and heaven, seem to combine 
against me. 22. — Have just been notified of my elec- 
tion to a membership in the Phi Beta Kappa Society. 
This was entirely unexpected to me." The day following 
he was inducted into the above named society. In the 
course of July he made a short visit to his mother. 

"October 11. 
" Dear Mother : — Since I saw you all things have 
gone on favorably. When I bade you farewell my in- 
tention was to travel on foot to Schenectady. Provi- 
dence, however, interposed in my behalf. From two 
female friends I received money enough to permit me 
to come by stage to Albany, and also to pay some bor- 
rowed money. My walk to Plainfield was pleasant. May 
my heart ever be mindful of those benefactors whose 
kindness I have received, and for them my prayers as- 
cend. Thanks to God, dear mother, who has made our 
way so comfortable." 

To his brother R., Nov. 30 : 

" You would think I were imposing upon you were I to 
write to you in a boyish strain. I shall not do it, for you 
have come to years when truth begins to employ your re- 



I 



COLLEGE LIFE CONTINUED. 95 

searches. In the first place I want to know what is the 
object of your ambition ? Is it play, work, study, or excel- 
ling in the acquisition of some trade ? Has imagination 
taken the reins, and do you begin to burn with poetic fire ? 
Do the studies of nature interest you, and are you hunger- 
ing to be a scholar, a philosopher ? In asking these ques- 
tions I am in good earnest. Some, I know, will laugh at 
them, and would at you, should you aspire to be anything 
more than a farmer, or follower of a trade. My dear bro- 
ther, you must be in a few years whatever you now desire 
to be. Why, then, not resolve to be something good and 
noble ? I should like to have you a complete scholar. 
You can be one if you set out for the attainment. But 
you will be compelled to study night and day for a long 
time. I would not dictate to you, for no one can choose 
for you. Great and good men, however, can give you 
the best advice, and their assistance will be of much use 
to you. As for young persons, they know nothing as 
they ought. They are apt to mistake evil for good. At 
any rate be a Christian." 

The brother to whom this letter was written was much 
benefitted by it. 

To his mother, same date : 

" My health has never been better than since I saw 
you. My pecuniary prospects are not bright, but quite 
dark. Money is needed for almost everything. You 
will not wonder at this when you reflect that I have been 
studying two years and a half without doing much to 
earn any. Friends have helped me ; I feel indebted 
to them. They ought to be, and doubtless are, sensible 
that a student should employ his whole time in study- 
ing, and not half of it in college and half of it in teach- 
ing school. Such a course of education sends into the 
world persons who have not learned their own igno- 



96 COLLEGE LIFE CONTINUED. 

ranee, and are less fitted for it than are those who have 
read only their Bibles. I am not unmindful of your con- 
dition, and I hope a door will be opened by which relief 
may come to us both." 

" December 13. — Our vacation begins the 17th of this 
month. I expect to spend it in studying Greek and 
French. Hope also to read and write much. To meet 
my expenses I shall teach two evenings in the week a mile 
or two distant, I am likewise to pass Sabbath forenoons 
in the same place. Jan. 2, 1825. — Five years are com- 
pleted to-day since my father arose in health and visited 
the house of God, where he commemorated a Saviour's 
dying love for the last time on earth. The years have 
fled with the speed of an arrow. So will my days soon 
have flown, and new scenes in eternity will occupy the 
attention of that part of me which can never die. 11. — 
Am distressed by poverty ; know not what to do. Have 
had the countenance of some of the most influential peo- 
ple in efforts to obtain a singing school, but the scarcity 
of money may defeat me. Besides the officers of college 
fear the effect which teaching might have on my studies. 
Jan. 30. — Yesterday I requested a student to accompany 
me to the prison. I designed to visit John P., who was 

lately tried for the murder of Mrs. , and whose 

trial I attended in part, and who was condemned to be 
hung on the 25th of February next, between nine A. M. 
and three in the afternoon. As we entered he did not look 
toward us, but continued to read a book aloud, the contents 
of which seemed intimately connected with his case. 
When we spoke to him he received us with attention. 
Could it be otherwise than a solemn interview ! There, 
before us, sat a fellow-creature, sentenced to the grave by 
the laws of his countrj'. The bloom of youth had not left 
his countenance. The hope of future days might yet 



COLLEGE LIFE CONTINUED. 97 

have cheered his heart, and the smiles of friendship have 
animated him in Hfe's toilsome course. His cheek, how- 
ever, was pale, and he was dejected. When the first im- 
pulse of excited feeling which arose from beholding him 
was a little over, we sat in mute meditation while he fin- 
ished the piece which he had requested of us leave to 
complete. The field for reflection was here wide. He 
was a professed follower of Christ ; we were also. Find- 
ing him ready to converse, we endeavored to ascertain his 
moral situation, and to point him to the Lamb of God. 
His voice trembled as he spoke, and occasionally a tear 
started in his eye. Yet we could not discover in him 
marks of desirable penitence. His mind was continually 
wandering on points of the Scriptures which were to him 
altogether unimportant. Yet he seemed loath that we 
should leave him. After praying with him we took his 
hand to bid him farewell, and he grasped ours ; with mu- 
tual reluctance we separated. Poor man, his image is 
still before me. My comrade was deeply affected. And 
should we not be moved by such a spectacle ? I know 
that many curse him. But ah, the man whose hands are 
stained with the foulest guilt demands from kindred worms 
some commiseration. Though he be a murderer, and 
awfully depraved, still I cannot but weep when I think of 
him. It is only a little while since his prospects in life 
were cheering. But a short time ago he witnessed the 
execution of a fellow youth, and being greatly agitated 
left the spot, saying I shall never see a gallows again un- 
less for myself. Will not his word be verified ? O ! may 
this case be an instructive lesson to me. An unguarded 
moment may perhaps procure for any one just such a 
doom. Feb. 1. — Having secured a sufficient number of 
scholars I met them last Saturday evening in an exercise, 
preparatory to the opening of a singing-school. My 
Hawley friends have just sent me a generous supply of 
8 



98 COLLEGE LIFE CONTINUED. 

clothing. Few occurrences more pleasantly affect a poor 
student's mind than to open such a bundle and find here 
a letter, there a little money, and marks of affection in- 
terspersed through the whole. Senior year is rapidly fly- 
ing. An almost insupportable languor has attended me 
of late. It is occasioned by my anxiety in respect to my 
school, and I have regretted undertaking to teach. But 
poverty is a cruel companion. Moreover, if we do not 
try to assist ourselves while others extend to us their aid 
we shall soon be deemed unworthy of farther benefac- 
tions. I consider an education worth everything, and to 
obtain a thorough one requires a most constant applica- 
tion. 6. — I am becoming quite pleased with the charac- 
ter of my school. Last Sabbath I commenced being a 
regular chorister in the Presbyterian church, having offi- 
ciated several Sabbaths previously. How soon shall I 
enter, if at all, the vineyard of my Lord ? How soon will 
my life's career be ended, and I be ushered into a vast 
eternity ? Let Christians live as brothers, then will they 
mutually assuage each others sorrows. The influenza has 
nearly prostrated me for a number of days. Last week 
Professor Potter engaged me to translate from the French 
a geometrical work of four hundred and fifty octavo pages. 
He promises me almost any price I may please to ask. 
I burn with the desire of writing poetry. The mercies of 
God have ever been to me very great. At present a good 
degree of prosperity attends all my efforts. 20. — Yester- 
day I called upon the criminal under sentence of death. 
This week, as far as things now indicate, his eyes must 
close in death. I have seen him in court, in jail, and may 
perhaps see him on the gallows. His heart, I hope, is 
changed ; certainly his prayers exhibit subdued feeling. 
O, the solemn end to which he hastens! He has no 
mother to weep over him. How would her heart be ago- 
nized were she living. Still she might comfort him. 



COLLEGE LIFE CONTINUED. 99 

The Sabbath is now proving to me a very laborious day ; 
I go to chapel twice, down town twice, and during the day 
sing seven times.'' In company with others, this month, 
he attended the execution of the murderer, of whose case 
he has more than once spoken. An immense crowd as- 
sembled. Two clergymen conducted the religious exer- 
cises on the scaffold. The prisoner also exhorted and 
prayed with a strong voice. " At first I could not hear 
him at all, but by a change of position I came so near as 
to catch the sound though not the words. Once he step- 
ped upon the trap-door before the adjustment of the rope, 
and it gave way ; arising, however, uninjured, he again 
ascended and resumed his exhortations and prayer. When 
told that he had but one minute to live he began to sing 
* I am bound for the kingdom,' &;c. Before the execution 
I walked away, being unwilling to witness it. I desire to 
lay up in my mind the facts connected with this unfortu- 
nate man for future use.'* 

" February 24. 

"Dear Mother: — ^This day has been set apart as 
one of fasting and prayer for the outpouring of the Spirit 
of God. The showers of divine grace had descended 
around us, but we, though dry and parched, have re- 
ceived none. We think, at least we hope, that we see 
a cloud of the size of a man's hand. More than seven 
times have we been to look for it, yet we can say nothing 
certain about it. Our meetings are solemn, so is the 
hypocrite's countenance, and we can rely safely on no 
external appearances, but we must look to God. 

** Within sight of my window is the jail in which is the man 
lately tried for murder, and whose execution is to take place 
to-morrow. Poor man ; this must be a solitary night to him. 
I have seen him, conversed with him, and prayed with 
him in his cell. He is young — too young for such a 



100 COLLEGE LIFE CONTINUED. 

doom, fie has no mother, but other kindred have wept 
with him ; among them was an aunt who brought him up. 
' Ah John,' said she, ' never did I think to find you thus, or 
imagine that you were born for such a doom.' I spent 
one night in January, a few miles from this place, where 
there was a powerful revival. I thought of the seasons 
we once enjoyed in Hawley. Young converts were pray- 
ing, singing, and rejoicing, while sighs betokened the 
presence of anxious sinners." 

To the same, Feb. 25: — "I have just returned from 
the execution of the above named criminal. Do you ask 
why I was a spectator of such a scene ? My intention 
was to learn the lesson taught by it. The crowd was im- 
mense, but in general there was great solemnity. How 
soon God's sentence will be executed upon ourselves ! 
The present from H. has lighted again the taper in my 
breast, which had almost gone out." 

Journal : " 27. — Feel as though I would rather be 
nailed to the cross of Christ than lose sight of him. March 
1. — I always rejoice to salute the spring, yet it seems like 
taking pleasure in the flight of time. Ah, our earthly joys 
and our sorrows will quickly be past, and we shall be swal- 
lowed up in what is eternal. 3. — To-morrow my class- 
mate, Farnsworth, starts for a southern residence ; his 
health renders such a course imperious. During the past 
session a number of the students have been sick. How 
admirable the affection displayed in some instances by 
mothers and sisters ! One of the latter cried out as she en- 
tered a sick room, ' Oh, oh, is this my brother?' I, too, 
have an aflTectionate mother, who wept when she heard of 
my prostration, and at once resolved to spend, if necessary, 
all her means of subsistence for my restoration ; a sister? 
too, when apprized of my illness, wept almost until she 
could weep no more." 



COLLEGE LIFE CONTINUED. 101 

To Col. J. L., April 25 : 

" Dear Sir : — A few days since I received a short but 
very acceptable letter from you. I intended to inform you 
before this of Mr. Farnsworth's condition. Poor man ! 
His fellow students have raised a hundred dollars for him, 
and he has gone to South Carolina. We have already 
heard that he is decidedly improving. Physicians have 
assured him that there was no chance for his life if he had 
remained at the north. To-morrow evening my singing- 
school is to close. 1 am engaged in the translation of a 
geometrical work from the French. You will not, I pre- 
sume, think me idle." 

"27. — Closed my school last evening, and on the 
"whole I have been pleased with it, though it has been 
small. I have completed three hundred pages in trans- 
lating Biot, Only three days of leisure shall I enjoy 
during the present vacation. 29. — I board at Dr. 
Proudfit's, and teach his children French. May 1. — 
Attended communion ; my heart is always bad on such 
occasions ; never worse than to-day. I cry, ' Lord, 
Lord, poor offender am I V 11. — Here he tells us of a 
conclusion to which he came. " I think it is folly to 
spend much time at meals. Man should complete his 
eating as soon as possible." Taking food with the utmost 
dispatch has injured many a student. 

"May 15. — Castle died yesterday at Albany, about 
eight o'clock in the morning. Together with his other 
classmates I this day have attended his funeral at Balls- 
town. He was buried before we arrived, owing to the ra- 
pidity with which his body decayed. His countenance 
recently shone with all the vigor of youth ; his mind 
was active; his prospects of future success, happiness, 
and religious enjoyment, were animating. We loved him 
because there was in him nothing to hate. Nearly 
8* 



102 COLLEGE LIFE CONTINUED. 

three years had he been my companion. We had walked 
to the house of God together, and conversed of our 
various hopes. When this, our last term, commenced, 
we unitedly endeavored to prepare for the performance 
of the duties incumbent on us in college. Soon we ex- 
pected to enter on the world's great stage. When the 
morning and evening bell called us to our sacred altar we 
prayed together, for our places were almost side by side. 
But that countenance of his, on which I had so often 
gazed, has begun to moulder. His seat is vacant. That 
youth, with whom I had contended in friendly competi- 
tion, has retired from the scene. As from time to time 
he passed through our midst he tried to smile, yet pale- 
ness was on his cheek. Who thought, however, that we 
should so soon see him no more ? The same bell calls, 
and we still assemble for prayer. He heeds its notes no 
longer. Where he gave himself up to God, and vowed 
to be Christ's forever, I have heard his name pronounced 
as enrolled on the catalogue of the dead. I saw the 
newly formed grave. The turf had just been laid upon it. 
They told me Castle is there I Oh, I would have seen 
his lifeless clay and been convinced by the sight, then I 
could have wept more freely. But I saw the mother's 
tears and heard the father's sigh, though both were calmly 
resigned to heaven's decree. A sister, too, with stream- 
ing eyes, I saw gaze upon the cold earth which had for- 
ever concealed her brother from the view of the world. 
Yes, Castle is dead ! But scarcely can I believe myself 
alive. For how have life's fairest hopes been cutoff! 
How has what was charming been swallowed up in death !" 
" May 25. — By some means, unknown to us, the vari- 
oloid has been introduced into Dr. Proudfit's family, and 
four of its members have already taken it. The event 
has occasioned great sensation in college, and as I board 
with the Doctor, I suppose I must be shut up for a while. 



COLLEGE LIFE CONTINUED. 103 

June 11. — Lafayette has passed through this place to-day, 
and most of us had a view of him and a shake of his hand. 
His limbs are stout, and his face, eyes, and mouth large. 
His complexion is somewhat sandy. When he speaks 
there is much animation in his features. Thoughts of his 
youthful ardor, of his battle scenes, and of the honors 
which he now enjoys, rushed into my mind as I gazed upon 
the man. Often has that hand grasped the sword, often 
has that eye beheld scenes of carnage. His fame fills the 
land. Yet what will all this adoration from mortals ac- 
complish toward preparing him for the approbation of his 
final Judge V 

To Col. J. L., June 26 : 

" Dear Sir : — You are aw^are, I presume, that a few 
weeks will close my college life. I began it amid dis- 
couragements, but have spent the whole of that season, 
with the exception of a short period of sickness, within 
its walls. The days, the weeks, the months, and the 
years, have all been to me fragrant, like the flowers of 
spring. Immediately after commencement I shall have 
three months before me, for which 1 have as yet no em- 
ployment engaged." 

"July 12. — I have just completed my translation of 
Biot, 18. — Presented the above work to Professor Pot- 
ter, and received in payment for my services a sum which 
fully satisfied me. Thus wonderfully have I been fur- 
nished with money to meet necessary expenses. 24. — 
My last Sabbath in college has arrived ; how shall I spend 
it worthily ? Deep repentance and true contrition 
should characterize my feelings through all its hours. 
27. — At commencement I delivered an original poem. 
Dr. Proudfit has invited me to make his house my home 
while I remain in town." 



104 COLLEGE LIFE CONTINUED. 

28. — This day he wrote to his mother : 

" Dear Parent : — I scarcely have time to inform you 
that our commencement occurred yesterday, and that 
consequently I have graduated. I expect, however, to 
spend the present vacation here, as I can do so without 
cost, and shall be acquiring useful information. All my 
debts here are in a situation not to perplex me. My future 
prospects are not pecuniarily bright. Much money will be 
required the first year at Andover. I desire to earn some- 
thing before entering a theological seminary, but as yet no 
door has opened to me. My part yesterday was an original 
poem, which I spoke, and wished some of my friends could 
have been present. Perhaps you were thinking of me.'' 

Under the same date he says, " Before I can become 
an orator I must alter my voice. I speak too much 
through my throat." That day he was requested to call 
and see an afflicted family. " I feel a mournful pleasure 
in weeping with those who weep. Let me mingle with 
the children of sorrow, they shall be my companions in 
life, even if I am compelled to search for them among the 
tombs. I will endeavor to alleviate the griefs of all the 
afflicted with whom I may become acquainted. Yes, 
miserable world, I will aim to strengthen the feeble, un- 
loose the fetters of the slave, and to point the wild man 
to the celestial city. When I cease to be philanthropic 
let me cease to be among the living. Last night, by re- 
quest, I watched in company with another, the remains of 
one in the family to which 1 have above alluded. It was 
a melancholy duty." Aug. 17. — We find him deliber- 
ating where he should resort for his theological education. 
His thoughts were turned toward Andover, but he says, 
"I am afraid of the dislike of elegant speaking which is 
said to characterize the faculty." Princeton he consid- 
ered, at that time^ as superficial. " Sept. 10. — I have 



STUDIES THEOLOGY AT ANDOVER. 105 

been bidding adieu to my friends in this place. Dr. Nott 
tells me that Andover is not opposed to good speaking, 
though the graduates are too generally poor speakers." 
He found the impression to be quite strong among some 
of the Presbyterians that Socinianism was gaining an as- 
cendancy at Andover. "11. — Took my leave of the 
sanctuary in which I have wasted, I fear, many precious 
opportunities. My last year here has been the most inte- 
resting one of my life. 12. — Dr. Yates gave me a free 
seat in his carriage to Albany." 



CHAPTER IX. 

STUDIES THEOLOGY AT ANDOVER. 

Before leaving Schenectady, Mr. T. had decided to study 
theology at Andover. It was a question of some perplex- 
ity to him, in what way the time should be passed, which 
must elapse before the commencement of the seminary 
term. He, however, concluded to go directly to Ando- 
ver, enter the institution, and then make a tour to the 
place of his nativity. It was with peculiar pleasure that 
he entered the abode of his venerable grandfather Alden, 
and beheld, with his own eyes, the scenes with which his 
parents had been familiar. Journal : " I am obliged to 
spend too much time in a place ; and I am greatly per- 
plexed for want of money. Where shall it be found ? 
Upon whom can I depend for aid ? These are questions 
which only God can answer. I feel that I ought to have 
taught a school for three months. The close confine- 



106 STUDIES THEOLOGY AT ANDOVER. 

ment, however, would have been injurious to my health. 
I shall be distressed for means, in the prosecution of my 
studies, and be obliged to waste much time before I caa 
enter upon them. I think that I enjoy something of a 
spirit of prayer, and can, in a measure, rely upon God to 
make my way prosperous. Oct. 11. — Walked out and 
took my seat on a rock, where I meditated and wrote, and 
felt as if I could pour out my heart in supplications. 
I trust the mercy-seat will illumine my way. 20. — Saw 
the cane which 'Peregrine White once owned. Visited, 
also, a rock on the shore of Bass River, where my father 
and his brothers were accustomed to join in youthful 
sports. Entered, likewise, the house erected on the site 
of my father's birthplace. Went down to the identical 
spot where my uncle Isaac was drowned. Have attended 
an association of ministers, at Well fleet, and been im- 
pressed with the idea that there is need of many more 
faithful preachers of the gospel." In the society of his 
grandfather, then about ninety years of age, he took great 
delight. " As I was passing by the old parsonage, one 
day, in company with him, I inquired if he did not fre* 
quently meditate on the happy hours there spent ? Yes, 
he replied, and often with sorrow, too, in thinking that 
they passed away no better improved.'* While at Y. he 
wrote to his mother : 

" Tender and affectionate Parent : — Since leaving 
you, I have frequently thought of our last farewell. I re- 
member your fears on account of my health. Then, too, I 
occasioned you a brief embarrassment by forgetting my 
keys. To cut a long story short, I will say that I have been 
pretty well, though compelled to ride all one day in the 
rain. From the State House, in Boston, I obtained a fine 
view of the city. A very hearty v/elcome was given me 
in this place. My journey from college here, though en- 



STTTDIES THEOLOGY AT ANDOVER. 107 

tertaining, has proved too expensive for my little stock of 
money. I need, at this moment, one hundred and fifty 
dollars ; and yet I have only about a dozen. But though 
I am limited in pecuniary means, and oppressed with an 
almost ovorwhelming sense of inherent vileness, do not 
suppose, mother, that I forget where to resort. I earn- 
estly look for divine aid, not unmindful, however, of 
the ancient fa^ble, — * The man who calls upon Jupiter 
must put his own shoulder to the wheel.* My home is 
with uncle Oliver, whose kindness to me is constant and 
great. He and aunt L. would not suffer me to want were 
it in their power to assist me. Grandfather has made 
calls with me, leaning on my arm. Such a privilege, he 
says, he once never expected to enjoy." 

It was during this visit to the home of his ancestors, that 
Mr. T. began with great zeal to trace out his paternal 
lineage. This work employed his attention more or less, 
for years, until he felt that he had become master of all 
the main facts relative to the history of his father's ances- 
tors since their settlement in America. Those on the 
maternal side — the Aldens — had already received no 
little attention from his uncle Timothy. 

" Nov. 9. — I am waiting for wind and tide. My friends 
here have been very kind to me. Grandfather has presented 
me with some of his own poetry, composed on my account. 
In return, I have given him a farewell, in verse." Having 
reached Boston, in reference to the voyage which required 
an unusual amount of time, he says : " It seems that never 
did a miserable creature before suffer from sea-sickness as 
I did, in this short trip. Such was my distress, that gladly 
would I have been placed upon any island of the ocean. I 
do not believe that I ever could endure a long passage at seal 
12. — Reached Andover about 3 P. M., and have located 



108 STUDIES THEOLOGY AT ANDOVER. 

in a cold north-east fourth story room, in Phillip's Hall. 
There were but three rooms remaining from which I could 
make a selection." It will be remembered that before 
leaving college, Mr. T. had heard that a certain doctrinal 
error was having an ascendancy at A. Alluding to the 
first sermon which he heard in the seminary, he remarks : 
'' I think it was designed to convince new-comers that 
Unitarianism is not the religion of this institution." 

Young men of sincere piety have often found them- 
selves, when entering upon the study of theology, greatly 
perplexed in regard to their spiritual state. They feel 
themselves on holy ground, and shudder at their own want 
of fitness for occupying such a position. God grant it 
may always be thus. It will be a sad day for Zion, if 
theological seminaries ever become as devoid of sacred- 
ness as are sometimes the schools of medicine and law. 
" 15. — I feel myself destitute of religion, and unworthy 
of being regarded as a divinity student. A want of mo- 
ney, too, distresses me. I have no friends to whom I can 
resort. May I be enabled to confide in that Being, who 
can, if he please, open for me some bountiful hand." 

To Col. J. L., Nov. 19 : 

" Dear Sir : — It is now just a week since I arrived at 
this seminary, and much of the intervening time has been 
occupied in preparing my room. I think Andover to be a 
lovely place. Here all are professed brothers. I believe 
there is much Christian love among us. I feel it good to 
be here, and hope heaven will provide for my wants and 
help I'ne in my studies." 

Nov. 20. — He speaks of being relieved in mind from 
J^he distress which he had felt in view of his pecuniary des- 
titution, though the cause of his embarrassment continued. 
Such, at this time, was the unsatisfactory state to himself, 



STUDIES THEOLOGY AT ANDOVER. 109 

of his religious feelings, that he determined never to enter 
the ministry, should there be no favorable change in them. 
He felt himself lost ; and could only hope for a favorable 
moral change, on the supposition that God might, in sov- 
ereignty, appear for him. Means of renovation seemed 
wholly unavailing. In the early part of December, he 
addressed a line to his faithful friend, Mr. Shepard, asking 
a loan of money. Mr. S. replied very kindly, and pro- 
posed to lend him a certain amount as soon as it could be 
obtained, and furthermore, offered at once to stand as 
security for Mr. T. to a limited amount of indebtedness. 
" Do not permit yourself," writes Mr. S., " to suffer for 
the want of anything which money will buy, without let- 
ting me know. 1 shall be happy to hear from you every 
opportunity." Journal: ^' Dec. 11. — I have joined sev- 
eral societies, among which are the Lockhart and the Or- 
atorical. Am wandering on the dark mountains of sin, 
yet have longings for my Saviour's presence, and feel de- 
termined to seek him. O, I would fly to him. My Sab- 
baths are becoming more interesting to me. I desire to 
know that I am the Lord's, and to be wholly consecrated 
to him. I am afraid that Christians, in general, do not 
live for Christ, as they ought. Alas ! I am conscious of 
not having prayed sufficiently for my brothers and sisters. 
How cheering it would be to hear of their conversion ! 
May God change their hearts ! I ought to do much to 
honor the Lord. 31. — Long for a letter from home. Here 
closes another week and another year. Unprofitably, I 
fear, do I end them both. Jan. 1, 1826. — Shall I event- 
ually be of the great number seen by John in vision about 
the throne ? Jesus, be thou my surety. 5. — Six years 
have glided away since my father entered upon his 
heavenly rest. 23. — After having sent four or five times 
to Boston, for a package which I was expecting from 
Hawley, I have, at length, received it. I am disappoint- 
9 



110 STUDIES THEOLOOY AT ANDOVER. 

ed that it contains no money. Surely, had the donors 
known how I am situated, they would have raised enough 
to secure the making up of the garments for which they 
have kindly sent the materials. I must look to God, the 
giver of all good. But what a contrast would there be in 
my feelings, had I received a few dollars ! I am money- 
less. This evening, the whole seminary meet in circles 
to pray for Harvard College." 

" January 28. 
" Dear Mother : — This afternoon I went to the tailor 
to inquire if he would make up, on trust, the cloth which 
my Hawley friends have sent me, and he agrees to do it. 
Therefore, in the course of next week I may enjoy a new 
suit. I am pleased with the material. It tenderly affects 
me to think of the kindness shown me. Assure the gen- 
erous donors that their gift came most opportunely, and 
has greatly cheered me. Do my brothers and sisters ex- 
ert themselves to discipline their minds ? I desire them 
to be ambitious in this respect. Were it in my power I 
would make you all happy. The intelligence of Mr. 
's death has deeply affected me. We were asso- 
ciates in childhood. May his father's family improve the 
solemn warning ! In regard to my present situation, I 
can say that I am gratified with it. I hope my spiritual 
state improves. Every object here has the aspect of 
sacredness. The students constitute a brotherhood." 

To a brother, Jan. 29 : 

" O, T. ! were you a Christian, and determined to spend 
your life for Jesus, everything would favor your obtaining 
an education. In that case, how happy should I be in 
directing you ! Pray for yourself. Pray for your brothers 
and sisters. I try to pray for you, and hope that you will 
yet become a disciple of Jesus. Recollect that all de- 
pends, under the blessings of God, upon your own exer- 
tions. Be kind to our mother, and Heaven bless you." 



STtJDIES THEOLOGY AT ANDOVEE. Ill 

To Rev. J. Grout, same date : 

" Dear Sir : — By recent letters I hear of an awaken- 
ing in a part of H. This is good news. God's spirit is now 
doing wonders in various sections of our country. Col- 
leges are beginning to rejoice in revivals, as you have 
doubtless heard. The attention of churches ought special- 
ly to be directed to these institutions. For three years past, 
a day has been yearly set apart as one of fasting and 
prayer for them. The brethren in this seminary have 
become so aroused to the importance of this cause, that 
they are addressing the pastors of churches, hoping to ex- 
cite a deeper interest among Christians on this great sub- 
ject. The day set apart, you are aware, is the last Thurs- 
day in February. I will not, dear Sir, imply so much 
distrust of your zeal and judgment as to extend my sug- 
gestions ; I have thought it not improper to lay the case 
before you. Perhaps the day has been already observed 
by your people. If so, my letter will do no injury.'' 

" March 1. — Spring's opening I again hail. It brings 
joy to me. Its cheering return I love, and tender it my 
grateful salutations. 6. — It has been announced in the 
seminary that brother Pomroy, of the senior class, died 
this morning, in Boston. He was president of our Rhe- 
torical Society. I admired his modesty and meekness. 
13. — Am cast down with my poverty. I called this 
morning on Prof. Stuart, and asked him if he could 
provide employment for me in the ensuing vacation. 
His reply was very cheering. He said perhaps he should 
receive me into his own family. I fear that I expressed 
myself too freely. 16. — Was blessed with a spirit of 
prayer in the early part of the day, but afterwards found 
myself almost destitute of it. The Lord has appeared for 
my soul, of late, and I would be truly grateful. My abili- 
ty to resist temptations is increased, and the smiles of Je- 



112 STUDIES THEOLOGY AT ANDOVER. 

sus, at times, seem to rest upon me." An encouraging 
opening, for the vacation, presented itself, and he ap- 
parently was on the point of aiding himself in regard to 
pecuniary matters, but suddenly, again his prospects were 
darkened. " Thus, I have lost an opportunity which I 
had supposed secured ; still I feel sweet resignation to the 
will of God. He made my gourd to grow, and he has 
caused it to wither. I have prayed for humility. My pros- 
pects, I fear, had elated me. This experience will lead 
me to rely more on the Lord, who has never forsaken 
me. The future appears dark, yet I am confident that 
he, who is infinite Light, can illumine this darkness." 
His first vacation in the seminary was spent in circulating 
a new Reference Bible, prepared by Rev. Hervey Wilbur. 
He entered upon this employment, not from any conge- 
niality in his feelings with an agency, but for the purpose 
of procuring pecuniary assistance, and at the same time 
doing good. The vacation was thus rendered serviceable 
to him in these respects, nor was it otherwise without its 
use to him. Passing a Sabbath in a large and flourishing 
village, he attended, half a day, upon the worship of a 
congregation, and heard a sermon from one who ranked 
among the highest preachers of that sect. Mr. T.'s ac- 
count of the sermon is here presented to the reader : " I 
heard a dissertation, or exhortation, or adversation, on 
morality. The discourse this afternoon, chilled my soul ; 
I watched my feelings for the purpose of guarding against 
the prejudices of education ; but, ah ! my God ! there was 
no solemn confession of sin ; no appearance of humility ; 
there was no intimation that the preacher's experience and 
principles were at variance with those of the world. 
Though the text was taken from the Bible, the discourse 
was not framed in accordance with that book. A pol- 
ished heathen could have uttered all which fell from the 
speaker's lips. Nor was there anything like seriousness 



STUDIES THEOLOGY AT ANDOVER. 113 

in the assembly. All were smiling and whispering. I 
record the truth. I felt as if the preacher were trying to 
blindfold his hearers, to stop their ears, harden their hearts, 
and render them wholly callous to divine teachings. O, 
God ! let what I have heard this afternoon drive me to my 
Bible and to my Saviour, with renewed devotion ! Christ 
has been precious to me for many weeks past. When 
weary with travelling, and sick in seeing the miseries of 
man, I have had much delight in going to Jesus." Once, 
speaking of having felt, at the close of the week, that he 
had sadly transgressed God's law during the flight of these 
six days, he remarks : " But I will try to come anew to 
the Redeemer. I still hope he is my friend ; now would I 
renew my vows to be his, and implore his aid in my labors. 
May I be prospered if it be for the divine glory ; but may I 
be resigned to Providential orderings, however adverse 
they may seem ! June 12. — I conversed nearly an hour, 
to-day, with a professed infidel. He laughed at the holy 
Scriptures, especially at what they say of God. In con- 
cluding our interview, I told him the trouble with him lay 
in his own heart." 

To his eldest sister, June 13 : 

*^My Dear Sister: — I have just returned to the 
seminary, worn down with the fatigues of a vacation ; and 
my studies so press upon me that I am poorly qualified to 
write you ; and yet I feel that a letter is your due. Since 
the close of the term I have been brought much in con- 
tact with a guilty, troublesome world. Yes, dear sister, 
Jesus is scoffed at ; the cross is still a stumbling-block. 
Multitudes sneer at religion and rush madly on to death. 
Keep, O keep yourself uninjured by the things of time. 
Recollect that this life, with its charms and its miseries, 
is swiftly passing away. 1 hope you improved the sick- 
ness of our brother T., by much solemn reflection, exam- 
9# 



114 STUDIES THEOLOGY AT ANDOVER. 

ination, and prayer. Only a short time since, while in 
Boston, I was invited to visit a person on a sick bed. She said 
she once belonged to a church, but had voluntarily with- 
drawn from it. My attendant and myself knelt down, and 
I offered prayer. Soon after we had left, the sick person 
died, begging for one day more of life. Look, my sister, 
upon this little picture, and be admonished by it. Fly to 
the Lamb of God ; pray earnestly, as if your all were at 
stake. Remember that you must exercise faith in Jesus, 
or perish in your sin." 

He proposed a series of questions to this sister, repect- 
ing her spiritual interests, and requested her to answer 
them specifically and fully. Having received a reply, he 
again addressed her, July 7 : 

" Affectionate Sister : — I am highly gratified with 
the general appearance of your letter. I am sorry, how- 
ever, that you were not more specific in your answers to 
my queries. You ought to have treated each one distinctly. 
Some parts of your letter seem to indicate an alarming 
indifference to religion. You speak of feeling yourself 
hardened in sin, which brings to my mind the case of 

L . When laid on a sick bed, she was filled with the 

most fearful apprehensions of losing her soul. She cried 
for mercy and for life. God spared her, and she relapsed 
again into sin, becoming as thoughtless as ever. A 
friend expostulated with her, to whom she remarked, ' I 
know that I am going to hell ; yet I am unmoved. I cannot 
feel as I did when sick.' You, my sister, while in health, 
are in danger of putting far away the hour of your depar- 
ture from time. I find you bringing forward the oft-re- 
peated excuses of the sinner's inability, and of God's de- 
crees. Do you not perceive, that were you to act in secu- 
lar concerns as you do in those which are sacred, your 



STUDIES THEOLOGY AT ANDOVER. 115 

arms would always be folded in slothful inactivity. Exer- 
tions must be made in spiritual, not less than in common 
affairs. God furnishes the soil, the rain, and the sunshine ; 
but man must mellow the ground, cast in the seed, and 
cultivate what he sows. Now, my sister, would you be a 
Christian, here is the method by which to become one. 
Spend, if possible, half an hour both morning and even- 
ing in secret prayer. Eetire to some chamber, some closet. 
Examine, each time, your own heart. Seek for the 
pardon of all your sins, and give yourself no peace till 
God has become your portion. He will then be a father 
to you, giving you heavenly comfort. Should you neglect 
religion, your way will be dark and slippery ; it will end 
in eternal ruin. Think, then, seriously, of what I write ; 
but let me assure you that infallible counsel must be 
sought in the Bible. In particular, read the four Evan- 
gelists and the Acts of the Apostles. With many of the 
historical parts of the Scriptures, I trust, you are quite 
familiar already. When perusing the sacred volume, 
mark in a book kept for the purpose, passages which seem 
unintelligible, and seek an explanation from those persons 
who can assist you. Indeed, you should read every book 
in a similar way. I would recommend to your attention 
Baxter's Call to the Unconverted, Doddridge's Rise and 
Progress, the Memoirs of David Brainerd and of Harriet 
Newell ; Pilgrim's Progress is also adapted to your case. 
When I find any other good book on religious experience, I 
will either send it to you or inform you where you may ob- 
tain it. Our mother would be pleased to peruse the Memoirs 
of Mrs. Huntington, lately published ; perhaps they have 
already reached Hawley. I hope you will both read the 
Life of Mrs. Graham. The following questions I now 
propose, and in a fortnight please to answer them : Do 
you believe there is a God of such a character as is de- 
scribed in the Bible ? Do you believe that sinners can be re- 



116 STUDIES THEOLOGY AT ANDOVER. 

conciled to him only through Christ ? Have you experienced 
such reconciliation ? Are you in the habit of daily reading 
the Scriptures, examining your heart, and of praying to 
God, with reliance on his promise for an answer ? What is 
your idea of the Christian life ? Favor me with a reply to 
all these inquiries within the time specified ; treat them in 
regular order, and fill your sheet. Tell my mother, 
brothers, and sisters, that I am still, still mindful of them." 

" July 9. 
" Dear Mother : — I have been afflicted for more than 
a fortnight with a grievous poison, which I caught from 
what is vulgarly called dog-wood, as I was attending, for 
amusement, to the beauties of nature. Many parts of my 
body have been swollen exceedingly, and my eyes have 
been blind for a day or two. I am now nearly recovered ; 
can sleep all night with the exception of rising and bath- 
ing myself with sugar of lead. You complain of not be- 
ing able to make your letters interesting, when religion is 
not your theme. Of your unwillingness to engage in any- 
thing with which religion does not coalesce, I cannot think 
strange ; yet be assured, dear parent, it would please me 
much should your letters branch out occasionally on vari- 
ous subjects. Your experience has been great in numer- 
ous ways ; and it will be of service to me if you could 
furnish me, from time to time, with some account of it. 
Especially do I desire you to write down, in a journal, the 
striking occurrences in my father's history, and carefully 
preserve them locked up for me." 

During the same month, he commenced the study of 
German. His days were at that time appropriated thus : 
From 5 A. M. to 6, devotional exercises ; from 6 to 8, 
chapel duties, breakfast, and walks ; during the latter, 
pursued botany or mineralogy ; from 8 to 10, German ; 



STUDIES THEOLOGY AT ANDOVER. 117 

from 10 to 12, Greek or Hebrew exegesis; dined at 1. 
The first part of the afternoon, miscellaneous reading ; 
then came seminary exercises ; afterward, until 9, solid 
reading. From that hour to 10, (time of retiring,) de- 
votional exercises. At the commencement of the temper- 
ance reform, Mr. T. had some objections to signing the 
pledge, though he had ever been opposed to the use of 
intoxicating drinks as a luxury. I have seen him utterly 
decline them when offered him as a token of friendship, 
years before the reform commenced. While they were 
urged upon him as an innocent stimulant, he persisted in 
his refusal, and even told the generous friend that to drink 
them would be to partake of poison. The pledge^ he^ 
however, did sign, and to the day of his death was its 
firm supporter. 

To his mother, Sept. 16 : 

" Dear Parent : — I received your letter two or three 
weeks since, and have delayed to answer it, hoping that 
every next breeze would blow me some good news which 
I might send to you. The past twelve months have been 
very expensive to me. I am now quite poorly clad. A va- 
cation is before me, but I have no prospect of then earn- 
ing anything. On the contrary, I must still more run into 
debt. I have given you an intimation of my wants, that 
you may know how I am ; but keep it a secret. Be not 
alarmed ; the present is one of my dark times. I can, in- 
deed, earn money by leaving the seminary for a year, 
having had opportunities for teaching already presented. 
Yet to be put back so long in my course of studies would 
be a grievious matter. I am resolved to go on with it, if 
God preserve me. To spend a few days with you would 
be pleasant, yet I cannot go dragging there on foot. I 
should be glad to correspond more frequently with my 
brothers and sisters, but the want of postage-money pre- 



118 STUDIES THEOLOGY AT ANDOVEB. 

vents. I feel for them all, and am afraid they will ne- 
glect the cultivation of their minds. I think much of T. 
I advise him to commence the study of Latin the coming 
winter. Tell him to take hold with a strong hand ; to 
commit everything perfectly, so that he shall never forget 
it. Let him be inattentive to what people say to hinder 
him. He should get Mr. Grout to direct him. May our 
prayers be offered to God, in the meantime, for his con- 
version. I hope you will try to urge him on. You must, 
in your devotions, remember me. I am not so devoted to 
the cross as I ought to be. Still I must request you to 
stand ready to bid me God-speed among the heathen ; for 
the question is often asked, Who will go ? I may think 
it best to give myself to the work. Many and powerful ap- 
peals have reached us of lata ; one from Gordon Hall, 
who, as doubtless you have heard, is now in heaven." 

After spending a portion of the autumn vacation at An- 
dover, he made a tour, by land, to Yarmouth. It was 
performed on foot, as a matter of necessity. Leaving 

Boston, his first night was passed in . " I did not 

enjoy myself. The house was full of noise and confusion. 
In one short hour I lost more of religious feeling by hear- 
ing improper conversation, and in witnessing irreligious 
conduct, than I could regain in much time. The next 
morning v/as rainy, and indicated a stormy day. I had 
neither umbrella nor overcoat, and yet being nearly 
moneyless, I felt that I must proceed. Accordingly, I went 
on six miles in a drenching rain ; then breakfasted ; dried 
myself, and procured the loan of an umbrella, which I 
was to leave at Plymouth." Here the journal abruptly 
leaves the weary traveller. • Many an hour did he spend 
in searching the old records and graveyard of P., at this 
time, and subsequently. 

" Andover, Jan. 1, 1827 : — Another year has gone. 



STUDIES THEOLOGY AT ANDOVER. 119 

God of eternal mercy, aid me in a review of the past, and 
assist me in endeavors to amend whatever is wrong. I 
have failed to make such progress in my studies and in 
religious feeling as I ought to have made. For the future 
I will strive to keep alive that glowing enthusiasm which 
is naturally his who is impressed with the value of truth, 
and with a sense of his own duty. I have taken too little 
exercise ; conversed too little with my fellow-students, 
and read too little in the lives of eminent persons." In 
making arrangements for the year before him, he re- 
solves to rise about four in the morning, and assigns to the 
different hours of the day their respective exercises. " I 
must regularly attend secret prayer immediately after 
rising ; usually a few moments after each meal, and just 
before retiring ; also, offer ejaculatory prayer whenever 1 
commence study." 

Jan. 7. — Pouring forth bitter lamentations over his 
own hardness and vileness of heart, he affirms that he has 
powerful reasons to fear himself still an unbeliever. " My 
distress has at times been awful, especially in the night. 
The thought that a long, long eternity awaits me, presses 
heavily upon me. O, I seem to be bound to my fate by 
chains which cannot be broken." Jan. 21. — Prof. Stu- 
art closed a series of sermons on self-denial. The last 
was addressed particularly to students. " To every word 
I pleaded guilty, while he declared that many of us do not 
deny ourselves, and make that improvement which duty 
demands^ Jan. 24. — Lord, help me to renew my cov- 
enant with thee, day by day, till I am bound so fast to 
thy cross as never more to be severed from it." Feb. 
16. — A peace society was formed in the seminary, which 
he joined, though he says he was not fully decided in fa- 
vor of all the points embraced in its constitution. " 22. — 
Fast for colleges. I have, in some measure, I think, en- 
joyed the presence of God." 25. — A very kind com- 



120 STUDIES THEOLOGY AT ANDOVER. 

munication was received by him from the Albany Presby- 
tery, bringing several dollars in money. " Thus have I 
been suddenly provided for again. A few days since I 
was seemingly the most destitute of any person ; now I 
am supplied by God's own hand. I believe this to be an 
answer to prayer, nor is it the only one of late. The Lord 
has sometimes cheered me with his presence ; and when 
Jesus stands by me I feel strong. But, oh ! I am too full 
of ambition." Under date of March 14, having listened to 
letters from Palestine, he remarks : " May I be ready 
whenever the Lord calls ; here am I, send me. It is 
a subject which much occupies my mind. The allure- 
ments of science present not the least obstacle to my go- 
ing on a mission. All is inferior to the love of God. If 
this really fill my heart, I shall have no difficulty in de- 
termining my duty." 

To his mother. May 7, from Boston : 

" While sinners are flocking to Christ, are my dear 
brothers and sisters to remain unmoved ? Dear mother, on 
us devolves the duty of praying for them, and of conversing 
with them in respect to their immortal souls. The thought 
presses upon me that I have in this respect to occupy the 
place of a father. As such, I desire, morning and even- 
ing, to lay them at the feet of Jesus. And then poor 
Hawley ! Once the Lord had a vineyard there ; a praying 
few, who were earnest at the throne of grace, and who 
often prevailed. What has become of them ? Have the 
disciples of Jesus forsaken him ? My dear mother, allow 
me to be particular with yourself in this matter. Do you 
have a stated season of prayer twice a day, when you 
mention the case of your own town ? Do you call upon 
your neighbors, conveise with them on spiritual subjects, 
and endeavor to lead them to Christ ? On the receipt of 
your letter, I did think I should spend the present vac?i- 



b 



STUDIES THEOLOGY AT ANDOVER. 121 

tion ; but a way was providentially opened for me to be 
usefully employed. I am now residing in Boston, as a 
city missionary. I thank my friends in H. for their timely 
remembrance of me. Their package came in good time, 
and contained what I needed. Please thank Mr. Grout 
for his letter." 

June 19. — "My dear brothers and sisters, how glori- 
ous are the prospects of the saint, and how dismal those 
of the sinner ! You are in danger of losing forever, what 
is implied in the former, and of enduring eternally what 
is implied in the latter. You cannot retreat from exist- 
ence, nor from the consequences of sin. O be wise, and 
seek an interest in Christ. Gladly would I say much to 
you, but why should I ? Christ has spoken all you need 
to know, and if you refuse to hear him, how can I expect 
you will listen to me ? My brothers, my sisters ; dear, 
sacred terms! listen to Him who loved us all, and make 
now your peace with God." 

During the spring vacation of this year, he was engaged 
as a city missionary in Boston. Extracts are here pre- 
sented from the report which he made at the close of his 
services, and transmitted to Dr. Jenks, Secretary of the 
Association that employed him : 

" Sir : — My labors as a missionary under the direction 
of the Society for the moral and religious instruction of 
the poor in the city of Boston, commenced May 2d, and 
closed to-day, June 12. Your committee assigned the 
Milldam and Pleasant street as the fields of my operations. 
To these places, with a few exceptions, my attention has 
been confined. I have visited from house to house about 
three days in a week. In so doing I have considered it 
of more importance to repeat visits, especially where there 
was a prospect of doing good, than to multiply them. On 
such occ£feions I have endeavored to call the attention of 
10 



122 STUDIES THEOLOGY AT ANDOVER. 

parents to the duty of sending their children to Sabbath- 
schools and to the house of God, also of their own attend- 
ance ; but especially I have aimed to arouse them to the 
concerns of the soul. I have been received, as mission- 
aries generally are, sometimes with reluctance, at others, 
and for the most part, with cheerfulness. I have found 
children who do not attend any Sabbath-school, and pa- 
rents who seldom or never visit the house of God. The 
most painful part of my task has been to meet continually 
with professors^ who ' concerning faith have made ship- 
wreck.' Some have fallen into very gross errors. Others, 
by various removals and neglect, have long since forsaken 
the communion table. Having been forgotten by their 
churches, they have themselves almost forgotten to what 
ones they did once belong. When possible, I have en- 
deavored to commit such to the care of some orthodox 
friend or minister. It is impressed on my mind that this 
class of persons is too much neglected. On the Milldam 
I have regularly conducted meeting. Sabbath A. M. and P. 
M., also on Thursday eve, election week excepted. I have 
here devoted about two days in a week to visiting. Many 
and various difficulties oppose the progress of the gospel 
in this place. One of these is the coldness and remiss- 
ness of professors. Some I hope are prayerful ; but 
many, like the Scribes and Pharisees of old, neither go 
into the kingdom of heaven themselves, nor ' suffer them 
that are entering to go in.' A few, I hope, are awaking 
to do what they can by prayer and example. Universal- 
ism is another obstacle, which not only shuts the mind 
against the truth, but influences the heart to oppose it most 
bitterly. Notwithstanding these and other hindrances too 
numerous to be mentioned, I do feel, that if a prudent, 
fearless, persevering, evangelical minister, can enter soon 
into this field, his labors will ere long be rewarded by a 
revival. Upon the whole, I find that my field has just 
opened before me." 



STUDIES THEOLOGY AT ANDOVER. 123 

He was requested to labor in the same sphere during 
the fall vacation, but had other engagements. 

'' Boston, June 12, 1827. 
" Affectionate Parent : — My mission here is closed, 
and I only wait for the stage to return to Andover. I 
have been much in contact with sinners of various grades, 
and have passed through trials ; but the severest of all 
has been with my own sinful heart. You may start at 
this assertion, and ask me, ' Do you find in yourself a wil- 
lingness to depart from the living God ? If so, where is 
your foundation for a Christian hope ?' I feel the force 
of such an interrogatory. The past week has been taken 
up with anniversaries, and I can hardly inform you what 
is the state of the revival here. We think it is progress- 
ing. Christians are wrestling at the throne of grace, and 
they will prevail, for the Lord of Hosts hath sworn it. 
Multitudes, however, in Boston, believe that broad is the 
way to heaven, and that all shall find it ; hence, their 
ears are deaf to the truth, their ^yes are shut to their dan- 
ger, their hearts are wholly insensible. Much of my time, 
of late, has been spent with just such persons ; some con- 
sider the idea of a hell as the dream of a disordered brain ; 
they are poor, deluded creatures, exposed to the wrath of 
God. But, rejoice, dear mother ; there are a few among 
the poor and neglected, whose hopes are anchored in 
heaven. They are not the wise and prudent, but babes ; 
yet they will reach Mount Zion with songs and everlast- 
ing joy-" 

" Andover, June 27. 

" I know that if the Spirit of God do not save me, I am 

lost." Early in July, through the agency of Prof. Stuart, 

he received an invitation to spend a year, from the next 

autumn, in teaching, at Gloucester, Cape Ann. The sal- 



124 STUDIES THEOLOGY AT ANDOVEE. 

ary offered was very encouraging, and even tempting, 
considering his perplexity for money. " I hope Provi- 
dence* will permit me to stay here the next year." Af- 
ter due deliberation he decided to accept the invitation. 
" Sabbath, July 22. — Took, by request, a class in the 
Sabbath-school of Rev. Mr. Edwards' parish. I con- 
sider it a very serious undertaking. Faithfulness may be 
the means of saving souls ; unfaithfulness may prove their 
ruin. 23. — I fear that my mother is sick, or has mis- 
taken a passage in my last letter, and hence inferred that 
I did not desire her to write me at present." 

" August 9. 
" Dear Parent : — After a long silence on your part, 
I have at length received a letter from you. As you have 
consecrated me to God, I must warn you to be prepared 
for the decisions of divine Providence. If I am no longer 
yours, your heart should no longer be set upon me ; 
wherever I am called to go, you should be ready to say 
Amen. Let your hopes centre in God ; and to him, in 
the arms of prayer, carry your children. Pray, yes, pray 
for me. O, how precious the thought that I have one 
friend to pray for me ! I often feel that your prayers, 
tears, and efforts, are worth worlds ; still, therefore, pray 
for me. My chief object in writing to you at this time, is 
to inform you that I am about to leave the seminary for 
one year. It has cost me a conflict to come to such a de- 
cision ; but I have bowed to what I think God's will. I 
should have consulted you could I conveniently have done 
it. I have become involved in debt by remaining here 
two years, and I hope by teaching one year, I may do 
something to liquidate this indebtedness. Prof. Stuart has 
advised me to leave the seminary." 

Before commencing his school he made a short excur- 
sion to Hawley, returning about the 1st of Sept. ; and soon 



A YEAR AT GLOUCESTER. 125 

after, he left Andover for Gloucester. During the trip 
just named, he passed a day and a night at Plainfield. 
Speaks of an interesting visit with Rev. Mr. Hallock, of 
that town ; of their praying together in the woods. In 
reference to a communion season, in Hawley, he observes : 
" Hope I felt something of God's presence, and was more 
willing to say with Job, ' Though he slay me yet will I 
trust in him.' " At that time he engaged to pray for a 
number of persons, whose names he recorded in his journal. 



CHAPTER X. 



A YEAR AT GLOUCESTER. 



On the 10th of Sept. Mr. T. commenced teaching at 
Gloucester, Cape Ann. The 23d of the same month, he 
wrote thus to his mother : 

" A few weeks since, I was at the seminary, anticipat- 
ing no change till my term of study there should be com- 
plete ; but I have left that institution. Perhaps I do not 
know why 1 have been sent here, but I think I can see 
the hand of God in it. I hope to imitate Paul, who was 
content in whatever situation he might be. My school is 
as pleasant as I anticipated. It gives me pain that my 
brothers and sisters cannot enjoy the privileges of study, 
which my pupils have. I hope you will write me imme- 
diately, informing me whether the Rev. Jonas King has 
yet returned from Palestine to Hawley." 
10* 



126 A YEAR AT GLOUCESTER. 

To Mrs. Sarah W. Matthews, of Yarmouth, Oct. 28 : 

" Dear Aunt : — Not long since, my uncle O. informed 
me of your husband's death. I should have immediately 
written you- a letter of sympathy, had I not been engaged 
in preparing a Sabbath-school address. I am aware that 
words alone cannot heal a wounded heart. You profess 
to be a follower of Christ, and you know how comforting 
is the assurance concerning such as truly love God. All 
things work together for their good. Accept, my dear 
friend, of my best wishes that Jesus will comfort you, and 
that your bereavement may result in your greater joy 
above." 

To his mother, Nov. 25 : 

" Dear Parent : — Yours I received some time since, 
and ought to have answered it ; but so pressing are my 
duties, that even my mother is neglected. I have just re- 
turned from a house of mourning, where I prayed with a 
large circle of children, whose only parent has recently 
died. To this parent I had been introduced ; he was a 
Christian, and died in the triumphs of faith. In medi- 
tating on his condition, this morning, I sung the hymn, 
' How blest is our friend,' &c., and thought of him as 
joining with the choir above ; but scarcely had I returned 
to my room, when my thoughts dropped from heaven to 
earth. My conflict is not yet complete. At limes I feel 
almost as if I were entering the celestial land. Still, I 
think it doubtful whether I ever reach it. Be faithful, 
my mother ; you may have nearly finished your conflict. 
Endure to the end, and through Christ you shall receive 
a crown." 

" Nov. 21. — Received a line from a friend, and a gold 
piece — ten dollars — presented to me as a disciple of 
Christ. Were it possible not to accept of it without giving 
offence, it would, I think, be my duty to decline it." He 



A YEAR AT GLOUCESTER. 127 

deemed himself utterly unworthy of the gift. "23. — I 
hope ever to be willing to attempt my duty, whatever it 
may be ; but of this I am persuaded, that it cannot be my 
duty to enter the sacred ministry, so long as I labor under 
my present moral unfitness for it. Ah, I may never ex- 
perience the transport of the redeemed soul entering 
heaven, and feeling itself safe forever. I have greatly 
sinned against the kindest, the best of Beings. I would 
loathe myself and be humbled in the dust before him. 
Dec. 31. — The past year has been filled with sorrows, 
but crowned with mercies." 

" December 26. 
" Dear Mother. — I have recently spent two days in 
Boston, and was obliged to tear myself away from friends 
there, when I returned. You complain of brevity in my 
letters. My numerous and pressing duties are my apology. 
In religion, I am ' of little faith.' I can, however, some- 
times with tears, repeat these lines of Cowper, ' I was a 
stricken deer,' &c. Very often, too, is poor Christian's 
situation brought to my mind. ' When he sought in the dark 
to shun the ditch on the one hand, he was ready to tip 
over into the river on the other.' There is danger of mis- 
taking a love of salvation for a love of Christ. We have 
all been poisoned with sin. I find the old infection con- 
tinually breaking out anew. When I begin to think it is 
cured, suddenly I have new proof that it still inheres to my 
soul. Repentance and humiliation are works which I have 
to repeat again and again. In respect to the missionary 
cause, my mind remains as it was when I saw you." 

Journal: "Jan. 1, 1828: — Received a New Year's 
present. 23. — Am all guilt ; my help is in Christ alone, 
yet strangely do I forget to fly to him." 



128 A YEAR AT GLOUCESTER. 

Rev. J. Grout, Feb. 23 : 

" Dear Sir : — The object of this letter is to make 
special inquiries concerning my brother T., who, I sup- 
pose, is reciting to you in Virgil, the present winter. Has 
he suffieient talent and diligence to make a good scholar ? 
Does he give evidence of true piety ? Be pleased, dear 
Sir, to favor me in due time, with a reply to these ques- 
tions. There has been no great change in the spiritual 
state of affairs in this place, of late. Some revivals are 
enjoyed in this immediate vicinity. I hope and pray that 
Hawley may ere long be blessed with a shower of di- 
vine grace." 

" March 2. — Have of late been distressed with fears 
that I did not sufficiently regard the indications of Provi- 
dence at the commencement of my studies." 

'' March 9. 
" Dear Parent : — Yesterday I closed my second 
quarter. My school has thus far gone on very pleasantly. 
I have just returned from a very full public Bible exer- 
cise, having spoken, myself, from the first part of the third 
chapter of the first epistle of John. I feel myself quite a 
drone in the service of God. My health, about which 
you seem solicitous, is quite good. Your account of spe- 
cial religious interest in H. is very encouraging. Perse- 
vere, my mother, in prayer, and a rich blessing will de- 
scend. What God has promised he will perform. Say to 
aunt R. that I desire to see her. Ask cousin S., for me, 
whether she still forgets the one thing needful." 

" April 5. 
" Dear Brother T. : — You have, I know long anx- 
iously expected a letter from me ; and have, perhaps, 
concluded yourself forgotten by me. You are not ; but at 
present I do not know of any means by which to provide 



A YEAR AT GLOUCESTER. 129 

for you, so as to enable you to study. I did once think 
that I might be able to provide for you here, under my 
own eye. My expenses, however, are multiplying on every 
side, and I shall scarcely be able to pay one half of the 
debts which I thought I should, at the close of my school. 
I have hoped that you would give your heart to God. Of 
this I have said but little to you, having refrained lest you 
might be influenced to act the part of a hypocrite, which I 
would not have you do for worlds. By autumn, I trust, 
a door will open for you. But do not feel too anxious. I 
assure you that I have looked with pain at some of my 
conduct when I was of your age. I was not sufficiently 
resigned to the will of God ; and the reflection has often 
filled me with keen remorse. Confide in the counsels of 
the aged and experienced. Write freely to me. Listen to 
your mother and to Rev. Mr. Grout. Above all things 
seek guidance of God. If he do not bless you naught 
can help you. Make your peace with heaven, and you 
shall receive a crown of glory." 

" June 1. 
" Dear Mother : — A letter which came to hand within 
a few days, from uncle I. A., informs me of an awaken- 
ing in Meadville. Some of his own children, he writes, 
appear to be partakers of grace. Your last also cheers 
me in regard to Hawley. I rejoice with you ; but not 
hearing of the conversion of my brothers and sisters, my 
joy is mingled with grief." 

To the same, Aug. 18 : 

" Early in the ensuing September my year in this place 
will close. In what way I shall spend my time previous to 
the commencement of the next term at Andover, I am as 
yet uncertain. Probably I shall not be able to visit you, for 
I am too destitute of money. You can hardly imagine how 



130 A YEAR AT GLOUCESTER. 

little I have felt my income of four hundred dollars. I am 
still quite deeply in debt ; more so than I expected to be at 
this time. You must act your own pleasure about going to 
Yarmouth. Should you go, I will endeavor to meet you 
in Boston, and perhaps accompany you to Y. ; but this is 
uncertain. Especially shall I desire to do it, as grand- 
father has sent me a request to visit him." 

Journal: "Aug. 31. — I have been in the habit of 
occasionally distributing tracts in this place." He was 
accustomed to assist ministers in their Sabbath exercises, 
when they desired it, and sometimes took charge of the 
entire services in destitute places in the vicinity. " Aug. 
29. — Last Sabbath, at 6 P. M., delivered an address 
before the society which was lately formed to promote 
the better observance of the Sabbath." At the opening 
of autumn, he closed his school in G., and returned to 
Andover. The anniversary at the seminary did not occur 
then till the latter part of September. " I know not what 
course Providence will mark out for me during the vaca- 
tion. Yarmouth, Mass., Sept. 28. — I arrived here, at 
my grandfather's, last evening about half past ten, where 
I found my mother. She met me with open arms. Three 
of her brothers were present. A prayer meeting had been 
held that evening, and closed before my arrival. Oct. 1. — 
This morning, as we were all together in the parlor, con- 
versing in regard to our anticipated separation^ some of us 
intending to leave for Boston to-day, grandfather, who is 
ninety-three the fifth of next December, remarked, ' the 
thought of parting is gloomy; we however breathe the 
same air, are warmed by the same sun, and the same 
divine Agent preserves us. Upon the whole, it matters 
not in what part of the globe we are.' His memory is 
much impaired. He prayed with us this morning." Oct 
2d, Mr. T. left Y., in company with his mother and some 



SENIOR YEAR AT ANDOVER. 131 

Other friends, for Boston. On the 4th, she started for her 
home, and he returned to Andover, intending to reside 
there the remainder of the vacation. "7. — Have con- 
versed with Professor S. in regard to procuring a German 
work for translation, and received some encouragement. 
11. — Received a letter from my mother, yesterday, in 
which she informs me of her safe arrival home. She has 
had a lovely visit. All things have gone well with her. 
Itoo have reason to be thankful. 19. — If I have faith 
in Christ, why is my activity in his cause so little ? Why 
so unwilling to suffer for his sake ? I seldom get near 
the mercy- seat. Why does the Sabbath find me so stu- 
pid, and why do I, on its sacred hours, never ascend to 
Pisgah's summit ? It is doubtful whether I am a Chris- 
tian." 



CHAPTER XL 



SENIOR YEAR AT ANDOVER. 



Journal: "Nov. 7. — Class fast, preparatory to being 
licensed to preach in the chapel. The mercies of God, 
in bringing me thus far, are great. Evening : The work 
is done. 23. — A letter just received from my uncle at 
Yarmouth, announces the death of my grandfather. It 
seems to be a kind direction of Providence, that my moth- 
er and myself should have met with him so recently." 
It was Mr. T.'s intention to have roomed in the seminary 
during the winter, but finding himself incommoded by 
the attempt, he moved out. It was always exceedingly 
difficult for him to study amid confusion ; hence he often 



132 SENIOR YEAR AT ANDOVER. 

found himself interrupted and perplexed. None except 
those whose nervous system is thus delicately strung, can 
appreciate the distress to which such persons are subject. 
" I have for nearly one hour been in complete agony. 
Why have I such a nervous temperament, if it must be 
always thus irritated ? " 

Under the last date, he wrote his mother : 

" The affecting intelligence of your father's decease, 
has just reached me. You doubtless have received the 
particulars. My thoughts at once revert to our pleasant 
interviews with him a short time since ; especially to the 
prayer he offered on the morning of our departure, and 
to his words of consolation addressed to us. God was 
very kind in permitting you to see your aged parent once 
more, while he stood on the borders of Canaan. All 
earthly things are now over with him ; and O, how bless- 
ed, how Messed^ as we have reason to hope. You may 
have dropped a few tears ; 1 trust there have been only a 
few, and those of resignation. The good man came to 
his grave ' in a full age, like as a shock of corn cometh 
in his season.' What an event your last announces ! Mr. 
and Mrs. S. both dead ! They have been cut off in the 
meridian of life. Remember me to the poor orphans, and 
mav God bless them." 

Journal : '^ Jan. 1, 1829. — In reviewing the past year, 
I have mercies to recount, and sins to lament. 19. — My 
principal works thus far this term, have been translating 
' Conversations-Lexicon,' for Dr. Leiber ; writing an ad- 
dress for the Thursday exercise ; preparing a dissertation 
on the eloquence of Augustine ; composing sermons, &:c. 
25. — Have meditated more than usual to-day upon the 
subject of religion. Eead the tract, ' Pres. Edwards' 
Conversion,' and heard three sermons from Kev. Mr. 



SENIOR YEAR AT ANDOVER. 133 

Baldwin, of New York. His preaching has during the 
whole day chained my attention. I have drank in divine 
truth. I have a right eye and a right hand which offend, 
and am confounded when I think how little of the Chris- 
tian I exhibit. Had I a person before me, whose charac- 
teristics should appear as mine do, I should not much 
hesitate to pronounce him an enemy of God. 27. — 
Spent most of this evening in conversing with a few select 
friends on the subject of missions. The question proposed 
was : Are you ready to go, or how do you stand in rela- 
tion to the matter ? I confessed that I was met at the 
threshhold by an alarming difficulty, namely, a doubt 
whether I am a Christian. I wish, I really wish I were 
willing. Besides the hindrance already stated, my mo- 
ther's family needs my assistance ; and furthermore, such 
is the nervousness of my temperament, that I do not be- 
lieve I could be a good missionary. Indeed, a friend has 
told me so, and advised me to give up all ideas of enter- 
ing a foreign field. Add to all the rest, the fact that I 
have nothing attractive about me. I have always been 
unpopular : very much so ; probably because in my youth 
I was secluded from society. Feb. 8. — Shall I go to 
the Lord's table this day, or shall I not ? I am sensible 
that ' there is none other name under heaven given among 
men, whereby we must be saved ; ' I know that it is my 
duty to celebrate the love of Christ. I cannot escape 
from the obligation to do it ; yet I am bound to commem- 
orate it as a Christian. God's vows are upon me, and I 
must not decline the observance. 18. — I must declare 
again that I find in myself no signs that I am a Christian, 
except such as would naturally arise from a good pious 
education — I mean till within one or two years past, and 
that even now I am doubtful as to the true state of my 
heart. 22. — Do not yet feel entirely devoted to God's 
service. Have a great fondness for literature. It is still 
11 



134 SENIOR YEAR AT ANDOVER. 

doubtful whether I have a spark of grace. Yet with a 
hope of pardon and assistance in my attempts to serve 
the Lord, let my room and my heart be this day conse- 
crated to Him." 

" February 26. 
'' Affectionate Parent : — Should my letter seem 
hypochondriacal, permit me to say, that for a fortnight 
past we have experienced a continual series of storms. 
Much have I thought of you, during this inclement sea- 
son ; much would it gratify me could I be assured that 
you are comfortable. We have just buried the wife of 
Mr. A., the preceptor of the Academy here. She was a 
Christian, and has left a large circle of friends, who feel 
her death most deeply. Two of the students are now in 
mourning for elder brothers ; three for sisters ; one for a 
father and sister ; and one for a mother. Eeligion is here 
at rather a low ebb. though general prosperity prevails in 
the seminary. The nearness of the time when some of 
us are to enter upon the public duties of life, renders the 
present time special!}'' interesting to us. We begin to 
look about, to see where we are, and with what armor we 
are girded. We also ask ourselves, whether we can 
drink of the cup of which Christ drank. This moment 
two missionaries are needed for China. Who will go to 
the heathen, has been oftep proposed as a question for 
discussion in our social circles. Perhaps you wish to 
know what answer I return to it, and I will frankly state 
the reply I made on one occasion : I fear I am destitute 
of true piety. Here let me observe, it is not to pain 
you that 1 thus write. Did I not suppose the effect will 
be to drive you to the mercy-seat, I would not develop 
my feelings to you. I am quite confident that I had no 
religion when a member of College, and none till I had 
been at this seminary for some time. Hitherto I have 
studied only from selfish motives. I do not mean to say 



SENIOR YEAR AT ANDOVER. 135 

that I have knowingly acted the part of a hypocrite ; but 
that I have been deceived. If you should drop a tear 
while reading these statements, let it fall at the mercy- 
seat." 

Journal : " March 25. — Received a reproof from one 
student for having spoken severely of another. Viper 
after viper crawls out of my heart, and yet hundreds re- 
main. 29. — I preached my first sermon from Eph. 2 : 8, 
' For by grace are ye saved,' etc. April 11. — I was the 
other day almost overwhelmed on reading one of my 
mother's letters to me, dated April 5th, 1823, in which 
she expressed alarm lest I was atheistical in sentiment. 
I was so. By degrees, however, light broke in upon me ; 
scepticism departed ; the truth, there is a God^ became 
deeply impressed on my mind. I believe my mother's 
prayers saved me. 12. — Commenced this day with 
warm feeling, which seemed to augur well. After my 
morning duties, however, I fell into a cold and languid 
frame — felt sleepy in the house of God. 25. — Agreed 
to supply the Second Society in Beverly, during vacation, 
provided I can exchange twice, and reside at the semi- 
nary." 

" April 26. 

" Dear Brother T. : — I received a letter from Mr. 
Grout a short time since, and soon after one from your- 
self. I am highly gratified to learn that you have, during 
the winter past, made commendable improvement, and I 
would express my sympathy for you, that the way is not 
prepared for aiding you in your studies. Were you a 
Christian, there would be no obstacle in the way ; but it 
were better to live in ignorance forever, than to play the 
hypocrite for the sake of obtaining knowledge. It would 
be imitating Simon Magus. I rejoice at your courage, 
and firmly believe, if your life and health are spared, that 



136 SENIOR YEAR AT ANDOVER. 

you will succeed. I have come to no determination my- 
self as to the future. I am wanted for a foreign country, 
but I confess that I feel no little anxiety in behalf of my 
mother. Things certainly look dark for her. I know 
not how to consent that we all should leave her. I feel 
as if the voice of God and man forbids it. Upon whom 
ought the lot to fall to stay with her ? Do not forget, my 
dear brother, that in the midst of life you are near death, 
and that if you die without an interest in Christ, you are 
forever miserable." 

'' April 28. 
" Dear Parent : — By Mr. W. I send you my profile^ 
two pocket bibles, an old Greek testament, and two other 
little books, with the names within of those for whom they 
are designed. You are at liberty, if you see fit, to devi- 
ate from my designations. I wish I had other presents, 
and some money for yourself; but you know my situa- 
tion. The coming vacation I think to spend in this place, 
but shall supply a pulpit sixteen miles distant. To-day I 
am going to the Presbytery, twelve miles from here, to be 
examined for license. Does the candle of the Lord shine 
upon my brothers and sisters ? upon yourself? Please 
thank Mr. Grout in my behalf for his letter." 

Journal : " May 31. — Bradford. Visited this morning 
the residence of Mrs. Atwood, the mother of Harriet 
Newell. My feelings were indescribable. My soul was 
filled with a fervent glow. Here Harriet, the dear mis- 
sionary, was born ; here her letters were written ; over 
this place her thoughts were often hovering, when she 
was far away. Such is the sacredness of my feelings, 
that, did time permit, I would spread them out on several 
sheets."" Under an early date in June, he observes : " I 
had an offer some time last term, made by Dr. Woods, of 
a tutorship in Lexington College, with the prospect of 



SENIOR YEAR AT ANDOVER. 137 

ultimately becoming a professor. To this invitation I 
gave a negative answer ; the salary offered was too small." 

" June 28. 

"Dear Parent: — During the past week, I have wit- 
nessed much suited to rejoice the Christian's heart. The 
General Association of Massachusetts has met in this 
place. It was intensely interesting to see distinguished 
men, from nearly all parts of the country, engaged with 
perfect harmony in the most exalted work ; especially to 
see the venerable ministers and others, from time to time, 
wipe away the falling tears. I enjoyed some animating 
reflections on the glory of Christ's kingdom. The cause 
of Immanuel advances ; his enemies must submit, or be 
clothed with eternal shame. One afternoon, the Lord's 
Supper was administered, when eight hundred of us sat 
down at his table. Many spectators bent over the galler- 
ies. I should delight to have you present at some of our 
excellent meetings. Did my purse allow me to send you 
a weekly letter, I would furnish you with entertaining 
details of them. In what part of the Lord's vineyard it 
will be my lot to labor, I do not know. Considerations 
respecting yourself and T. perplex me. I am exceed- 
ingly anxious that he should obtain an education. Of late 
I have been disposed to inquire, whether I ought not to 
leave you all. Yet I do not see how you could succeed 
without my assistance. I am afraid you get along at best 
but poorly. I have only a little money, yet I must send 
you one dollar, with which to pay the postage on this 
letter, and to buy you a little tea." 

As the law then was, it required one eighth of this dol- 
lar to defray its own passage in a letter, or one fourth of 
it for the letter and itself Those verily were days of 
severe taxation. Kinder to the poor student are our recent 

governmental enactments. 
11# 



138 SENIOR YEAR AT ANDOVER. 

To his sister M — a, July 5 : 

" You occasionally express fears that I have forgotten 
you. They are groundless. I think much of you, and 
sometimes drop a tear for you at the throne of grace. 
Perhaps you deem your lot in life hard. Consider the 
wretched condition of thousands in other lands ; for in- 
stance, in Greece. To that country, some of my class- 
mates are soon going. I wish to know whether you 
are always cheerful and happy ? We cannot control the 
world. It will be wrong in some respects. Acting con- 
scientiously, we may be happy, in spite of its turmoils. 
It is particularly desirable that females should be cheerful. 
Men, on retreating from the active scenes of life, wish to 
find consolations in the domestic circle. I know of no 
better example of kindness and contentment than your 
own mother. I have seen her placid and firm in the 
most trying moments. Our father was greatly dependent 
on her for his happiness. It is with admiration that I 
think of her, as she used to be in the family circle. Dear 
sister, in all your ways acknowledge God, and he shall 
direct you. With the divine guidance, you need not fear, 
though called to walk through the vale of death. You 
will gratify me by writing immediately." 

Journal: " Sept. 15. — Have thought some of spending 
the next year here, in translating. 20. — Attended meet- 
ing in the chapel for the last time as a member of the 
seminary. Had a most precious meeting with a few 
friends, immediately after the services. The moments 
were solemn and instructive. How can I part with these 
friends ? 23. — P. M. Have been carried through the 
exercises of the day, though really I was too sick to be 
about. Wish it were possible to stereotype each mo- 
ment of the passing scene, that I might in future meditate 
upon it. Enjoyed an interview with my former tutor at 



CALLS TO SETTLE, ETC. 139 

Ashfield ; walked with him, and conversed about the 
goodness of God. The very sight of him brought to my 
mind thoughts of the overwhelming goodness of God. 
24. — Went to Boston to see a number of my brethren 
ordained. On the way thither, the scenes of the Anni- 
versary burst upon my mind with melting power. The 
ordination exercises were very impressive." 



CHAPTER XII. 

CALLS TO SETTLE, ETC. 

Immediately on completing his theological course, Mr. T. 
was invited to preach as a candidate in Topsfield, Mass. 
He declined being considered in that light, though he con- 
sented to supply the pulpit a few Sabbaths. " Sept. 30. 

— Deposited a copy of my dissertation on West Africa in 
the Library of the Society of Inquiry, according to its 
regulations. Oct. 3. — I have had an invitation to preach 
as a candidate in G., Connecticut, but declined it. What 
course the Lord has marked out for me, I know not. 4. 

— Much interested in reading the memoirs of Brainerd. 
5. — Impressed with what Thomas-a-Kempis says, of the 
necessity of bearing the cross. Full of unsubdued pride. 
Nov. 10. — This morning commenced the critical study 
of Hebrew, and the translation of Schmid's Anleitung, 
though perhaps the Lord intends I shall not proceed far 
with either. I seem to stand alone in the world, and yet 
I fear my whole soul is upon it. Others are prospered in 
their plans, but I am often disappointed. I know that 
soon it will matter not who has possessed brilliant talents, 



140 CALLS TO SETTLE, ETC. 

and who has not. The great point will be, whether we 
have been consecrated to God. Let me pray for a clean 
heart, and a right spirit, and remember my utter incom- 
petence to comply with the divine will, except as assisted 
from heaven. 16. — Just received a call from Topsfield 
to settle there in the ministry." 

What were the feelings of the people who had invited 
him to become their religious teacher, may be learned 
from extracts of letters written to urge his acceptance of 
the call. A professional individual of the Parish wrote 
thus : " Let me beg of you not to suffer your mind to lean 
towards a negative. If doubts and difficulties arise before 
you, pray let us have an opportunity to make every exer- 
tion in our power to remove them." Another gentleman 
assured him that the youth were deeply interested in him ; 
that the young men of the Society, with a single excep- 
tion, had voted for him : " Give us not a negative answer, 
if you have any feeling for our present situation." Cler- 
gymen in the vicinity urged Mr. T. to accept the call, 
presenting, among other considerations, the fact that the 
young men were enlisted in his favor. Elected to the 
sacred office of Pastor, by an affectionate people, Mr. T. 
desired time to deliberate, and addressed the following 
note to a committee of the Church, requesting permission 
lo delay his decision until after a visit to his mother. He 
had not seen her for more than two years ; besides, it w^as 
his desire to consult her and other judicious friends re- 
specting his present duty. During the time of this jour- 
ney, he preached in the sanctuary where he had worship- 
ped in childhood, and the people were enthusiastic in their 
expressions of interest in his pulpit performances. He 
likewise preached several discourses in Ashfield, where 
the Lord was copiously pouring out the Holy Spirit. 
Everywhere the impression which he made seemed good 



CALLS TO SETTLE, ETC. 141 

and deep. On returning to Andover, he found another 
letter from Topsfield, beseeching him, if incHned to a 
negative, to allow the Church committee to meet him, 
and plead their cause before him. Still he felt constrained 
to forward them the ensuing letter : 

" Andover, Dec. 18. 
"Brethren and Friends : — It is now more than four 
weeks since I received your call. During this time, I 
have had the subject under prayerful consideration, and 
have endeavored to consult the leadings of Providence. 
Had I listened only to the sympathy which I feel in your 
behalf, the question would have been decided ere this in 
the affirmative. You will recollect that from the first I 
declined being considered a candidate. Let me now add, 
that I have long contemplated becoming a foreign mis- 
sionary, should a door be opened. Though as yet all 
difficulties are not removed, and family circumstances 
may ultimately hedge up my way, I feel it to be my duty 
at present to refrain from any obligations which would 
prove a barrier to my going abroad. Judicious friends 
coincide with me in this view of the case. These reasons 
make it necessary for me to decline accepting your kind 
call. Let me assure you that it is with pain I am con- 
strained, under a sense of duty, to send you this reply. 
I am not insensible to the trials on your part of your pe- 
culiar situation, and hope that in his own good time, God 
will send you a Pastor after his own heart. With earnest 
prayers for your temporal and spiritual welfare, I remain 
yours in the Lord, Oliver A. Taylor." 

Alluding to this subject in his journal, he observes: " I 
feel the necessity of doing all to the glory of God, and 
of keeping in view the day of judgment, when the mo- 
tives by which I am now governed will be put to an infal- 



142 CALLS TO SETTLE, ETC. 

lible test. Jan 1, 1830. — Where shall I be next year at 
this time ? was a thought which weighed upon me a year 
ago. I find myself still at Andover, pursuing beloved 
studies. I find much to lament, and much to remember 
with gratitude. 25. — Lately -received an application to 
become a missionary to the Jews." Generally on the 
Sabbath he preached somewhere in the vicinity of A. 
About this time, he complained of a peculiar feeling in 
his head, which he supposed arose from mental excite- 
ment, and respecting which he had some fears. 

To his mother, Feb. 22 : 

" Dear Parent : — It is more than a week since I re- 
ceived your intensely interesting letter, and I designed 
answering it before ; but preaching and studying have 
kept me constantly employed, and even now I am abso- 
lutely obliged to break away from other engagements. It 
is gratifying to hear that your little room is finished, and 
that it makes you so comfortable. I have imagined to 
myself how it looks, and taken my seat in it, by your 
side. I hardly know why it is, but I find that my family 
attachments increase upon me. With you I have passed 
through more sorrows, than has any other member of the 
family. On this account, my affection for you may be 
more ardent than that of any other one of your children. 
Here let me say, that the fidelity of my brothers and sis- 
ters to you, affects me so much as to cause me to weep 
like a child. It seems to me a pledge of their future 
prosperity ; for there is a divine promise attached to this 
kind of filial devotedness. Eecollect, mother, that the 
longest interval sufferable between the periods of my re- 
ceiving letters from you, is four weeks." 

To the same, March 22 : 

" I am sorry to hear that the people in talk of in- 



CALLS TO SETTLE, ETC. 143 

viting me to preach for them as a candidate. It will be 
utterly impossible for me to comply with such an invita- 
tion. I have declined remaining at because I do 

not yet feel prepared to become a pastor. Moreover, I 
am pledged to the missionary cause. Whatever shall 
become of me in the end, I must continue here at present, 
poring over Greek, Latin, German, Astronomy, &c., in 
addition to preaching on the Sabbath. I am so enthusias- 
tically fond of study that the very thought of leaving it 
pierces my soul. April 26. — I have lately been perusing 
your manuscript statements of yourself and my father, 
which I requested of you, and wish to propose various 
questions relating to points which you have not fully ex- 
hibited. You will of course be guided by your own judg- 
ment in regard to the answers. I am anxious to know 
the particulars of the lives of my parents. I think it an 
honorable curiosity. Soon, however, or not at all, must 
it be gratified. One after another of our family friends 
die, and their knowledge of such facts goes with them. 
To your inquiry when I shall leave A., 1 can at present 
furnish no definite reply. I seem to be fit for nothing but 
to be thrown away. My heart is not right. I have some- 
times had a glance at it ; and it has appeared to be a nest 
of vipers. You must pray for me, or I shall be lost." 

In the latter part of 1829, Mr. T. corresponded with 
Prof Fiske, of Amherst College, respecting the transla- 
tion of a German treatise on the " History of the Pulpit." 
Prof. F. had begun the work, but was prevented from 
going forward with it. In a letter to Mr. T. he says : 

" If you have leisure, immediately proceed with the 
work. I should advise you to undertake it, and nothing 
which I have done or contemplated, need be any hin- 
drance. It should be accompanied with notes and some 
important additions pertaining to the English and Ameri- 



144 CALLS TO SETTLE, ETC. 

can pulpits. I wish you much success in the enterprise. 
Probably the work under your own hands, will assume a 
shape more satisfactory than it can in any other way." 

In regard to this work, Dr. Murdock wrote to Mr. T., 
that himself and other gentlemen in New Haven would 
favor it, and suggested to him certain advantages which a 
residence in that city would furnish him, beyond any other 
place, while he might be translating and preparing the 
contemplated work. 

Journal : " May 1. — III health has occasioned the loss 
of some precious time. Pained at hearing the result in 
Congress of the Indian question." 5. — He completed 
the translation of a German work previously mentioned. 

" 28. — Mr. reproved me for staying at Andover so 

long. I was bound to receive it kindly from him, inas- 
much as I owe him a debt of gratitude and of money. 
June 27. — Preached in Atkinson yesterday, and suffered 
much from ill health. Received a letter from my mother, 
and am distressed to think how much she is tried with 
poverty. July 3. — Lost more than half of the past week 
by feeble health. Religion ebbs aj my heart ; when will 
it flow? 15. — Went to Boston to settle the matter of 
copyright in regard to Reinhard, a work which I am now 
translating. Attended some of the exercises of the Theo- 
logical School, Cambridge. 19. — Last ^Saturday entered 
into an agreement with Mr. Woodbridge, author of the 
Geography, to spend three months in translating for him. 
I am to remove to Hartford in a few days, for the purpose. 
27. — Was called to Boston last Wednesday, to translate 
for Mr. W. ; was engaged for him until Saturday. While 
on my way to B., I enjoyed a pleasant view of Christ — 
he looked lovely, and I desired to be engaged in his ser- 
vice. 30. — Arrived at Hartford, Conn., to-day; fear I 
shall never be able to perform my duties ; wish to cast 



CALLS TO SETTLE, ETC. 145 

myself upon Jesus, my only substantial friend." While 
in H., on one Sabbath he attended in the morning an 
Orthodox meeting ; a Eoman Catholic in the afternoon ; 
and the Universalist in the evening. He deliberated much 
before entering the two last, but thought himself justified 
for once in that course. " Thus have I in the course of a 
single Sabbath, heard the Saviour preach once, and the 
devil twice. How plainly it appears to me, that Satan 
has his emissaries, who are trying in all possible ways to 
destroy the gospel. How unsatisfactory to my mind is 
everything in religion, which does not influence a man to 
seek forgiveness through Christ, and trust in him for all 
needful aid." During his residence in H., Mr. T. enjoyed 
the society pf several distinguished persons, whose friend- 
ship he highly prized. He also preached a number of 
times in that city. A few incidents of his residence there, 
in addition to the above, may not be unworthy of a place 
in these pages : 

"Sept. 22. — Was present at a delightful meeting of 
Sabbath-school teachers connected with the Central church. 
26. — Have been present at two gatherings of good reli- 
gious people, during the past week. Visited at Weathers- 
field the State prison. Attended a meeting of singers. 
On the whole, the week has been exceedingly agreeable 
to me." A little later, he met with an Indian chief of the 
Seneca tribe, and one of a company of actors in the city. 
" His countenance is a noble one. But he lay on his couch 
in the house of a colored man, and was so distressed as 
to pay no attention to me, till I intimated to the family 
that he was a friend of mine, from the fact of his having 
served under Washington, and that they must take good 
care of him. His face then brightened, and he began to 
speak in Indian, being unacquainted with English. He 
shook hands with me in a friendly manner, when I parted 
12 



146 CALLS TO SETTLE, ETC. 

with him. I frequently walk with Mr. Gallaudet in the 
morning. Our interviews are generally quite interesting. 
To-day it was intensely so. He told me about the Moor- 
ish prince, for whom he had exerted himself, and whose 
history he has at perfect command. Oct. 8. — The In- 
dian chief is dead and buried. Probably he died in a 
few hours after I saw him. Poor man ! he was almost 
alone and friendless. I offered up a prayer for him, but 
with a singular feeling. I know not that he had ever 
heard of a Saviour. I lament that I did not speak of 
Jesus to him when I saw him, as that was my only oppor- 
tunity. His death was occasioned, I think, by a cold, 
caught in consequence of exposure to the evening air, 
immediately after having danced excessively to please an 
audience. His guide has certainly neglected him. He 
was 85 years of age. 10. — Preached at Rocky Hill, 
for Dr. Chapin. Mrs. C. is daughter of the younger Ed- 
wards, President of Union College. She has her father's 
portrait, which indicates a very fine countenance : eyes 
rather dark, black hair, and a bold forehead. 25. — 
Preached yesterday in Glastonbury, for Ero. R. Saw 
Rev. Dr. Austin. This morning enjoyed a most interest- 
ing call from Rev. Dr. H. We walked together : he is 
full of enthusiasm. Nov. 4. — The Lord is exceedingly 
kind to me. I have just received a letter from my mo- 
ther, in which she informs me that my eldest brother, at 
school in Bennington, Vt., has become hopefully pious. 
How much reason to praise God ! I always find that he 
is far better to me than my fears. 6. — A most pleasant 
visit with Dr. H. at his own house, in the evening. He 
gave me an affecting account of the straitened condition 
of the American Education Society. I tremble for our 
benevolent institutions — but God reigns." 



CALLS TO SETTLE, ETC. 147 

Extracts from a letter to his mother, written from Hart- 
ford, Aug. 18 : 

" Dear Parent : — I doubt not that you often think of 
me on this my birth-day. It had not occurred to me as 
being such, till the act of dating this letter brought the 
fact to mind. I am not sure but I err in this negligence. 
Ooe's birth-day might well be spent in fasting on account 
of sins — of misimprovement of opportunities for useful- 
ness. It might also with propriety be spent in thanksgiv- 
ing, for it is no §light favor to be made acquainted with 
even so small a portion of the Creator's dominions as 
comes under our present observation. Then what pros- 
pects lay before us, of penetrating farther and farther 
into his glories ! I feel somewhat poetically to-day ; but 
I have no time in which to indulge such an inclination. 
I never was a great favorite of the muses, though they 
have sometimes visited me. But having neglected them 
very much of late, I am afraid they will return to me no 
more. Nothing would tempt me to part with them. 
Translating from the German, is not favorable to the cul- 
tivation of poetry. I have been here nearly three weeks, 
without finding an inch of time to devote to you, till to- 
day, when I seized it by stealth. This afternoon I move 
into the house of Mr. Gallaudet, near the Asylum. I 
shall sometimes find myself embarrassed, as Mr. G. and 
most of his household are deaf and dumb. I experience, 
however, one advantage in my present situation. Though 
fifty or sixty of the lads may be playing together under 
my windows, it occasions little or no disturbance to me. 
I sometimes almost think that it would be better if a few 
more of mankind were unable to speak. When I com- 
menced writing, I expected to send you only a few lines ; 
but I have filled my sheet. It is indeed somewhat of a 
curious letter, but if you are in health it may amuse you." 



148 CALLS TO SETTLE, ETC. 

To the same, Nov. 12 : 

" Your last was a charming letter, and as soon as I re- 
ceived it, I sat down and wrote to S. that she might be 
partaker of my joy. It brought cheering intelligence in 
regard to several members of our family. T. has be- 
come hopefully a follower of Jesus. I trust he is a Chris- 
tian in very deed. On reading your letter I could not help 
weeping at the goodness of God toward us, in giving us as 
a family such reasons to rejoice on various accounts. I 
have almost experienced the happiness of a parent in hear- 
ing of the good deportment of my brothers and sisters. 
My sensations of delight are beyond description. But I 
begin to tremble for you in my very heart. Cold winter 
is at hand with all its blustering train, and you perhaps 
have not what is needful to meet it. I fear you did not 
do enough in repairing your house. I wish you to remem- 
ber that nothing for which I am responsible is to be half 
done. — You know I am always troubled with a book-fe- 
ver. — I have thought of late there ought to be a tomb- 
stone with a suitable inscription at my father's grave. I am 
not now able to pay for one, but it has occurred to me 
that we might make a kind of charity-box in which to de- 
posit little sums for this object, and thus in the course of 
a few years the design might be accomplished. You per- 
ceive I have spent some weeks more here than I antici- 
pated. To-morrow, God willing, I leave for Andover. 
With regret I leave many dear friends. I have translated 
two works for Mr. W. and have entered into a favorable 
compact with some New York publishers in regard to a 
German work, which I am to commence translating on 
my return to A." 

Journal : " Dec. 6. — Left Hartford on the 1st inst. and 
arrived at Boston the next day ; called upon a number of 
friends there the Sd, and came to this place on the 4th ; 



CALLS TO SETTLE, ETC. 149 

preached at Lowell on the 5th, and to-day am preparing 
to translate German. 20. — Have preached three Sab- 
baths past in L., and am engaged in translating. 24. — 
A heart-cheering letter from my mother. Have reason 
to thank God that he furnished me with five dollars to 
send her last week, for she was in want of it. She speaks 
of T. as a Christian ; bless the Lord, O my soul. 30. — 
Much interested in examining some of Pres. Edwards' 
manuscripts and the pocket-book in which he used to note 
every particular. I have got a better idea of the man, 
than I could by reading books for ages. Mrs. Farrar has 
a silver bowl in which he used to take his supper of choc- 
olate. It will hold half a pint, and has his name, birth 
and death engraved upon it. Here I learned that it was 
his custom when riding out, to pin a piece of paper on 
his sleeve whenever a new thought occurred to him, that 
he might thus retain or recall it by means of associa- 
tion. The handwriting of President E. was excel- 
lent ; I am promised a specimen of it. News to-day of 
great commotions in Europe. Jan. 2, 183 L — Another 
year gone. Have made but little progress any way ; I 
fear none in holiness. What have I accomplished in the 
cause of Christ ? My conscience is not yet at rest. Very 
much I can see for which to be grateful. Among God"'s 
special favors I would name the hopeful conversion of my 
oldest brother. He is teaching in Vermont. 

To his brother T., Jan. 2 : 

" Our mother has informed me that you entertain the 
hope that you are a Christian. No news could be more 
gratifying to me than this ; but acquainted as I am, to 
some degree, with the deceitfulness of the human heart, 
and certain that thousands go down to hell with a lie in their 
right hand, I must rejoice with trembling. Angels may 
have struck their harps of gold anew, and filled heaven 
12* 



150 CALLS TO SETTLE, ETC. 

with hosannas at the conversion of your soul. Yet I am 
not without fears. I seem to see your face towards Zion, 
the heavenly city being in view, while angels and men, 
and devils, too, have their eyes fixed upon you, some to 
assist you onward, and some eager to devour you. Bear 
in mind that in this great race you may fail. You may 
arrive at the very gate of heaven and walk under its bat- 
tlements, only like Capernaum, to be thrust down to hell. 
Let your heart and soul be devoted to the glory of God. 
Look only at his approbation ; inquire at every step what 
he will have you to do, and do it. It is impossible to fol- 
low Christ, without denying yourself and taking up your 
cross. If he command you to be a farmer, be one. If 
he direct you to prepare to preach the gospel, do so with all 
your might, for the sake of immortal souls and with a per- 
fect readiness to go wherever he shall send you. You will 
not, however, find it very easy to become entirely absorbed 
in promoting the kingdom of the Redeemer. Nothing 
but his Spirit will ever bring you to such a high attain- 
ment. For this, you must pray, and pray, and pray 
without ceasing. At the very outset form habits of secret 
prayer and of reading the word of God. Your progress 
in the divine life will be in proportion to your faithfulness. 
You should be specially careful to spend the Sabbath in 
holy exercises. Furthermore, you will be much assisted 
by a careful perusal of such memoirs as that of Payson, 
Brainerd, Martyn, Fisk, &c. I am in haste, but write to 
let you know that my heart and prayers are with you, and 
that I both tremble and rejoice on your account." 



LITERARY PURSUITS. 151 



CHAPTEE XIII. 



LITERARY PURSUITS. 



Journal : " Jan. 13. — Get along slowly with translating. 
Have fears about my soul and the path of duty. 16. — 
Wish I could be swallowed up in the glory of God. No- 
thing else is worth living for ; life is a bubble. 26. — 
Happy to receive a letter from my brother T. ; the first 
since he became, as he hopes, a Christian. 

To his brother T., Jam 31 : 

" Your letter of the 22d inst. was duly received. I 
rejoice to hear you express yourself so much like a Chris- 
tian, and yet a fear that you may be deceived damps my 
spirits when I remember you at a throne of grace. I 
must still warn you against deception, and exhort you, if 
a Christian, to aim at a high standard of piety, for as you 
begin, so in all probability will you continue. Take not 
believers around you but the word of God for your guide. 
Religion should live in you, and rule over you. You 
speak of persevering in obtaining an education, with a 
view to the gospel ministry, asking my advice and direc- 
tion. I must first inquire whether you have counted the 
cost, and considered what it is to be a minister ? Perhaps 
the sacred office looks honorable to you in a worldly as- 
pect, and therefore you wish to press into it, to obtain 
worldly honors. ' I fear,' said Professor W. to me some 
time since, ' that many young men become apparently 
pious on purpose to get an education.' Hence, I must 
beg you to consider well whether you have given your- 



152 LITERARY PURSUITS. 

self up to Jesus Christ, body and soul, for time and eter- 
nity. Furthermore, I must ask you to examine whether 
he calls you to become a minister of the gospel. Satisfy 
me, nay ; satisfy yourself on these points ; satisfy your 
Maker and I shall be ready to advise you." 

Feb. 9. — Referring to the severe attacks of illness to 
which a literary friend was subject, Mr. T. says : " they 
affect me exceedingly and divest life of its charms. He 
has entered upon a wide sphere of usefulness and now to 
all appearance his labors are nearly at an end. May 
God sanctify this occurrence to me and lead me to live 
wholly to his glory. 25. — A letter from my mother 
brings the joyful intelligence that my youngest brother has 
become hopefully pious, at the. age of twelve years. 
Preached in Methuen yesterday ; feel that I have not 
enough of the meekness of Christ to be a minister." 

26. — To his mother : 

" Your letter was so full of good news that my thoughts 
have had no respite since I read it and can have none till 
I give vent to them in a letter to you. So much, howev- 
er, is there that I wish to say, and so little time in which 
to say it, I must rush in medias res^ into the midst of 
things. I was so overjoyed to hear that brother J. had be- 
come hopefully a child of God, I could for a while think 
of nothing else. Dear mother, notwithstanding our pov- 
erty, the candle of the Lord shines on our heads ; but we 
must not suffer ourselves to be elated, for should we, our 
joy might be soon exchanged for sorrow. Do not suppose 
that I inquire into your affairs, as if I were distrustful of 
your economy. I have the most unlimited confidence in 
you in that respect. My simple object is, to know how 
to calculate in sending you money." 



I 



LITERARY PURSUITS. 153 

To his brother T., March 20 : 

" You may have thought some parts of my last letter 
were too severe, but, I presume my motives were duly 
appreciated. The subject is one of great importance, and 
to whom can I express my feelings without reserve, if not 
to a brother. There is another consideration to be taken 
into the account. If you obtain an education it must be 
through the assistance of the American Education society. 
Eecollect, that in such a case you are about to avail yourself 
of the charities of the Church. I behold you then enlisted in 
the cause of Christ, and resolved to fight under his ban- 
ner. God speed you, my brother, and may we meet 
together amid transports of celestial friendship in that 
World where the Lord God is the light of his people." 

Journal : " April 5. — Finished the translation of the 
main part of Reinhard. 26. — Preached in Nashua, and 
had some strength to pray that I may be wholly absorbed 
in the glory of God. Am preparing to publish my trans- 
lation of Reinhard ; expect to send the first sheet to press 
next week. May 2. — Preached yesterday at N. Chelms- 
ford. Attended Presbytery last week at East Bradford. 
July 4. — Have preached every Sabbath for some time 
past. Am going on with the publication of my work. 
Was asked the other day if I would consider a call, should 
I have one, to go to Bangor, Maine, as a teacher. Was 
invited at the same time to go there and instruct in He- 
brew till autumn. Aug. 18. — Thirty years of age ; the 
period of life at which Christ entered upon his ministry ; 
perhaps I should enter at once the sacred ofiice. I have 
some serious doubts as to what course I ought to take. 
Shall I be a missionary ? How unfit for anything ! " 

Under a date of Sept. 11th, he speaks of an urgent 
request to preach in his native town, as the venerable pas- 



154 LITERARY PURSUITS. 

tor of the church there was in need of some assistance. 
Near the close of the month his translation of Eeinhard's 
" Plan of the Founder of Christianity," was issued from the 
press. It was of a 12 mo. size, and consisted of 360 
pages. Of the future he remarks : *' Am in a quandary 
about plans.' 



^» 



Journal : " Sept. 17. • — I am about to part with one of 
the dearest friends I have on earth. Rev. Wm. Schauffler. 
He soon embarks for Paris, on his way as missionary to 
the Jews. Feel almost as if I should follow him in a few 
months. Oct. 24. — Am afraid sometimes that I grieve 
away the Spirit by staying at A., though Dr. Porter thinks 
it best that I should remain for the present. Nov. 5. — 
Bade farewell to Bro. Emerson and wife, who are bound 
to the Sandwich Islands. 18. — Have seldom suffered 
more mental agony than I did last night. I know that all 
is right and yet when my fondest earthly hopes are blight- 
ed, and every prospect of success in life is cut off, the 
mind is distracted and the heart bleeds. They can find 
relief only by seeking to entwine themselves with a Sav- 
iour's love. I could state my grievances and enlarge upon 
them, but in truth I half suspect that they in part origi- 
nate in myself." 

To his brother T., Am. College. Autumn, 1831 : 

" It is of the highest importance that you should com- 
mence well in all your college duties, but attend, in the 
first place, to your soul. See that you are constantly 
growing in grace. On no account neglect your closet. 
Do not think, however, that the welfare of the soul re- 
quires you to be out night after night at religious meet- 
ings; one in a week is sufficient. Listen not to the 
voice of inexperience, which is constantly speaking against 
the course of study marked out by wise men. Henry 



LITERARY PURSUITS. 155 

Martyn and Buchanan were the first in scholarship in their 
respective classes, and yet the most useful of their age as 
ministers and missionaries. Attend faithfully to your col- 
lege studies, and endeavor to perfect yourself in them. 
I hope you will be able so to manage as to avoid being 
absent from college in term time." 

To his brother R., Oct., 1831 : 

" I had heard of your indulging a hope that you are a 
Christian, and I rejoice to hear you announce the same in 
your letter. Your only safety consists in living near the 
throne of grace. Recollect that your all must be deposit- 
ed at the foot of the cross. Aim to be as perfect as is 
your Father in heaven, though assured that such an exalted 
attainment awaits you only beyond the grave. My ad- 
vice is that you set apart one or more days for private 
prayer and fasting before you commence studies prepara- 
tory for the ministry, as you have intimated a desire to 
enter that sphere of usefulness. If you are called to 
minister at the altar, you will be carried through the pre- 
liminary toils. Wo to those who attempt to preach with- 
out a divine summons." 

To the same at a later date : 

"Dear R. — It has long been a settled point with 
me never to attempt to control my brothers in their 
choice of pursuits for life. That I have a preference for 
them in the matter you will not doubt. But all that I pre- 
sume to do, is so to reason with them as to assist them in 
seeing the path of duty. I am frequently doubtful as to 
what my own course should be, and sometimes go again 
and again to the throne of grace for instruction, and afteY 
all come away with a trembling anxiety lest I may decide 
wrongly ; 3^et I perhaps meet a person the next moment 
who tells me with perfect confidence I ought to do so and 



L 



156 LITERARY PURSUITS. 

50, as if he were fully competent to decide for me. You 
must ask yourself as in the fear of God, what your du- 
ty is, and having ascertained it, proceed resolutely to its 
performance. If then you meet with difficulties, hesitate 
not, but let them only add to your diligence. Say to your- 
self I can see the path of duty, and therefore am confi- 
dent God will carry me through them." 

Journal : " I have no patrons — never had any — am 
obliged to push my way everywhere, and yet have no 
disposition to crowd myself any where. There is a course 
full of glory, and I must bend all the powers of my soul 
in that direction — be self-denying and resigned to the 
will of God. Dec. 14. — Recently entered into an en- 
gagement with Mr. Pierce to publish Memoirs, &c. of 
Reinhard." 

To his brother T., Jan. 1, 1832 : 

" I requested you to write me often for two reasons. 
I desire to know everything about you for my own sake ; 
and I desire also that you should form the habit of writing 
letters, giving descriptions of the objects around you, and 
of the exercises in which you are engaged, in appropriate 
and familiar language. Besides. I must add that I love to 
write to you. I wish you to tell me everything about your 
situation, as if you were going to write a history for pub- 
lication of your room, studies, associates, officers and all. 
In doing so I desire you to be what I call nice^ but not to 
use college hours for the purpose. To acquire a good 
style, you must read suitable books. The best epistolary 
style, and perhaps the best letters that we have in the 
English language, are Cowper's ; Gray's are elegant, yet 
too highly wrought. Byron's are excellent of the kind, but 
unsafe on account of the character of the writer, and va- 
rious immoral expressions. To these you may add the 



LITERAKY PURSUITS. 157 

spectator of Addison. In my last you recollect that I 
urged attention to the soul as the first concern. Begin and 
end each day with secret prayer and the reading of the Bi- 
ble. During these exercises you should be in a room by 
yourself, which ought to be so comfortable that you will not 
be tempted to hasten from it. Spend part of the evening 
in reviewing the day just closed. This will help you both 
as a Christian and as a scholar. You will need what are 
called spiritual classics. Of these the Scriptures stand of 
course at the head, and I would that you always might 
have a heart ready to kindle with true devotion when you 
peruse their holy pages. Watts' psalms and hymns are 
highly useful for frequent private perusal ; and I would 
commend to you such memoirs as I mentioned in a letter 
to you some time since. A college has generally been 
found unfavorable to the growth of piety, and you must 
exercise great caution in this respect, or you will be in- 
jured. I hope you begin this new year as a disciple of 
Christ. You may not live to see its close." 

To the same, Jan. 22 : 

" My letters to you are not what I could wish, as I am 
permitted only to touch upon topics respecting which vol- 
umes might be filled. In regard to the taking care of your 
health, allow me to say that you cannot live without exer- 
cise. If you neglect it, and study as you ought, you will 
certainly break down before you are aware of it. Great 
caution is necessary in relation to the appetite. Some 
few distinguished students have ruined themselves by too 
great abstinence ; but the mass of those who would wnsh 
to be regarded as scholars, injure themselves by over in- 
dulgence. Did you never experience those serene, bright 
moments, when your mind seemed to perform a day's 
work in an hour or two ? Such is the mental state at 
which you should aim before sitting down to study. It is 
13 



]58 LITERARY PURSUITS. 

the brightness of the mind and not the sharpness of the 
appetite which makes the scholar. Do you know the ob- 
ject of a collegiate course of study ? There is gross ig- 
norance on this subject among, I am sorry to say, pious 
students. You may hear such remarks as the following : 
' I will not study algebra, it cannot help me to write a 
a sermon. What have I to do with conic sections ? I am 
looking forward to the ministry ! ' Now the great object of 
study, is the discipline of the mind. True, the acquisition 
of knowledge is not an unimportant consideration. In or- 
der to secure the requisite discipline, a great variety of 
studies is necessary. Those very branches in the course 
marked out for you, and which indolence, not piety, at- 
tempts to cry down, are essential. An analogy exists be- 
tween the effects of appropriate exercise on the mind and 
on the body. The sailor from much use acquires strong 
arms and far-seeing eyes ; so the mind, thoroughly disci- 
plined, becomes strong and sharp." 

Journal : " Feb. 5. — Have preached for several 
months past in West Newbury, Amesbury, &c. March 
8. — Spent some time in Boston on my work in the press. 
Preached in Sharon, Milton, and Dorchester. Mr. L. 
Mason desires me to assist him in translating and publish- 
ing a work on music. Mr. Woodbridge has requested 
me to assist him in his ' Annals.' Dr. Woods has spo- 
ken to me about translating the Theology of Morus. 
March 11. — Great event; decision of the United States 
Court in favor of the Cherokee Indians. How easy ii may 
be for this nation to be thrown into complete disorder. 
April 2. — Have preached two Sabbaths past in Billerica. 
Am studying the Hebrew, the Vulgate and Septuagint 
Scriptures ; am also re-writing my History of the Pulpit, 
translated some time since. 24. — Receive favorable noti- 
ces from almost every quarter of my work, ' The Memoirs 



LITERARY PURSUITS. 159 

and Confessions of Reinhard.' Professor Stuart told me 
yesterday that his colleagues and himself were electrified 
with some parts of it, especially the ninth letter. 29. — 
Preached half a day in the chapel of the theological sem- 
inary, extempore. Trembled before commencing, but 
none afterwards. May 13. — Had an invitation to under- 
take the editorship of an Encyclopedia of religious knowl- 
edge, but declined it for the present. 24. — Six Sab- 
baths of late I have preached for Eev. Mr. Jackson. June 
7. — Attended the anniversaries in Boston last week. 9. 
— ' Why do you not settle ? ' says one, — Because IivisJi 
to attend to some studies which others neglect. What con^ 
tracted minds have many students^ they might he put into 
a thimhle ! 11. — It is three weeks yesterday since the sun 
has been out, a single day excepted. Easterly winds have 
prevailed all this time and a fire been necessary. 15. — 
The other day I met with what is termed ' New Divinity ' 
as exhibited by its advocates, and was surprised to discov- 
er that it is precisely such a theory as I had held long 
since and rejected as untenable,'''* 

July 20. To his brother T. : 

" Nothing gives me more pleasure than to find you 
susceptible to the charms of nature, and to see that sus- 
ceptibility increase as your mind improves. Without it I 
cannot believe a man half a man. At any rate, such a 
person is hardly fit to be a minister of the gospel. God 
has given us three books to read ; that of nature in the 
world around us, the Scriptures, and the book of experi- 
ence. The book of nature comes in part before the Bi- 
ble, but is intimately interwoven with it. Owing to their 
inability to read the book of nature, the great mass of 
ministers fail to draw illustrations from it, and hence are 
dry, uninteresting preachers. Look at the sacred volume 
in this respect. Prophets, under divine inspiration brought 



160 LITERARY PURSUITS. 

illustrations from all departments of nature. The heavens 
are said to declare the glory of God — day unto day utter- 
eth speech, and night unto night showeth knowledge. The 
sun is spoken of as a young bridegroom issuing from his 
chamber ; the moon as walking forth in majesty. God, when 
he comes to the aid of his servants is represented as flying 
on the wings of the wind, accompanied with lightnings and 
thunders and burning coals of fire. The stars of heaven 
are described as fighting in their courses against the ene- 
mies of God's people. Saul and Jonathan are said to be 
swifter than eagles and stronger than lions. Christ com- 
pares the kingdom of heaven to a grain of mustard seed ; 
the hardened gospel sinner to a barren fig tree ready to 
be cut down ; heaven is depicted as a perfect paradise, 
where grows the tree of life which yields its fruit every 
month, and where glides the meandering river that issues 
from the throne of God. To be able to make an efficient 
use of the book of nature, you must be skilled in attrac- 
tive, descriptive writing. That I might both stimulate 
and aid you, I have requested you to send me on paper 
graphic delineations bf the objects with which you are 
daily conversant. I leave you to think of the subject. 
Let me say, however, be totus in illis, whatever the study 
before you. 'Agros et civitates sapientia, et navem, 
gubernat.' " 

To his mother : 

" I see that time is soon, very soon to be exchanged for 
eternity ; and every day, nay every hour, teaches me 
more and more the wisdom of being devoted wholly to the 
glory of God. I am indeed engaged in study, but desire 
to lay every acquisition at the feet of Jesus." 

Journal: "July. — The Asiatic cholera is raging 
in some parts of Canada. A letter recently from my 



LITERARY PURSUITS. 161 

mother informs me of the death of aged friends, whose 
society I have often enjoyed and whose memories are 
precious. Mother thinks it strange that I do not visit her. 
She does not realize, I presume, how many duties I must 
neglect, and how much money expend in performing the 
journey requisite to see her. 25. — Another opportunity 

to settle and cannot think of accepting it. Mr. 

called upon me last Saturday and conversed with me 
about determination, vascillation, etc. He is a kind man 
and I love him, but why will people perplex others with 
their advice, when it is not to the point ? That I am in 
the path of duty, I am not certain ; but I do not pursue 
my present course without reflection, nor without the 
countenance of some good and great men. I have had 
many things to encounter since my residence here from 
narrow-minded, self-willed persons ; though many of 
them have, I hope, good hearts. If not deceived in regard 
to myself, I desire to be lost in the glory of God. 

Aug. 2. — The last two Sabbaths I have preached in 
Bradford. Enjoyed pleasant seasons there. 21. — Last 
week occurred my birth-day ; have entered upon my 32d 
year. Life flies and O, how little do I accomplish. Cholera 
spasmodica is in the north parish of this town ; four cases 
have already occurred and one death. It is a wonderful 
disease — nobody understands it. The Almighty appears 
to have commissioned Satan to remove through its agen- 
cy a certain number of victims. I am sure that our only 
security now is specially in God. They that trust in him 
shall be as mount Zion. 1 feel the necessity of being 
found at the post of duty, and prepared for the coming of 
the Lord, though it be as a thief in the night. Still en- 
gaged in prosecuting the study of Hebrew and in prepar- 
ing my history of the pulpit for the press. My attention 
in Hebrew has been for some time past devoted to a solu- 
tion of the use of the teiises, 1 desire to see Rev. Eli 
13* 



162 LITERARY PURSUITS. 

Smith, our missionary, to converse with him in regard to 
their use in the Arabic. This latter language I am now 
studying for the purpose of obtaining light on the Hebrew. 
My method in Hebrew is to read with great care histori- 
cal passages, where the use of the tenses is rendered per- 
fectly obvious by the sense, — thus proceeding from the 
easy to the more difficult. I hope in this way to ascertain the 
principles, if there be any, at least the usus loquendi of 
the language, in respect to tenses. I consult no grammars 
till I have formed my own theory. A good exposition of 
the manner in which the Hebrews employed the tenses 
would, I am persuaded, throw more light upon the mean- 
ing of some passages of Scripture ; nay upon the mean- 
ing of the entire Old Testament, than the best commenta- 
ries that were ever written. Sept. 10. — I study and pray 
that I may be wholly given up to the service of God, and 
may be useful in my day and generation ; yet I seem to 
be useless. O it is good to be at God's disposal ; I re- 
joice in his sovereignty. 19. — Have now spent two days 
writing my family history. When I reflect upon the 
scenes through which my mother and myself have been 
brought, to our present period of comfort, I am over- 
whelmed and burst into tears. May the lives so blessed 
be consecrated to the author of all good." About this 
time he complains of being quite ill and of suffering very 
severely. " Shall be destroyed if I do not get relief. Per- 
haps the difficulty is dyspepsia. Nov. 5. — O this load 
of imperfection ! No calmness, no self control, all pas- 
sion, all error." 

To his brother T. Nov. 11 : 

" I was glad to hear that you were prospered in your 
agency, and now expect to spend the winter in college. 
Remember the line of Virgil as blessings flow in upon 
you : ' O Meliboee, Deus nobis hsec otia fecit.' May our 



LITERARY PURSUITS. 163 

hearts go out in gratitude to that being who has so ex- 
ceedingly smiled upon us in years past, and who is now 
presenting before us such varied encouragements in re- 
gard to the future. Let us not forget that prosperity is 
apt to turn away the heart from God. In this view of the 
subject I confess I feel that honest adversity is preferable 
to dangerous prosperity, and am convinced, fully con- 
vinced, that it is good for a man to bear the yoke in his 
youth. You will find that the greatest of men have been 
trained in the school of adversity. He that would make 
rapid progress in the divine life must submit to the most 
trying temptations without yielding to them. I think I 
entered into your feelings as you represent them to have 
been on entering Bennington, your spiritual birth-place. 
They give me more hope of you than ever; for though 
deep, calm, and penetrating thought is to be specially cov- 
eted, susceptibility of emotion is the next. You had rea- 
son to feel strongly, for however little estimate may be 
placed in this world on the regeneration of a soul, heaven 
is filled with joy at such an occurrence. We should dwell 
devoutly in our reflections upon the time, place, and cir- 
cumstances of our first drawing celestial breath. Sincere- 
ly do I hope you will never need a caution from me, not to 
array yourself against the government of the college. 
Should your class generally revolt, let no occasion in- 
duce you to join in a rebellion. Be an independent think- 
er. Stand by your instructors if every student's mouth 
should turn into a serpent's, and do nothing except hiss at 
you. Inevitably, cases will occur in which tastes cannot 
be gratified. Every tutor is not equally agreeable. Al- 
ways be calm and reflect upon the consequences of each 
step you are about to take." 

Dec. 30. — In allusion to the Indian troubles at the 
south, after observing that the Board of Foreign Missions 



164 LITERARY PURSUITS. 

are withdrawing their suit at law, and advising the Che- 
rokees to reniove, he says : " There is reason to think 
that blood must flow in S. C very soon if it have not al- 
ready. Liberty may speedily be obliged to take her 
flight from this her last resting place, and I fear from the 
earth forever." 

To his mother Jan. 12, 1833 : 

" I seldom, if ever, think of imperfections when I read 
your letters, but peruse them with your im.age constantly 
in my mind's eye, and am often on the point of weeping, 
as I reflect how my dear mother may be situated. Much 
and anxiously have I thought of you recently. I say to 
myself, perhaps after all, you suffer what you will not re- 
veal. I beg of you to procure everything necessary at my 
expense. At times I feel almost like flying to some mis- 
sionary region. Certainly I think much of my brethren 
abroad, and have just broken ofl* from writing a letter to a 
dear, dear friend at Constantinople. Duty, however, for 
the present binds me I think here. Time is flying ; the 
death-angel approaches with his red gleaming sword, yet 
is a messenger of mercy to the righteous. This is a sad, 
sad world. Justice is outraged. The Indian and Afri- 
can are oppressed. Ambitious men are trying to destroy 
the beautiful vine which through the agency of our fathers 
was planted here with peculiar care. But an avenging 
God sits on the throne of the universe. Sooner or later 
he will hurl his fiery bolts upon the foes of Zion. Hold 
fast to your Saviour, my dear mother." 

Journal : " Feb. 4. — I have preached in Haverhill 
three Sabbaths past. The heavens of late have been 
beautified by the conjunction of Jupiter and Venus. 
March 27. — More depressed to-day in spirits than I have 
been for a long time. Life itself has been a burden ; 



k 



LITERARY PURSUITS. 165 

though I do not feel entirely forsaken of God. April 7. 

— Entered into an engagement to write a review of ' Gur- 
ney on the Sabbath.' May 24. — Oh, the pangs 1 am 
called to feel ; the mental agonies to endure ! All is 
darkness ! The doors of usefulness are closed I But 
stop — God does all things well. 25. — This heart, I 
fear, will break — will break with its own calamities! 
And yet Heaven is just and merciful. I dare not oppose 
its decrees, or murmur at the sovereign will of the Re- 
deemer. June 7. — Years have passed since I have par- 
taken of coffee, and during much of the time have drank 
no tea. Have listened this evening to a lecture from Dr. 
Mussey on dietetics. It was worth its weight in gold. He 
has convinced me that animal food had better be laid 
aside. I eat it no more, unless prescribed by a physician, 
or through forgetfulness or from necessity." For eight 
or ten years this abstinence was practiced by him. " 20, 

— Am appointed one of three to assign a prize for a dis- 
sertation, written by a Seminary student, on War. July 
9. — The wheels of my soul move heavily. I see beauty, 
but cannot reach it. I see peace and happiness before the 
faithful Christian, yet do not secure them. 13. — I deem 
it my duty to interfere as little as possible with the arrange- 
ments of divine Providence. Hence adieu, forever adieu, 
to everything like intrigue for station. I cannot reproach 
myself at all with it. Never have I sought eminent places. 
The most that I at any time have done, has been to speak 
with some friend in regard to openings. 19. — Long 
have I regarded the complete government of the tongue 
as a very difficult attainment. I have erred in not con- 
trolling mine ; though it does seem to me that I am not 
altogether neglectful of this duty. There are special 
reasons why I should be on my guard at this time. I 
hope to get entirely the management of this important 
though unruly member. What ministers of the gospel 



166 LITERARY PURSUITS. 

say should be carefully guarded. Let me suffer wrong 
rather than do it ; treating even the cruel with forbear- 
ance. Aug. 2. — Am supplying the pulpit in Byfield for 
the present. Have become much attached to the people, 
and they have requested permission to consider me as a 
candidate for settlement ; this, however, I could not grant, 
though I have much solemn querying as to duty. Am 
studying Rabbinic. Mr. Seixas assists me when needful. 
Shall I Continue my residence at A. ? If I quit now, my 
work is unfinished. Adieu to the study of the languages, 
when one becomes a Pastor, if he be not already an adept 
in them. But am I not wasting my talents } These 
questions press heavily upon me. It does seem to me 
that I would not avoid the path of duty for worlds. Sept. 
2. — Think of relaxing study for several weeks, and vis- 
iting my mother. Have severe pains in the head. O ! 
may I have grace to submit cordially in all things to 
God's will. 

" Havvley, Sept. 20, 1833. — Arrived here last even- 
ing, where I find my brothers, T. and R. Mother is in 
usual health ; had not seen her for four years." During 
that visit 3. protracted meeting was held in H., at which 
he preached several times, as also on the Sabbath, with 
great zeal and much effect. His departure he thus de- 
scribes : " Toward night my mother proposed to accom- 
pany me as far as Rev. Mr. Grout's, and there pass the 
night. She set out on foot a little before sundown. I 
lingered awhile at home. Was pained at the thought of 
leaving : more so than ever before, for never have I had 
so sweet a visit as this last with my mother. I walked 
back and forth in the room, while my sick sister sat upon 
the side of the bed. Must I leave t/iee^ dear mother? and 
thee, dear, dear sacred spot, how can I leave thee ? My 
heart was full, and the tears started to my eyes, when 
after having gazed around upon every object, within and 



LITERARY PURSUITS. 167 

without the dwelling of my mother, I bade poor weeping 
Mary farewell, fearful that under such pleasant circum- 
stances I should never see her again : nay, fearful that I 
should no more see her, as it is thought that her complaint 
may shortly end her days. Slowly -I climbed the hill, 
endeavoring to throw my sad feelings into a poetic form, 
and often turning to catch another and another glimpse of 
the widow's white cottage and little barn, till the final 
one had been taken, and the scene faded from my view. 
I spent the night in company with my mother, at Mr. 
Grout's. The next day being rainy, I did not leave there 
before three in the afternoon. There we shook hands 
with Mr. G., who wept, and remarked, he feared I should 
never see him again. On saluting him at my arrival, I 
had called him my father. Mother left for home, and I 
started on my journey. She had charged me not to say 
much to her, as we should take leave of each other. Often 
had we met and parted, but never before had enjoyed so 
delightful a visit. Since our last interview, my three 
brothers had made a profession of religion, and two of 
them had entered college : the eldest and the vouno^est of 
my sisters had entered the marriage state. Having gone 
a little way with my mother, I left her to wend her way 
home, while the storm was beating upon her, and I pur- 
sued my journey in an opposite direction, offering up 
prayers on her behalf, that she might be blessed on earth, 
and find at length eternal peace, beyond the grave. 

" Andover, Dec. 5. — I have received a call, or what 
amounts to one, to settle in Braintree. Answered it to- 
day in the negative. Have engaged to supply West 
Bradford for some time, perhaps for the winter. Feel 
very sad in view of the answer which 1 have been obliged, 
as I think, to send to Braintree. O, how I should love to 
go there ! How much violence I have done to my own 
feelings in rejecting the invitation ! " The call to B. was 



168 LITERARY PURSUITS. 

repeated. In declining it the second time, he says : " I 
have dwelt upon the subject, revolved it, prayed over 
it, and hesitated, until I again find myself compelled to 
come to a definite decision, and I hope on the right side. 
I wish to accept of your invitation. Had I two minds 
and two bodies, you certainly should have one of each. I 
have now spent more than a year in preparing a history 
of the Pulpit, from the time of Christ down to the pre- 
sent day. Books, necessary for completing the work, at 
best somewhat rare, are in the library here. I must either 
give up this work altogether, or renounce for the present 
all idea of going to B. For the former, after so much 
labor, I do not feel prepared ; therefore I am, of course, 
constrained to adopt the latter." 



CHAPTER XIV. 



LITERARY PURSUITS, CONTINUED. 

Though frequently invited to leave Andover, and enter 
Other spheres of usefulness, Mr. T. still considered it his 
duty to remain there. 

Journal : " Jan. 20, 1834. — Have spent my forenoons 
of late in writing sermons. Feb. 25. — Preached in Bos- 
ton last Sabbath, for the first time. Am troubled some- 
what with vertigo. Feel that I must be prepared for 
death. April 1 1. — Dr. Porter's funeral to-day ; just four 
weeks since the decease of his adopted daughter, Irene. 



LITERARY PURSUITS, CONTINUED. 169 

Hope I shall make a wise improvement of these events. 
July 13. — Am preparing a Life of Christ. Aug. 4. — 
Visited Bedford last Saturday; spent the Sabbath, and 
preached for Rev. Mr. Stearns, a distant connection of 
my mother, and a classmate of my uncle, T. Alden. 
During the last summer I have for some time supplied the 
pulpit in Kingston, N. H. Sept. 5. — Recently made an 
excursion to New Bedford, where I passed about four 
weeks, and preached on the Sabbath. Oct. 3. — Sent out 
last autumn to Europe, for German books, perhaps incon- 
siderately. Book-buying may be my besetting sin. 21. 
— Agreed with Messrs. Gould and Newman to publish 
the above work. ' Views of the Saviour,' is the title. 
I am preparing a translation of ' Pfeifer on Music' The 
Lord willing, I shall now proceed with my * History of the 
Pulpit.' Jan. 8, 1835. — Completed the composition of 
my book, ' Views of the Saviour.' •22. — Corrected the 
last proof-sheet of it. Go now, little book : seek thy for- 
tune as thou canst. I commit thee to the tide of public 
opinion." 

" February 5. 
" My dear sister M. : — I had just written a letter to 
mother, and was about to drop it into the post-office, when 
I saw one for me from T. I was in a sorrowful mood, 
from various perplexities naturally arising from the issuing 
of a book from the press, and said to myself, perhaps it 
brings sad neios, I will not therefore read it, until I have 
dined, and, having become more at ease in mind, feel 
better prepared for whatever the letter may contain. I 
did so, and when I opened it, found an account of your 
late and dangerous illness. I need not tell you I was 
deeply affected, as I imagined what you all must have 
suffered, and that I felt the duty very incumbent upon me 
to give thanks to God for having restored you in a measure 
U 



170 LITERARY PURSUITS, CONTINUED. 

to health. Ever since reading the letter, my mind has 
been dwelling upon you, and especially upon mother. It 
is true my letters to her are not very frequent. I plunge 
into my books, and am drowned in thought, until a mes- 
sage from her, or from my brothers, sets me to calculating 
how long it has been since I wrote, and then my remiss- 
ness fills me with regret. I think of her often, and fear 
lest she may lack things needful to her comfort. Oh, that 
it might be well with her; that the candle of the Lord 
might shine upon her head ; that she might have a peace- 
ful and happy old age ; but Oh, above all things, that she 
may enter safely at last into the haven of eternal rest. My 
painful regret is that I cannot forward to you each a fifty 
dollar bill, but this I cannot^ and it becomes us to submit 
to the will of God. Have you sufficient means to defray 
the expenses of your sickness ? How is it v^^ith mother ? 
Are her wants at this time supplied ? Does she enjoy 
good health ? Is her mind calm? ^q Ym^^ very kind ^ 
to our dear mother. The Lord will see it and reward it. 
Money comes hard with me at present, but she, and the 
rest of you, if in want, shall share what I have. The 
Lord bless you, my dear sister. My prayer is, that the 
chastisement you have lately received from his hand, may 
prove for your good, serving to wean you from the worlds 
and aiding you to live well while you are in it. Take 
every wise precaution to preserve your health." 

To his sister S., same month : 

" My dear sister S. : — The sickness of M. in your 
family, has brought yourself, husband and babe before 
me, and reminds me of my negligence in not writing you 
of late. I sympathize with you in lVJ?'s sickness, and at 
the same time am grateful to God that she had a home 
under your roof. I hope the event will prove salutary to 
us all, reminding us to be prepared for changes, and es- 



I 



I 



LITERARY PURSUITS, CONTINUED. 171 

pecially for sickness and death. May it not be lost upon 
yourself and husband. Oh, that your hearts might be 
united in the service of God — that I could be informed 
that the family altar had been set up. I cannot but hope 
that you do read your Bible together, and converse often 
about the value of the soul, and the importance of being 
prepared for death. Believe me, my dear sister, our time 
at the longest will be short. We shall soon stand before 
God, and there give him an account of our past lives. We 
must soon, very soon, enter upon an eternal state of exist- 
ence, and where ? I think of you often, though I do not 
write to you, and my neglect in this respect arises in part 
from the fact that you have a tender husband to take care 
of you, while I feel in a measure like a guardian or pro- 
tector of your sisters. 

" Let the spirit of love guide you in all your domestic 
duties. A kind and affectionate wife, I know, unmarried 
^ though I am, to be the greatest of earthly blessings. She 
can counsel her husband in trial, and often sustain him 
when ready to sink under the pressure of sorrow. In the 
world without, he may find all cold and friendless, but at 
home there will be one to bless and comfort. Oh, what 
would our poor father have done, had it not been for the 
kindness, the affection, and the ceaseless conjugal fidelity 
of our dear mother ? With my best regards to your hus- 
band, Your Brother." 

To his brother E. in Amherst College : 

" We brothers have had to struggle, ^nd even now the 
hard hand of poverty presses heavily upon us. We are 
deprived of many good things of which others have the 
enjoyment. We have to press our way up from the dust. 
But we have had many favors. The Lord has done much 
for us and he has promised to do more. Let us look to him 
and lean upon him. That we meet with difficulties does 



172 LITERARY PURSUITS, CONTINUED. 

not prove that we are not in the path of duty. Bunyan 
very beautifully tells us this, when he represents Christian 
as clambering up the hill Difficulty. And how improving 
to pass through trials. It gives the soul firmness. Read 
the memoirs of any great general, and see what trials 
he had to pass through before he reached maturity. I 
have fondly looked forward to the time when we shall find 
ourselves more independent of the world and possessed of 
enough to show ourselves generous ; yet this, I fear, is a 
fairy dream. Let us not, however, murmur, my dear 
brother ; there is rest in heaven for the weary pilgrim. 
Live continually at the foot of the cross. May we, as a 
family, ever remember each other in our daily prayers. 
Prayer constitutes one of the best bonds of union. O that 
whatever others do, we may show ourselves on the Lord's 
side and be firmly united by a two, nay, by a three-fold 
cord which cannot be easily broken, viz. : by the ties of 
nature, of professional duty, and of grace." 

" April 25. — A very kind and comforting letter from 
mother. She speaks of my book like a good mother. 
The favor of no other human being do I value as high as 
hers. May 6. — A pleasing visit from brother R., of 
Am. College. July 4. — Have entered into an engage- 
ment to make out a catalogue of the seminary library." 

To his sister M — v : 

" My Dear Sister. — Your letter fills me with inex- 
pressible anxiety. You seem to be in want of something 
which I cannot give you. I know not what I can do but 
kneel, and weep and pray, that though you have a dis- 
eased body your soul may be cured of the disease of sin 
which is infinitely more dreadful. I have had feelings 
this evening in regard to you which I have seldom had 
before. Why can you not give up all to the Saviour } 



LITERARY PURSUITS, CONTINUED. 173 

He left the heavens to die for sinners. He always sym- 
pathized with the sorrowful — he healed diseased bodies. 
He died on Calvary ; his love admits of no reasonable 
doubt. Come, my dear, dear sister, I too am poor, and 
vile, and wretched ; let us go to the cross together. It 
will be pleasant to weep there and see the vast burden of 
our sins roll into his tomb. I know that relief awaits us 
there." 

To his youngest sister : 

" You have changed your name ; but without forgetting 
your brother who, be assured, has not forgotten you, or 
ceased to love you, and who would delight even now to 
impress a kiss upon your cheek. I can scarcely think of 
you except as the same little light-haired girl v/hom I left 
at the foot of the '* Sugar Loaf," with the tear trickling 
down her face. God has, I hear, been gracious to you. 
I hear well of your situation. One thing I fear is want- 
ing. Have you a lightning rod on your house ? You can 
perhaps get along without it in fair weather, but when the 
fiery cloud shall arise over your habhation, you will need 
it. Prayer offered up on a family altar draws down mer- 
cies and dispels gathered wrath. Without such an altar you 
will find some of the storms of life most terrific ; and you 
may be dashed in pieces by thunder- bolts which break over 
your head. Should you and Mr. R. be united in the love of 
Jesus, as well as in the bonds of conjugal affection, happy 
would you be. Why not make God in heaven your 
Father, and now lay up your treasure in the world where 
he dwells ? " 

To his brother R., Dec 31 : 

" My Dear Brother : — When I think everything is 
going well with you, being myself somewhat pressed for 
time, I postpone writing you. It is not because I am in- 
14* 



174 LITERARY PURSUITS, CONTINUED. 

different to your welfare, for I am deeply interested in it. 
Brother J. informs me that you are teaching in N. I wish 
to inquire how this has come to pass. If you left college 
during the latter part of one term, and are to return punc- 
tually at the commencement of another, why it will do ; 
that is, for once. But if you are to be absent from col- 
lege more than this, I shall regret it exceedingly. Eather 
get even six hundred dollars in debt, than do thus. I was 
almost persuaded to leave for teaching one winter, but 
Providence prevented, and I have felt truly thankful ever 
since that I did not. Brother T. says the same in regard 
to himself. Do write us how it is that you are away from 
your studies. This is the last day of the old year, which 
by me has been poorly spent. A new one I would fain 
hope will be better improved. 

Yours, in fraternal affection." 

To the same, a few days later : 

" Your letter greatly relieves, not only my mind, but 

brother T s, for we were both of us agonized almost, 

that you had left college for even a single quarter. If, 
however, as I told you in my last, you get back at the be- 
ginning of the next term, you may be able to come off 
tolerably well. Scarcely for ten thousand dollars a year 
w^ould I have you leave now, or break in upon your stud- 
ies to any considerable extent. Were there the least dan- 
ger of your not returning immediately to college at the 
close of your quarter, I should feel that I must make a 
journey quite on purpose to converse with you about it. 
Finish your college course with honor to yourself. Stand, 
if possible, among the first of your class. At least, main- 
tain the rank you have begun to hold. Should you leave 
for six months, you must for a year. If you should be 
absent a year you would probably become discouraged 
and never return. Then you can at best be only a mere 



LITERARY PURSUITS, CONTINUED. 175 

preceptor, and such an office soon reduces a man^ if he he 
not greatly on his guards to mental nothingness. To 
teach an academy, or something of the kind, will do for 
a while, but not often for life. An old man is usually a 
miserable teacher. Go through college ; get a profession, 
and then, if you please, you can teach ; but see to it that 
you get the profession. I write briefly because I have not 
time to write more at length. I write frankly because I 
love you. If you love me you will follow my advice." 

During the latter part of 1835, Mr. T. preached regu- 
larly in Dracut, where his labors were blessed in raising 
a society from a state of depression, and in procuring for 
it a pastor. " Jan. 12, 1836. — Again has come and gone 
a new year's day, and also the anniversary of my father's 
death. The Lord has been very gracious to me the year 
past. I fear he will take me out of the ministry as I have 
shown myself so unworthy of the office. Prayer, more 
prayer is necessary" 

" April. 
" My Dear Sister M — y : — The past year, which I 
have just been looking at, as on a Fast day it is proper to 
do, has, on the part of God, been a year of mercies ; on 
mine of imperfectly performed duties, and heinous sins ; 
and yet I find myself still surrounded with mercies, and I 
would fain hope not wiihout some beamings from that 
world where all is sinless and painless forever and ever. 
Religion is indeed a very sacred thing in its internal ex- 
periences. The choicest hours of the child of God must 
be unknown to the world. He cannot, if he would, reveal 
the joys of his communion with the Eternal. It is with 
him, in this respect, as with Moses of old. The people 
saw him enter the tabernacle, and knew that there he 
conversed with God. They saw him come out of it, and 
beheld his face shining. They stood in aw^e of him, but 



176 LITERARY PURSUITS, CONTINUED. 

that was all they knew. What inexpressible hours of 
bliss do those lose who live for this world ! My eyes, my 
ears, my whole soul seem often to be just openinsj upon 
this great, this hallowed subject. I have known the truth 
long, and felt it some, I hope, but O, how feebly. Still, I 
get clearer views ; heaven appears at times to open around 
and upon me with radiant glory. And it is enough. No 
matter where, or what we are, whether in sickness or in 
health, in prosperity or adversity, in Christian lands or 
heathen, in honor or dishonor, in life or in death ; if we are 
where God is, and his favor is with us, we rejoice in afflic- 
tion, yea, in prison. Though our heads sink in deep 
waters, if the love of God be shed abroad in our souls, 
with the Psalmist we can sing, ' The Lord is my shepherd, 
I shall not want.' O, my poor famishing sister, how 
long will you seek for that which is not bread, and lie dy- 
ing of thirst hard by the river of life ? I have prayed 
and wept for you ; shall I, must I give you up ? What 
will become of you? God holds his chastening rod over 
you. You can fly from me and from Jesus, but I will 
not forsake you ; I will follow you still, and cease not to 
remind you that the Spirit and the Bride say come, and 
that whosoever will may take the water of life freely." 

" Hawley, Aug. 27. 
" My Dear T. ; — After having just been closeted 
for months, I might say even for years, I find it very 
exhilarating to travel. Nature seems to stand ready to 
meet me and conduct me about to witness her objects of in- 
terest. My thoughts are turned out of their ordinary 
course and flow forth sometimes through winning fields 
and down into sweet vales ; at others rush over rocks and 
mountains. Not the proud eagle himself feels more glad- 
some, or wings his way over wide-spreading landscapes 
with greater eagerness. I have, however, at this time felt 



LITERARY PURSUITS, CONTINUED. 177 

less exhilarated than usual, owing in part to the fact that 
the route is an old one. I am afraid that my own sensi- 
bility to nature and to whatever else should interest me, 
has been blunted by nearly fifteen months of confinement 
upon the catalogue, at which I al first looked with a kind 
of horror, but to which by habit I have now, as I find, be- 
come quite reconciled. I never was — at least, 1 have 
Bot been of late years — so vain as to suppose myself a 
great favorite of the muses. Yet I do firmly believe they 
have occasionally condescended to favor me with visits. 
Still these have been solicited on my part rather than be- 
ing voluntarily made ; I fear I shall receive no more. 
Having been sadly grieved away, they are not easily 
wooed back again. We shall, I fear, as a nation, never 
produce many poets. But you must not suppose that my 
journey from A. to this place was without real interest. I 
was indeed considerably annoyed between W. and P. by 
the profane language of a young man who rode with me 
on the outside of the stage. At the first convenient stop- 
ping place, however, I found means to correct him. Tak- 
ing him aside I had several minutes conversation with 
him on this subject, also in reference to his abuse of a 
colored person who was riding in an extra behind the 
stage. He swore no more while he continued on the 
route with us. Before reaching G. another man mounted 
the box and swore more horribly than any one I ever be- 
fore heard. Soon learning that his name was , I re- 
proved him most severely from time to time as in the 
course of the journey he was guilty of his besetting sin." 

To his youngest sister : 

" I am rejoiced to find you remember me. I love to 
hear from you often, and love to write you when I can, 
only .you must let me have my own image of you still 
— that of the little girl that you were. But my dear 



178 LITERARY PURSUITS, CONTINUED. 

sister, there is one painful thought which comes up 
wheif I write to you. As yet you have not given me any 
reason to believe you are a Christian, and what will you 
do without a Saviour ? And then how ungrateful to his 
love. Well, dear sister, I will pray for you and your hus- 
band. Why should either of you be lost ?" 

" Jan. 25, 1837. — Professor Stuart's illness places me 
in a very trying situation.* I see that I must live by 
prayer. Have been more interested than ever before in 
reading and examining the first chapter of Genesis in the 
Hebrew. April 18. — Had my class examined in Hebrew. 
Everything went off well. Have great reason to bless 
God, who out of weakness in my case has ordained 
strength ; for I have served in troublous times, owing to 
the sickness of Professor S. Many prejudices were also 
arrayed against me, when I set out, but all has ended 
well, and the end crowns the work. What more is before 
me I know not. Dr. Kobinson has made inquiries about 
me to fill his place at N. Y., while he goes to Germany 
and Palestine. I am now entering upon the printing of 
my catalogue." 

Writing to his mother. May 13, Mr. T. unbosoms to 
her his grief on the death of Mr. Johnson, Preceptor of 
Phillips' Academy. " He has been to me a near and 
dear friend. I have always found him with a warm hand 
and a warm heart. Often has he cheered up his counte- 
nance for my sake. It has been as an adviser in my hours of 
despondency that I have found him particularly valuable. 
He has stood by me and sustained my almost sinking 
heart. I have lost a friend, and in this cold-hearted 
world such a loss is great. But he is now, I believe, sing- 
ing praises to his Redeemer in a better world." 

* Mr. T. taught in the Seminary one year, having been elected to 
that service. 



LITERARY PURSUITS, CONTINUED. 179 

The following letter will explain itself: . 

" Theol. Sem. N. Y., June 19, 1837. 
" Rev. O. a. Taylor, Dear Sir : — You are aware, 
perhaps, that we are desirous of obtaining some person 
to occupy my place as instructor in Hebrew and Greek, 
during the year of my absence in Europe and Palestine, 
My thoughts were early directed to yourself, and I made 
inquiries of Prof. Stuart several months since, whether 
you could probably be obtained. His reply was that you 
would be* wanted at Andover. For this reason I have 
been making inquiries in other quarters, but find no other 
person who would be so acceptable to the faculty and di- 
rectors. I am therefore induced to make the inquiry of 
yourself, whether your engagements are such as would 
permit you to take charge of my department for the next 
seminary year. It is also not very improbable that I may 
be detained in Europe for a second winter ; in that case 
it would be desirable that you should continue. Please 
let me hear from you at the earliest moment. 
• Yours sincerely, 

Edward Eobtnson." 

To his youngest sister, July : 

" I pretend not to parental sensibility. Fraternal, how- 
ever, I may justly claim, and though I have delayed writ- 
ing to you, I have not failed to bear your case on my mind 
and heart. I hope the loss of your dear child will lead 
you and your husband to reflect on your ways, to loosen 
your hold of earthly things and fasten your hand on the 
skies. Only in this way can you secure permanent satis- 
faction. There is something inexpressibly delightful in 
having a Father to whom we may go — a Heavenly Fa- 
ther ; a permanent inalienable friend. On the other hand 



180 LITERARY PURSUITS, CONTINUED. 

there is something dark and gloomy in having one's hopes 
centred on this world, confined to earth. It is to be like 
the poor inhabitant of some island, who sees the waters 
rising higher and higher around him, the soil disappearing 
on every side, while himself is wholly without security or 
retreat. The worldly see the storm beating upon their 
habitations, the floods arising which must surely sweep 
them away. My dear sister, how kind has God been to 
our family ! Will you requite this kindness with ingrati- 
tude ? Will you reject the Saviour who has exhibited 
such love for you ? Go to him in all your sorrows, in all 
your joys let him have your heart, your soul, your all." 

To his mother, July 30 : 

" I love to think of you ; I love to write you letters ; I 
love to converse with friends about you ; I love to send 
you money ; I love to visit you. From almost all these 
pleasures I am, however, at present cut off. I look for- 
ward to the time when my present slavish task will be 
performed, and I hope it will be, though indirectly a mite 
for the kingdom of Christ. Mrs. J. was highly gratified 
with your letter of sympathy, and I doubt not much com- 
forted by it. I presume you feel for the heathen in the 
embarrassment of the Board. I hope that in proportion 
as human means fail, the divine will increase ; that as the 
missionaries find themselves forsaken at home, thev 
will rest more upon God ; that though they may be una- 
ble to do so much, by translating, printing, and educat- 
ing, they will preach more. Good old Mr. Hallock I see 
has gone to his rest. My dear mother, let us hunger 
and thirst after righteousness ; let us agonize for a prepa- 
ration to follow him."" 

Sept. 14. — He says, " I have received an invitation from 
Dr. Robinson, in person, to fill his place in New York 



LITERARY PURSUITS, CONTINUED. 181 

during his absence. Declined, because Prof. Stuart had 
advised me to do so, and because the printing of my cata- 
logue will retain me here for some time, probably into the 
winter. Oct. 2. — This day is long to be remembered as 
one of high religious exercises. As I was returning from 
Newburyport, where I preached on the Sabbath, I felt that 
God is right, and could say with an overflowing heart, 
amen to his will in all the disappointments I have of late 
experienced." 

" North Andover, Oct. 8. 
" Dear Mother : — I v/rite you from Mrs. B.'s, the moth- 
er of Mrs. Dwight, who recently died of the plague at Con- 
stantinople. I became acquainted with this family a num- 
ber of years since. The room in which I now am was 
Mrs. D.'s. Here she was under conviction of sin ; here, as 
I have every reason to believe, she prayed over the sub- 
ject of missions, and decided to become a mission- 
ary. In the room directly below me she was mar- 
ried. Mr. Schauffler was present, and I think brother 
Emerson, also, now at the Sandwich Islands. It seems 
but yesterday that we expressed our congratulations, as 
usual on such occasions, and gave the parting hand. Of 
course I find the mother in affliction, yet she is calm ; she 
says it is difficult to realize that she can see her daughter 
no more on earth. Mrs. B. has given me a detailed ac- 
count of this daughter's trials in coming out from a non- 
evangelical church in this place. I think I could deeply 
sympathize with brother Dwight were I with him, for, as 
you hint, I too have had trials ! Yet what have mine 
been ? I have been struck by the archer, and his poison- 
ed arrow has quivered for days and weeks in my very 
heart ; but the wound I have borne in silence. I could 
roll and toss on my couch, yea, with Jonah declare it bet- 
ter to die than to live ; still only to my God might I utter 
15 



182 LITERARY PURSUITS, CONTINUED. 

in sighs the anguish of my soul. Still, I ask, what have 
my trials been ? Not many or great perhaps to a soul 
staid on God ; not many or great, perhaps, to a less sensi- 
tive nature than mine, but to me great. I am too delicate- 
ly strung, too easily bruised to come into contact with so 
rude a world. Every flower I cull is sure to conceal a 
thorn or a sting. But what have my trials been ? My 
health is generally good ; I have been successful too in 
my studies. As teacher of Hebrew I am admitted by the 
officers to have excelled. My catalogue, also, is in a fair 
way to be completed, and will, as I am told, prove a monu- 
ment of industry and scholastic skill. Yet, I have trials. 
Perhaps they originate in the imagination, but to me they 
are real. To me the cup is bitter, but thanks to God I 
have my joys, my visits of consolation from the Holy 
One. I have known it to be good to have the fest fibre of 
the heart severed from earth ; to sit down at the foot of 
the cross and to lose one's own will in the will of the De- 
ity. I have again and again felt that the sun's brightness 
is but a faint emblem of the glories of the upper world, 
and have longed for such a heavenward elevation that I 
might behold this globe lying far beneath my feet. I have 
said that I was the Lord's, and like Baxter have thought I 
had nothing for which to live but his glory. I have felt 
that whether sick or well, honored or dishonored, useful 
or useless, I had nothing to do but to acquiesce in the di- 
vine will, and now God is taking me at my word. He 
tears up the gourd I have planted, and leaves me faint- 
ing. But then, there are times when I feel his hand under 
me, and I can sing ' The Lord is my shepherd, I shall 
not want ; ' also, with delight, ' Thou hast searched me 
and known me.' I can likewise appropriate to myself the 
words of the 37th Psalm, — I have streams of conso- 
lation flowing into my soul ; I am overwhelmed with 
joy ; I soar on wings of celestial love. I am ashamed of 



LITERARY PURSUITS, CONTINUED. 183 

my murmurings ; I forgive all my enemies ; I ask forgive- 
ness. I burst into tears of delight. I am swallowed up 
in unutterable bliss. It is good to be in the hands of God. 
I am a little child in a vast wilderness, and know not the 
way any whither. But my Father will make a path plain 
before me and lead me in the way of duty. All events 
are in the hands of God ; he appoints, directs, and con- 
trols. Thus, dear mother, agreeably to your wishes, have 
T given you a faint transcript of my own mind. I have 
hesitated to do so, but then I hope it will ensure me an 
interest in your prayers." 

Journal : " Jan. 23, 1838. — We have just laid in the 
graveyard of the Theological Seminary, Mrs. Cowles, 
wife of the Rev. Mr. C., late pastor in Dan vers. They 
both perished a few months since, by the wrecking of the 
steamboat Home. The body of her husband has not 
been found. A multitude of thoughts rushed into my mind 
as I stood looking into her grave. I have preached for 
her husband. I saw them both at the hotel in this place 
on the evening of the last Anniversary. 26. — Am en- 
gaged in writing the preface to my ' Catalogue.' Feb. 21. 
— Put the last stroke to the above work and saw the final 
sheet struck off. More than two years and seven months 
have elapsed since I commenced this work. 25. — Rev. 

Mr. preached in the chapel this morning. I have in 

times past had a little difficulty with this man, and am not 
yet convinced that he has not erred. I am certain, however, 
that one drop of the love of God in Jesus Christ is enough to 
sweeten the bitterest cup, which it is possible for an earthly 
enemy to give, and to fill the heart with breathings after 
meekness. April 12. — If I know my own heart, its 
language is, Lord^ what wilt thou have me to do ? If 
I am not mistaken, there is a secret resolve in me to strug- 
gle on towards the cross. While hope, however, delays, 



184 LITERARY PURSUITS, CONTINUED. 

the arrows of the Almighty drink up my spirit. I sink in 
deep waters. The waves and the billows roll over me. 
May 1. — No change has yet taken place in my situation 
or prospects. What absolutely overwhelms me at times, 
is the rise of dark clouds of sin between me and my God. 
I know not what to do. Indeed it seems impossible for 
me to do anything except stand still and call upon the 
Lord. Shall I go on a mission to the east ? I am far 
advanced in life ; have a diseased body ; am full of nervous 
tendencies and complaints. And then many years must 
elapse before I can become a tolerable proficient in the 
Arabic or in any other one of the oriental dialects. Yet 
perhaps the Lord would have me go. The subject has been 
for years before my mind and now lies upon it from day 
to day. The prominent reason why it has not hitherto 
been decided is that I am obliged to provide for my moth- 
er. It would seem that some of her four sons ought to 
be missionaries. June 19th. — I know, O Lord, that if 
thou removest thy frown all will go well. Let, O let thy 
light shine upon my path. I hang upon thy smiles. Grant 
that I may not murmur against thee. Give, O give me 
energy to do something while life passes. I try to crawl, 
broken, maimed, mangled as I am, up Calvary, in order to 
lay all my burdens and to present my complaints before 
the cross. And yet I tremble lest, as the Israelites had 
quails sent to them in anger, I shall also in anger receive 
from the hand of God. A letter from my mother yester- 
day ; good news in it ; my youngest sister and her hus- 
band profess to have become Christians. Aug. 18. — 
My birth-day ; am thirty-seven. Devoted more than 
usual time to reflection in the morning until 10 o'clock. 
Was then interrupted. I wish to be lost in the glory of 
God." Not far from this time he published in the Ameri- 
can Quarterly Register, a statistical history of the Ando- 
ver Theological Seminary. He likewise prepared an 



DEVOTES HIMSELF TO PREACHING. 185 

edition for the press, of a small English book, called ' The 
Mourner,' a very good work. "Sept. 17. — I turn with 
great fondness towards the missionary field, but am 
afraid my health and peculiar temperament will not author- 
ize me to offer myself to the Board. Still I am fearful 
of doing wrong should I not do it." 



CHAPTER XV. 



DEVOTES HIMSELF TO PREACHING. 

Early in the autumn, 1838, Mr. T. commenced preach- 
ing as his chief employment. He felt that God was call- 
ing him away from that sacred hill of science on which 
he had dwelt so long. 

" Oct. 8. Dracut. — Preached on resignation yester- 
day, having composed the discourse in a measure out 
of my own experience. Of course, when I write a ser- 
mon in a week, it is written calamo currentey 

To his brother T. Written at Dracut Oct. 16 : 

"Two deaths were announced to me last Sabbath, just 
as I was preparing for meeting, one of a child less than 
a year old, and the other of a young married woman. 
The funeral of each I am to attend this day. The last 
has taken a deep and strong hold upon my feelings ; and 
even now while I am writing, though twenty-four hours 
have elapsed since I heard of the event, I can scarcely 
refrain from weeping. I feel as if an own sister had 
been cut down. Her calm countenance, her gentle and 
15* 



186 DEVOTES HIMSELF TO PREACHING, 



almost dying whisper of inquiry and assent, and the glassy 
and fixed gaze of her black eyje, united with her breath- 
ings for pardon ; her gentle and trembling expressions 
of hope in the Redeemer, are all continually present with 
me. Yesterday, when in the pulpit, especially in my 
first morning prayer, I was almost suffocated with 
emotion. — This woman was probably not much above 
twenty years of age. She lived about three miles and a 
half from the place where I board. She belonged to an 
intelligent and good family, though her own mother is not 
a professor of religion. Her husband, a young mechan- 
ic, is also a lovely man, though not a professor, and his 
mother is an excellent woman, a professor, and was 
almost always with her daughter-in-law, fanning her, 
attending to her inquiries, and praying at her side. The 
deceased and her husband had been acquainted with each 
other from their childhood, and their mutual attachment 
was exceedingly strong. About ten months since, they 
were married. A handsome house was finished off for 
them. She went into it, made up a fire, and spent some 
hours in papering the walls. Articles of furniture had 
also been carried into it. The house stands there, with 
everything around it to make life desirable ; the embers 
and firebrands remain just as she left them, while her 
husband weeps in brokenness of heart, and she lies at- 
tired for the grave, a victim of a long and flattering con- 
sumption. Early in her sickness I began to visit her, and 
always found her tender-hearted, inquiring, and ready to 
weep ; nor could I on my visiting her, and praying with 
her, refrain from weeping myself. She seemed to wish 
to see me, particularly in her closing days. Last week 
Thursday I was sent for in much haste to see her. She 
was drawing near her end, and was in great anxiety of 
mind. She had been listening to a prayer of her mother- 
in-law, and also had often engaged in prayer herself. I 



DEVOTES HIMSELF TO PREACHING. 187 

prayed with her three times, and when 1 told her I must 
go, she said, do not go yet, and then I lingered and an- 
swered other inquiries. I visited her again on Friday, 
prayed with her, and bent long over her couch to catchy 
her whispers. I told her of the cross of Christ ; repeated 
* There is a fountain ; ' ' Behold a stranger at the door ; ' 
'Ho! all ye hungry;' 'Ho! every one that thirsteth,' 
etc. ; spoke of the sin of having put off repentance, of 
the justice of God repeating ' whate'er God does is kind- 
ly done,' telling her she must be passive in his hands ; 
that she must believe in Jesus, and rejoice in him, what- 
ever he should please to do with her ; charged her not to 
lean on me. She listened, inquired, whispered assent, 
expressed fears, reached after the plank of salvation, took 
the words often out of my mouth, thanked me again and 
again for my kindness, gave me a parting message to her 
Sabbath school companions, telling them not to defer re- 
pentance as she had done ; a message which I gave them 
yesterday. She died Saturday about eight A. M., praying 
for the last two hours, Lord Jesus^ receive my spirit, O, 
it has been to me a solemn and heart-rending scene." 

Nov. 14 Mr. T. was ordained an evangelist at New- 
bury, Mass. "Dec. 1. — Prayed, I hope sincerely, that 
as external light is diminished, internal light may be in- 
creased. Dec. 5. — Am to-day in my room at Andover, 
endeavoring to bow to the will of God, though I often feel 
almost crushed. Received a cheering letter from mother 
last Monday. 12. — Set out to-morrow for Greenfield in 
order to preach there six weeks for Rev. Mr. W. who is 
to be absent during the time." 

To his brother T. : 

" Greenfield, Mass., Dec. 17. 
" I arrived here last week Friday evening. It was with 



188 DEVOTES HIMSELF TO PREACHING. 

peculiar emotions and under a very trying state of feeling 
that I thought of preaching here yesterday. About twen- 
ty years since I was a poor farmer's boy in this vicinity, 
yhis was the first place of any note that I ever saw. It 
then dazzled me with its greatness. It contained a print- 
ing office, and I believed that every place thus endowed 
must be great. It was here that I then exchanged a 
Bridgewater collection of music for a Bible, which was 
my first and present one. I hesitated and hesitated wheth- 
er to preach extempore or not, but at last brought myself 
to the effort. I had fixed attention given me, only my 
sermons were too long, unless I may conclude that the 
people here are accustomed to those which are not long 
enough. I think I am coming more and more to leave 
matters with God, aiming only at duty, and yet this term 
duty often becomes cold and formal, and under its influ- 
ence we degenerate into lethargy." 

To the same, Dec. 31 : 

" The gospel of Christ increases in its preciousness to 
me, yet I tremble lest I shall be led away by the phanta- 
sies of the brain, or by a belief in an imaginary Saviour. 
I can only take refuge in the prayer of the Psalmist, — 
' Search me, O God, and know my heart.' Yesterday was 
an interesting day with me. There had been a death 
during the week, that of a merchant in this village, and 
father of a Unitarian clergyman in B. In the evening I 
attended a meeting four miles distant from the village. 
Great spiritual coldness prevails in this region, though 
there are here some warm hearted Christians. In order 
to do good, we must be free and bold in preaching, not 
aiming to tickle the ears of men, who imagine themselves 
possessed of critical acumen, but to please God. I am 
sensible that the Lord must open the eyes of sinners or 
they will always remain blind. I have Hebrew, German, 



DEVOTES HIMSELF TO PREACHING. 189 

Greek, Arabic, and Latin books with me, but I am not in 
very good health." 

Journal : " Dec. 25. — Am not without strong desires 
for usefulness and heavenly attainments. Long much to 
visit Palestine. Jan. 1, 1839. — Entering upon another 
year I wish to draw near to the mercy-seat and throw 
myself wholly into the arms of Divine Providence, and 
while endeavoring to perform my duty, to leave every 
result with God." 

To his brother T. : 

" Greenfield, Jan. 8. 
" Last Sabbath was sacramental here, and I for the 
first time administered the ordinance in full. I felt solemn, 
and saw evidences of deep emotions all around me. Have 
been assured by the people that the occasion was one of 
very great interest. I have sufficient proof that the pi- 
ous members of the congregation enjoy my ministrations. 
For the majority, however, I doubt whether I am not too 
pointed, and yet I have used no severity, nor have I 
preached my most searching discourses. I was tried New 
Year's day. A hall had been appointed which the chil- 
dren of some professors attended. How could I forbear 
saying on the following Sabbath that the most proper way 
to spend new year's day is in prayer in our closets, on 
our knees. How many parents forget the case of Eli 
and his sons. From time to time I am troubled some- 
what with despondency, which arises, I presume, chiefly 
from ill health. In the main I become more and more 
interested in my work as a minister, nor am I altogether 
without the presence of the Saviour. His love is at times 
inexpressibly sweet. I feel that I shall get the victory over 
sin and death. I sat down under the Saviour's shadow 
the last Sabbath, and his banner over me was lov6. I long, 



190 DEVOTES HIMSELF TO PREACHING. 

however, for more obvious success, for the overwhelming 
accompanying influences of the Holy Spirit. This, 
after all, may result from vanity. O the sweet wonders 
of the cross of Christ. O the floods of glory soon to 
break upon the Christian. My dear brother, I pray for 
you, that you may be wrapped up in the love of the Re- 
deemer, and then burn like a fire in your ministerial 
course. The day of trial is waning, is waning, — the day of 
glorious reward is coming, is coming, and then if we en- 
dure unto the end, we shall enter into the joy of our Lord. 
I often call to mind the words with which Mr. Withington 
commenced his charge to me : ' Be thou faithful unto death, 
and I will give thee a crown of life.' I have much to 
say, much to write, but must forbear. The dignity of the 
kingdom of God almost overwhelms me ; the elevation of 
soul to be derived from the gospel, far surpasses all that 
the earth can exhibit. Two Sabbaths more and then again 
I am afloat, but I may trust in the Redeemer ; I shall in 
proportion to the perfection of my love for him." 

To the same, from the same place, Jan. 16 : 

" Yours of the 14th inst., together with the letter mis- 
sive of the Church, came to hand last evening. I have 
read them with great interest ; thought again and again of 
the invitation, and long to be present, in order to give you 
the right-hand of fellowship. Indeed, I feel as though I 
could not be denied ; there would be something so pleas- 
ing and interesting, as well as solemn, in the service : one 
brother, an elder, giving the right-hand of ministerial fel- 
lowship to another, and this under all the circumstances 
of our past history ! Were I about returning to Andover, 
it would not be much out of my way to visit you. True, 
the next Sabbath completes the six for which I was en- 
gaged here, and Mr. W. returns in the course of the fol- 
lowing week, to remain awhile with his people. In the 



DEVOTES HIMSELF TO PREACHING. 191 

meantime, however, I have promised to preach for the 
people in Hatfield five Sabbaths, beginning with the one 
immediately after I get through here. J must therefore 
be in this region to preach on the 27th inst. Besides, the 
expense of a visit to you would be about twelve dollars, 
and this sum I want for mother and sister M — y. More- 
over, I am sick in a sleigh-stage nearly all the time, or 
liable to be. I should also find it a hurrying ride to reach 
you in season, and return to this place at the close of the 
week, and thence to H. ; and besides, in doing so, I should 
endanger my health, by exposure to cold. Still further, 
mother and M — y have already received a promise from 
me of a visit during the week of your ordination. All 
things considered, therefore, I presume you will think 
with me, that duty clearly forbids my attempting to be 
present with you. In the meantime, I trust my heart will 
be with you, and if the Lord permit, mother, M — y, and 
myself, will then, Wednesday eve., at six o'clock, be en- 
gaged in conversing about you ; and about the time of the 
ordaining services, we will, God permitting, kneel around 
the family altar, in their new habitation, and remember you 
there. And may that Saviour, from whom all true author- 
ity for preaching must spring, be with you, bless you in 
your new relations, and endow you plenteously with 
his grace, making your path shine brighter and brighter, 
unto the perfect day. One thing I wish you particularly 
to aim at, on the occasion, humility. Dedicate yourself 
wholly to Jesus Christ. Lie down at the foot of the 
cross. With regard to myself, I am following, I hope, 
where God leads. He will bring me out, I trust, in the 
end, to the light of Life. My labors here have had cheer- 
ing marks of usefulness. Some Christians have been 
deeply affected, and confessed themselves instructed. 
There has been solemnity, too, in the congregation gen- 
erally. I have visited the people regularly, and have had 



192 DEVOTES HIMSELF TO PREACHING. 

a biblical lecture every Wednesday evening, — have 
one to-night, in prospect. I have, besides, formed several 
interesting acquaintances. 

" In conclusion, I cannot forbear repeating how deeply 
I am grieved, not to have the prospect of being with you, 
on the interesting occasion you have before you ; but I 
must deny myself. In the meantime, thanks to you and 
to the church for the invitation you have given me. 

'' The Lord be with you, and bless you with a double 
portion of his spirit. Let neither of us forget our conse- 
cration to his service." 

" Hatfield, Jan. 28. 
" Dear Brother T. : — I left Greenfield yesterday 
evening week, for Dr. Packard's, Shelburne, where I 
passed the night, and had an agreeable time. The next 
morning, Rev. T. P., Jr., conveyed me to the Falls. 
Thence I proceeded on foot, by way of Charlemont. On 
the road, a mile or so beyond Shelburne, I was struck 
with the appearance of the rocks. The Deerfield river 
once evidently ran over them, and if so, there must have 
then been quite a lake above them. Where I called in 
C, I found preparations making to attend a funeral at the 
public house of the village. Mr. A. was to preach a ser- 
mon. I went. Found a full house, and was invited to 
take a part. Read selections from the Scriptures, and, at 
the close of the sermon, made an address. Here I met 
with former acquaintances from Hawley, who kindly con- 
veyed me to their own home, where I was refreshed and 
religiously entertained till the approach of night, when I 
was carried to the foot of that last long mountain, which 
we used to ascend on our way to the house of God. This 
I climbed on foot and alone. I found the route up it quite 
slippery ; besides, I was very weary ; otherwise, I enjoyed 
the walk exceedingly. The ground was all covered with 



DEVOTES HIMSELF TO PREACHING. 193 

snow, while at the same time the moon, nearly full, 
shone clearly in the heavens — a few passing clouds ex- 
cepted. Everything seemed to add to the sublimity 
of the scene. It appeared to me to surpass anything of 
the kind that I had ever beheld. I walked a little way ; 
then paused ; looked around ; admired the works of God, 
adored his majesty, and bowed in reverence before him ; 
then proceeded onward a little, stopped again, and gazed 
and adored as before. What doubtless added to the in- 
terest of the whole, were the recollections associated with 
each step. Here I had walked with my father, hundreds 
of times, as we went up unto the house of God. Here I 
was ridiculed by the wicked young men, who were always 
a terror to me ; and here I had sweet and heavenly inter- 
course with young converts, my companions. 

" I found mother and M — y looking out for me, as I had 
dropped a line to them, some days before — intimating my 
visit. Mother's habitation is comfortable. All things 
considered, she is probably now as well off as we can 
make her, so far as situation is concerned. The spot is 
quite interesting to me, on another account. I look out, 
and to the east see hard by, the window of that pulpit from 
which, year after year, I heard the words of life, spoken 
by Mr. Grout. There is the meeting-house, in which I wit- 
nessed many solemn scenes. We thought of you on the 
evening of your ordination." 

" Hatfield, Mass., March 4. 
" My dear Brother T. : — I suppose you have not 
time to write me once a week, since you have become a 
pastor ; and yet no one would be gladder to receive your 
letters than myself, even though they should be short. 
Yesterday was the last of my six Sabbaths here. It was 
a solemn day. Nineteen were taken into the church ; 
eleven of whom received the ordinance of baptism. 
16 



194 DEVOTES HIMSELF TO PREACHING. 

These, coming forward as I called out their names, knelt 
at the font, on a footstool, when I poured the water on 
their heads, with my hand. As to the baptismal formula, 
I altered the word in to into^ according to its true import, 
and the frequent usages of the Presbyterian church, to 
which I have been accustomed. 

" Week before last, after about four years' destitution 
of a pastor, the people gave me an invitation to settle 
with them in the ministry, salary $800. The invita- 
tion was unanimous, I heard. There was not, I am told, 
either in church or society, a single dissenting voice. 
Everything about the call is agreeable to me, and it was 
given after I had preached four Sabbaths, instead of six. 
You will expect me, perhaps, to accept of it at once. 
The probabilities are very strong, that I shall ultimately 
accept of it ; and yet, not long since, and before I had 
any prospect of receiving a call from the people here, I 
had received an invitation to preach in Danvers. It came 
through Eev. Mr. B., and through the same individual, I 
had stated the terms upon which I would do it, so that, 
the people in D. signifying their acceptance of my terms, 
I am under a pledge to comply with their request. I 
leave this evening and go to Northampton, where I shall 
take the stage for Boston to-morrow. I feel many mis- 
givings, in view of the great work of the ministry ; think 
much of the missionary field, and often long ardently to 
be among the Mohammedans of Palestine, but ill health 
makes me hesitate." 

Journal : " Danvers, March 19. — My way, since a 
professor of religion, has lain mostly over the mountains, 
through the valleys, and among the entanglements of the 
wilderness. Of late, however, though sometimes in deep 
sorrow on account of my sins, I have struck from time to 
lime upon the river of God, and been permitted for some 



DEVOTES HIMSELF TO PREACHING. 195 

space to walk along its banks, and often to stoop down 
and drink of its waters, yea, even to bathe in its delightful 
stream." 

The following are extracts from his thoughts on the 
missionary service, penned under the last date : 

" My mother's family have been of late years greatly 
blessed. There are four brothers of us, who think of becom- 
ing preachers, and three of us are almost such now. It 
seems verily as though at least one of us ought to go on 
a mission to the heathen. We owe it most certainly to 
our Redeemer. I have always had a strong desire to go 
to those parts of the world about the Mediterranean, where 
missionary labors are greatly needed. Early in my the- 
ological course, I laid myself under obligations to think 
seriously on the subject of missions, and not without solid 
reasons to turn aw^ay from the foreign field. I am afraid 
of choosing too easy things for myself, and am not cer- 
tain but I ought to go abroad for the purpose of speeding 
my own journey to the kingdom of heaven. Remaining 
at home, shall I not make too easy work of being a Chris- 
tian ? I have some linguistic qualifications for the mis- 
sionary field, especially for the oriental countries, Pales- 
tine and its regions. Languages I love, and some of the 
chief difficulties in the family of languages to which I 
should there have to attend, I have already overcome. In 
the French and German, Latin and Greek, I could soon 
be able to converse ; and I have attended to the Arabic, and 
taught the Hebrew. I have great perseverance in overcom- 
ing difficulties. When I can fairly take hold of them, and 
pursue them day after day, they do not easily appall me. 
The brethren already in the field where I should wish to go, 
are my dearest associates, and I would fain be united 
with them. I have something by nature of the romantic 
in me, that suits well with the missionary enterprise, and 



196 DEVOTES HIMSELF TO PREACHING. 

also of the poetic and parabolic in writing and giving 
instruction, which are indispensable to the oriental world. 
There are times when I am filled with unutteralSle long- 
ings to bind up the broken heart ; to lead the blind ones 
back from the precipice towards which they are straying ; 
and to offer the cup of salvation in particular to the quiv- 
ering lips of the poor dying heathen. 

" Objections to my being a missionary. My habits are 
too much formed. I have not sufficient self-control. The 
difficulty I find in enduring noise, and of studying in it. 
Liability to great and protracted sea-sickness. The broken 
state of my health, and the nice attention that I am obliged 
to pay to my diet and exercise, in order to preserve it. 
My commenced History of the Pulpit^ lies in the way. 
Here then I stand, not positively decided to go on a mis- 
sion to the heathen, not entirely satisfied that I ought not 
to go. The Lord direct me." 

" 28. — Finished a hymn this morning, for the comfort 
of sister M — y. Her spiritual state lies with weight on 
my mind. Have promised to preach in Manchester this 
evening. I think much about Hatfield. The thought of 
it oppresses me. It seems much entwined about my heart. 
Lord, guide me. I must soon determine. 3L — Have 
been to Manchester, also to Gloucester. Many interesting 
associations are connected in my mind with G. There I 
passed a year." Near this time, in travelling, Mr. T. had 
occasion to stop a few hours in Natick. " I surveyed the 
place all around, walking some distance to the north. I 
then took a retired road, and turned towards the south. 
I was still depressed, and sought refuge in prayer. I took 
a seat by the side of the road in a sunny place, and wrap- 
ping my cloak carefully around me, continued there a 
long time in prayer. I then walked in another direction 
over the fields, and through the snow, securing the south 



DEVOTES HIMSELF TO PREACHING. 197 

side of a rocky hill, and here again vented my sighs, tears, 
and complaints to God. I prayed that if it were possible, 
the dark cloud that was enveloping me, might roll off; 
repeating the expression again and again, with sighs and 
flowing tears, but begging at the same time, I think with 
all earnestness, for perfect resignation to the will of God." 

The following letter to his brother T. was written in the 
latter part of March, at Danvers : 

" Whatever be the result of my labors among this peo- 
ple, I must say that yesterday we had a most intensely 
interesting day. The house was overflowing. In the 
evening also we were unusually crowded. During the 
whole day, though I was much troubled with ill health, I 
enjoyed great freedom in the services. Nor was it less 
so the previous Sabbath. An angel seemed to come early 
in the morning and awake me to its duties, and to watch 
all day at my side. I have, however, never been very 
sanguine as to receiving a call here. I have met with 
kind hearts and voices. If the people should give me a 
call, I am doubtful whether I could accept it. The Lord 
may settle things for me." 

Just as Mr. T. seemed on the point of deciding to accept 
the Hatfield call, he received a letter from that place, 
which he denominated dreadful. Some of the people 
were becoming impatient of his delay. Candidates had 
passed that way. To this letter he thus alludes : " I 
never before suffered such a night as w^as the one after its 
receipt. For a long time it seemed to me that my reason 
reeled. I felt afraid of insanity. It was Saturday night. 
I preached three times the next day, and in the afternoon 
the love, the overwhelming love of God, came gushing 
up all around me, and brought relief." 
16* 



198 DEVOTES HIMSELF TO PREACHING. 

" April 15. — In my pulpit in the morning, I found this 
quotation, signed St. Paul : ' Now he that ministereth 
seed to the sower,' etc., accompanied with a ten dollar 
bill. At the close of my services last evening, I received 
a note from a member of the congregation, with grateful 
expressions for what I had been instrumental in doing for 
the writer's soul, in bringing it off from a false hope, etc. 
30. — The Lord is giving me full opportunity to bring all 
my Christian graces into exercise. Oh, for Faith ! Now 
I feel how very weak my faith is. It is good to be in the 
hands of God. Amen and amen." He subsequently 
visited Hatfield, when the call was repeated, not however 
with the unanimity that characterized it at first. It was 
declined. With reference to these scenes, he wrote his 
brother T., May 22 : 

" My gourd is at length wholly gone. It withered en- 
tirely away last Saturday morning. Of course you will 
see that I have been called to pass through a fiery trial. 
The shock for a while was fearful, but I have now some- 
what calmed down, with the thought that the Lord reigns ; 
and I feel that nothing remains but for me to make a 
moral and religious use of it, as the means of probing my 
heart the more thoroughly, and of preparing me for that 
higher and better world, where the wicked cease from 
troubling, and the weary are forever at rest. I think I 
have no disposition to murmur at God ; on the other hand, 
at times I experience a soul acquiescence in his will. All 
things must come out right, if he be my guide. I shall 
endeavor hereafter to be more prayerful in seeking his 
direction. It is on this point, more than on any other, I 
feel that I have failed in duty, though I have at all times 
aimed faithfully to seek divine guidance. God's bosom 
is calm and serene — not a wave of trouble ruffles the 
surface of the vast ocean of his love." 



PREACHES IN MANCHESTER. 199 



CHAPTER XVI. 

PREACHES IN MANCHESTER* 

It was in July, 1839, that Mr. T. began to preach in 
Manchester as a candidate. Journal: " July 12. — Am 
in very poor health and almost ready to give up all exer- 
tions. The Lord uphold me and guide me. I cannot for- 
get the missionary field. Shall I go on a mission, are 
words continually occurring to me. Indeed, last week I 
commenced a letter to the American Board on the sub- 
ject, but I did not finish it. 15. — All things on earth are 
uncertain. Heaven seems glorious. Blessed are its in- 
habitants ; sweet is the work there. O let me hunger and 
thirst after righteousness and long for the image of my 
Redeemer to be formed in my soul more perfectly. Let 
me struggle onward toward the cross. My all, Jesus, I 
would again and again dedicate to thee. 18. — Arose 
early this morning and walked until I found a place for 
retirement. I was almost in despair, but at the mercy 
seat I found the Lord. His promises appeared precious. 
I became indifferent to everything except his will. And 
now with much cheerfulness I see the duties of the Sab- 
bath before me. 19. — Was carried happily through 
yesterday. The sweet savor of the morning endured till 
evening, as the taste of delicious fruit long remains on 
the tongue ; and as Milton makes Adam continue aitent 
as if still hearing long after the angel had ceased to speak 
— so delightful were his words. This morning I was 
troubled with almost irresistible desires for my old studies. 
In prayer, however, relief flowed into my soul. The love 
of God was all in all. I longed to be a missionary and 
felt that I must give myself away to the American Board 



200 PREACHES IN MANCHESTER. 

whether I were accepted or not, while at the same time I 
was willing to labor anywhere. The words, ' For me to 
live is Christ, and to die is gain,' came over me with great 
force. I desired more of those chastisements that should 
draw me nearer to the Lord. I prayed for the continued 
presence of my Saviour. 22. — Feel very anxious to 
visit Palestine, also have pantings after my old pursuits, 
but pray for resignation." 

" Manchester, July 23, 1839. 
" Dear Brother T : — The kindest, dearest, and most 
esteemed friend I have ever had on earth, (my mother 
alone excepted, not here to speak of my father,) has gone 
to his grave, and is now, I would fain hope, in the pres- 
ence of his God, singing praise to the great Redeemer. I 
refer to my uncle, T. Alden. To him, more than to any 
other person, am I indebted for my education. His be- 
nevolence I remember with deep emotion. His kindness 
and other excellent traits have endeared him to my heart. 
Lovely and pleasant was he to me in life. I had hoped 
to see him again in the land of the living, but I cannot. 
He has met his beloved Stearns.* This dear classmate, 
according to his own expression, has now, I would fain 
trust, in connection with his son Samuel, enjoyed the high 
privilege of ushering our uncle into the kingdom of heaven. 
I feel that I now have one tie less to bind me to earth ; that 
I now have one motive less to earthly ambition. He was 
one of those whose good opinion I specially prized, and 
wished to obtain. There are but few others of a similar 
influence upon me, in this respect. Let these be taken and 
what shall I have left on earth ? I see it clearly ; the glory 
of God is the only object worth living for. It is the only 
enduring one. It looks to me more and more strange that 
any man should seek for the honors of this world. I con- 

*ilev. Mr. S. of Bedford, Mass. 



PREACHES IN MANCHESTER. 201 

secrate myself anew to my Creator. I study to find out 
a deeper meaning than I ordinarily perceive in the words, 
' For me to live is Christ.' When I get hold of this mean- 
ing I feel happy. I am then enabled to say, I shall now 
toil on cheerfully through my threescore years and ten, 
until my Master come for me. I see it will be great gain 
for me to enter into the joy of my Lord. O glow of love ! 
Sweet cross, sweet trials, glorious reward. Be strong my 
dear brother in the Lord, and in the power of his might. 
Live for eternity. The combat increases, but the pros- 
pect of victory brightens. A few more ties severed and 
earth chains us no longer. The Lord I hope will direct me, 
I give all up to him. I subscribe myself anew every 
morning to the God of Jacob." 

Under the same date with the preceding he addressed 
the following to his mother : " Our mutual friend is gone. 
Your eldest brother is no more. O my friend, my dear 
revered friend, lovely and pleasant hast thou been to me. 
Pure was thy heart, and if here and there ambition min- 
gled with thy purpose, yet exalted was thy aim. The Lord 
comfort you my dear mother, and sanctify this Providence 
to you. Perhaps it will be your turn to die next. May 
your lamp be trimmed and burning. I pray that you may 
be long spared, and yet how pleasant it must be to the 
weary pilgrim to arrive at his heavenly home ! With 
what glorious hopes are we cheered ! a crown, an immor- 
tal crown glitters before us." 

Journal : " July 28. — Spent much tirne this morning 
as usual in the woods in secret prayer ; had sweet com- 
munion I trust with God. Was very much oppressed 
when I went out, but divine love soon came to my relief. 
Thought much of the missionary cause. Shall I go, shall 
I go ! I feel at least in times of secret prayer as if I 



202 PREACHES IN MANCHESTER. 

could go wherever the Lord may send me. Lord hold 
me back from all mixture of unholy motives in this case. 
Aug. 4. — Was seized yesterday with my old craving af- 
ter literary pursuits. It continued hold of me till late this 
(Sabbath) morning ; but during secret prayer I gained 
some relief. My hour for this duty has been of late from 
half-past five to half past six, in the ivoods,^'^ 

In the first part of this month, Mr. T. drew up a long 
paper for the American Board of Foreign Missions, pre- 
senting his own case, as it lay before himself, and re- 
questing the opinion of the Board in respect to his own 
duty. The document is honorable to him as a Christian 
and as a minister. It is not introduced here, being exclu- 
ded by the necessary limits of the memoir. It was sent 
to Boston. 

"11. — Sweet communion with God in prayer. Am 
troubled with somethmg that borders on misanthropy. 
Feel, especially, during my dyspeptic moments very mo- 
rose. I would fain have the meekness and gentleness of 
the gospel. On the whole am gratified that I have sent 
my letter to the Board. 14. — Animating views of God's 
glory this morning. I am, however, only a child in re- 
spect to divine things. Should I receive a letter from the 
Board, saying ' Go to Palestine,' my heart would leap 
with joy. Think I can make myself happy Jiere^ provi- 
ded God retain me in this place. Should he keep me 
wandering over the world, it will indeed try me, but I 
hope nevertheless to bow cordially to his w4ll. 15. — A 
tendency to irritation is the greatest difficulty with which 
I have to contend at present. Sometimes I almost de- 
spair of ever obtaining a victory over myself in this re- 
spect. This more than anything else makes me afraid of 
becoming a pastor. My only hope is in the grace of 
God. It is alarming to find the blood of anger and ill- 
temper so easily gushing up into one's face. The adver- 



PREACHES IN MANCHESTER. 203 

sary watches for my halting. I am afraid of his wiles. 
The Lord preserve me from his snares. Just as I was 
retiring from my woody retreat for prayer, two eagles flew 
over my head. When directly above me one of them 
uttered a sound which attracted my attention. Here is the 
Roman omen of victory, so difficult is it to eradicate su- 
perstition and heathenism from our minds. 16. — Yester- 
day I received a call to settle as pastor in Manchester. 
Know not what the Lord may have in 'store for me, but 
I enjoyed some sweet spiritual exercises during a half hour 
of private devotion this morning." Soon after this call he 
had an answer to the communication which he had sent 
to the Board. It seemed to the executive committee that 
in view of all the circumstances of his case, that he was 
called rather to domestic service in the vineyard of Christ. 
Especially did the state of his health render it unadvisa- 
ble for him to go on a foreign mission. " 18. — I am this 
day thirty-eight years of age. The last year has been 
one of worldly trials, but also I hope one of spiritual at- 
tainments and growth in grace. Yesterday I accepted of 
the call to settle in Manchester." Aug. 21 he started on 
a southerly tour. On the 26th, he was with his brother R., 
then a student in the theological seminary, Princeton, N. 
J. " Towards night I walked out to the graveyard where 
are interred the college presidents, Edwards, Burr, Fin- 
ley, Davies, etc. They lie side by side. At the feet of the 
two former lies Col. Burr, without a monument. I linger- 
ed and lingered and meditated in this place of the dead. 
My thoughts went out to Brainerd's grave in Northamp- 
ton, and to the trees which Edwards set out there, and I 
tried to dedicate myself anew to God. During the night a 
violent storm arose, the thunders rolled and the lightnings 
flashed. God is great, God is good ; trust in him, were 
my feelings. Philadelphia, Sept. 2. — Some spiritual 
comfort yesterday, but troubled much with sinful emotions. 



204 PREACHES IN MANCHESTER. 

Preached for brother Brainerd in the afternoon, and spoke 
for him also in the evening. 15. — Preached last Sab- 
bath in Alexandria, Va., for Rev. Mr. Danforth's society, 
and on the enusing Monday visited Mount Vernon." The 
following is an account of this visit : " As I rode toward 
the fence, two little negro children who had been play- 
ing gladsomely around in the grass, climbed up over it 
and scampered away. Finding a path running along in 
a southerly direction, I followed it a little distance, when, 
coming across some bars I turned back again, and rode 
up to the gate. A blind old negro woman was sitting by 
the side of it, who, just as I was about to enter, said, 
' You must leave your horse here.' On my asking her 
who she was, she replied, ' I am placed here to keep peo- 
ple from riding in through the gate,' I had no sooner 
fastened my horse and entered, than I was met by the 
gardener, a negro of a very ill aspect, who refused to ad- 
mit me to view the premises, alleging that Mrs. Washing- 
ton was absent and that on leaving, she had given orders of 
prohibition. Luckily for me. Prof. J. Packard, who by 

marriage is connected with Mrs. W n, had told me 

that he had recently spent a week at Mt. Vernon, and at 
the same time offered to give me a letter of introduction 
to Mrs. W., only, said he, she is not now at home ; nor, 
added he, will it- be necessary, as you will gain access to 
what you wish to view, just as well without it, through the 
servants. I mentioned this to the gardener, and told him 
that nothing had prevented me from taking a letter except 
the assurance from Prof P. himself, that it would be un- 
necessary. The gardener, after a little blustering, re- 
ferred me to a young black man, whose name was Wash- 
ington, adding, at the same time, that he was well ac- 
quainted with Prof. P., his mistress' cousin ; and then, 
said he, ' Are you of the same society with Prof. P. ? it 
would be cruel to exclude you if you are.' No, I replied. 



PREACHES IN MANCHESTER. 205 

but we are old acquaintances and brother clergymen. 
Having introduced me as a friend of Prof. P. to the young 
negro above- named, and obtained liberty for me to be ad- 
mitted, he called an old negress, and claiming for me 
the privilege of the usual survey, requested her to show 
me the way to the tomb. This she did, and then, much 
to my gratification, left me to find it and indulge in my 
meditations alone. It was a delightful time for the pur- 
pose. The day itself was all serenity, the sky being 
clear and blue, deeply blue, over my head. I walked 
along south of the houses down a lane. The Potomac 
winds charmingly around in front of the premises, and 
withal exhibits quite a majestic appearance. Nature, in- 
deed, had done enough, but everything of art, on which 
I fixed my eyes, was dilapidated and decaying. Having 
reached the end of the lane and turned towards the right, 
that is, with my back upon the Potomac, I saw the new 
brick tomb at a short distance before me. At about a 
quarter to eleven I reached it, and placing myself in front, 
stood looking in through the two strong iron grates that 
guard its entrance, — upon the sarcophagi of Washington 
and his wife, — the position of the former being on my 
right hand, and that of the latter on the left. I relinquished 
myself entirely to the moment. I permitted my thoughts to 
bubble up as they would, and the stream to have full flow- 
ing course. His actions — the Braddock affair — his first 
visit to Cambridge after he was appointed commander — 
his crossing the Delaware — his clasping his neck on a 
certain occasion and saying, ' it does not feel as though it 
were made for a halter,' — the Monmouth battle — his 
intercourse with Lafayette, whom I had seen some years 
before — his last moments — the remarks of Napoleon 
respecting him,' there is a great man,' — the halo of fu- 
ture ages constantly gathering and enlarging around him 
— the visits which would be paid to this very enclosure 
17 



206 PREACHES IN MANCHESTER. 

out of deep reverence for his memory, by millions yet 
unborn — in short, everything which related to him, from 
his earliest years down to the time in which he received 
his commission from Congress, (which I had seen but just 
before, precisely as it was originally tendered to him), — 
and thence onward to his death, and what ages yet to 
come shall do to honor him, all gushed in upon me like 
wave rolling upon wave. It was one of the most inter- 
esting moments of my life." 

To Mrs. McF.,* of Pittsburgh, Pa., Sept. : 

" My DEAR Cousin : — Your letter was waiting for me 
at M. on my return. I read it, and wept over it, and read 
it again. Yesterday I received a long and full letter from 
uncle I., with additional particulars. I have been melted 
down again, and I cannot let the occasion pass without 
dropping a line to you, to express my sympathy with 
yourself and all the other members of my uncle T.'s fam- 
ily, in this severe affliction. I see, my dear cousin, that 
earthly ambition is worthless. There is nothing deserv- 
ing a thought comparatively but the love of God. The 
image of Christ, formed in our souls, is all that we need. 
When this is secured we shall be able at all times to say, 
' For me to live is Christ.' ' In all my earthly course, I 
have only to serve my Redeemer, to exhibit his kindness, 
gentleness of demeanor, and his forgiving spirit. To 
die will be gain. I shall be with that Saviour whom I 
love supremely. I shall be in a kind and an affectionate 
family, never more to be separated from it. My soul 
shall burn and glow with the flames of ceaseless devotion 
and love.' — Your letter was the best cordial I could have, 
after being forced to submit to a severe disappointment in 
not visiting Pittsburgh and Meadville. It seemed to intro- 

* Daughter of Rev. T. Alden. 



AS A PASTOR. ^ 207 

duce me to the chamber where your dear father died, 
quite on the verge of heaven." 



CHAPTER XVIL 



AS A PASTOK, 



Sept. 18th, 1839, Mr. Taylor was installed Pastor of the 
Congregational church in Manchester. Alluding, on the 
following day, to the scenes of the preceding, he says : 
" I have great fear lest my ministry prove a failure. On 
the whole, however, I have enjoyed a very spiritually 
comfortable frame of mind, much of the time ; also fervor 
and delight this forenoon in prayer. 21. — It is worthy 
of observation, how soothing God has in every respect 
made my introduction to this place. Am afraid of my 
liability to excitement. It was a providence meriting 
particular notice, that Matt. 5 : 21, 22, should have fallen 
under my attention the first night after my installation. 
Some sense of God's presence, and a degree of sweetness 
in prayer this morning. Already one of my parishioners 
has gone to the bar of God. Oct. 2. — I would apply 
myself to the labors before me w^ith all diligence. My 
feelings are more and more interested in my sacred 
work." Soon after Mr. T.'s settlement at M., the com- 
piler of this Memoir received the following letter from an 
elderly lady of that place : 

" It is natural to suppose your first enquiry of me will 
be, what the state of feeling is toward your dear brother ? 
I am unspeakably happy to tell you, that so far as I can 



208 



AS A PASTOR. 



judge, from everything of truth which I possess, he is 
growing in the warm affections of the church and soci- 
ety, and has been ever since he came to Manchester; 
and I cannot but think from his untiring zeal and activity, 
and fro'm his cheerful smiles when surrounded by his lis- 
tening flock, that the love is mutual ; and could you only 
look into our happy, pleasant conference room, you would 
not doubt it for a moment. The sheep and the lambs you 
would behold feeding around him. His dear people you 
would see hanging upon his lips, and in heart saying amen 
to every sentence which he utters ; and believe me, there 
never, 1 think, could be a pastor who improves all his 
time and talents more devotedly for the edification of his 
flock, than does your beloved brother. It is now forty- 
one years since I became a member of the church of Jesus 
Christ in this place. During that time, I have seen four 
different watchmen, set upon the walls of Zion here. But 
I never knew one before in whom the church and people 
of all characters were so united. Like God's ancient 
Israel, we seem to be marching on at present unmolested ; 
not a dog is suffered to move his tongue to disturb our 
onward career ; yet it is not because there is nothing done 
to annoy Satan's kingdom, but for the present the lions 
are chained, so that the pilgrims pass on safely." 

Journal: "Oct. 3. — Spent last night at Prof. Emer- 
son's, Andover. Sweet conversation with him on various 
subjects. Thanks to God for the cruses of water and the 
cakes of bread that he sends me from time to time in the 
dreary desert of this world. Went into my old room at 
A. ; sat down in the rocking-chair for the last time ; wept 
and prayed that all the sins which I had committed during 
my residence in that room, from its commencement in 
Jan. 1830, down to my recent departure from A., might be 
forgiven. They doubtless were many. Now the history 



AS A PASTOR. 209 

of that period is closed for the judgment day. I prayed 
and wept, and prayed again ; started, linfj^ered, turned, 
and then went back. Farewell, farewell. O, God is 
good. I give myself away to him forever and ever. 9. — 
I begin to be settled down. The tongue and the tem- 
per must be controlled. 16. — Some perplexities. Am 
deprived of praying time, or greatly interrupted in it. 
The Lord help me. 27. — A lady of my charge died 
last night. Saw her not long before, and once previously. 
Feel grieved however that I have, partly through accident 
and partly through inadvertence, left her, like a forsaken 
lamb of the flock, so much alone. The Lord forgive me, 
and make me more faithful henceforth." 

" Manchester, Mass., Oct. 28, 1839. 

" To Professor . I congratulate you, my dear 

sir, on your accession to the Professorial chair of , 

in . I was asked to give my consent to be chosen to 

fill the same place. I gave it, hut . I have loved 

the . studies of your department. I am now in heart de- 
voted to them. At times I burn to be wrapped up in them. 
I have too a manuscript by me, on which ! have labored 
eighteen months — but the time with me for these sweet 
studies is now gone. My plans of literary labor are all 
brought to an end. My Arabic Dictionaries; the Koran ; 
De Sacy ; my Klopstock and Reinhard : farewell to you 
all. I shall converse with you at my leisure no more. I 
shall only be able to pay you a passing visit, as by stealth. 

" Bitter, my dear brother, has been the cup. Some of 
my hairs have turned gray, while I have been drinking it. 
But what do I say ? The Lord has done it. I deserved 
the cursing, and calmly will I receive it. I have another 
field opened before me, and there are kind hearts and an 
abundance of work here. I love the ministerial office. 
It takes hold on eternity. If God give me strength, I 
17* 



210 AS A PASTOR. 

shall love it more. Troubled, indeed, I am, from time to 
time, with ill health. Bronchitis hovers around me. But 
if the Lord will my prostration, I shall bow without a 
murmuring word. If he has anything for me to do, I will 
do it ; if not, his pleasure be done. I should like indeed 
a few gems of immortal souls in my crown, and to shine 
at least as one of the obscurer stars, among those who 
turn many to righteousness. I loved also the missionary 
field, and had thought to enter it, but have been held back. 
I am a little child, and bow as such to the divine will. My 
books cheer me, even when I am busy. Sometimes, how- 
ever, they bring back old and bitter remembrances. But, 



God doth not need 



Either man's work or his own gifts ; who best 
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best ; his state 
Is kingly; thousands at his bidding speed, 
And part o'er land and ocean without rest. 
They also serve, who only stand and wait/ 

Think not, my dear brother, that I have hard thoughts 
of you, or that I envy you on account of your success. 
I do neither, but heartily congratulate you, praying that 
the best of heaven's blessings may rest upon you. 

" Yours, in the fellowship of the gospel." 

The following letter, though written several months 
later than the preceding, being addressed to the same 
gentleman, is appropriately introduced here : 

" My DEAR Sir : — I am sorry to have disturbed your 
mind, although on the whole it has perhaps proved bene- 
ficial, by bringing you to lay open the more secret feel- 
ings of your heart in reference to myself, and thus con- 
firming me in the belief that I had before entertained, and 
fondly cherished, of your perfect Christian honesty in the 
whole matter. Be assured that I have not one hard thought 



AS A PASTOR. 211 

in reference to you. If it had depended on me, whether 
you or myself should have the office, I feel that I should 
have voluntarily given you the preference. I have no 
doubt that your linguistic attainments surpass mine. You 
also probably have less to suffer from nervous excitement 
than I do. To be sure, I have been compelled to relin- 
quish many favorite studies. Sometimes, indeed, I pursue 
my old classics. I have been travelling on recently 
through the twentieth book of Homer. If the Lord need 
me in them, I shall be called again into those labors ; if 
he do not, why should I murmur ? I have found a pearl 
of great price. There is joy beyond the power of de- 
scription to be felt at the foot of the cross. I am even 
now in the midst of a powerful work of God's Spirit. 
Sinners are either trembling around me, in view of the 
wrath of God, or else rejoicing in hope. My hands are 
full, my heart too, at times, overflows. 

" The Lord be with you in your profession. Farewell. 
" Yours affectionately." 

To his brother T., Nov. 12, 1839 : 

" A line is all I can now send. Last Sabbath week was 
a solemn day here. Twenty-one were taken into the 
church ; many of them I baptized, the Lord's Supper w^as 
celebrated, etc. Things go pleasantly, thus far. Am most 
dissatisfied with myself, so sensitive, so quick to be excit- 
ed, so prone to variable feelings, so liable to shake the 
little vessel of blessings, and spill them on the ground. 
Have not enough of self-denial. Dear T., what shall I 
do as to lending hooks ? I have laid it down as a rule, 
not to lend, and must adhere to it. I mean, however, by 
degrees, to collect a little library of books, ybr lending. I 
have tried to get into the habit of having no interruption, in 
the forenoon. It has gone well thus far. These subjects both 
came up, yesterday, in such a way that I was obliged to 



212 AS A PASTOR. 

declare myself. I shall have most trouble with brother cler- 
gymen. They pronounce me foolish and extravagant^ for 
purchasing books, and yet they would borrow me to death. 
I am afraid I shall have to refuse them also. There is not 
one of them who is not as able to buy books, as I have been. 
I have foregone the pleasures of many other things for 
this purpose. Tell me,T., what shall I do in this matter ? 
If I begin to lend my books, there is no end to it, and soon 
they are scattered all over the world. And yet I am 
afraid of niggardliness. I would, I think, adhere to the 
Saviour's precepts. The troubles, indeed, of knowledge 
and its means, are endless. Ignorance is much more 
convenient, on some accounts. I praj^ the Lord to guide 
me to his everlasting kingdom, and to grant that 1 may be 
swallowed up in his glory. I love my people. I love 
my work. Ambition and old love of books sometimes 
kindle up and rage and burn within me. But I am 
ashamed not to love the work of the Lord. ^ Simon, son 
of Jonas, feed my sheep, feed my lambs.' My prominent 
feeling for some time has been, that I am unfit for the 
ministry. I have not sufficiently elevated views of it. I 
am too variable in emotion. My aim, in all my inter- 
course with my people, is to be governed by plain and 
established rules, — rt/Zes, the reasons of which they can 
see and appreciate." 

He speaks of feeling covered with burning shame, on 
account of his unfitness for duty while in the pulpit 
Thanksgiving day, Nov. 29 ; and of struggling for the 
overflowing love of God, Dec. 14. In a letter to his 
mother, Dec. 24, he says that things have gone on as 
pleasantly with him since becoming a pastor, as he could 
expect ; but that he is oppressed with a sense of the great 
responsibiUties resting on him. '' You, mother, have 
much to do by way of praying for your sons and their 



AS A PASTOR. 213 

parishes. If R. be prospered, ere long you will have 
him and his people, and then next J. to pray for. You 
know that I am a book-maker, and what sort of a volume 
do you suppose I have lately been making ? I have ar- 
ranged all the letters which I ever received from you into 
one elegant morocco bound volume. I feel proud of it. 
I have divided the letters into parcels, giving each parcel 
a Latin title. To this book I resort with pleasure." 

Journal : " Jan. 5, 1840. — It is just twenty years to- 
night since my father died. I am writing not far from the 
hour in which he expired. Have had a pleasant day. 
The love of God came gushing into my soul at the sacra- 
mental table. I felt that Christ was there." 

To a sister, Jan. 6 : 

'' Dear M. : — Mother and I are now like the Jews and 
the Moors, of whom Capt. Riley speaks, met in a narrow 
way on the slippery edge of a rock, and neither of us is 
able to turn aside. As, however, I am the youngest, I 
have thought it best to apply to you, to act the part of a 
mediator between us, and so to contrive things that I may 
at length obtain a letter from her. Yesterday, the anni- 
versary of our father's death, was indeed solemn to me. 
I have thought of all our family, looking back upon the 
past, and reading over some parts of my youthful journal." 

Journal : " I must stop buying books, until I am out of 
debt. I will ask Go5 to help me keep such a resolution. 
I must fast and pray on account of my undue tendency to 
purchase them, and never again, if possible, go into a 
bookstore, except to pay dues, until I am out of debt. 
Feb. 9. — The past week'has been one of great trials, and 
yet of some spiritual enjoyment. Tuesday, Wednesday, 
and Thursday mornings, I felt much fervor in prayer, and 



214 AS A PASTOR. 

had light as I believe from God's countenance."" Refer- 
ring to an unpleasant debate into which he was drawn, he 
observes : " I feel that I have most solemn reason to be 
ashamed before God and his holy angels, that I should 
allow such a little thing as was the occasion of this, to 
endanger my usefulness as a minister of Christ. I am de- 
termined to suffer all things in silence for him. 17. — 
Everything here now appears encouraging for a pow^erful 
revival. 19. — The number of hopeful conversions yes- 
terday amounted to eight or nine. I pray the Lord to 
preserve, if possible, my poor flock from distraction, and 
to carry on his own work as he pleases. Some of the 
conversions are very marked ones. I awaked this morn- 
ing full of the love of God. I have great trials, but firm 
confidence that he will sustain me. 25. — The room in 
which the inquirers met last Saturday morning was over- 
flowing. March 3. — The work of the Lord goes on 
mightily ; my room was more than full last evening with 
inquirers. It is very precious to be in the hands of God. 
Have great fears as to the genuineness of many of the 
conversions proclaimed around me. We have hopes of over 
sixty, that they are born again. — Have heard this after- 
noon that seventy names have been obtained for the or- 
ganization of a new religious society in this place. If it 
be of God, it will prosper; if not, it will fail. My own 
salary has been cordially voted for another year. I think 
I feel a sweet resignation to the will of God. 14. — Had 
a pleasant season alone in the w^oods in private prayer, 
before breakfast, striving after pei4ect conformity, if I 
understand it, to the will of God. My joy, however, is 
not high. Indeed I am afraid that there is something 
between me and the Lord. Perhaps I have too much lit- 
erary ambition, and arrogate to myself too much talent. 
Let me be divested of all unhallowed feelings." 



AS A PASTOR. 215 

To the wife of Rev. Mr. Thacher of Hawley, March 30 : 

" I hear that you are sick, and probably drawing near 
to the grave. I sympathize with you, and should be 
pleased to see you, converse and pray with you. If you 
are a child of God, your situation is to be envied rather 
than pitied. To live is indeed Christy to those who enjoy 
his smiles. All our pains are easily borne when he is 
sensibly present. Yet 1 feel that it must be very pleasant 
to arrive at Home ; to realize that heaven is ours, — that 
we are forever secured from sinning and suffering. I 
have, as I trust, many friends in heaven, and should like, 
if it were proper, to send messages to them by you. 
Whatever fears you may now have, they will depart as 
you shall dip your feet into the Jordan of death, if Jesus 
be your confidence. I shall pity your husband and your 
motherless children ; but God can be with them and take 
care of them. I know not how to let you go, without 
seeing you. Our interview's, though infrequent and brief, 
have to me been grateful and edifying. Your piano now 
stands untouched, and you will have to leave it behind ; but 
there is, I trust, a golden harp provided for you in heaven, 
— that you will find a much sweeter instrument, one not 
liable to get out of tune. You will be gratified to learn 
that the Lord has visited us in mercy. His Spirit came 
like the waters of which the prophet speaks — gradual at 
first, but constantly increasing." 

Journal : " April 18. — Have ventured a little this 
week into Cicero's classical Latin. Still, I have done it 
with great hesitancy. Am afraid of wronging the souls 
of those committed to my charge. May 3. — Sacrament. 
Some divine light this morning. A glimpse of the Sa- 
viour's garments this afternoon at the table. July 1. — 
Spent much of Monday, P. M., in prayer, in the woods, 
mourning over past offences. At times, the glory of God 



216 AS A PASTOR. 

becomes my all. Aug. 7. — I feel as if I would take my 
people into my arms, and bring them to the fountain of 
atoning blood. 18. — Am this day thirty-nine years old. 
I pray that as I grow in years I may advance in holiness, 
then I shall not be ashamed. 19. — • Felt my literary am- 
bition inflamed on visiting Andover a few days since. 
Awoke this morning at four, and soon after w^ent forth 
and took my seat on the seashore, where I read 1 Tim. 
4 : in Greek ; also Clark's promises for the day. It was 
an hour of sweet enjoyment. The happiest moments of 
my life are those before breakfast, which in summer I 
usually spend alone in the woods. I thought this morn- 
ing of the missionaries around Beyrout ; war rages there. 
— Glorious is the coming kingdom of the Redeemer. I 
must look to my blessed Saviour for guidance and strength. 
24. — Much enjoyment, also much of trial, for a few 
days past. Have a high degree of God's presence, and 
the consolations of redeeming love. Cannot but hope 
that the Lord is drawing me nearer and nearer to himself. 
Had delightful communion with God in secret yesterday 
morning, and likewise this morning. ' How precious are 
thy thoughts unto me, O God ! How great is the sum of 
them ! If I should count them, they are more in number 
than the sand ; when I awake, I am still with thee.' Sept. 
21. — Yesterday was the anniversary Sabbath of my set- 
tlement. To me the day was solemn, and apparently it 
was so to the audience. Hitherto hath the Lord helped 
me. Christ's love seems to grow richer, and to become 
more and more precious. The Lord glorify himself in 
me and through me among this people. May he forgive 
all the sins which I have committed the year past, and 
when my time shall arrive to be removed into eternity, 
may he grant me a home in heaven." 

Mr. T. being invited to attend the ordination of his 



AS A PASTOR. 217 

brother R. in Shrewsbury, N. J., addressed the following 
letter to that brother, Oct. 1840 : 

" If you come to the ministry with hearty good will to 
serve Christ and suffer for him, then w^elcome to the work ; 
you shall have my right hand of fellowship and my 
prayers. It is the noblest of causes, the noblest of W'orks. 
O, that I were better qualified for it, in patience, in en- 
durance, and in all the duties of the ministry. I love my 
work, I love my people, but go on with trembling. The 
promises of God cheer me. They are all yea and amen, 
in Christ Jesus. I desire to be with you at your ordina- 
tion, but know not that it will be possible." 

To the same, Nov. 10 : 

" I have just been thinking of you. It is the day of 
your ordination. I shall be with you in spirit, I trust, 
though absent in body. You are going to take a respon- 
sible charge. What a work is the ministry ! How de- 
pendent is the pastor for his happiness upon others, and 
how obliged to independence in behalf of the truth I And 
yet it is a glorious work. I would not exchange it, ex- 
cept at the will of God. There are precious promises to 
support us, and angels ever on the wing to bear us up in 
their arms, lest we receive harm. O ! for more faith ; 
this is all we need — a sweet confidence in the God of all 
truth and grace. I would endeavor to obtain a higher 
sense of my own responsibilities, and would resort con- 
stantly to the throne of divine grace for aid. The Lord 
be with you, my dear brother, this day. Be wholly de- 
voted to your profession. Look continually to heaven for 
guidance. Look not for ease, nor for great things of a 
wordly nature. Seek for spiritual blessings, and leave 
the rest with God. Welcome, my dear R , to all the 
cares and trials of the gospel ministry. You will find a 
18 



218 



AS A PASTOR. 



yoke in them, but it is Christ's yoke. He lays it on us, 
and he will help us bear it. I present you with my 
right hand of fellowship. The Lord bless you. Amen 
and amen." 

Journal : " Nov. 10. — Yesterday was election day. 
We have of late been full of politics. I have taken no 
part in the election. In some former cases I have voted, 
but as often refrained from it. I see much in both parties 
which I must condemn. I have, as pastor, a tender rela- 
tion in this place to both political bodies, and must often 
condemn them both, and mediate between them, and ever 
strive to bring them to Jesus. I cannot find that the apos- 
tles were much in the habit of meddling with these mat- 
ters. 27. — Thanksgiving. Spent the day pleasantly, I 
fear however not with sufficient spiritual fervor ; was too 
much involved in secular studies. Brother Tappan, the 
poet, preached for me. Dec. 16. — It has often to-day 
seemed to me that last week the old adversary, with a 
whole regiment of his demoniacal companions, pitched 
their tents in the midst of us. 22. — Am miserable with- 
out the full flowings of the love of God. May he grant 
me the forgiveness of sin and the light of his countenance. 
29. — On entering my room this morning after breakfast, 
a gush of love and holy confidence in God came glowing 
into my soul. I had great need of it, in consequence of 
various trials. This love cured all. I felt strong ; I re- 
joiced in God. Precious is the promise, ' Lo ! I am with 
you,' etc. Lord, make me faithful unto death. Jan. 4, 
1841. — I am now in the midst of an anxious series of 
events as regards the parish ; the Lord keep us ; the Lord 
preserve us to his everlasting kingdom. Had some light 
yesterday ; some beamings of grace, mercy and love 
Felt, however, much of the time, as I do this morning, 
the weight of a cold and heavy heart. Am praying for 



AS A PASTOR. 219 

the light of the divine countenance. The advancement 
of Christ's cause will, at all times, as a general law, create 
commotion and cause division. I would lie down at the 
foot of the cross. 15. — Thursday evening attended a 

meeting at . Mrs. , poor woman, took up her 

cross and spoke before me. Some of these converts will 
come cut badly in the end. Those who boast now will 
fall by and by. I cautioned them against deception. 24. 
— I see that the church here will go all into pieces, if the 
Lord do not stand by us. The cause is his, and I must 
trust in him." He refers here to the zealous efforts of 
sectarians to divide his church and society, in both of 
which were materials for division. " I am afraid that I 
am so unworthy a pastor as to deserve to be forsaken of 
God. 25. — Have at times felt more confidence that the 
Lord will order all right. 26. — Am now passing through 
the valley of the shadow of death in regard to -isms." 
27. — He became acquainted with two or three new cases 
of hope in Christ, by which his spirits were greatly ani- 
mated. " The above circumstances wholly changed the 
aspect of things. I could rejoice in the Lord. Still, can 
it be a Christian spirit which leads our brethren to do ex- 
actly what gratifies the devil and all his infernal crew ? 
There must be something unhallowed about them, or they 
could not adopt such measures. My church and myself 
are wnlling to put up wnth what results from whim or ec- 
centricity, if it do not injure the gospel. I protest before 
God, that I am not conscious of any lack of charity. I 
am more and more convinced, that the idea of uniting 
the different classes of evangelical sects mto one body, is 
a perfect chimera. It cannot be done, till the spirit of God 
burn up all the dross, and melt the pure gold together." 

To his mother : 

'' I am just at present in the midst of vexations, of 



220 AS A PASTOR. 

which I cannot see the end. Not from any distractions 

among my own friends, but from the efforts of the 

to crowd themselves into this place, and to divide a hith- 
erto united people. I go to my knees and endeavor to 
repose on the Almighty, but do not find that permanent 
support which I desire. What the Lord has for me, I 
know not ; my present feeling, however, is, that it is an 
early grave. The shocks of a troublesome world are too 
terrible for my enfeebled frame. The adversary seems 
to have among us an unwonted length of chain. A min- 
ister's post is no easy one to defend ; his office is no sine- 
cure. I ought certainly to rejoice that God reigns — that 
Jesus is on the throne ; but unbelief troubles me. The 
Lord be with you, dear parent. Prize your quiet home." 

Journal : " Jan 29. — Yesterday, the meeting at Mr. 
B.'s was one of the strangest that I ever attended. I feel 
upon the whole a calm state of mind. The words, ' If 
on my head for thy dear name,' etc., rushed sweetly 
through my mind, while the speakers were insulting me. 
I cannot believe that God will leave us as a church. Feb. 

10. — Two ministers in town. Sea and land must 

be compassed to make one proselyte." With these inter- 
fering sectarians he was frequently coming into contact, 
and by them the quietness of his soul was often seriously 
disturbed. '' 11. — I pray that under these circumstances 
I may be preserved in the fear of God, and made faithful 
and useful in th^ path of duty. See increasing reason to 

stand aloof from as a denomination. Prayer is my 

resort ; I look upward, and must do so continually. March 
28. — Sabbath eve. Felt quite ill to-day, though the ser- 
vices have been solemn during the day. I pray for resig- 
nation to all the allotments of Providence ; and above all 
things, for a spirit of prayer ; to be deprived of this is 
dreadful. April 6. — News has just reached us of the 



AS A PASTOR 221 

death of President Harrison. A solemn event. 14. — 
Have been much troubled of late with sinful thoughts. 
Set apart this day for prayer and fasting on that account. 
Was interrupted, and closed with the forenoon." Under 
date of April 21, speaking of deep depression in his 
spirits, and specifying several causes, he adds : " O, let 
me be devote^ wholly to God. I have nowhere else to 
go but to him. Lord, hold me in thy hand. Lord, I run 
like a little child to thy blessed arms, and supplicate for 
patience. Tears are my relief — Jesus forever reigns. 
29. — Awaked this morning poor in health ; bathed in 
cold water, then walked out into the woods, and endeav- 
ored to lay myself down at the foot of the cross. I found 
the promises of the day, as arranged in Clark, very plea- 
sant : ' In all these things we are more than conquerors,' 
etc. I did not get glowing comfort, as I sometimes do, 
but I could not avoid thinking the Lord looked favorably 
upon me. On my returning, feared that I do not love 
souls enough. Tried to breathe forth prayers for all my 
dear people. Thought I could carry them to Jesus Christ 
in the arms of love ; yea, I could take the bitterest enemy 
I have on earth, and bear him there. Said to myself, O 
Lord, I love thy word ; I love my work. I only pray to 
be wholly devoted to it, and for strength to perform it. 
Or if I must suffer, I pray for grace and patience to en- 
dure aright. Felt afraid that my sufferings arise from a 
want of sufficient devotion to my work." As he was 
walking out, he met a young man, who was soon to start 
with others on a fishing voyage. " Prayed for them all as 
I left him. May 3. — Had some glimpses of the divine 
countenance yesterday. Was, however, after the sacra- 
ment, in great darkness, which still remains." 26. — On 
changing his boarding place, he remarks : " I took leave 
of my former room not without emotion, and would enter 
18* 



222 AS A PASTOR. 

# 

my new quarters in reliance upon God. It is pleasant to 
consecrate them and myself to him." 

Mr. Taylor deeply interested himself in the Sabbath 
School. When on a particular occasion he noticed some 
who had been members turning away from it, he entreat- 
ed them not to withdraw. On their persisting he left 
them much grieved, saying to the superintendent, ' We 
must do for such persons, so much, that we shall be able to 
appeal to our fidelity should we meet them on their dying 
beds, and shall be conscious that we are free from all guilt.' 

'' July 17. — Much tried last evening with the thinness 
of the Sabbath school teacher's meeting. I had a most dis- 
tressing evening ; I could hardly proceed. I came home 
and went directly to my room, and in agony prostrated 
myself on the floor in prayer. Am quite unwell to-day. 
Had some vertigo this morning. I stagger along. The 
Lord lift upon me the light of his countenance. 18. — 
Sabbath. Weighed down greatly this morning by a sense 
of my own unworthiness. Had also unusual views of the 
holiness of God. The pulpit seemed to be an awful 
place, standing between heaven and hell. Some comfort 
in preaching. 25. — Was almost exhausted after meet- 
ing but felt the sweet influences of the love of God. 27. 
— A poor day yesterday, health very bad, nevertheless I 
went around, making various calls, endeavoring to comfort 
the sick and sorrowful, the nervous and deranged. Had 
a long conversation with on the subject of temper- 
ance. All was pleasant but he will not sign the total ab- 
stinence pledge. 1 am sorry. So it will be for the pres- 
ent. We much need his help, but must try to get along 
without it. Aug. 1. — Sabbath. Preached a sermon in 
the forenoon on the death of Eev. Mr. Emerson, former 
pastor of this church. The last thing which he read be- 
fore his sudden death was a piece of my poetry. 18. — 
Am this day forty years of age. Not much have I yet 



AS A PASTOR. 223 

accomplished for the honor of God. Have devoted the 
day to prayer. Sept. 1. — Spent the last night in Boston 
and had strong desires in the night for entire consecration 
to God. On my way toward Andover to-day, was very 
desponding while in the car, yet in silent thought found 
comfort in committing my soul to God. 5. — Sabbath. 
Communion day. The Lord I feel has been with me. 
Enjoyed the love of the Saviour, I must believe. Long 
for blessings upon the church. Was some afraid, howev- 
er, while preaching this afternoon that my sermon was 
cast a little too hard. There were four funerals here the 
past week." 

A person having made strictures on his preaching and 
other pulpit performances, he wrote thus in his journal : 

" What a result should I reach were I to be governed 
by these remarks. The Lord help me to stand firm and 
perform my duty. This is my prayer. God has been 
greatly helping me by his providences." He was per- 
mitted about this time to attend down to the valley of the 
shadosv of death one who called him her dear minister. 
The scene, though deeply affecting, was full of sweet sat- 
isfaction. Other occurrences of heavenly interest he 
records, and observes : " Thus the Lord sends me here 
and there some drops of consolation. 9. — Received a 
very gentle hint from another quarter that my afternoon 
sermon last Sabbath was severe, while the forenoon one was 
praised. There is something striking in the above fact. I 
have recently preached two close sermons to impenitent sin- 
ners respecting their living on the faults of Christians. 
Of these, I hear no special complaint, but as soon as I 
speak to cold-hearted or lukewarm professors, they are 
startled and offended." Near this time he was informed 
in one of his morning walks that an individual had died 
very happily during the night. In regard to the event he 
says : " I could not help bursting into tears. It is good 



224 AS A PASTOR. 

to converse with those who live on the borders of eter- 
nity." Early in October he visited his mother. Of the 
journey he remarks : " I have had some religious com- 
fort on my way hither, but at times am much troubled 
with the want of gentle Christian feelings." The follow- 
ing letter was written to her from Heath, Oct 13. 

" Dear Parent, — Various little circumstances con- 
spired to disturb the tranquillity of my thoughts on leaving 
you yesterday. As a consequence my farewell w^as not 
of that sweet and soothing character that I could wish 
whenever I part with you, feeling as I always do that our 
next meeting may be in the world of spirits. I had intend- 
ed to commend you to the grace of God in a short prayer, 
and to have some religious conversation with M — y. 
Hard is the attainment of that quietude of soul which 
the Christian always needs. I felt the sad nature of our 
farewell for a long time, nor have I yet got over it. I 
thought of it in the night and said it was a poor one for 
a last one. I had, however, some cheering conversation 
with dear Mr. T. on our way. We met a goodly number 
of the brethren in Charlemont. Mr. T. and myself con- 
versed till very late about the things of the kingdom. He 
is a choice Christian. I love him. The more I have 
tested his heart the more I have found it beating whh love 
to God. I arose early this morning to ascend the moun- 
tain to Heath. Mr. T. and I prayed together. I had 
endeavored to ask God's blessing on you and M — y. A 
heavenly calm of soul began to return. Most delightful 
was the ascent of the mountain. I passed out of the 
shades of night into the beams and radiance of day. Ob- 
jects around me grew brighter and brighter. O glorious is 
the kingdom of Christ. Pray dear mother for your son 
that he may attain unto that perfect serenity of soul which 
comes from resignation to the divine will. Thanks to 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 225 

M — y for her few farewell lines ; I cannot but feel that 
there are stores of mercy and grace for her in Jesus 
Christ, I was about closing, yet the fear again comes that 
our interview was not sufficiently spiritual. Dear mother, 
if we are true believers we shall soon be together in para- 
dise. If anything I have ever said to you has hurt your 
feelings, throw the mantle of maternal love over it." 



CHAPTER XVIII. 

PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

" Oct. 19. — A sweet conversation with brother Andrew 
Lee." Under the same date he describes an occurrence 
which grieved him greatly. " It is not a matter of won- 
der that under such circumstances I was much awake and 
often groaning the last night. I have, also, had expe- 
rience of divine consolation. Jesus says he will never 
leave nor forsake his disciples. 24. — Sabbath. Had this 
morning very great weakness of body, prostration of men- 
tal power and of religious feeling. Have some desires 
for true resignation, but no permanent peace and love. 
26. — Just as I was closing a letter to my mother this 
morning, a little past nine, it was announced to me that 
Mr. Lee had been thought dying all the night. At once 
I hastened to see him, but he had already gone, having 
expired a half hour previously. In him I have lost my 
right hand man, my spiritual companion, my kind and 
gentle counsellor, my intimate friend ; the person on 
whose prayers I depended more than upon those 



226 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 



of any other person in the church. I could unbos- 
om my whole soul to him. I could refer scoffing oppo- 
sers to him as one who lived up to his profession, as an 
Israelite in whom there was no guile. I had a comforting 
interview with him yesterday in the forenoon. On part- 
ing he said : ' The Lord be with you.' May I so live as 
to meet him in heaven. O, how shall I come out at last ? 
shall I so fiorht as to win ? Nov. 2. — Felt as if the 
heathen were crying out at our very doors for the bread 
of life. A shuddering came over me as I thought of our 
coldness on the subject of missions. In the night I lay 
awake thinking of this matter and engaged in prayer 
for myself and church relative to it. 4. — Had some 
longings after religious things. A sweet time in writing 
my sermon. 12. — During most of this week have been 
in great spiritual darkness, full of temptation and des- 
titute of prayerfulness. Yesterday, some returnings to a 
better state of soul. A pleasant afternoon and evening 
in pastoral visiting. This morning more heavenly light 
begins to shine. 14. — Sabbath. Very sad in the morn- 
ing ; felt as though I could not possibly pray. Soon after 
relief came, when the spirit and resolution of prayer 
seemed to rush upon me from heaven. Prayed against a 
cold heart in religion ; against liability to anger ; against 
worldly ambition ; the sin of buying books ; a disposition 
to complain of men ; against a proneness to distrust God. 
Found sweet delight in the promises. 22. — Unable to 
sleep ; Sabbath night I arose between eleven and twelve 
to read my Bible and to pray. Gained some relief from 
anguish of soul." He was obliged to pursue the same 
course the next night, supplicating for himself and peo- 
ple. 

Being located on the seashore Mr. T. w^as frequently 
called upon to sympathize with those whose friends died 
on the deep or in distant ports. Returning from a funer- 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 227 

al one day he was summoned to see a family that had 
just received intelligence of the sudden death of one of 
its members, a young man who had died in New Orleans. 
The mother was almost distracted. " For a while she 
seemed absolutely to refuse comfort." But having sooth- 
ed and prayed with that family, he left them and directly 
heard that a poor widow woman had just lost a son at sea. 
He found this mother more distracted, if possible, than 
the other, but was enabled to quiet her also. 

" 30. — News came last evening that Mr. had 

died at New Orleans. Notwithstanding the storm, I went 
down at once to see his family. They had not heard the 
news. I prepared the way as well as possible ; yet when 
I came to say your hushand is 7io more^ this was cutting 
the great artery. Dec. 7. — Monthly concert last evening. 
Pained to hear that some of the absent church members 
were at a social party, 11. — Saturday morning, five 
minutes before three. Have just returned from the dying 

scene of Miss to which I was called a little past 

twelve. The room was filled with young people. She 
took me by the hand and in the most affectionate manner 
remarked : ' What you said to me about attending the 
Sabbath school was not lost.' " Mr. T. had some time 
previously advised her not to attend a dance^ to which she 
was invited ; she now declared that her mind had not 
been on it, she went merely to please a friend. " I asked 
her after having remained some time, if I should leave 
her; she rephed, if duty calls. Her mind was calm and 
Jesus was apparently her joy. Thus the faithful minister 
is constantly receiving his reward. Let me prove faith- 
ful. Lord, help, help. O for grace, for entire devotion 
to my work." After the death of this young woman, he 
says : " I have thought how different my feelings are 
from what they would be had I failed of fidelity to her in 
the matter of dancing, and had I heard from her dying lips 



228 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

accusations of my unfaithfulness. Jan. 2. — Sabbath. 
A serious and solemn day. Had much inward peace and 
comfort. Felt anxious about my afternoon sermon. Tried 
to mingle kindness and love in every part, also to base 
everything on the Bible, so that all the fault found with 
me must be found with that. 5. — Twenty-two years 
have passed since the death of my father. 18. — About 
half past eleven was called to visit a dying member of the 
church. She took me by the hand and began to speak 
immediately of the love of the Saviour. He was pre- 
cious, very precious to her, was her sole refuge." 

To his brother T. and wife, Feb. 8 : 

''You both have reason to complain of my long si- 
lence. We have had constant sickness among us. The 
winter here is a time of great excitement, besides, my own 
health is very miserable. I am constantly subject to sea- 
sons of great nervous depression. We have no general 
revival but cases of particular interest. As to myself, 
sister C, I feel the need every day of a kind-hearted wife 
to sympathize with me and help me to bear my burdens, 
though I am comfortably provided for as a single man." 

Feb. 26. — Being much tried by certain unpleasant 
events he exclaims : " O that I had hard, enduring nerves, 
but I have not. Help me O God by thy grace. Enjoyed 
some sweet comfort this morning in the thought that the 
arms of the Eternal are around his children, especially 
his ministering servants when they are faithful. March 
26. — ^A time of fearful temptation. Lay awake last 
night some time in prayerful struggles. This evening 
some new light. O I see him again, and he says. When 
thou passest through the waters I will be with thee, and 
through the floods, they shall not overflow thee." 

Finding that some poor people were behindhand in the 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 229 

payment of their parish taxes, he privately gave them 
about twenty-five dollars. It being intimated that it might be 
necessary to sue certain neglecters of salary assessments, 
he declared that he would sooner leave Manchester than 
that any one should be sued on his account. " April 7. 
— Some divine light and assistance. Gave away to-day 
five Bibles to the children in the eastern district for their 
punctuality in attending school. 11. — God seemed to 
strengthen me all of yesterday. 15. — Have lately pub- 
lished an article in the Biblical Repository, on Augustine as 
a sacred orator. May 6. — I have this evening been ex- 
amining myself in prayer before God, and endeavoring 
to search out my deficiencies. 31. — Am not conscious 
of remissness, but people are unusually disposed to find 
fault with me," At a date somewhat later than the one 
just named, he whites : " The Lord seemed to come 
down and take up his abode for a while with me. I had 
long desired his presence, without finding it. O, the 
sweet savor of his grace." 

May, 1842. Written from Boston, Anniversary week. 

"Dear Mrs. L. : — Dull care jumped on board with 
me, as old Horace says, when I got into the coach to 
leave Manchester. The world around was dead to me, 
and I was dead to the world. My poor harp was unstrung 
and broken. The company of Eev. Mr. N., however, much 
cheered me, and then at Salem I met Mr. L. and some 
other friends, and since at Boston friendly countenances 
and kind salutations have brought me somewhat to my 
sensations. What aroused me still more yesterday was 

the sermon by brother S s, which was a firstrate one. 

It brought up before me my solemn relations as a pastor, 
and prostrated me for a few moments in tears, in secret 
prayer at the foot of the cross for help, in reference to 
the dear people of my charge. I feel to-day much re- 
19 



230 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

stored and quite cheerful. My religious emotions have 
returned. During an interval of the exercises, I visited 
to-day the trial of Jesus, composed of twenty-three wax 
figures, full size, in oriental costume, which had some 
good things. The crown of thorns was not so well done. 
The countenance of the Saviour was placid, innocent, but 
somewhat anxious. By-the-by, a number of these wax 
figures, as I am told, were displayed not long since to 
represent entirely other characters, in the exhibition of the 
last supper, — so easy is it for the same figure to represent 
a Peter or a Judas. I also have visited Ruben's Descent 
from the Cross, as repainted by Bryant, of New York. It 
is an interesting performance, illustrating several points. 
1. That a painting should resemble a bunch of grapes, 
everything naturally grouped together. 2. That a paint- 
ing should be in the pyramid form, that is, have the ap- 
pearance of strength. 3. There should be a harmony of 
colors. Painters, we are told, use but three colors, all 
others being made by a combination of these, certain 
colors making as much discord to the eye, when combined 
together, as certain sounds do on the ear." After a full 
report of some highly interesting addresses from mission- 
ary brethren, he adds, '' On the whole the gospel and the 
ministerial office magnify themselves before me more and 
more, and press heavily upon me. O for more health, and 
stronger faith. I would fain visit Paradise and then come 
down to earth after having been filled there with the 
flames of celestial love. We are not doing enough in M. 
for the cause of Christ. We do not, as a church, turn 
and glow .with divine love. The love of God is the most 
excellent of all things. Yesterday A. M. after sealing 
my letter to you I went to St. Paul's to see a baptism 
performed. There were thirteen present to be admitted 
to the church, Mr. S. and wife among them. I was in- 
terested in the exercises. The thought passing through 



PASTOKAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 231 

my mind at the moment, that notwithstanding their exter- 
nal forms, loe are all one, if regenerated in Christ Jesus, 
particularly affected me. The drapery is of little account. 
What matters it how a man dresses beyond the mere con- 
venience of local customs. A man is a man let him 
dress how he will, a la Francoise, a I'Anglaise, a la Turque, 
or in any other way, and so those who have the spirit of 
Christ are his disciples however they may worship him. I 
called on Mar Yohanna. The Mar means Saint. It is 
applied only to bishops, however, and would, perhaps, be 
rendered by our words, Eeverend, or Right Reverend, or 
perhaps Dr. as well. While with him I learned through 
Mr. Stoddard a piece of orientalism. The brother of the 
emperor, the Shah of Persia, has recently died, as has 
just been learned by letters from the East. No one dared 
to tell the emperor of the event. A painter was obtained 
who painted the emperor's brother as dead, and then the 
picture was presented to the emperor who immediately 
understood it and fainted awav. What could have been 
more delicately done ? and then this was truly oriental." 

Journal : " July 9. — I have always felt that the bless- 
ing of God would rest on me as a parish minister, only so 
long as I might be solemnly devoted to his service in the 
secret purposes of my soul, and in the consecration of my 
heart to the ministry." 24. — After narrating certain 
events, which greatly tried him, he remarks : " The love 
of the Saviour came over me, and it was around me when 
I aw^aked. I trust I feel its influence still. The promise, 
* Lo ! I am with you alway,' has a reality in it for the 
children of God. Aug. 10. — A week ago last evening, 
my brother T. and wife arrived to make me a visit. They 
left here yesterday morning, and I accompanied them to 
Salem, introducing them to friends, and visiting with them 
various objects of curiosity. It has been a pleasant, a 



232 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

most delightful season. Thanks to God for friendship. 
15. — Parted with my youngest brother. He is now in 
his senior year at Amherst College. Some of my parish- 
ioners have dealt very generously with him. I have had 
religious comfort of late, and yet great discomfort. My 
body is feeble, my temper irritable, and my spirits de- 
sponding. It is all a warfare. Mercies surround me, yet 
trials beset my Christian course. It is doubtful whether I 
reach heaven ; though the Lord, who has done much for 
me, can do more. 18. — My birth-day. Worked on 
brother Lee's Memoir. 21. — I arose at midnight, and 
laid my case before God, and again a little after four, be- 
took myself to my secret retreat on a hill in the woods, 
where I am concealed. There I confessed my sins, and 
prayed unto God. Eejoice in him, O my soul ; lean on 
the arm of omnipotent love. Sept. 8. — Have been this 
week to Andover. Met brother Edwards, and told him I 
would not change places with him. I have a poor ner- 
vous frame, and must make the best of what I am, the 
grace of God helping me. My soul — as Leighton has 
described the human heart — is full of wild beasts." 
During this month, he attended the meeting of the Amer- 
ican Board in Norwich, Conn. Under date of Sept. 14, 
he says : " Yesterday in the afternoon, and especially in 
the evening, found much comfort in the Scripture state- 
ment, ' If any man sin, we have an advocate with the 
Father.' " The various sessions of the Board he greatly 
enjoyed ; speaks of being much affected, when it was 
announced, that at the sacramental scene there would be 
room for none but communicants. After he had returned 
to his home, he states that more than once he had felt the 
love of God, which seemed flowing into his soul, while at 
N.a and that he took sweet refuge in the words of Scrip- 
ture just quoted ; furthermore, that he often consecrated 
himself anew to the service of the Lord Jesus Christ. On 



i 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUEI;. 233 

his way home, he called upon a brother clergyman, in 
whose study he thus wrote : " I would pray thee, O God, 
if it be possible, to grant me a double portion of thy grace. 
I am very weak, and at times pressed to the earth with a 
sense of my unfitness for the gospel ministry. O, nail 
me to the blessed cross. Let my whole soul be imbued 
with thy Spirit. All covered with sin and shame, I lay 
myself at thy feet, adorable One, and if a year from this 
time shall find me in the world of spirits, may I be with 
the Redeemer." 

After returning from N., he wrote thus to his brother 
T. and wife : 

" You left Norwich too soon, to hear the best. The 
exercises of the last hour and a half were the keystone 
to all the rest. I am sorry you felt obliged to leave. In- 
deed, all was good. I preached on the subject of missions 
last Sabbath. Some I presume thought me severe ; I can, 
however, in review, think of nothing to take back. Oh, 
my whole trouble is to walk with God. Sin, sin rules in 
this mortal body. What ennobling prospects Christians 
have before them, if they will but live in Christ, and labor 
for him. How, O how shall we gain the victory over the 
world ? Every day, every moment, in respect to every 
thing, I find constant need of living by faith on the Son 
of God.'' 

Journal : " Sept. 25. — Sabbath. The Lord appeared 
to assist me. On closing the services, I had a momentary 
feeling of sadness and discouragement, when immediately 
before the congregation had left the house, and while I 
was in the pulpit, the Saviour seemed to whisper in my 
ear, ' Lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the 
world.' Gushing tears of joy succeeded. They had not 
yet dried away, when as I was going out, a church-member 
19* 



234 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

met me, and giving me his hand, asked, ' Where have 
you been to be thus kindled up ?' I love the missionary 
cause more and more. May I learn to live in the exer- 
cise of a stronger and more simple faith on the Son of 
God. Feel guilty that I have labored so little in prayer 
for the salvation of the souls of my people. 28. — Am 
anxious to live nearer and nearer to Christ. Pained to 
find so little interest in the Sabbath- school ; also to per- 
ceive a great vi^ant of it here in the cause of missions." In 
October, he speaks of calling upon Miss Purbeck, the 
wonderful sufferer of Salem. " Her kindness of voice, 
her patience, and her exalted resignation and love, are 
almost miraculous. How much grace can do for us ! 
Came home yesterday ; was received with great kindness 
and marked attention. Very special pains have been taken 
to soothe my feelings. I have obsetved these attentions, 
and with weeping prayer besought God to reward my 
benefactors. Oct. 19. — Not long since, a sermon which 
I preached on missions excited great commotion. I had 
my friends and supporters, but some thought me over- 
bearing. Last Sabbath in the afternoon, I gave my views 
of Millerism — against it, as a matter of course; and 
since then, I have heard as much said in my praise. I 
find, however, that a broadside of commendation is much 
more dangerous for a Christian than opposition. 20. — 
Awaked this morning with a strong tendency to hurry 
through or to omit the duty of prayer. So, then, because 
of a little unguarded sinful wandering, merely in thought, 
I have lost my roll, and must go back, and do my work 
all over again." 27. — Speaking of a great struggle in 
his mind, he adds : " I felt, however, an inward call to 
pray, and deliverance came ; the love of the Saviour 
flowing down into my heart and filling it up. 28. — 
Christ appeared unusually precious all the day. 29. — 
Sought in my morning devotions for the divine presence, 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 235 

as I had it yesterday, but was burdened with hardness of 
heart. Nov. 4. — Returning Saturday on foot from the 
association at Gloucester, enjoyed some sweet views of 
divine things. Lay awake for a long time last night, 
praying for the return of God's presence, but remain in 
darkness ; have grieved the Holy Spirit. 7. — Still in 
darkness. I mourn the absence of the Spirit, and groan 
out under the pressure of a hard and heavy heart. Caught 
sight of the Saviour yesterday at the communion table, 
yet only as by the distant glimpses of his garments, once 
as he passed along. 23. — My piety seems all gone. 
Dec. 21. — Last Sabbath I had great enjoyment in the 
divine presence, which continued for some time into the 
week. The Lord compensated me for my severe external 
trials by internal consolations. Heard lately Rev. Mr. 
Knapp, Baptist, preach in Salem. His discourse con- 
tained all sorts of expressions : some pathetic, more ludi- 
crous, and exciting laughter. I do not think that he is a 
very profitable preacher ; he did not make a solemn im- 
pression on me. 27. — Was alone in my study last eve- 
ning, meditating on salary difficulties, when the Saviour 
afforded me his presence. I feel this morning a calm re- 
liance on him for the future. Jan. 1, 1843. — A most 
solemn and trying day. During the week past, my soul 
has been in trouble on account of a salary transaction. — 
It cuts the cords of sympathy between me and my peo- 
ple, to find they are willing to have me lose so much. It 
unnerves me, and destroys the power of affection. But 
the fact that I think so much about it, makes me fear that 
I have not been a Christian ; have not been preaching for 
the glory of God. What a day of tumult it has been ! 
I have had no light, — though struggling in prayer, have 
not been able to get near the throne of grace. A sad 
way to begin a new year. 2. — Was exhausted this 
morning from the services of yesterday. Again in this 



236 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

State of weakness, that money affair comes up. I care 
more for my gold than for all these souls ! How unwor- 
thy to be a minister ! How little devoted to Christ ! I 
have no light from the Lord's countenance ! All, all is 
darkness. 9. — Some light from on high. 18. — Ap- 
pearances of a revival. At an evening lecture many 
wept. But just at this encouraging juncture, in rushed 
sectarians, and threatened to spoil the work. 22. — Sab- 
bath. Was greatly assisted by the Lord. A revival has 
commenced with power. 26. — Feel very weak, and 
inadequate to the mighty work and the difficulties with 
which I am surrounded. The field opens widely and ur- 
gently. Within me are trials of sin and without are fears, 
but the work is the Lord's ; I lay hold of the precious 
promises. Heaven is just at hand, if I prove faithful. 
The revival grows exceedingly promising for the Sabbath- 
school." Such was the fanaticism of many at this time, 
that Mr. T. feared ruin might come upon his Society. " I 
must stand in the Lord ; there is danger on all hands, but 
he reigns. 29. — Some very hardened sinners have, dur- 
ing the past week, been hopefully converted. There are, 
however, I can plainly see, among the noisy class, many 
false blossoms." 

At the time of Mr. T.'s settlement, a few individuals 
agreed to pay him one hundred dollars yearly, in addition 
to the stipulated salary of the parish. The following note 
was addressed to them, Jan. 28, 1843 : 

" Gentlemen : — My ideas as to salary concerns have 
not altered at all since I was settled as pastor in this com- 
munity. For several months past, however, it has been a 
time of great pecuniary embarrassment in this place, and 
it still continues such. Under these circumstances, I have 
thought it might subserve the cause of the Redeemer, to 
remit the $100 due me from your subscription, for the 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 237 

current year, commencing with March 18, 1842. Accord- 
ingly, I cheerfully relinquish all claim to the fifty dollars 
due me on the 18th of September last, as also to the fifty 
dollars which will become due on the 18th of March next, 
making $100, as above. May this act, when examined 
by the eye of an impartial Judge, be found to have result- 
ed from a purpose to seek not yours, but you ; and prove 
to have been the means of advancing the work of the 
Lord, so happily prospering at the present time among us. 
Gentlemen, I remain yours with high esteem." 

By a similar act, he yielded the same amount the fol- 
lowing year, and subsequently, it is believed, he received 
no part of the extra hundred dollars. 

To his brother T., Feb. 2 : 

" I embrace a moment to say, that for two weeks past 
we have been in the midst of a revival, with all its scenes 
of joy and sorrow. We have had great joy and severe 
trials, being constantly in perils of false brethren. Miller- 
ism and almost every other ism are here. I have to hold 
myself ready every day to be dismissed. Pray for us, 
and especially for me, that I may be faithful, standing 
firm in Christ."*' 

Journal : same date. — " Have had some sweet seasons 
with God this morning ; but must hold myself ready to be 
dismissed suddenly. Yet the Lord has helped me thus 
far, and I trust that he will sustain me. I cannot fellow- 
ship these errorists. 5. — The love of God seemed to 
overwhelm me. Was almost overcome with it at the 
breakfast table and at family prayers, and just ready once 
or twice to break forth in tears and expressions of its 
boundlessness. 8. — I have to stand firm like a rock in 
the midst of billows. Christ is my only refuge, and he 
does at times smile upon me ; though to-day I am greatly 



238 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

in the dark. I hold myself in readiness so far as I can, from 
day to day, to leave this place. I cannot act independently 
in any other way. 16. — My spirits sink at times under 
trials occasioned by fanatical efforts, but for the most part 
I feel the Saviour specially near. There is a solemn awe 
in our meetings, as if God were present, and so there should 
be, we feeling as did Elijah when he wrapped his face in his 
mantle. I do not encourage the young to speak, so much 
as the errorists do." After specifying some of his per- 
plexities, he adds : " How appropriate in these tumults do 
I find the divine promises." Few communities of the 
same size could furnish more material for unhallowed fire 
to feed upon than did Manchester at this period. The 
church contained a great mixture of characters. Sec- 
tarian zeal of the lowest order found countenance in 
many who belonged to the company of professors. " 21. 

— Commenced the day with strong endeavors after God, 
and spent much of the forenoon in confessing my own 
sins and those of the church ; also prostrating myself in 
prayer and resignation. Received comfort from above. 
Had encouraging interviews with young converts. 26. — 
Sabbaih. Obtained some light and fervor in prayer be- 
fore going into the sanctuary. After meeting, was exer- 
cised with longings for divine light and deliverance from 
temptation. Feared, on reading Dr. Humphrey's pastoral 
conversations, that I may have failed to give clear and 
appropriate directions to inquirers. Was greatly affected 
in perusing an article under the caption, ' Why should the 
work stop ?' Felt scarcely fit to preach the gospel. 28. 

— The last day of winter ; had some choice moments 
with God in prayer. Wanted to be delivered from sin. 
Had been for several days mostly cold, but was to-day re- 
freshed. March 1. — Yesterday it was reported that a 
comet had been seen near the sun ; the Millerites were 
somewhat alarmed. This afternoon had pleasing conver- 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 239 

sation with young converts and inquirers." In the evening 
he was tried by disorderly conduct in a prayer-meeting, 
also on another account. " Came up to my room, how- 
ever, and falling upon my knees, divine light burst upon 
me. 3. — The Lord appeared to be in very deed with 
me last evening. Jesus was exceedingly near and pre- 
cious. I felt in danger of spiritual pride." As the time 
of the annual parish meeting approached, he received 
various hints of a painful nature concerning salary, and 
was much perplexed. " 5. — Sabbath. Awaked greatly 
worried with the subject of last night. Found it hard to 
exclude the topic from my thoughts. At family prayers, 
however, divine love came in floods over my soul. I was 
almost in an ecstasy for a v/hile. Felt happy in baptizing 
the three taken into the church. 9. — Almost sunk down 
with discouragement. Had an unpleasant conversation 
on salary matters. 10. — Am collecting statistics to show 
that my salary is by no means extravagant. Propose to 
go through all the surrounding parishes of the association, 
collecting facts bearing on this subject." When the meet- 
ing of the society came, with its exciting and for a while 
discouraging proceedings, he says : " God seemed to 
spread his wing over me, and to grant me cups of his own 
cordials. 16. — Felt this morning as though I had been 
wounded by the church not standing firm. Still 1 rejoice 
that things have come out so well. Am cheerful in God. 
How often have the words been in my mind of late : 
' Man would swallow me up.' Have thought much too of 
Bunyan's pilgrim. He must keep in the middle of the 
road, for then the lions chained on each side would do him 
no harm. 17. — The sweet idea of a parish of my own 
seems about at an end, and this too after a revival. 18. 
— Much depressed to-day in view of what has been done. 
I shall not, however, think of leaving Manchester so long 
as the Lord plainly makes it my duty to remain. April 



240 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

4. — Last Saturday and Sabbath, also up to the present 
time, have been oppressed more than usually with a sense 
of my sins; feel ashamed before God. 28. — I seemed 
to have the judgment-seat before me all this morning. 
The text about contending earnestly for the faith once de- 
livered to the saints, has presented itself to my mind with 
such force, that I must take it up for the next Sabbath." 
Numerous were the collisions with which he met at this 
period, both within and without the church. He observes : 
" Mine eyes are to the everlasting hills for help. May 3. 
— Half past eleven in the evening. Had retired to rest, 
but have arisen again, overflowing with the precious love 
of the Saviour. No language can describe the sweetness 
of the sense of redeeming love, which I have just passed 
through, and in the savor of which I now find myself. 
To pray and weep and praise, has been all which for some 
minutes I could do. I would not for the universe have 
any other will done than the Lord's. I would not have a 
single stain of sin upon me. I desire to melt down in the 
glory of the Infinite. It is amazing whence comes this 
wonderful glory of divine things. Why should it thus flow 
down into a miserable worm ? O ! the wonders seen in 
a few moments in an interview with God ! All is well ; 
all is well ; to bow to thy will, Jehovah, is bliss." 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 241 

CHAPTER XIX. 

pastoral life, continued. 

"April 6. 
" Dear Brother T. and Sister C. : — Your last should 
have been answered long before this, but constant labor 
has prevented. We have had a strange winter, — all 
sorts of things ; yet the Lord has been with us, in a most 
emphatic sense. Ninety we hope for as converts, within 
the Sabbath-school. Others I have not considered thor- 
oughly converted. Nearly fifty of the young were in my 
room at one time, many of them drowned in tears. I 
shall look back upon the winter as a wonderful one. We 
have had bitter trials, indeed, but grace, I trust, has 
abounded. My health, until lately, has been better than 
usual. I have had a bad headache since yesterday, but I 
wish to converse with you a little. I have realized this 
winter, 1 think, more than ever, the truth of the Hebrew 
proverb, nist "i";; nirr;* ^^S in monte Domine, providebitur. 
The end, indeed, has not yet come, in all respects. I 
have a comfortable feeling, however, that we shall come 
out by and by to where daylight shines : 

* Deus haec fortasse benigna, 
Reducet in sedem vice/ 

as Horace says ; or to quote a part of the same thought, 
in the beautiful language of Virgil : 

* Forsan et haec olim meminisse juvabit,* 

or has not Watts expressed the same thing in a far higher 

sense : 

* There on a green and flowery mount 
Our weary souls shall sit, 
And, with transporting joys, recount 
The labors of our feet.' 

20 



242 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

Only in regard to Ms last idea, there will be this sad thing, 
we shall probably have had so little trouble, that we shall 
be found altogether unworthy to associate there with those 
old soldiers of the cross who are all covered with scars, 
of whom it will be said, 

< From tort'ring racks and burning fires, 
And seas of their own blood, they came.' 

' How many glorious soldiers of Christ,' said the dying 
John Reinhard Hedlinger, ' I go to meet in heaven ! Alas ! 
I have done very little in this world. All my labor has 
been but an infant's sport, in comparison with theirs. How 
shall I dare to mingle with those heroes of the faith, — I 



1 9» 



who shall enter the celestial abodes as a thing immature. 

Journal : " 7. — Sabbath. A solemn and interesting 
day is before us ; thirty-four are to be taken into the 
church." 12. — He received a letter summoning him to 
what was supposed the dying bed of his mother, and went 
as soon as possible to see her, not knowing when he 
reached her habitation whether she were living or dead. 
" I opened the door without knocking, and there was T. 
on one side and his wife on the other, holding mother's 
pillow, while some of my sisters were administering to 
her wants. Her countenance was ghastly. The first 
thing she did was to utter an exclamation of joy and 
spread out her arms to receive me." Several days he 
passed at his mother's and in the vicinity ; on leaving her, 
he observes : " I am now, as I fear, about bidding her 
adieu forever. We hope she will recover ; she is, howev- 
er, very weak, and her disease, probably, deep-seated. 
She is calm and resigned ; full of distrust of herself, yet 
possessed of much real humble trust in God. I return to 
the field of my spiritual conflict. I long for the divine 
presence. Quarter of five, P. M. ; have come up stairs 
into my mother's little chamber to offer here my last 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 243 

prayer for the present, and perhaps forever, that the bless- 
ing of God may rest upon those of the family whom I 
am to leave here, as well as upon those who are far away. 
Sung to mother the hymn, ' Guide me, O thou great Je- 
hovah ; ' conversed with her, exhorting her to turn her 
eyes away from herself to the amazing love of God ; to 
turn the telescope around and look through the other end, 
since if we look on our own demerits exclusively, every- 
thing is discouraging. With this thought drawn out some- 
what at large I parted with her." He passed the night 
following, with Rev. Mr. C, of Ashfield. " Took a walk 
in the morning before breakfast, and prayed, but was in 
great darkness." While stopping a little while at a sis- 
ter's in South Deerfield, he retired into a neighboring 
grove and sought in supplications the divine smiles, but 
found no relief. From D. he went on foot to Amherst 
College and visited his youngest brother. Here he says 
God's face was greatly hid. " 25. — Arose in the night 
and prayed ; prayed also in my bed. After that had 
some sweet sleep. Have endeavored to look upwards this 
morning ; would not go a step without God ; long for his 
presence ; only ask to be swallowed up in him." Re- 
turning to Manchester May 27, he was in mental distress 
on several accounts. " Felt overwhelmed with a kind of 
horror lest I had done wrong. Jesus, however, has 
seemed to whisper peace in my ear. His work looks 
lovely. I desire to engage in it. June 12. — Feel still a 
burning desire to be absorbed in the glory of God. I en- 
deavor to bear my people before the Lord for a blessing. 
My prayer is that he would prosper his own cause here, 
removing every obstacle out of the way, even if it be my- 
self. July 2. — Preached on the Catechism in the fore- 
noon, its history, etc. Had felt some anxiety on the sub- 
ject. Was cold most of the time. One glimpse of 
heavenly light at the beginning." Aug. 10. — He attend- 



244 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

ed commencement at Amherst College. " It was a solemn 
and interesting moment to me when my brother J., the 
last of the widow's four sons, walked up to the president 
with six others and received from him the degree of 
A. B. I could not wholly restrain my tears. Spent the 
evening at Dr. Humphrey's ; thanked him for what he had 
done in educating my three brothers. 18. — My birth- 
day ; am forty-two years of age. The Saviour appeared 
very near in the morning ; at the breakfast table, howev- 
er, found I was very irritable ; resorted to prayer for re- 
lief. Aug. 31. — Spent much of the time in prayer this 
morning. Felt inexpressibly unworthy, my sins opening 
in deep gulfs all around me. It is certain that nothing 
short of Almighty power can ever save me, drawing me 
as a brand from the burning. While I was in the pulpit 
felt as if the thunderbolts of heaven might justly fall upon 
tne." Early in September we find him deeply distressed 
in view of his nervous irritability. " I almost feel as if 
God would find it necessary to do up his work with me 
here on earth very soon. Life is with me all the way 
along a Waterloo battle. How little most people know of 
these fearful conflicts. Not to feel miserable is at times 
wholly out of my power." For some time he remained 
in great horror of mind. When delivered he says : " The 
Lord had given me premonitions that I had a dreadful 
scene of temptation to go through. In the midst of it 
everything seemed against me. Twice or thrice I opened 
the Bible to these words, ' Behold your house is left unto 
you desolate.' Now the Saviour is very near and his love 
exceedingly precious. I shall not die but live. O how 
dreadful the frown of God ! I have seen hell before me ; 
I have had a glance at its flames, and they are indescriba- 
bly dreadful." During September he journeyed to Sara- 
toga Springs, Schenectady, New York, Hartford, etc. 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 245 

To the wife of his brother T., Saratoga Springs : 

" Schenectady, N. Y., Sept. 19, 1843. 
" Dear Sister C. : — May I burden your ear this 
morning with my complaints ? You have ever shown 
yourself very kind — perhaps it may relieve me for a few 
moments. I came away from Saratoga in a storm. The 
lightnings played around the engine as the carman 
told me, and they, as I saw them, flashed through the sky 
most vividly, while the thunder was heard at times in 
crashes above the noise around me. The storm, howev- 
er, without, was comparatively nothing to that which was 
within me. I thought the waters of S. had helped me, 
but now fear otherwise. My sad dyspeptic state did not 
relax till near nine o'clock last evening, when I began to 
feel better. I have it on me, however, this morning ; all 
seems hopeless. Nature is cheering and bright and every- 
thing external is at present adapted to animate me, be- 
sides I have a comfortable hope in Christ, and many dear 
friends. Withal, I regard it as one of the most pleasing 
incidents that I met with you and your sister at the 
Springs. At family prayers this morning, the arms of 
Infinite Love seemed around me, and they do so still. O, 
what a Saviour ! Can a mother forget? yes, she may, 
yet will I never forget thee. I have graven thee on the 
palms of my hands. — These dyspeptics are the most mis- 
erable of beings ; they grieve the Holy Spirit ; they try 
the patience of their friends, and prey upon their own 
souls. Friendship they desire and seek, yet repel every 
friend. They are good for nothing in company. How I 
have served you this morning ! I thought I would send 
you a bouquet^ and of what have I made it ? Of thistles, 
deadly night-shade, wolf's-bane, poisonous hemlock, etc., 
when I might have selected roses, lilies, nymphseas, tulips, 
dahlias, and all that is fragrant. I am like those enchant- 
ed persons in the Arabian Nights' Entertainment, who 
20* 



246 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

find themselves transformed into irrational animals, who 
have all the feelings of their humanity, with nothing but 
the incapacity of the brute. Were not those Arabs dys- 
peptics, that is, those who invented these stories ? But I 
am growing brighter and brighter ; I hope I shall conquer 
this demon, yet." 

To the same, dated Springfield, Mass. : 

" Soon after writing you my last, I made various calls 
on old friends in Schenectady, and came to Troy the 
same day. On the day following, I sailed down the Hud- 
son river and the scene was to me enchanting. I cannot 
describe it. The only thing resembling it, that I remem- 
ber ever to have seen, was an exhibition of the Enchanted 
Island. Yesterday, I came from New York to Hartford, 
taking tea with Mr. Gallaudet — in whose family I was a 
boarder some years since — and enjoying a short interview 
with Dr. Hawes. Nothing has been wanting to render 
the excursion delightful, but better health and a greater 
proportion of congenial company. Yet I have enjoyed 
the society of quite a number of very entertaining and 
distinguished individuals. At present, the day is truly 
fine, and I feel much better than at any time since I left 
you. Were you here now I should certainly be quite so- 
ciable and chatty. A curious scene occurred as we were 
passing through Windsor Locks. A woman was brought 
on board, apparently lifeless, and then another, and yet 
another. The last two seemed either lifeless or deranged, 
and the other not much better. Soon after a deranged, 
emaciated man was brought on board. These four were 
the fruits of a Millerite meeting which had been held in 
the vicinity for about a week past. I went down into the 
cabin among them and they hailed me as a brother. 
They were going up soon to meet Christ, and I should go 
with them." 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 247 

To the same, dated Manchester, Sept. 27 : 

" What friends I found waiting for me on my arrival 

home — one letter from your husband, two from M , 

and two from yourself with some others, seven in all. It 
was especially kind in you to take me so affectionately by 
surprise. I met with a serious accident, shall I call it, 
on returning from depositing a letter for you in the post 
office at Springfield. I lost my ball of Saratoga battle- 
ground memory, which you gave me while we were to- 
gether near that field of Mood, After entering the cars, 
also, I saw more of Millerism. One of hs disciples swooned 
away in a fit soon after he embarked. I was grieved on 
reaching Beverly and finding I might just as well have re- 
mained another week with you at the Springs that I had not 
done it. My people had obtained a good supply for the en- 
suing Sabbath. Sectarians, however, have made an attack 
upon us. I had a private interview with their leader a few 
days since and told him that as I did not think the gospel 
was preached by the Millerites, I should have no objec- 
tions to his attempting to proselyte them^ but it would be 
entirely wrong for him to endeavor to divide 7ny people ; 
to attempt it would exhibit a bad trait in his own charac- 
ter and in that of his denomination ; that we all ought to 
rise infinitely above such contractedness. How much 
faith the Church needed when in the midst of heathenism, 
and how much less does she need now ? Her enemies 
are at present more subtle, though not less numerous. My 
spirits were good on my return, and so continued until a 
nearly empty parish treasury brought on a dyspeptic fit 
and completely drove away sleep and rest, but good aunt 
L., with tears and prayers says, all will yet go right, re- 
peating. What is that to thee, follow thou me." 

Letter to his mother, Oct. 16 : 

" Trial upon trial comes thick and fast. Yet there is 
a rock which no billows can touch, an anchor which never 



248 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

breaks, a pilot infallible. If we have the Christian hope, 
if we are affiliated to God, all is well. How many clouds 
conrie thick and fast over the believer's little heaven ; but 
far off, in the horizon, methinks I see a piece of sky, the 
openings of eternity, the dawnings of bright glory. I 
hold on to the Christian hope. My trust is in God alone. 
I have no confidence in anything which is merely earthly. 
If I have anything, it is my Saviour. If I long for any- 
thing, it is his image. If I thirst for anything, it is for 
the living fountain of God's infinite love. I lay myself 
down at the feet of Immanuel. I take repose under his 
wing. I have destroyed myself, but in him is my hope. 
If 1 am a child of God, then angels are around me, and 
will bear me up in their hands. O ! to be devoted to his 
service, to be wrapped up in his glory." 

Nov. 8, 1843, Mr. T. was married to Miss Mary Cleave- 
land, of Topsfield, Mass., daughter of the late N. Cleave- 
land, M. D. It would be improper to dwell on the influ- 
ence of this unior^, farther than to say that it was most 
happy on him. He was wont to speak of his xvife as 
*' the precious gift of his God to him,^^ 

Journal : " Nov. 19. — Our first Sabbath together at 
home. I began the day with heavenly emotion, but 
wandered away in the course of it from the fountain of 
heavenly truth. I forget the giver in the enjoyment of 
the gift. 28. — Have just come up to my room to pre- 
pare for thanksgiving. Mercies surround me. Dec. 31. 
— The last sun of 1843 has just gone down behind the 
hills. The past year has been one of unusual blessings 
to me, also one of great sins on my part. My mind 
stretches forward inquiringly into the future, asking where 
this day twelve month will find me." 

Jan. 21, 1844, he spent at Hamilton, by exchange. On 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 249 

his way thither, on foot and alone, he became very sad and 
solemn in view of eternal things. " I felt that I had sin- 
ned against the holy angels and the spirits of just men 
made perfect in heaven, with whom I hope to associate 
after death, all whose affections are kindness, forbearance, 
tenderness and love. I felt that I had sinned against my 
blessed Redeemer, who died for me." At H. he read in 
the life of President Edwards, and also in some other im- 
pressive work. "I felt myself unworthy to be a minister. 
I greatly feared that Christ would turn me out at least of 
my present situation, on account of my unworthiness ; yet 
it seemed to be a great and exalted privilege to preach the 
gospel. When the hour of morning service arrived, I 
arose and went to the sanctuary, thinking that God had 
conferred on me an unspeakable favor by allowing me 
another opportunity to proclaim his truth." 

" April 5. 
" Dear Sister M. : — Yesterday was our Fast-day^ 
and I preached on Capital Punishment. This is an age of 
tearing in pieces — the wisest generation that ever lived — 
knowing far more than the antediluvians, who continued 
on earth 900 years, accumulating knowledge. They know 
so much — the young satraps of the present age — that 
their fathers knew absolutely nothing. For my part, I 
have no sympathy with this sort of feeling. I have no 
idea that our fathers were fools ; nor do I believe that we 
are the men altogether, and that wisdom will die with us. 
Why should all things, civil and moral, be so fluctuating ? 
The sun rises and sets just as it did 6,000 years ago. The 
springs bubble up the same, and the same also flow the 
streams. There is no new way of getting to heaven ; the 
one of which Bunyan speaks is the way cast up by Christ, 
and pointed out by his apostles. Let me walk this old 
road, I always come out badly, when I take a new one. 



250 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

Some years since, when I was teaching Hebrew at Ando- 
ver, I was invited to preach in Newburyport. It was in 
the spring when there had been thaws, and when there 
was snow still on the ground, which was hard in the 
morning, but soft usually during the day. If I returned in 
the best and most beaten road, I must pass through a 
turnpike gate ; with a horse and chaise this would cost 
me something. And yet I wished to get back early to 
A. to hear my class, on Monday morning. There was 
another way, I was told, just as near. I was in haste, to 
be sure ; but thought there would be little, if any hazard, 
in taking the latter. I could inquire as I should pass 
along. But soon I came across a doubtful road ; I took 
it, but it became worse and worse as I proceeded ; it led 
me into a swamp. I met with snow-drifts, frozen so hard 
that the horse could not get through them ; and also a 
brook, almost a river, the bridge planks being swept away 
to some distance down the stream. I must either go back 
a dreadful route, turning round in a place of almost im- 
possibilities, or repair the bridge ; which last I did, bring- 
ing the planks back. To shorten the story, I at length 
became disentangled and reached home ; but. from that 
time made up my mind always to take the turnpike, and 
pay the toll, when I wish to make haste. The new-road 
and toll-saving theologians and politicians will, I think, 
come out no better in the end than I did.'' 

Journal: ''April 14. — Sabbath. Awaked early, and 
betook myself to prayer. Found my thoughts tumultuous, 
and experienced much difficulty in getting near to the 
throne of grace." At this time he was again subjected 
to a harassing salary difficulty. " This is perhaps the 
last Sabbath that I shall be here as pastor. The 46 psalm 
is my refuge, and yet I cannot get nigh enough to God. 
15. — Walked soon after rising. The parish matter lay 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 251 

upon my mind. May 17. — Sat down yesterday to plan 
a sermon on the doctrine of the decrees ; found trouble 
and knew not what to do with them. To-day the doc- 
trine came over me with great interest, and brought 
joy with it." 

Letters to his wife, written at Boston, May, 1844 : 

" Looking at Allston's Belshazzar yesterday, I was 
struck with his Daniel addressing the trembling king, 
(while the anxious queen-mother looks on,) pointing at 
the same time towards where the hand is writing, and the 
luminous characters are shining. He is tall, erect, inde- 
pendent, majestic, severe, awful — you feel that he is the 
man of God, not afraid of kings or their courts. The 
rest of the painting is harmonious, as far as I can read it. 
In the background appears Nebuchadnezzar's image set 
up. There are the tables and the servants, among whom 
are pious Jewish damsels. There also are the disappoint- 
ed and amazed magicians. The queen attracts by her 
appearance of fixed and absorbed attention. It is, how- 
ever, the noble form of Daniel that stays by me. It brings 
his goodness and firmness at that corrupt court immedi- 
ately before me, with the words, ' O, man greatly be- 
loved,' and makes me long to become like him. Goodness 
can be painted, if thunder cannot. I visited this painting 
again in the P. M. — but enough. 

— "I had been invited to attend a prayer-meeting. I 
had, however, heard much of the powers of the violin, 
especially in connection with the performances of Paga- 
nini. 1 could then hear a distinguished man, but would 
it be proper ? I concluded to go. I found not Ole Bull, 
but Vieux Temps, with his sister and the Misses Garcia. I 
was struck with the skill. The Garcias sung most delight- 
fully — the words were Italian. Generally, however, there 
was nothing but the music, which without words, to me, 



252 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

has no soul. The house was thin, and the audience 
mostly foreigners. I was impressed more and more with 
the danger of city temptations. I spent my time in rumi- 
nating on the folly of man. I asked myself, have these 
persons souls ? Oh, how hollow these things look to me! 
As I came home, the prayer-meeting flashed across my 
mind. I thought also of the portrait of Daniel, whom I 
had seen standing firm at the court of Babylon. On the 
whole, though I condemned myself for going, I thought 
my motives were good." 

Journal: "Monday, Nov. 11. — Voted for Mr. Clay 
against my feelings, for I cannot approve of his slave- 
holding and duelling ; but knew not how to do better for 
the time. Did it on the same principle that I would em- 
ploy an infidel to make me a piece of furniture. Dec. 
31. — The last day and evening of the year; a year of 
mercies and of sins. Jan. 1, 1845. — Met new-year's 
day not without spiritual comfort. 7. — For some time 
past have felt quite anxious about the state of religion in 
this place, and have endeavored to prepare the church to 
spend the first Monday of the month in prayer. 18. — 
Thought that I had a quite good sermon when I went to 
meeting this afternoon, but on my return felt as though it 
was worthless and had produced no effect. 20. — Spent 
nearly half the day in calling upon mourners. 21. — A 
solemn day in our family. Mother Cleaveland died this 
morning very suddenly. She sat up a little later than 
usual last evening, in order to finish a book, the second 
volume of Newton's works, which she had been reading 
with great interest. She retired to rest in usual health 
and spirits, and awaked in the arms of her Saviour. Her 
death was the easiest possible, the mere stopping of the 
pendulum of a clock. There was only a sigh ; no groan 
or convulsion. When I was on the point of marrying, it 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 253 

was with fear that I consented to act the part of a son to 
her. I soon found, however, that I had with me in her a 
most invaluable prize : so pious, so pleasant, so heavenly. 
I have never felt more sure that a person had gone to 
glory, than I do that she has gone there. My mind dwells 
upon the desolation I or my wife should feel if one of us 
were to be removed, leaving the other behind. 23. — lOj 
A. M. The coffin, with the remains, has just started for 
Topsfield. This last parting has taken hold deeply of our 
feelings. How have I sympathized with my dear wife, 
during this tender scene of trial ! Her mother's memory 
is embalmed in my mind beyond what I can express. I 
think of her only as with her Saviour. Farewell ! dear 
departed one. 24. — We are to start this morning for 
Topsfield. The Lord be with us, and especially with my 
dear wife. Evening : returned from the funeral. 25. — 
Evening : we have thought much of mother at family 
prayers. Brother J. arrived, and his presence cheers us. 
26. — Sabbath; a hallowed day. Was reminded of the 
hymn which I sung a week ago to mother. 28. — Wrote 
several obituaries of mother C." 

To his own mother, Feb. 6 : 

" I send you this morning a paper which contains an 
obituary notice of our mother C. Her removal from us 
was very sudden. She had been unusually well for three 
weeks previous to her death, if such it could be called. 
On Saturday evening she conversed with her daughter on 
the desirableness of ever spending that evening in serious 
preparation for the Sabbath. Regretted that it had not 
been her uniform practice through life to do so. Sabbath 
day she was reading most of the day in the works of 
John Newton, also listened to the reading of my sermons 
for the day ; was with us at evening prayers, and when 
we sang the hymn, ' What is life,' &c., her kindling eye 
21 



254 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

expressed her interest in the sentiment. Monday evening, 
she sat up till nine, to finish, as she said, the volume of 
Newton, which she had read in course, and having com- 
pleted the last leaf, committed herself to the arms of 
sleep. She rested through the night. About five Tues- 
day morning, I knocked at her door to arouse H., who 
slept in her room ; and soon after H. had arisen, mother 
was seized with a slight spasm, such as she had been 
subject to for the last three or four years. We were 
called, and in a few moments were at her bedside. It 
was, however, only to witness her departure — in a single 
gentle sigh her soul was breathed away. She never knew 
what it is to die — she lay down to sleep, and awaked 
with Jesus. We are left drowned in tears. We feel the 
vacancy. She had bodily infirmities, a spinal difficulty, 
and deafness, but always was cheerful, and devising some 
good deed. Everything selfish seemed to have vanished 
from her. She was ready to give away everything for 
God. Heaven filled her soul. She was the gentlest 
spirit I remember ever to have known. I have been ac- 
quainted with her sixteen years, and so far as I could 
judge she was always such — she lived near to God. I 
did not think it possible she could have entwined so closely 
around my heart, during the short time I have sustained 
towards her the relation of a son. She was borne, as we 
have not a doubt, on angels' wings to heaven. We gazed 
after her, weeping for our loss, and wanted to follow. To 
my wife, who has been always with her, and the prop of 
her declining years, the bereavement is great. It draws 
us nearer to each other. Our tears have flowed together. 
Farewell. Your affectionate son." 

It was Mr. T.'s rule to visit all his people once a year, 
and to call faithfully upon the sick, the anxious, mourn- 
ers, etc. '' March 18. — Yesterday I made fourteen visits, 



PASTOEAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 255 

and offered ten prayers. Learn with deep regret that I 
have been elected one of the school committee this year. 
April 1. — Have found that there had been much feeling 
in the church because I would not unite with Mr. W. in a 
funeral. What ! I unite with a person who ridicules the 
doctrine of the Trinity ! 29. — Have just passed through 
another severe trial about salary matters, but all has ended 
thus far as well as could be expected. I considered my- 
self for a while dismissed. The Lord however stood by 
me. For some time I feared that the keystone of all my 
labors was about to be knocked out ; that the wicked 
would triumph over me and the church, trampling us 
under foot ; but the Lord has appeared for us." 

" Worcester, April 16, 1845. 

" My dear Wife : — I write this at brother 's. I 

came right up here last evening, and said to him, ' I have 
taken the same liberty to come and see an old friend, that 
I would like to have taken with me.' He had just returned 
from N., where he had been called to attend the burial of 
a sister. His wife still remains there. His house was in 
process of cleaning, painting, &;c. He however welcomed 
me in the most cordial and friendly manner to such things 
as he had, and such fare and lodging as he could give. 
We have had a pleasant time. I shall not now think of re- 
turning until next week ; probably shall spend the Sabbath 
in New Haven. Of course I feel solicitous to hear the re- 
sult of to-day's meeting in M. I almost feel as though it 
loould be the closing of all my labors there. If it end 
hadly^ then my work falls to the ground. I have, how- 
ever, a state of calm emotion ; I hope, of confidence in God. 
I thought of the prayer-meeting last evening, and spoke of 
it in the family. I have endeavored to carry the church 
to Christ, and to go to him myself, this morning. Oh, the 
value of the church ! It was for her sake Christ suffered 



256 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

and died. It is for her we must submit to indignities. I 
feel that my heart is clinging more and more closely to 
the church. Your affectionate husband." 

To the same, April 27 : 

" Having made my purchases yesterday at Boston, I 
went to look up Mr. W. I had heard of his being in the 
city, and when I was at New Haven, had taken up in a 
bookstore, ' The Goldmaker's Village,' which I had trans- 
lated for him several years since. I wished to know 
whether this was my translation, or a new one from some 
other source. I found him quite ill — exceedingly ema- 
ciated. Before I came away, I told him there was one 
point, a delicate one, about which I needed information. 
It was as to his means. I had heard of his poverty. He 
frankly told me he had nothing for more than a month 
ahead. I said I would send him five dollars, for then I 
had them not. He expressed great gratitude, and observed 
that perhaps God had sent me to him as a Christian friend ; 
that he seldom heard the voice of prayer, etc. We talked 
of religious hopes and fears, and prayed together, when 
he told me that he could not accept of the money which 
I had offered him^ as he was living at great expense, and 
it would go but little ways, and it was unfair and appar- 
ently unchristian under such circumstances to take any- 
thing from me ; he would, however, sell me five dollars' 
worth of books. I looked over his books, but not finding 
anything of consequence that I wished, came away, tell- 
ing him I would call again before I should leave the city. 
I hastened and borrowed of Mr. G., our stage-driver, a 
five dollar bill, and returning to Mr. W. pressed it into his 
hand, telling him that I could not then take any of his 
books, but might some other time. We had further con- 
versation on the subject of religion, the love of God, the 
necessity of looking closely into the human heart, etc. 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 257 

When rising to come away, a Miss or Mrs. E,., his de- 
ceased wife's sister, entered. I said, ' I am glad to see you 
have such kind friends ; ' but he whispered to me again, 
calling me to his bedside, ' I cannot take this money, 
brother Taylor.' I took it back, and bade him farewell." 

Journal : " June 15. — Preached, with great comfort to 
myself, on little children being brought to Christ. 18. — 
A desponding day. My spiritual enemies try me, and 
my Christian course is a hard one. Have been endeavor- 
ing to-day to get strength for the performance of a poor 
weak resolution. July 13. — Awoke last night about mid- 
night, and the Saviour seemed sweetly to visit me. 18. — 
The winding up of a lovely visit from brother T. and wife." 
Near this time he was requested to take part with an 
errorist preacher in dedicating a new cemetery, but he 
utterly refused to do aught that would imply his recogni- 
tion of the man as a gospel minister. He however de- 
livered an address on the occasion. " How painful to 
find Christians so Httle attentive to principle. Have felt 
a pleasant calm most of the day in the love of God. The 
Saviour appears very near to me. O, how much I need 
his aid ! Thanks to God for the joys and mercies of the 
week past, with all its trials. Aug. 3. — Preached all 
day on the observance of the Sabbath. 12. — Preached 
again on keeping the Sabbath. Hear of its being broken 
all around me, in every way and manner. 19. — Things 
among us grow worse and worse, as it regards religion. 
I must turn over a new leaf respecting prayer, devoting 
at least half an hour to it before breakfast. All my hope 
depends on God." 

21* 



258 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

CHAPTER XX. 

PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

In August, 1845, Mr. T. was elected a corresponding 
member of the New England Historic Genealogical So- 
ciety. Having attended the meeting of the American 
Board of Foreign Missions in September of this year, at 
Brooklyn, N. Y., he thence visited his brother R. in S., 
N. J., searching out places of antiquarian interest in that 
vicinity. 

Journal : " Oct. 29. — Have just gone through a most 
affecting scene. M. A. C. was long the head teacher of 
our infant Sabbath-school. Nearly two years since, she 
was married, and removed to St. Louis. For some years 
she had entertained a hope, but did not make a public 
profession of religion till she united with the second Pres- 
byterian Church in St. L. Recently while suffering much 
from ill health, she reached Manchester in company with 
her husband and other friends. She has a pretty babe 
about three weeks old. It was reported to me this morning 
that she was dying, and I hastened to see her. Her hear- 
ing was poor, and her speech affected, she being scarcely 
able to utter even a whisper. I prayed with her and she 
clasped her hands together in the attitude of prayer. By 
placing my lips near to her ear, I could make her hear 
me. At length she called for her babe. It being carried 
to her, she took it into her arms and seemed engaged in 
prayer. Catching sight of me as I stood a little back, she 
beckoned me near. As I approached her, she took my 
hand and laid it on the infant's head. I soon perceived 
that she desired me to baptize her babe there in her pre- 
sence. When I inquired for the name by which it should 
be called, she first placed her hand upon her own breast, 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 259 

then marking out the size of her brother W., she made 
us understand that she desired to combine a part of her 
own name and a part of his. I then offered an introduc- 
tory prayer, baptized the babe, and concluded with prayer. 
It has been the most solemn and touching scene that I 
ever witnessed." This lady died not long after the above 
occurrence. 

To his brother T., Dec. 16 : 

" Irreligion abounds more and more among us, and to 
myself the gospel of Christ and the hope of eternal life 
become increasingly precious. Oh, the glorious hope of 
the Christian ; the inexpressible richness of redeeming 
love ! Strange that objects of worldly ambition should 
ever be brought into competition with the treasures of 
heaven ! " 

Journal: "31. — I close the year in circumstances of 
great mercy ; but it has been characterized by many sins 
on my part. During it I have buried a dear mother-in- 
law. O ! to be devoted to God most perfectly. Farewell, 
1845, till I meet thee and thy account at the judgment. 
Jan. 1, 1846. — Have had to-day more softened religious 
feelings than usual, and more comfort. 17. — Spent a 
day lately in the Historical Society, Boston, collecting 
information concerning the early history of the church in 
Manchester. My heart is exceedingly hard, but I have 
longings for divine things this morning. 21. — Anniver- 
sary of mother Cleaveland's death. 22. — Thursday eve. 
Have visited forty-five families in four afternoons." 

" Jan. 25. 

" Dear sister M — y : — Notwithstanding the fatigues 
of the day and a severe cold, I am constrained this eve- 
ning to attempt a reply to your letter. The strains in 
which you write seem like those which come from some 



260 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

harp hung upon the willows, and whose strings the wild 
winds put into motion. Would to God, my dear sister, 
I could relieve you of your sorrow — but I cannot. Sin 
is a burden that lies upon all the children of Adam, and 
sooner or later will make them groan out in anguish of 
spirit. From this burden there is no deliverer but Christ. 
I cannot possibly help you, nor can any of the human 
family. You must not even turn to us for relief. You 
must look to God alone through Christ. Your only hope 
is in the Lamb of God, who taketh away the sin of the 
world, and he is ready to relieve you. Believe in him, 
and the work is done. Go to him, and he will receive 
you. His word is pledged to this. Trouble yourself not 
at all about the decrees of God. With these you have 
nothing to do. They are God's rule of conduct, not yours. 
All you have to do is to go to Christ, and be assured he is 
inviting you to himself. His language to all is, ' Behold, 
I stand at the door and knock ; if any man hear my voice 
and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup 
with him and he with me.' — ' If any man thirst, let him 
come unto me and drink.' You find in the Bible a pro- 
mise to this effect : ' Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father 
in my name, he will give it you.' Lay the word of God 
open before you at that promise, and placing your finger 
upon it, plead with God for Christ's sake for the pardon 
of your sins. Do it over and over, giving up all to him 
to be his forever. Keep nothing back. Do it feeling that 
eternal life hangs upon the issue. Be assured, if you fail 
of relief, there is something you do not give up. Oh, 
how happy would it make me to hear of you as at the 
feet of Jesus, clothed and in your right mind ! " 

Journal : " 28. — Have been confined at home this 
week thus far by a cold. Am ill also in other respects ; 
but the love and glory of God have been at times very 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 261 

precious. It seems that the Lord will come and bless us 
with the presence of his Spirit." Speaking of a sick 
Christian brother, Mr. T. observes : " It is a feast to go 
and see him ; as a general thing, we close our interviews 
with prayer." 

To his sister M — y, March 10 : 

" Dear Sister : — I have not time to write much, but 
being anxious for your spiritual welfare, I cannot forbear 
asking whether you have not found your way to that pre- 
cious fountain, that spring of living waters ? Has that 
heavy burden broken off, and fallen into the Redeemer's 
sepulchre ? Oh, my dear sister, thousands and thousands 
of the mightiest burdens of sin have vanished out of sight 
in that blessed tomb, and I am certain it will hold yours. 
Will you not behold the Lamb of God ? How you wrong 
him by staying away from his feet, and refusing his love. 
O ! come, my dear sister, and cast yourself upon his 
mercy, and all will yet be well. For this prays your 
affectionate brother." 

To the same, March 24 : 

" Sitting down to meditate this morning, your case 
comes up before me, and I feel renewed anxiety for you. 
There are times when I seem to find my way to the river 
of God, and walk along its banks, and sit down under the 
shadow of the Almighty. O ! how precious then, and 
how free, appears the love of Jesus ! How vile it seems 
not to fall at his feet, and give up all to his service ! And 
now, M — y, I ask again, have you yet opened your heart 
to the Saviour ? Have you yet bowed to his blessed will ? 
Are you willing to have him rule and reign, and do with 
you as seemeth him good ? The fault must be on your 
side ; there is nothing but mercy, glory, justice and love 
on his. We love you, and pray for you." 



262 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

The meeting-house in Manchester, which had been 
closed for months to be remodelled, was dedicated anew 
on the 9th of April. The pastor preached on the occa- 
sion, and an original hymn prepared by him was sung. A 
new and very encouraging era opened in the history of 
the society in M., on the reopening of their sanctuary. 

" April 22. 
" Dear Brother T. : — You will rejoice to hear that 
we are occupying again our sanctuary, and that every 
thing relating to it has terminated well. So judging from 
the old Greek proverb, we have been blessed : ' Coronal 
opus finis.'* I am now laid under greater responsibility 
than ever. People flock to see the meeting-house, and to 
hear the organ ; and of course I ought to preach more 
faithfully. On the first Sabbath of our return, my mind 
reverted instinctively to our Saviour's preaching from 
rocks, in mountains, on the sea-shore, and standing on 
the decks of boats ; also to our brethren at the West, and 
elsewhere, who are subjected to great inconveniences. If 
such comforts as we enjoy, be for the furtherance of the 
gospel, and the alluring of souls to Christ, we should re- 
joice in them. If however the tendency of them be other- 
wise, they are worse than in vain. Ministers always have 
trouble enough around them or in prospect to keep them 
humble. The nodus of the equation may be removed 
out of one part into another, but cannot be entirely elimi- 
nated away. I have thorns in the flesh, which have tried 
me not a little for some time past — a pain in my side, 
with a sciatic tendency. I find a stern opposition within 
me between sin and holiness, and that the latter may over- 
come there is required the heavy tug of war." 

To Mrs. McF., Pittsburg, Pa., April: 

" Dear Cousin : — It was in some respects painful to 



i 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 263 

hear that your son had chosen a military profession. This 
fact was rendered more so by hearing that he was engaged 
in the Texas matters. Being myself by birth of the old 
Federal party, I have been opposed to the whole Texas 
transaction, from beginning to end ; and now the prospect 
looks strong for war. Saturday brought news that the 
two armies are within sight of each other, and yet, — for- 
give the suggestion of anything painful on the subject. — 
There is a point beyond which a parent cannot go in con- 
trolling the destinies of a child, after he has arrived to 
years of personal responsibility. It is cheering in these 
matters to feel that there is a God, who hears prayer, and 
can direct everything for the best. In the meantime, let 
us not forget the most important theme of all — ' x\Iizpah,' 
the motto on your seal. It contains a delightful and ap- 
propriate sentiment. ' The Lord watch between me and 
thee.' Our course is onward, onward ! We shall soon 
be in eternity ! May the Lord indeed watch over us, and 
to his name we will give the glory." 

To his brother T., May 15 : 

" We regret very much to learn from your last of the 
continued ill health of sister C. You are indeed tried, but 
God doubtless intends the trial for your good. It is difii- 
cult without some experience to be able really to sympa- 
thize with the suffering. Besides, we know not how much 
evil there is in our hearts, till we have been tested by af- 
fliction. It is one thing to love a being who is always 
doing us good in such a way as to make us happy now^ 
and quite another to love a being, however much we may 
be assured of his good will towards us in the main, yet 
who at present seems to delight in trying us. The most 
important part of religion consists in submission ; and the 
clearest proof that we can give of discipleship may consist 
in quietly waiting on the Lord." 



264 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

Journal, same date : — " Am in some respects passing 
through a cloud. My own health is quite poor, and my 
dear wife is confined to her room, sick. Within a few 
days I have had at times a most horribly rebellious spirit ; 
but this morning I enjoy a calmness which I trust results 
from faith in Christ." 

From Hawley, June 29 : 

'' My dear Wife : — Soon after my last letter to you, I 
left Charlemont. On my way hither, I saw a pretty little 
building, about as large as a lawyer's office, by the road- 
side, and was told it is occupied as a study by a young 
man about twenty, the son of a shoemaker. I wish it 
had been convenient for me to give him a call. I have 
since been informed he is an exceedingly interesting young 
man. I am also informed of another young man who is 
anxious to get an education, and has done what he can 
towards it. Thus you find mind everywhere bursting 
forth among these hills and mountains, like the springs 
that give rise to brooks and end in rivers. Mind dwells 
amid mountains, and loves the lofty scenes of nature. 
What little mind I have was derived under God from the 
hills of this town. Had I been horn among them, and not 
on the sands of a Cape, I am not certain but I should have 
had more talent. And again located as I am on the level 
of the sea-shore, I am afraid what of mind I have will die 
out. My brothers, sons of the mountains, must outstrip 
me as a matter of necessity. Indeed, man seems to be 
very much of a vegetable, depending greatly upon the 
side of the hill, and the nature of the soil where he grows. 
Plains and valleys are not the nurseries of genius. I 
have been to the old homestead, surveyed the spot where 
stood our log-house ; the deep trenched brook running by 
it ; the flourishing orchard which has grown up around it ; 
the avalanche bank with the spring gushing out of its side. 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 265 

whose waters so often refreshed me. I searched in vain 
for the rose-bushes that grew by our door ; and plucking a 
few currants, left the place with fond, tender regret." 

Journal: "July 11. — Awaked a few nights since in 
great distress of mind. Hell seemed open before me, and 
its flaming billows rolling at my feet. Directly the love 
of the Saviour came gushing over me. He appeared to 
stand at my side, putting his arm under me and uttering 
words of consolation. How precious did he then appear ; 
his grace how rich ; my sins how great ! " 

In the early part of August, he was called to part with 
a prominent member of his parish, who had followed the 
sea for years, and who often had been in great peril, and 
was at least once wrecked. This man, though not a pro- 
fessor of religion, had been a warm friend of his minister. 
His death was sudden and heart-rending, it being proba- 
bly a decided case of the Asiatic cholera. Speaking of 
the effect of this gentleman's violent sickness on his own 
mind, Mr. T. says : " I went out into the woods this morn- 
ing, and endeavored to struggle for him in prayer. God 
enable me to improve this event aright, and carry it home 
to every bosom. Aug. 6. — This morning at seven, we 
assembled together to convey to their long home the re- 
mains of . It is to me a solemn day. I feel afraid 

for my own hope. I do not realize the love of God. It 
seems to me that I would give the universe, to be his. 

" Thursday, Nov. 5. — News has just come that dear 
brother Jewett, pastor at Gloucester, west parish, is dead. 
Why has he been taken, and I left ? He was a dear, 
kind, sweet good brother. My tears flow at the remem- 
brance of his loveliness. I now wish that I had done 
more for him. How comforting to believe that he has 
gone to a better world ! I have just been reading the 
17th chapter of John. Precious brother ! thy memory is 
22 



266 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

indeed fragrant, and thou art with Jesus. I do feel that 
we do not sympathize enough with afflicted ministers. 
The Lord help me to be more faithful." 



CHAPTER XXI. 

PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

Journal: "Jan. 1, 1847. — A new year begun. I al- 
ways think at the commencement of a year, that it may 
prove my last ; and indeed such an one must sooner or 
later arrive. 4. — Monday. Had a day of unusual spir- 
itual comfort yesterday ; it was such as I have seldom 
enjoyed. The Sabbath before at Rockport was something 
like it." March 17. — Alluding to the death of one in 
early life, he observes : " It is very painful to find our 
young people dying off as they do." Of one individual, 
who, while professing religion, was dishonoring religion 
for the sake of worldly gain, Mr. T. said : " My hope is 
that he will have worldly afflictions enough to save his 
soul, for it is now I am certain in the utmost peril." To 
a remark made by some one to him, that the race of 
creeds is run, he replied : " All that we want of creeds is 
to chain us to the Bible, and why some persons are opposed 
to creeds is because they desire to break away from that 
book." Near the close of March, having recorded in his 
journal the death of a young woman, he adds : " I feel 
as though I had lost a sister. Farewell, my dear friend, 
farewell, till we meet at the judgment. Feel that I must 
lean on God more. April 3. — Saw announced in a re- 
ligious paper the death of Rev. Theodore S. Wright, pas- 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 267 

tor of the colored Presbyterian Church, New York city. 
I was acquainted with him in Schenectady. His father 
resided there, and the son recited to me in Virgil. We 
also attended a colored Sabbath-school and an evening 
meeting together. His was a lovely spirit, animated with 
hope for his brethren in oppression. In his death I feel 
that I have lost a brother. There was no tinge of black 
in his affections. April 5. — This week comes my aiuiual 
trial. I shall stand firm on my covenanted salary, how- 
ever things may turn. I leave the result with God. He 
brought me here, and if he sees fit to send me away, I 
hope he will enable me to bow in sweet resignation to his 
holy will. 7. — Evening. Was informed about five this 
afternoon that everything went well in the parish meeting. 
8. — Heard this P. M., Rev. Mr. Mansfield of Wenham 
has just deceased. I had arranged to go and see him, 
but have been disappointed by the failing of my own 
health. Dear, lovely brother! He is, I question not, 
with his Master in heaven. Mansfield, Jewett, and Brown 
were kindred spirits. Soon my time may come. How 
important to do now what our hands find to do. 12. — 
Attended the funeral of brother Mansfield. Most of our As- 
sociation were present. Great tenderness clusters around 
his memory in my mind." 

In May, June and July, 1847, Mr. T., with his wife and 
several others, performed a western tour, being absent 
from home about nine weeks. The taking leave of his 
people for only such a period was quite affecting to him. 
" The whole scene," he says, " has served to bring up 
before me the nearness of the time, when I and my peo- 
ple must part forever." Alluding to his private journal, 
he thus writes : " Here for the present I close. Whether 
my fingers ever move along this paper again, will depend 
on the ordering of God. The Lord keep and bless my 
dear flock." July 10. — A. M. arrived at home, after an 



268 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

absence of just nine weeks. During this journey he cor- 
responded with the Boston Traveller. 

" Oct. 27. — A most interesting day. Brother J. was 
ordained over the church in Wenham. It was a melting 
scene. The three brothers took part in the exercises, 
myself preaching. Would that our mother could have 
been present. She could have testified to the faithfulness 
of Abraham's God." After the ordination, the brothers 
all spent a day or two in Manchester, at the house of the 
eldest, who made this record of the visit: "These are 
precious scenes. O Lord, what am I, or what is my 
father's house, that thou hast brought us up hither ?" The 
sermon, together with the other written parts delivered on 
the above named occasion, was published soon after the 
ordination, in a very neat pamphlet. 

Letter to Rev. Dr. Hooker, of East Windsor, Ct. 

" Nov. 15, 1847. 
" Rev. and dear Sir : — Your letter arrived at a time 
when I was closely engaged in preparation for my broth- 
er's ordination at Wenham ; nor have I since been able to 
sit fairly down to write an answer, until the present mo- 
ment. Excuse, therefore, the long delay. I may almost 
say that your inquiry, me infandum renovare dolor em ^jubet^ 
bringing before my mind delightful studies in which I was 
long engaged, and renewing the pain I experienced, when 
forced by providences that I could not misinterpret, to 
break away from them. I doubt not, it is all for the best 
that I should leave them. Delightful and glorious is the 
work of the ministry. My pangs hereafter will probably 
be more and more severe, that I did not devote my whole 
soul to it from the concluding of my theological course at A. 
There is no History of the Pulpit^ that I know of, worthy 
the name. The third part of a work by John William 
Schmid (1744 — 1798), the general title of which work 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 269 

is ' Anleitung, &c.', treats of the history of the pulpit in a 
general way, beginning with Christ, and bringing it down 
to some period of the last century. This work the late 
lamented Prof. Fiske, of Amherst, had begun years since 
to prepare for publication, translating some of it, adding 
notes, etc. As I was residing at Andover, much engaged 
in studies of that kind. Dr. Porter kindly suggested that I 
make inquiries of Prof. F. in regard to the state of his 
work, and if he had dropped it, to take it up myself and 
carry it on. I accordingly not only wrote to Prof. F. on 
the subject, and received an answer from him, but after- 
wards had an interview with him. The Professor, in a 
letter which now lies before me, said, that he had once 
begun to arrange notes to append to it, when he should 
translate it ; stated that it would need many additions to 
bring it to embrace the modern English, French and 
American pulpits ; and that he should be happy to relin- 
quish the work into my hands, aiding me with his advice, 
notes, &c., so far as they w^ould be of any use to me ; but 
intimated that he had not done much that would turn to 
account. I accordingly took hold of the work and trans- 
lated it, during the first or second winter of my residence 
as a licentiate at Andover. Not feeling satisfied, however, 
with it as a mere translation, I subsequently set out to go 
over the whole ground again, reading the writings of the 
Latin and Greek fathers, that were referred to, more or 
less, and enlarging the work on every side. In this kind 
of labor, I spent about a year, and had come down, as I 
now remember, to the sixth or seventh century. The re- 
sult lies by me in manuscript, with the exception of the 
translation of ' Augustine on the Art of Preaching,' Bibl. 
Eepos. 1st series. Vol. III., p. 569 ; and ' Augustine as a 
Sacred Orator,' Bibl. Repos. 2d series. Vol. VII., p. 375. 
In this last, however, my Life of Augustine, as consider- 
able had just been published in the same work respecting; 
22* 



270 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

it, was greatly abridged or entirely omitted. Whether I 
shall ever be able to finish this work, is very questionable. 
I have done nothing with it, since becoming a pastor. In- 
deed, I may say, that I felt it required a man who could 
penetrate with greater ease into the patristical writings 
than myself, and devote his life to the labor. I have not 
wholly relinquished the idea of publishing the essential 
part of all that I have completed, in some one of the peri- 
odicals of the day, say the Bibliotheca Sacra. The labor 
would not be great were there time, aside from ministerial' 
duties, and could I have ready access to the Andover 
library, which at my present distance I cannot. To write 
a full history of the pulpit, would require a man skilled in 
the Latin and Greek of the fathers, as well as thoroughly 
versed in sacred literature. He should also be devoted 
entirely to this great field of study. Had Dr. Porter lived, 
I imagine that I should have gone on and finished the 
work. I was obliged to turn aside from it, to such labors 
as would Dring me in money, as I had not only myself to 
sustain, but much to do for an invalid sister and an aged 
mother. When at length I found myself in a manner 
raised above pecuniary embarrassment, a voice calling 
me to preach the gospel, sounded so loudly in my ears, 
that I immediately wound up my studies at A. Such is 
an outline of my story as to this matter. I remain, dear 
sir, yours in the bonds of the gospel." 

Journal : " Nov. 23. — A day I may say of rebukes ; 
four times have I been attacked respecting not visiting ; 
and this when I am at work to the limit of my ability for 
the good of the people. I must bear it. 24. — Arose a 
little after five this morning, not having slept much the 
last night. Had determined to be invulnerable to the 
above-named complainings, yet in vain. 1 feel such 
things deeply. They open the mind so that it refuses to 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 271 

close. I might complain too ; but must learn to run to 
my Saviour, and at the same time keep away from peo- 
ple. Had mercies yesterday, as well as trials." Some 
of his mercies were in the form of kind letters from 
friends. Certain persons also among his people expressed 
sympathy for him. He also witnessed a triumphant death- 
bed scene. Of the person deceased, he says : " I have 
felt since her death as though she had sent some of the 
savor of heaven to me. Dec. 21. — Exchanged with 
brother J. last Sabbath. Had peculiar feelings of tender- 
ness in regard to him as my youngest brother. Am very 
solicitous that he should do well. 31. — Another year of 
mercies and of sins gone forever. Jan. 5, 1848. — Just 
twenty-eight years since my father died. I was engaged 
in reading over the last of the proof-sheets of the ordination 
exercises at Wenham, especially those parts in which my 
brothers speak of his death, just as the anniversary hour 
of his departure came about. Oh, what an evening it 
was for me twenty-eight years ago, when a messenger 
came to me in Ashfield, saying that my father was not 
expected to live many hours ! 15. — Have just received 
from the press my ordination sermon^ etc, — Am full of 
distressing fears in respect to my health. Feb. 23. — 
The funeral of a lady nearly 88 years of age. She had 
long been a professor of religion, and walked worthily 
amid unspeakable trials. Her end was peace. When 
scarcely able to speak she called me her pastor^ and 
spoke of the many kind words I had at different times 
uttered to her. I repeated passages of Scripture to her, 
prayed with her, and bade her farewell. The place seems 
lonesome since she has left us." 

There were times in the ministry of Mr. T., when sudden 
deaths in the community were frequent. To him they 
were always solemn, and sometimes nearly overwhelming. 
" Feb. 28. — A sudden and painful death, Mrs. . I 



272 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

have been in to see her afflicted husband this evening, and 
the scene of sorrow was almost overpowering ; yet I am 
confident the Lord will sustain him. He and his departed 
wife have adorned a Christian profession. As a little 
company of us knelt in prayer around his room, I felt 
that the Lord was there. March 20. — The astounding 
nev/s of the French revolution came Saturday evening. 
I tried to improve the event Sabbath forenoon for good." 
In this month he found himself in collision with the parish 
committee touching the control of the pulpit. Leaving 
home on Saturday for an exchange, he consulted various 
individuals qualified to give him counsel, and was con- 
firmed in his own previous opinion. Still the matter preyed 
on him, so that the night preceding the Sabbath he could 
get no sound sleep, and only once did he lose himself in 
slumber for a few moments the night following. About 
two o'clock he arose and laid the subject before the Sa- 
viour. " Soon he came to my relief with such a flood of 
life and glory, that I felt myself overwhelmed with his 
goodness, mercy and love, and at once under the shadow 
of his wing. Indeed, language cannot describe the bliss 
of this happy season, while I lay down at the feet of the 
Redeemer, and rolled all my burdens into his hands. 
April 6. — The enemy seems to rage; the Sabbath is 
trampled upon ; the great floods of wickedness appear 
ready to overflow everything. I am unwell, and feel ex- 
ceedingly weak, yet have some peace in believing. , The 
Saviour of late has been nearer to me than usual. 17. — 

Funeral of Mr. , a poor hard-working man, who has 

left a large family. I had serious conversation with him 
three weeks since, as if it might be my last opportunity. 
Yet on looking at his remains in the coffin, I was affected, 
fearing I might not have been faithful to him. It is a 
most solemn matter not to be faithful to the poor. June 
16. — Am threatened with the loss of my voice. Have 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 273 

many fears that God is going to bring my labors to a 
close. July 2. — My life has been mostly thrown away. 
Sin has a dreadful hold upon me. Feel deeply for the 
church ; for the thoughtless youth ; for Sabbath-breakers ; 
for souls. Never have I previously had such refreshing 
at the communion table. Oh, the unspeakable love of 
Jesus ! but he has to stoop over me, and bear me upon 
his wings of love. He has seemed to draw nearer and 
nearer to me for some time past. How real^ religion be- 
comes. Here is the living fountain, the priceless treasure. 
Procured McCheyne's work, when at Boston the other 
day. I admire his spirit." 

To his mother, July 1 1 : 

" Calling at brother J.'s the other day, I saw your 
daguerreotype likeness. It excited in me new and deep 
emotions. I looked at it again and again. It is yourself. 
I could fully enter into the feelings of Cowper : 

* Oh that those lips had language ! — 
Those lips are thine — thy own sweet smile I see, 
The same that oft in childhood solaced me.* 

Only I believe you do not here smile at all, but wear your 
most serious look, as usual in such cases. A painter can 
catch the expression, and put it in at leisure. But the 
sun looks right on us as we are at the moment, just as 
God's eye does — stereotyping present impressions." 

" Manchester, Dec. 1, 1848. 
" Dear sister M — a : — - We suppose you were mar- 
ried last evening, and soon after entered your new home 
at P. At least 1 take this for granted, and write you ac- 
cordingly. You are then settled down at length in mar- 
ried life. I cannot but hope you have entered the new 
relation in the fear of God. My prayer is that he would 
bless this union. It is a relation of his own instituting. 



274 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

formed when man was in Paradise, and of course a rela- 
tion upon which, if consummated in his fear, we may look 
for his blessing. Nowhere does the providence of God 
appear more admirable than in what he has done for our 
happiness in the institution of marriage. Most heartily 
can I join with Milton, and say : 

* Hail, wedded love ! — by thee, 
Founded in reason, loyal, just and pure, 
Kelations dear, and all the charities 
Of father, son, and brother, first were known. 
Perpetual fountain of domestic sweets. — 
Here Love his golden shafts employs, here lights 
His constant lamp, and waves his purple wings.' 

May the favor of the Lord attend you both, and make 
you the source of innumerable blessings to each other. 
And when you are removed by death, may you be con- 
joined in the purer bonds of celestial love, where they 
neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are as the 
angels of God. Our united regards to yourself and hus- 
band. Your affectionate brother." 

Journal: "Dec. 14. — The California gold fever pre- 
vails to a most alarming extent, 31. — Preached con- 
cerning that fever all day. Many of our young men are 
carried away by it." 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 275 

CHAPTER XXII. 

PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

Journal: "Jan. 1, 1849. — This day was observed by 
our church as one of prayer and fasting. 10. — Kept 
awake by anxious thoughts about our religious state, but 
found great comfort towards morning as I meditated upon 
the promises. The Saviour has seemed near indeed much 
of this day. 14. — The last week was a time of great 
trial with me in regard to the state of the church. Feel 
my need of more frequent prayer. 16. — Buried to-day 
another lovely, aged sister in Christ — one of those who 
always received me with a smile. 20. — Awoke this 
morning in mental despair. The heavens were brass over 
my head, and my prayers were shut out. Directly, how- 
ever, light came, which lasted for some time, and I was 
wrapped up in sweetly contemplating redeeming love. 
The duty and difficulty of watchfulness, also the straight- 
ness of life's way, occupied my thoughts. Monday, 22. — 
Had a pleasant day yesterday, also Saturday. Though 
in the midst of severe trials, the Lord has been with me. 
Indeed, trials cluster upon trials. 23. — Had resolved to 
devote the day to prayer and fasting, but met with many 
interruptions. This evening's prayer-meeting looks more 
encouraging than anything I have seen for years. 30. — 
Satan appears to be raging. Pleasure parties are multi- 
plied. Last evening there were two, designed, doubtless, 
to counteract the influence of religion. L hear that the 
' come-outers' are to be in this place on the next Sabbath, 
and perhaps for several days subsequently. Feb. 1. — I 
find that trials are allotted to others as well as to myself. 
Death has gone into the habitations of a number of my 
brethren in the ministry, within a few years past. — I am 



276 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

Struggling to reach the foot of the cross. O, blessed 
place ! Most comforting are the words of Scripture : 
* Your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of 
all these things.' Feel afraid that I am more troubled 
about my gourd than all the souls around me." In the 
last sentence an allusion is made to the fact that the house 
in which he had lived for years, and in which he had 
hoped to continue, had been taken away from him. In 
reference to the same topic, he adds : " I have reason for 
solemn thought, lest I indeed prove a hireling. 2. — Am 
trying to live above my trouble, but it clings to me. 5. — 
Monday. Had a solemn Sabbath ; full meetings in the 
daytime and evening. I am anxious about the state of 
things here ; hope for a revival, but must wait upon God. 
11. — Sabbath. Toward the close of my morning ser- 
mon, I felt unusual fervor, yet I suppose that by my bold- 
ness in preaching, I influenced numbers to stay away in 
the afternoon. 14. — A church fast. Three inquirers in 
the evening, two of whom entertain hope. All day my 
own heart seemed to grow harder and harder. Am more 
in doubt as to the prospects of a revival than I have been. 
Fear that I have grieved away the Holy Spirit. I must 
confess before God my guilt. 20. — Had a call recently 

from Rev. Mr. . I always go upon the frank, open 

scale in religious matters. March 2. — Preparatory lec- 
ture, full and solemn." The Sabbath following he found 
himself in a pleasant frame of mind, very early in the 
morning. " The Saviour seemed to come, inviting me to 
arise to his work. Have heard of another convert, also 

of another case of seriousness. 6. — Mr. , the 

transcendentalist, has lectured in our chapel this evening. 
We held our prayer-meeting in the room directly above, 
and it was overflowing. Hear of new instances of 
conviction around us. 11. — Sabbath. Had a notice 
handed me of an infidel lecture during the week. Of 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 277 

Course i did not read it." Referring to this lecture, Mr. 
T. says : " I was oppressed in the night with a sense of 
the danger to which our youth are exposed. Arose, went 
into my study, and engaged awhile in prayer." 

A word of explanation may be proper relative to the 
ensuing letters. The brother about whom anxious inquiry 
is made, having been suddenly prostrated by sickness, 
thought it best that his brothers should not be at once ap- 
prized of his state, lest they should experience needless 
solicitude. 

" Manchester, March 20, 1849. 
" My dear sister C. : — Returning home last night 
from Boston, weary and exhausted, I found a letter from 
sister M — y, saying, ' I suppose you have heard of T.'s 
sickness. It is thought that he has had a shock of 
paralysis.' This is all that she says, and it is sufficiently 
startling, and I write this morning for full particulars. I 
beg of you to tell me the whole truth, as I find that T. is 
a part of myself, and I shall not rest till I receive returns. 
God grant that his life may be preserved." 

" March 27. 
"Dear brother T., Washington, D. C. : — I cannot 
tell you how much my mind is relieved in regard to your 
case by hearing from you. This is a new kind of afflic- 
tion in our history, and opens new fountains of sympathy 
and sorrow. You entwine closer around my heart, T., 
than you probably are aware of. It cuts in me a tender 
cord to hear of your illness. I have in imagination stooped 
often at your bedside and kissed your pale cheek. You 
are my first -horn brother. Well do I remember the glad 
emotions with which, after having pined away the first 
eight years of my life in the solitude of a wilderness, 
without a playmate, I received from my father the intelli- 
23 



278 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

gence that I had a little brother ; nor have I forgotten the 
many trying years in which I was obliged to commit our 
mother's affairs to your hands, and that I ever found you 
faithful. It is consoling to feel that you are a child of 
God. Let us pray for each other with an increased fer- 
vor, and strive to live nearer to Christ." 

To the same, April 4 : 

" It is good to have occasion for throwing ourselves 
into the arms of Infinite Love. God never disappoints. 
If he withhold any particular gift, he supplies us with 
himself. My thoughts and feelings are, I hope, more and 
more toward the kingdom of Christ. How deeply, thor- 
oughly, intensely, and all-pervadingly true is the Bible, 
and all its promises ! Only one thing makes me tremble. 
It is that only a few find the narrow gate." 

Journal : " April 7. — Worried last night about many 

things, and lost much sleep. Was in Mr. 's shop this 

morning, and heard much of infidelity there. I felt ten- 
der, and while I almost shuddered at what was said, I 
could scarcely refrain from weeping. Am tried still 
about house matters, also in regard to the locating of a 
new school-house. 14. — Revival influences are less ap- 
parent, and consequently there is not so much opposition 
to religion as there has been. I am troubled with an ex- 
cessively bad heart. 15. — After meeting attended the 
funeral of a poor woman. We had often sent her little 
things. She was very deaf, but always cheerful and 
grateful for every favor. We fear that we have not done 
enough for her. It is very dangerous to neglect the Lord's 
poor. May 18. — My health is poor and spirits low. I 
have tried to roll the matter of a house upon God. 22. — 
Feel unusual confidence in the Redeemer this evening." 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 279 

" Boston, May 31. 
" My dear Wife : — I am just from the sweet hallowed 
spot, the morning prayer-meeting. Of all places on earth, 
that seems nearest heaven. I wished you might enjoy it, 
and as you could not, I drop you a line to impart to you 
what I can of it. The whole atmosphere seemed to be 
prayer and praise, holy, holy, holy to the Lord. Sin rises 
up in such a place, and looks black, and odious, and 
infinitely hateful. Jesus presents himself before you, as 
the chief among ten thousand, and altogether lovely. 
You mourn that you ever thought, or felt, or did anything 
against him ; one prayer breathes forth from your soul, to 
rejoice with him in labor and suffering, and to be abso- 
lutely swallowed up in his glory. A fire seems kindling 
up in your soul, like that which burns in the bosom of 
celestials. You can only entreat to be the Lord's in every 
thought, feeling, emotion and action. You see the. aurora 
of eternal glories coming ; you pray to be delivered from 
sin ; you beg to be bound to the cross. I cannot express 
it, my dear wife. Would I could make it all-pervading 
in my own body, soul, and life, and around me. Let us 
draw nearer to the blessed Redeemer. Let us believe 
and love, praise and pray, labor, and help each other on." 

Journal: "June 3. — Sabbath. At home, and inter- 
ested in my work. 5. — Still in perplexity about a house. 
Will not yet give up confidence in God. 8. — Still in the 
dark about a house. Have some consolation on the sub- 
ject." The second week in June, Mr. T. attended the Con- 
sociation of Rhode Island as a delegate, and spent a Sab- 
bath in that State with his eldest brother. On his way home 
he visited Walpole and Dedham, to examine family re- 
cords. At the latter place, he heard of the sudden death of 
Mr. W. B. Tappan, the preacher and poet. They had oc- 
cupied the pulpit in Manchester together. Sabbath, May 20. 



280 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

'^ Was very much affected in passing the Depository of 
the Am. S. S. Union, Boston, to see the door shut, and 
crape tied on the latch, with a card nailed there, stating 
the circumstances of my friend's death. July 4. — Have 
been rent with agonies almost indescribable in regard to a 
house. My prayer is for resignation. Feel much of the 
time that I am on a rock in regard to the matter. 6. — 
Very sad in mind about these days, and doubt my right 
and title to the name of Christian. Walked in my gar- 
den, and prayed for those who had been instrumental in 
depriving me of my house, and that I might neither have 
an unforgiving spirit nor be left to murmur." The Sab- 
bath, July 12th, was spent in Salem on exchange. — 
" Had a day, if I mistake not my emotions, of great spir- 
itual enjoyment ; felt humble and in all respects unworthy, 
but Jesus was near me." Aug. 1. — E.eturning from an 
exchange at Ipswich, he was sick in Wenham till Tuesday 
with his brother J. Having reached home, he says : 
" During a few days past, the Saviour has seemed nearer 
than usual. I have been searching to find out whether I 
am honestly and entirely his ; and though I have fears, I 
yet hope. He stood by me and blessed me in the depths of 
my anguish on Monday." This month he visited his mother 
and sisters. Was absent from home two weeks, and speaks 
of having had much religious enjoyment during that time. 
" Sept. 18. — Received intelligence of the death of my 
uncle, Oliver Alden. My mother is now the only one 
left of her father's family. We must expect her depart- 
ure soon. The Lord prepare her for the last change. 
It makes the world look melancholy to be stripped of 
friends." 

To his youngest sister and husband : 

" Manchester, Sept. 18. 
" Dear Brother and Sister : — A letter from mother 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 281 

last evening gives us the painful intelligence of the death 
of your dear E. This event, so sudden, must have nearly 
overwhelmed you. It will be in vain, I fea,r, for me to 
suggest topics for your consolation, repeated as this afflic- 
tion has been. The tenderest fibres of nature have been 
severed, and they will bleed ; nor can we prevent the 
anguish thence resulting. There are considerations, how- 
ever, which should greatly modify this grief. The Lord 
has smitten you^ and therefore the stroke must have been 
right. He can do nothing wrong. Again, there cannot 
be the least doubt that what he has done in this case has 
been done in love, provided you are his children. The 
cup may taste bitter for a while, but it has sweets beneath 
the bitter. Again, you know not how much better it may 
be that your son should be thus early removed, before 
becoming exposed to the power of temptation. Had he 
lived to grow up, he might have pierced your hearts 
through and through. God only knows ! This event 
will naturally lead you both to inquire into the manner in 
which you performed your duties tov/ards your dear boy. 
Our friends that depart bear with them to their great Judge 
the impress that we have made on them. The event will 
also, I trust, stimulate you to greater fidelity in training 
the child still left you. In view of the deahngs of God 
with you, worldly things should hang loosely around you. 
How soon must we ourselves bid adieu to all sublunary 
scenes, and try those of eternity." 

On leaving the parsonage in the autumn, he observes : 
" It has become a hallowed spot to us, especially on ac- 
count of mother Cleaveland's dying here. We have 
regrets on going from it, yet the Lord has been very near 
to us of late. I have felt willing to go through any cross- 
ings, provided Jesus will be with me. Soon, soon will 
the lease of life be up." Having moved into the new 
23* 



282 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

tenement, he remarks : " Three iceeks at least have been 
taken entirely off from my ministerial duties by this 
change of houses." While thus severely tried, he could 
say : " Jesus seems very precious ; dear, dear is his name. 
Oct. 11. — Visited the old parsonage for the last time, and 
prostrated myself in prayer. Nov. 11. — Have to-day 
attended in Salem the funeral of our dear excellent friend, 
Miss M. W. P. Sweet are the remembrances of this 
friend. Her sickness was protracted, and her sufferings 
unusually severe, but endured by her, through divine 
grace, with great patience and composure of spirit. She 
sank away in death perfectly conscious to the last mo- 
ment, saying nearly at the close : ' I am going peacefully 

— going peacefully.' She has held for many years the 
place of a sister in the affections of my dear wife. 
To her the loss is heavy. Nov. 30. — Thanksgiving. 
Preached a sermon at the request of our Californians, 
adapted to their case. 30. — Visited brother J. and wife, 
Wenham. His people have done nobly for him in respect 
to parsonage, etc. The Lord v^ill bless them. Dec. 11. 

— The case of Dr. Parkman, murdered, as is supposed, 
by Prof. Webster, has followed me ever since its announce- 
ment, incessantly, almost making me feel myself guilty of 
participating in the crime ; overwhelming me with a sense 
of insecurity, except as God protects ; and bringing me 
to feel most deeply the danger of indulging passion, ha- 
tred, anger and revenge. I am grieved to learn that our 
California vessel started on the Sabbath. Some of the 
company protested against it, but were overruled. They 
went out about seven miles, and were driven back by a 
storm into Gloucester harbor." 

The following letter was written Jan. 5, 1850 : 

" Dear Mother : — I wrote you a line and sealed it, 
designing to send it immediately after receiving your last ; 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 283 

but the thought of two important occasions so near at 
hand, namely, the anniversary of my father's death and 
of your own birthday, have caused me to retain and open 
it in order to send you another line. 

" To-night, then, thirty years have passed away since 
my father slept in death. His form rises vividly before 
me ; the scenes through which I passed in his company ; 
and the aspect he bore as he lay shrouded in our southeast 
room. How quiet have been his earthly slumbers since 
then ! And has not his soul been triumphing ever since, 
in some humble place beneath his Lord the Lamb ? I 
have the most perfect confidence to this effect. The 
change wrought in him at conversion was a thorough one. 
Of honesty, conscientious honesty, he was one of the 
most perfect patterns I ever knew. What pains did he 
often take to correct little mistakes that had been made 
even by others, to their own injury, in their transactions 
with him. How faithful was he to his closet duties ! 
Often have I seen him pause in his work, take his seat 
upon some rock, stump, or log, and laying aside his hat 
in godly reverence, give himself up to holy contempla- 
tion ; his lips moving all the while as in prayer. How 
faithful was he in the duty of family prayer ! How 
pierced, as with a dagger, once, when he found he had 
unwittingly broken the Sabbath by miscalculating a day ! 
How constantly in the house of God, though it stood five 
miles distant, over high mountains, itself on a mountain 
top ! And then what purity encompassed his steps ! Not 
an indelicate expression do I remember to have heard fall 
from his lips, and only a single anecdote that could be re- 
garded as bordering on it. His only besetting sin, that I 
knew of, was proneness to irritability under the severe 
crossings of life to which he was subject ; but even of this 
how free did he become during the last seventeen months 
of his life — constantly engaged in prayer, praying three 



284 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

times a day in his family, and endeavoring to bow at 
every step and in all things to the will of God. Nor yet 
have I alluded to those private fasts, that from time to 
time he so carefully observed. The world knew nothing 
of them. They were known only to his family and his 
Maker. 

" However furnished by nature with strength of consti- 
tution, that constitution, during all the last half of his life, 
had been greatly broken down, so that he found himself 
from day to day and year to year encompassed with in- 
firmities. Besides, from loss of property, from change of 
employment at a mature age, and from hardness of soil, 
he had uncommon difficulties to encounter ; yet, through 
the grace of God assisting him, he in the end overcame 
them all. Indeed, his is a most remarkable case of the 
efficiency of divine providence and grace ; and I love to 
look at it in that light. From that training in which he 
had been educated for God, and by the influence of which 
he seemed, while under the parental roof, almost a Chris- 
tian, he had in the course of years of successful business, 
as you have often told me, been drawn entirely aside into 
rank infidelity. 

" It was afflictions that compelled the sailor to leave the 
ocean which he had ploughed ; the sea-captain to forsake 
the fine ship which he had navigated — almost to the ruin 
of his soul — for the retired farm and the lonely cottage, 
where he was compelled to look inward, and, for the re- 
mainder of his days, was shut up to communion with 
heaven. 

" Those that had wronged him — and cruelly wronged 
he had been — he left to settle with their God; himself 
studying forgiveness, and coveting only the spirit of his 
Lord and Master in reference to them, while he labored 
hard to obtain a livelihood by tilling the rugged ground on 
which he had taken up his abode. Sweet, sweet in every 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 285 

respect are my reminiscences of this long deceased parent. 
He had a noble spirit, which led him to look up the sick, 
lend them aid, watch with them or perform for them any 
service in his power. What he had was freely given. He 
loved the kingdom of God in its expansion. Much more 
comprehensive were his views of philanthropic operations 
than were those entertained by persons in general at his 
time. He was found rejoicing in the very first rays of 
that light which has now so extensively dawned upon the 
world. But enough. I had thought only to drop a word, 
yet I knew not how to curb my pen. I conclude then by 
saying, precious to me are my remembrances of this 
father. May we all reach heaven, and spend an eternity 
of rest with him and our Saviour in that sinless world." 

Journal: "Feb. 19. — Two Sabbaths past have been 
solemn and impressive. Brother C. in Essex has quite a 
revival. The Lord appears to be doing a thorough work 
there. Have had many calls of late from antiquarian 
correspondents." For some years another religious soci- 
ety had existed in M. Its sentiments at first were deci- 
dedly unevangelical. By degrees it reformed, till it came 
to hold in name the essentials of Christianity. Mr. T. 
felt an inward joy at the advance thus made, and says : 
" My prayer in reference to that society ever has been. 
Bless, O Lord, everything that originates in the mind of 
the Spirit." In notes made Tuesday, March 5, he speaks 
of the Saviour's coming very near to him the Saturday 
night previous, and owning him as a disciple. On the 
Sabbath, he was so much assisted from above, that he had 
to pray against spiritual pride. " 16. — Yesterday, P. M. 
and evening I was at Essex, preaching for brother C. 
About thirty hopeful conversions have occurred there. 
Enjoyed pleasant conversation with him and family. 26. 
— The trial of Prof. Webster for the murder of Dr. Park- 



286 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

man, is attracting immense attention. It very much oc- 
cupies my mind. A combination of forty thieves has just 
been discovered, whose centre is near to us, but whose 
ramifications are widely extended. This week comes our 
annual parish trial. Mrs. T. and myself are endeavoring 
to lay ihe matter before the Lord." 

" March 29. 
'' Dear brother T. : — I cannot stop now to inquire 
about the state of our correspondence. My belief is, that 
I have been for some time indebted to you ; but great de- 
mands have been made upon my pen the past year. The 
winter has been one of health and labor ; but whether of 
profit, is another question. I love my work ; the ministry 
is desirable, if the heart be in it. It is full of heaven, 
though there are severe trials in it, and to me there are 
peculiar ones at the present time. ' There is a river,' 
however, ' the stream whereof shall make glad the city of 
God,' and that promise of perpetual presence, given by 
Christ to his ministers, is an unfailing source of comfort. 
You hear, I suppose, the daily result of Prof. Webster's 
trial for the murder of Dr. Parkman. Who can doubt for 
a moment that he is guilty of the crime charged upon 
him ? How dreadful to take the life thus of a fellow man ! 
How much more criminal to slay the Son of God ! " 

"April 1. — Saturday was our day of trial. I have 
been wounded in the house of my friends. It has been a 
very severe tax on my poor body and brain ; but God can 
bring light out of darkness. In the meantime, I recog- 
nize his hand of mercy in many ways. I came here, I 
doubt not, by the will of God ; we must leave it with him 
to decide when we are to leave M., not running before we 
are sent." 4. — Speaks of having visited Newburyport, 
Andover, Boston, etc., and adds : " My mind was much 
weighed down all the way by the state of things in my 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 287 

paristi. I am conscious of overwhelming imperfections. 
8. — We proceed along as calmly as possible, resolved to 
watch the course of things for a while in silence, hoping 
to maintain serene spirits, and get nearer to Christ than 
ever before. 16. — A new phase of things is coming up. 
O, these trials, how they do worry me ! Lord, grant 
divine guidance and support. The journey may be rough, 
but cannot be long. Soon we shall get out of this wilder- 
ness. 22. — Hear of several cases of conviction, and 
one of hopeful conversion. 23. — Our meeting last night 
was very full and solemn, notwithstanding it was a rainy 
evening. The Lord is with us. Have endeavored to get 
a little more time than usual this afternoon to call on 
God." Considerable religious excitement existed in one 
part of his parish, but chiefly among those of another 
order. " It tries me much to find myself in the midst of 
such noise, ranting, proselyting, etc. May 8, — Our in- 
quiry meeting quite full. 20. — Exchanged yesterday 
with the Rev. J. E. of Newburyport. I was unwell, but 
otherwise had much enjoyment." Some one, as an apol- 
ogy for proselyting, accused Mr. T. of the same deed. 
On hearing it, he replied : " I feel innocent^ innocent ! " 
June 1. — He speaks of having just returned from the 
Boston anniversaries. *' Had a rich, heavenly time ; es- 
pecially in the morning prayer-meetings. Last evening 
I had quite a house full of inquirers at home. 24. — Have 
prepared an account of my great-grandfather. Rev. Habijah 
Weld of Attleborough, for Rev. Dr. S. of Albany. July 
12. — Was quite sick last week ; called in the doctor. 
On the 10th came the affecting news of President Tay- 
lor's death. Indeed, solemn events have clustered together 
in a brief space of late." The nervous system of Mr. T. 
was from early childhood the occasion of severe trials to 
him. Speaking of it, he says : " This quickness of sus- 
ceptibility is one of the constant trials of my life. I am 



288 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

brought by it in prostration before God. For ten years I 
dieted solely to overcome it. 14. — Received to-day a 
most delightful call from Rev. Mr. N. and wife, formerly 
of G. How refreshing the smiles of friends ! 18. — Am 
forty-nine years of age. Little have I done for heaven 
the last year, though it has been my aim to discharge 
faithfully my pastoral duties, and some souls have been 
hopefully converted to God. Perhaps I have a greater 
sense of my unworthiness and absolute dependence on 
divine strength than ever before. Where another year 
will find me, I know not. 29. — Bicentennial celebration 
at Topsfield. This occasion brought together nearly all 
the family friends of Mrs. T. 31. — The last day of sum- 
mer. Poor Webster was executed yesterday. Am greatly 
exercised with a sense of unworthiness. It seems as if I 
should have to hide from my Saviour, were it possible. 
Am often guilty of letting passion and selfishness predom- 
inate. If the Lord Jesus do not take hold of me and 
entwine himself in my soul, I am lost. Find myself con- 
stantly breaking my resolutions, yet without them I do 
nothing. Sept. 6. — Mournful tidings came from Cali- 
fornia. I rejoice that I was so faithful in preaching on 
the subject of emigrating thither. I lost friends by my 
fidelity ; but God has verified every word that I uttered." 
10. — It became his duty to inform a widow lady of the 
death of a son at sea. " I introduced the subject by ask- 
ing her if she could say, ' The Lord 'gave,' etc., remind- 
ing her that she had special occasion for that state of mind. 
She received the intelligence like a Christian. 30. — A 
curious meteor was seen to-night. See a notice in the 
Evening Traveller, Oct. 2, which I wrote ; the article 
needs, however, correcting as to the direction of the me- 
teor." Under date of Oct. 8, having named many things 
which tried him, he says : ^' I came home in despondency, 
and sought rest in the same state of mind ; but had much 



PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 289 

tossing to and fro through the night. The painful part of 
the whole is, I am so unworthy to be a minister, always 
breaking covenant vows. The Saviour does not, how- 
ever, wholly leave me. He whispers, lean on me, O, 
could I do so, that is all I want. 23. — Attended an ordi- 
nation at Lynnfield, and gave the charge to the candidate. 
Nov. 7. — My last Sabbath was a pleasant one. Our 
communion was fuller than usual." He records, under 
same date, finding a handsome present on his return home 
from an Association. It was bestowed by young ladies. 
" Thus the Lord raises up some kind hearts, while he re- 
moves others. I mourn greatly an absent Saviour. I do 
not walk in his love. I have the heart-ache when I think 
of my flying time, my remaining sin, and my dark pros- 
pects of meeting with acceptance from my Saviour. 23. 
— Have just sent off the Cleaveland genealogy to brother 
N., New York city. I have intended to devote only re- 
creative time to the purpose. Each one of us owes some- 
thing in such matters to our race, and I am aiming to 
perform my part. The above genealogy is not complete ; 
but is in such a state that others can finish it if they please. 
It is important to bring our work into such a shape that 
we can resign it for others to perfect, lest death surprise 
us, and we be called to leave it in Sibylline leaves to fly 
away and perish. I have now on hand labor, labor, la- 
bor ! " In December, first part, he speaks of desiring to 
arrange all historical matters and other things in which he 
was engaged for his people, so that if it should seem best 
he might be dismissed from Manchester. He mentions 
having symptoms of a heart difficulty, and says: "In 
spirituals I have had deeper anxiety and more earnest 
longings of late." Thus he was brought to the end of 
another blank hound book, in which he wrote his journal. 
" Here I close this volume. It has occupied me not quite 
two years. How soon will all journalizing be wound up 
24 



290 PASTORAL LIFE, CONTINUED. 

on earth." It is worthy of notice, that his next book re- 
nnains much of it blank. Dec. 6. — We find him making 
an effort to awaken a religious interest in a sick man who 
was apparently without the slightest sense of his perilous 
condition. Of him Mr. T. remarks : " He was kind, but 
laughed when I spoke to him about death, and affirmed 
that he had no fears of it." The pastor did not relinquish 
this hardened invalid, but repeated his visits from day to 
day, till a deep religious impression was produced. " 14. 
• — A returned Californian told me, that while at the miiies 
he had often thought of a passage in the sermon which I 
preached to his company just as they were leaving M. : 
The cloud may be charged with mercy drops^ hut I fear it 
contains a thunderlolt, 17. — A day of variable feel- 
ings, but I experienced a happy frame in meditating on 
the death of Mrs. M. She seemed to have arrived at 
heaven, and sent down to me a portion of its fragrance." 
He alludes here to an aged lady, who had lived alone, and 
was found in her dwelling after she had lain thirty hours 
in a paralysis. She in a measure recovered her speech 
and understanding. When taken, she had just sat down 
to read her Bible. After she was somewhat restored, Mr. 
T. repeated to her Scripture promises. She responded, 
" Sweet, precious words." Having attended her funeral, 
he writes thus in his journal : " Farewell, dear saint ; 
may I meet thee in the bright world of glory." 



HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 291 

CHAPTER XXIII. 

HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 

We now enter upon the history of Mr. T.'s last year on 
earth. Jan. 1, 1851, he writes : " The first day in a new 
year, and perhaps the first day of the last year of my 
life. It becomes me to be watchful, diligent, and in all 
respects faithful." In perusing the preceding pages of 
this Memoir, the reader must have noticed with what fre- 
quency the subject of it alluded to the anniversary of his 
father's decease. On the 5th of the month just named, 
he says : " Thirty-one years since, my father died." It 
was the Sabbath, and he speaks of being unusually inter- 
ested at the communion table. In this month he was 
called to attend upon a dying young woman, whom he 
had sought savingly to benefit from her childhood. Of 
her, as she was approaching the dark valley, he remarks : 
" Poor M. clings to me, and my whole soul is awakened 
in her behalf. Again and again have I endeavored to 
carry her by faith to Christ. O, that I could find her re- 
joicing in him ! How has my heart bled for her ! " In 
the latter part of the winter, he prepared and published 
articles of faith, a covenant for the church, and in con- 
nection with these a brief history of that church. At this 
time, he made a special effort to assist a needy neighbor- 
ing parish. In March, the Association met at his house, 
and the occasion was one of much pleasure to him. 

The following letter, dated March 28, 1851, was ad- 
dressed to the parents of Rev. John Emerson, soon after 
his death at Newburyport, where tliey still reside, and 
where lie had been a pastor one year : 

'' My DEAR Friends : — I learn from the papers, and 



292 HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 

otherwise, that your dear son has left you — gone to his 
great account, — entered the house not made with hands, 
eternal in the heavens. It is indeed a sad, a solemn stroke, 
which has deprived you of such a son ; especially in your 
advanced years, when you seem to need him for your 
prop to lean upon. It is, I know, beyond what I myself 
can realize, a bitter cup — and yet what a cup of bless- 
ings, too, you have doubtless found it, or at least will, if 
rightly improved. How many consoling reflections clus- 
ter around the event ! You had given him away to God. 
More than that, to God and his service he had given him- 
self. He had been set apart for the work of the ministry. 
In a word, he was the Lord's, not only for time but for 
eternity. The Lord then had a right to use him when 
and where he pleased. He chose, after a brief space, to 
call him to his more exalted service above. No doubt the 
will of the Almighty is altogether best ; and though at 
present we see not how it can be so, what we know not 
now, we shall know hereafter. You will permit me to 
mingle my sorrows with yours on this occasion. To the 
proper source of consolation, there is no need of my point- 
ing you, for yourselves* know, that from the throne of God 
down to the bottomless pit there is but one source of gen- 
uine consolation, namely, the love of God in Christ — the 
bosom of Jesus. Leaning upon him, we find repose. 
We shall find it no where else. The Lord stand by you 
in this trying scene, and enable you so to endure as to 
honor his great and holy name. It should be ours rather, 
in such circumstances, to bow in submission, and weep for 
ourselves, preparing for our own change. 

* Whate'er God does is kindly done ; 

Though bitter now the cup, 
'Tis tendered by a skilful one, 

And I must drink it up. 
Sweet j 05^, indeed, will soon succeed 

The anguish that I feel. 
And, therefore, peace — be still. ' 



HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 293 

" Thus speaks a poet in regard to one view of this sub- 
ject, but how aptly has another said : 

* One army of the living God, 
To his command we bow ; 
Part of the host have crossed the flood, 
And part are crossing now.' 

" There was much in your son's case to remind one of 
the sentiment : ' The good die young, but those who are 
dry as dust burn to their sockets.' 

" I could tell you with what interest he was heard by 
our people when here, partly from his connection with 
their former minister, but more for his own sake. There 
was a fascination about him in the pulpit, which attracted 
every one, and will not soon be forgotten. But this is a 
thought of inferior moment to you, who feel that he is 
now an angel of light, engaged in the pure worship of 
heaven. His dear flock will miss him, but God will pro- 
vide for their wants, and perhaps render his death more 
serviceable to them in its sanctifying influences, than a 
long and laborious life would have been. Mrs. T. unites 
in kind remembrance ; and so doubtless would others 
here, if they knew me to be writing you." 

He was deeply distressed in April on hearing it affirmed 
in a neighboring town, that some of the cahinet shops in 
M — r had, from their first esiahWshmeut^ heen gainhling 
schools. The statement kept him awake at night. In 
the course of his pastoral visits at this time, being almost 
excluded from the room of one sick man, he records this 
comment: "I solemnly feel that a little less of worldly 
visiting and more of religious, would prove beneficial ; 
that more of the minister and less of the doctor, would 
be of greater use in this case." April brought that time 
of terrors — parish-meeting day. With pleasure did he 
state at its expiration, that much good feeling was exhib- 
24* 



294 HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 

ited in the meeting, and that society matters had taken a 
more favorable turn than for several years previous. A 
little subsequently, he remarks : " I am afraid here to 
state how near the Saviour has been to me yesterday and 
to-day." It was, perhaps, the first of April that he made 
a visit to Newburyport, and enjoyed a very delightful in- 
terview with Rev. Mr. C. Their theme was, union to 
Christ, Returning from N., he passed the Sabbath at 
Danvers Plains. Both Saturday and Monday, he was 
afflicted with great depression of spirits: On reaching 
home, he writes : " There has been since my return an 
incessant war in my spirit. God has indeed blessed me 
in the harmoniousness of my flock this spring. I know, 
too, that Christ's love is everything, and I endeavor to get 
down at his feet and embrace them, and give myself up 
to his glory. I call to mind also his declaration, that those 
who forsake all for him, shall receive a hundred fold in 
this life, and in the world to come eternal life. I medi- 
tate upon the temptations of the Saviour, especially that 
one when the kingdoms of the world were held out to 
allure him, and he rejected the bait with disdain. More- 
over, I call to mind my own unworthiness ; and yet 
thoughts of some past trials oppress me. I feel, however, 
more and more, that I may safely leave all events with 
divine Providence."" A little past the middle of April, he 
says : " A terrific storm has been raging for a number of 
days. Immense damage has been done. Among other 
affecting incidents recorded, is the loss of the Minot light- 
house and its two inmates." May 20. He speaks of 
having walked some time in spiritual darkness. Near the 
close of this month he made a tour into Pennsylvania, 
visiting friends, and endeavoring to recruit his enfeebled 
health. One particular object besides, which he had in 
view, was the collecting of materials for a memoir of his 
uncle, T. Alden. While absent, he preached in Alle- 



HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 295 

ghany city, and also in Meadville. When in the latter 
place, he speaks of the Saviour as having been specially 
near to him. On his homeward course, he was taken sick 
at Deposit, N. Y., of dysentery, and was obliged to call 
in a physician. In that place evidently commenced the 
disease, which in the December following carried him to 
the grave. Proceeding towards his home, he visited New- 
ark, New York city, and thence came to New Haven, 
where he met his wife at the house of her brother. Rev. 
Dr. Cleaveland. He was still feeble. From New Haven, 
June 27, he wrote the following letter to the Eev. Mr. 
Gale, of Rockport, Mass. : 

" Dear Brother : This is just to say to you, and 
through you to the brethren of the Association, that il 
will be out of my power to take a part in your delibera- 
tions next Tuesday. This I very much regret for several 
reasons. First, we need all to be present to bear each a 
part ; and secondly, our exercises as marked out are such 
as greatly interest me ; and thirdly, I desire to encourage 
the brethren by my presence and fidelity. I wish to say 
a word about the passage, ' For I know that my Redeemer 
liveth.' I feel the force of Mr. Barnes's reasoning ; but 
the Hebrew is susceptible of a most clear and facile ren- 
dering, making the words referable to Christ, and the 
seeing of God^ such a sight of him as the righteous have 
after death. Job was a man of such piety as could have 
sprung only from correct doctrinal knowledge. I do not 
believe that the arguments drawn from the general train 
of thought brought to view by him, and his friends, prove 
the contrary of the spiritual view. Here I hold. As to 
the resurrection, all difficulty in regard to it is obviated by 
three considerations. 1. We do not know what matter is. 
Some important thoughts on this point may be found in 
Berkley. 2. The body to be raised will be spiritual ; that 



296 HIS LAST YEAR — SICKNESS AND DEATH. 

is, one in which matter is to receive great refinement. 
3. Since God has declared that there shall he a resurrec- 
tion, he of course will find out a way for its accomplish- 
ment. I desire to say more, but must forbear. In haste 
and in love, yours." 

Before returning to Manchester, Mr. T. and wife visited 
his mother, passing a Sabbath in H., and he preaching there 
twice. " Found mother feeble and decaying. Fear this 
is the last time I shall see her in the flesh. The Lord 
prepare her for all changes, particularly that of death." 
Tuesday, July 1, he rode from H. with his mother to 
Plainfield, an adjoining town, his wife and sister going 
there in another carriage. They all met at his sister Ham- 
lin's. " We had a very sweet season together, cousin 

being with us." Towards night, as his mother felt 

that herself and the daughter residing with her must re- 
turn to their home, the company joined in singing a num- 
ber of those precious tunes which have so often cheered 
the hearts of God's people, using the words ordinarily set 
to them. Among those named by him, are Balerma, Old 
China, Golden Hill, &c. They concluded with singing 
these words, " Your harps, ye trembling saints," &c. He 
then offered prayer. Of this occasion, he observes : 
" The Holy Spirit seemed present, and we were united in 
heart around the mercy-seat. The Saviour appeared very 
near to us. When mother and M — y took leave of the 
company, I walked along beside their carriage, till we 
reached the meeting-bouse. Stopping near that, we gave 
each other a parting kiss, and I pointed to the sacred edi- 
fice, saying, ' Mother, keep that in mind,'* Wishing, how- 
ever, to prolong my walk, I followed after them, by the 
west road, until we all reached the graveyard, where 
sleep the remains of Rev. Mr. Hallock, and many of his 
flock. There, — the house of God still in view^ — I again 



HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 297 

took my leave of them. Having watched them in their 
course till they were out of sight, I turned with deeply 
serious emotions, and walked then by the east road, lead- 
ing to the meeting-house, and thence returned to brother 
Hamlin's. This is quite probably my last interview with 
mother in the land of the living, unless I am called to see 
her on her death-bed. Her last request to me was, that I 
would pray for herself and M — y every day." The day 
following, after attending the funeral of the last son of the 
" Mountain Miller," Mr. T. and wife started for their home, 
passing a night with his sister and family, at South Deer- 
field. Saturday, July 5, they arrived at M — r, and he 
then says, in his journal : " God has crowned us with his 
mercy." Monday, he speaks of having had a pleasant 
though laborious Sabbath. That week, the Conference 
of Churches met with him, and he greatly enjoyed the 
exercises of the occasion. On the 18th he received in- 
telligence of the death of a dear relative, but was thankful 
that he had been permitted only a few weeks previous to 
visit her, and that she died in gospel faith and hope. la 
this month he made efforts for the removal of a parish 
debt which rested on his people, and subscribed himself 
quite an amount towards it. "21. — O, how I am tried 
with Sabbath breaking. 22. — Parted with a dear cousin. 
Hardly think we shall meet again. The Lord bless that 
widow and her children. I felt very solemn when I knelt 
at family prayers this morning, being about to take leave 
of her. Aug. 3. — A pleasant Sabbath, except a want 
of sufficiently deep interest at the monthly concert. Aug. 
5. — On the whole had a delightful church meeting. 
When some unpleasant feelings began to arise in individ- 
uals present, I made a few soothing remarks, intimating 
that all we need is a clearer view of eternal realities." 
By exchange he preached, Aug. 10, at Lynnfield. On 
his way thither, the day previous, he was overtaken by a 



298 HIS LAST YEAR — SICKNESS AND DEATH. 

shower, and being under the necessity of walking some 
distance in the rain, after leaving the cars, he probably 
caught a cold, which was the exciting cause of his subse- 
quent disease. He went through the duties of the Sab- 
bath, and returned through Salem on Monday ; having 
there a long, and to himself deeply interesting interview, 
with Rev. Mr. S., who had just returned from a visit to 
Palestine and adjacent countries. While in that city, he 
was deeply affected with the news of Rev. W. M. Rogers' 
death in Boston. The next day evening he attended the 
weekly prayer-meeting, and several who were present, 
went from it remarking upon the unusual earnestness of 
his petitions in prayer, and especially on some expressions 
used by him while pleading for chastisements even, if 
necessary to the attainment of a more elevated Chris- 
tian walk. During his sickness, Mr. T. often reverted 
specially to the character of his spiritual exercises on that 
day. His mind was then unusually weighed down with a 
sense of his own deficiencies, also of those of the church 
in general. He saw the urgent need of letter Christians, 
to perform the great work of the world's conversion to 
Christ. When, two days after the one specified, he found 
himself seriously sick in the hands of the physician, he 
felt that God was answering his prayer, having under- 
taken with him the work of necessary discipline. This 
impression remained during all his subsequent sickness, 
for the most part furnishing his mind with a confident ex- 
pectation that he should ultimately recover, and be per- 
mitted again to preach the gospel. Aug. 18. — By the 
hand of his wife, he made a record in his journal ; speak- 
ing of himself as having reached the fftietli anniversary 
of his birthday, and as lying on a sick bed. Sept. 1. — 
He expresses gratitude for the continuance of reason, 
while prostrated by disease ; alludes tenderly and thank- 
fully to the kindness of friends, who administered to his 



HIS LAST YEAR — SICKNESS AND DEATH. 299 

wants ; and intimates that he finds il inexpressibly solemn 
to take a review of his past life, while the judgment-seat 
appears at hand. Especially did he desire to keep in 
mind the terrors of that night, August 21, when the thun- 
ders rolled in awful grandeur around him, and the tornado 
swept with fearful destruction over some of the towns in 
the vicinity of Boston. In regard to his own spiritual 
state, though saying that he is in much darkness, he adds, 
that he is not without some light, and has inexpressible 
desires that his trials may work out for him, through 
Christ, a happy issue. Should his life be spared, he will 
have new things to say of the goodness and the mercy of 
God ; if called soon to die, he hopes to enjoy a more an- 
imating view of the Saviour's love ere that event shall 
arrive. 

During the first two or three weeks of his sickness, he 
was led to scan closely his motives and conduct during 
life, from his earliest recollection. He saw much to con- 
demn in himself before God. The cloud of remembered 
sin was so dark as for a time to shut out peace and hope 
from his soul, and he was left to mourn over the hidings 
of the divine countenance. Often as he tossed on his 
sleepless couch, did he repeat these words : — 

" The happy in Jesus may sleep, 
But, O, 'till in me he appears, 
Be this my employment to weep, 
And water my couch with my tears.*' 

Not long, however, did i?g, whose face was so earnestly 
sought, deny its smiles to his suffering servant. While 
he was listening one day to Romans v. 1,2, 3, the cloud 
dispersed, never again so to intercept the sun of righteous- 
ness from his view. The twelfth day after his attack, the 
fever abated and the symptoms grew more favorable. 
His friends were encouraged for a short time, but soon 



300 HIS LAST YEAR — SICKNESS AND DEATH. 

these hopeful appearances vanished, and the disease, 
which was dysentery^ continued with sonne variation of 
symptoms. September 17 he was very low. The next 
day he revived a little, and remarked to a friend, " that 
he was creeping back to life." He spoke of the Presi- 
dent's reception in Boston, adding, " how worthless such 
pageants seem to me, and how infinitely momentous the 
question relating to our final reception into heaven." 
Soon afterwards he remarked, " he had just enjoyed a 
sweet visit from the Saviour, which perhaps came in 
answer to the prayers of that circle in Boston. You know, 
Deac. P. said he would mention my case in their morning 
prayer-meeting." On the 20th he was able, for the first 
time, to partake of food with relish. He appeared very 
grateful for this favor and remarked, " I have prayed to 
God that he w^ould direct me to something I could eat 
and he seems to have heard my prayer." 

Under the last named date, the writer visited this 
brother and supplied his pulpit on the following day. I 
had seen him once before during his sickness. It was my 
purpose to leave for home early Monday morning ; but on 
entering his sick room to take leave of him, I found that 
the encouraging prospects of the two preceding days had 
been clouded during the last night ; that he had slept but 
very little, and that the disorder had increased. He said 
to me you must not leave me to-day. Accordingly I re- 
mained. The next morning, after I had prayed with him, 
and offered him my parting hand, he clasped it with both 
his own, and could not consent that I should then leave 
until I informed him that duty demanded it ; when he 
said you must go. Still holding my hand, he said, " my 
brother, my dear brother, my eldest brother, you have 
carried me directly to the Saviour. O, you have helped 
me so much ! It has been a great comfort to me to have 
you with me." Still retaining my hand, he offered a 



HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 301 

brief, but most touching prayer, asking the Lord to be 
with me, placing underneath me the everlasting ^arms. 
During this scene, the tears gushed from his eyes, as he 
lay upon his pillow. He was almost overcome with emo- 
tion, and concluded his petitions with a solemn amen. 
While at M. I engaged a member* of the church there to 
keep me constantly informed of the condition of my sick 
brother. In the afternoon of the 23d, Mr. T. said to his 
wife, that he felt very calm and peaceful ; that he should 
like to recover that he might glorify God in preaching the 
gospel ; but added, " whether I live or die, I have a sweet 
assurance that I am the Lord's. His sustaining arms are 
round about me." 

Extracts from Miss L.'s letters : 

"Sept. 24. 

" We fear that the disorder has assumed a chronic form 
and cannot be subdued by medicines. 25. — Our hopes 
revive that his valuable life maybe spared. 26. — He 
says himself that he now feels more like returning to 
health, than he has at any time since he was taken sick. 
P. M. — Your brother has continued comfortable through 
the day and is certainly gaining strength ; his voice is 
natural, and he has seemed brighter than for some time." 
On Sabbath 28, he had the family called into his room 
and then offered a short prayer with them. " 29. — We 
cannot but feel encouraged more and more in regard to 
your dear brother. He is decidedly better in some re- 
pects and we hope the worst symptom is gradually disap- 
pearing. His appetite is improving, and he has been 
raised nearer to a sitting posture than he had been before, 
and so reclined for some time, seeming to enjoy this posi- 
tion very much. He looks natural and appears in other 

* Miss L. C. L. From her letters frequent extracts will be made iu 
the ensuing narrative. 

25 



302 HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 

respects like himself, though much emaciated. Oct. 1. — 
Since Monday morning there has been a gradual but per- 
ceptible and decided improvement in your brother's case. 
2. — I am sorry to tell you that your brother was not so 
comfortable yesterday as the day before. His counte- 
nance has changed and does not look as much like return- 
ing health as a few days since ; still, he is bright and his 
hope is strong that he shall yet preach the gospel. He 
feels that the Saviour is on his side and is inexpressibly 
precious. The burden of his prayer is, that the church 
may be revived and sanctified, and the thoughtless all 
around us, especially the young, young men may be 
brought to repentance." 3. — About two hours in the 
night, he was very nervously excited, "so that he sprang 
up in bed saying, how strong and well he felt." He be- 
came calm, hov/ever, and rested the remainder of the 
night. '' His mind is so intensely active, that it seems 
impossible for him to rest sufficiently to recover health 
and strength." Going into his room one morning about 
this time, says his wife, I remarked to him, you were so 
still I thought you were sleeping, and feared to disturb 
you by coming in sooner. He replied, " it icill he stiller 
soon, I fear, — I am very feeble." He then breathed out 
this expressive petition : " In life, in death, in time, and in 
eternity, O, my Saviour, I, thy redeemed child, thy cove- 
nant disciple, as I would hope, look to thee." Soon after, 
addressing his wife, he said, " I hope we shall yet live 
many years to do good and glorify God ; but I have a 
sweet assurance that I am his, and that a place is pre- 
pared for me in heaven — 

* Some humble place, beneath my Lord, the Lamb.* 

This is a long way around which I have to travel. It 
may lead to ihe land of Goshen, and it may end in He- 
bron." He asked to have a passage read to him from 



HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 303 

Pilgrim's Progress, about the chamber of Peace. On 
hearing the last part of Isa. 32 : 17, read, '' the effect 
of righteousness, quietness and assurance forever," he 
said, " it was a passage he had tried to recall. Right- 
eousness, he added, such as angels possess, but chiefly 
the lighteousness of Christ." It was also near the time 
of the last date, that expressing doubts of his recovery 
he added, " the Saviour is very near me and precious. I 
can hardly trust myself to dwell upon his na7ne^ it so 
overpowers me. I seem almost to hear the rustling of 
those angels' wings which are to bear me away. I can 
leave wife, and friends, and flock, and go, if such be the 
will of the Lord." 

Under date of Oct. 4, Miss L. writes : " I regret to in- 
form you that your dear brother had a very sick day 
yesterday. While suffering in body he seemed also to 
endure great mental distress. It was agonizing to him 
for a time, and his pleadings with the Saviour for divine 
aid in the awful struggle were intensely earnest and affect- 
ing. It was not long, however, before he felt that his 
petitions were answered. In the evening he offered a 
short prayer audibly, asking God's protection of them all 
and committing himself unreservedly into the hands of 
the Redeemer. He repeated two lines, 

* Jesusj I throw my arms around,' 

etc., adding, and is there not a smile on his face for me ? 
I feel there is: I will lean upon iMiie arm ; I will leave 
myself entirely with thee. In the morning he observed 
to his v/ife, I had a terrible day yesterday. It is not pos- 
sible that I can go through with many such. We must 
prepare now for my sudden departure. Yet in a moment 
afi.er, he dropped a remark, showing that he did not con- 
sider his recovery impossible. He said he desired only 
that the will of God should be done." On the 6th 



304 HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 

his prospects for returning health brightened. In the 
evening, he was placed in an easy chair, where he sat 
some time, enjoying the change of position. Being laid 
again upon his bed he requested his wife to sing, 

*' Thus far the Lord has led me on," 

etc., when he fell asleep, and had a comfortable night. 
The next day his brother from Wenham came to see him. 
Their interview was exceedingly refreshing to the sick 
one. His brother read to him the 71st Psalm, and as the 
reading proceeded, tears rolled down his cheeks, while 
with inexpressible delight, he drank in the precious truth. 
His attention was particularly arrested by the twentieth 
verse. As that brother was about leaving, Mr. T. said to 
him, " you have done me a great deal of good ; you have 
led me to Jesus." For several days following, he ap- 
peared gradually to improve. His strength made percep- 
tible advances from day to day. On the 1 1th he had the 
family again called into his room, and himself led in 
devotional exercises. One obstacle in the way of his res- 
toration v/as thought to be, his ardent desire to engage in 
study. A few books must be brought from his library, 
into the sick chamber. He had requested that they might 
be laid by his side so that he could just glance at them. 
He confessed, when night came, that he had used them 
rather too much. Being left alone a few moments, one 
evening, he made a powerful effort and brought himself 
upon his feet. The sensation, he said, was very peculiar, 
differing from any he had ever before experienced. Rev. 
Dr. Woods, of Andover, supplied his pulpit Sabbath — 
Oct. 12th. The venerable man, entering the sick room 
on the eve of the sacred day, was addressed as father by 
Mr. T., who was almost overjoyed to see him, and poured 
out the emotions of his soul in an almost unbroken cur- 
rent, for a long time. Dr. W. found it impossible to check 



HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. . 305 

him or get away from him till he had spoken enough 
for " three sermons,'^'* 

"Oct. 14. 
" Dear Mother : I do not take my pen in order to write 
you, but use Mary's hand. It is hard upon nine weeks 
since I have even taken myself from my couch. But I 
do set apart a few moments for dictating a line to you. 
I am now sitting on the side of m^^ bed wrapped up in 
blankets, with my feet in a chair and am under the influ- 
ence of opiates. Nothing like my present sickness have 
I ever before experienced. During the last fortnight, my 
friends say I have been decidedly convalescent. Not yet, 
however, have I been able to bear my own weight, or set 
my foot on the floor. I am looking forward with much 
anxiety to the time when I may do both. It seems to me 
that my heart would overflow with gratitude for the privi- 
lege. I greatly feared when I bade you farewell at the 
graveyard in Plainfield, that I might never see you again. 
But it was of your advanced years and slender health I 
was thinking, rather than of my own mortality. For sev- 
eral years my strength has been gradually declining, and 
I have allowed myself to relax somewhat in regard to 
bathing and other appliances, upon which it so much de- 
pended. Knowing how you have felt on such occasions 
of sickness, I can well imagine what questions you would 
propose to me. ' How have you found yourself standing 
with Christ^'' would be one of them. The experiences of 
God's children at such times, is, I believe, quite uniform, 
and it is that which you will find particularly portrayed in 
the last chapters of Job ; in the 51st Psalm, and especially 
in the 6th chapter of Isaiah. All find God to be holy, 
holy^ as they approach him. Their sins rise around them 
on every side to a shuddering height except as they 
25* 



306 HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 

behold him through faith in the Lord Jesus. God has 
taken me out into the gulf-stream of death, and shown 
me the flaming boundary — the awful line which the 
wicked pass in going to their eternal doom. With horror 
have I gazed upon it, and had a conception which I can 
not express, of the consequences attendant upon unre- 
pented sin. Christ has again and again been brought up 
before me as the only refuge of the transgressor. I have 
had hopes, and I have had fears ; all the motives of my 
past life have been arrayed before me. I have found 
myself obliged to rest everything on Christ, on Christ, 
He, I think, has proved to me a solid foundation. I en- 
deavor to take him as my portion ; to consider his will as 
my only rule, and to lose myself in it. Let us strive, 
dear mother, daily, nay hourly, to surrender ourselves 
wholly to him. Read Rom. 5 : Being justified by faith, 
etc., and embrace these statements with all your heart. 
My dear mother, there is none other name under heaven, 
but Christ's, whereby we can be saved. All my hopes 
centre in that name. The language of my inmost heart 
in this respect is, 

* Jesus, I throw mine arms around. 

And hang upon thy breast; 
"Without a gracious smile from thee. 
My spirit cannot rest.' 

" Receive this as a brief expression of my views during 
my sickness. My hope is, soon to be able to indulge my- 
self more at large on the wings of thought and feeling. 
But all else is of little importance in comparison with a 
calm waiting on the divine will and a preparation to be 
received at last into the everlasting kingdom of our God, 
which may he graciously grant to us both. Amen. 
" From your affectionate son." 



HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 307 

He remarked Oct. 24,* that he felt more like returning 
to health than he had done at any time previously during 
his sickness. His strength increased rapidly, and with 
the aid of two individuals he was able to walk through 
two rooms and look into his study. His physician and 
nurse both felt encouraged in regard to his ultimate re- 
covery. About this lime his eldest brother passed a night 
with him, and though when they parted the sick one was 
regarded as recovering, it proved to be their last inter- 
view. Dictating a note to Deac. P., Sabbath morning, Oct. 
26, concerning the appointments for the ensuing week, 
Mr. T. says : 

" Just before I began to dictate this to you, my eyes 
were pained in beholding from my window, ten young 
men or lads, apparently on their way to the seashore. 
When, O when, my dear sir, will our young men — not to 
say others — become wise in regard to the things that relate 
to their everlasting peace. ' I see them on their winding 
way.' A winding way indeed it is, and as certainly lead- 
ing downward, as there is a conscience in man, a God in 
heaven, or a future state of existence. I know, I know ^ 
nor have I intensity of language enough to express my 
earnestness and solemnity in regard to the matter, that 
this Sahlath'hreaking course, so freely indulged by 
many among us, if continued, will lead to ruin, for eter- 
nity. It is a sin, that has infolded in it the germs of 
myriads of other sins. It will itself alone, sooner or 
later, bite like a serpent and sting like an adder. I have 
been, as you and also my young friends of the Sabbath- 
school, to whom I wish you to read this note, are aware, 
more than ten weeks confined to my sick room ; and not 



* At a meeting held in the city of New HaTen. Connecticut, Oct. 
22, 1851, by the American Oriental Society, Mr. T. was elected a cor- 
porate member. 



309 HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 

a small portion of the fore part of that time I was called 
to sail directly forth to a full survey of that terrible line 
which the wicked have to crosSj when they bid farewell to 
hope forever ; and let me tell you, nny young friends, that 
it is not merely an awful thing to be without hope and with- 
out God in this world, but it will be most inexpressibly 
dreadful to be called to enter eternity without a good hope. 
Most sincerely do I rejoice that so many of you hold out 
in fidelity to your Sabbath-school. It was an occasion of 
particular joy for me to learn that even one of your num- 
ber has lately become hopefully interested in Christ. Nor 
can I but believe that more of you are secretly inquiring 
what you shall do to be saved. But, O my dear young 
friends, that you would all be induced to make more 
earnest work in this most important of all subjects. My 
hope is, that God is restoring me to health, and I fondly 
anticipate the time when I shall be able again to make my 
appearance among you, and raise to you once more my 
warning voice in your presence. In advance of that time 
and from this sick room, receive the solemn and earnest 
exhortations of one who still rejoices to subscribe himself, 
your affectionate ptistor, and who would delight in nothing 
so much, as in taking you all by the hand and leading 
you to the Lamb of God." 

Oct. 27, Mr. T. was carried into his study where he sat 
a little while. " It was a^ecting to me to sit there for the 
first time since the commencement of my long illness. 
Thoughts of mercies and judgments crowded upon my 
mind. My hope is that this period of confinement will 
prove one of the most important seasons to me, and that 
God has thereby been preparing me for higher usefulness. 
Certainly, my study never before appeared so solemn a 
place to me." 30. — In his journal, by the hand of his 
wife, he says : " I am very much rejoiced to learn that the 



HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 309 

difficulty which has for some time past existed in our 
choir^ has been amicably adjusted." After having de- 
scribed minutely the circumstances of the death of a 
young person in his parish, he speaks thus of himself: 
" I am lingering along in great feebleness, making pro- 
gress, I hope, towards a state of confirmed health, but very 
slowly." Nov. 7, he wrote to his brother T. The letter 
was partly penned by himself and partly by his wife. 
" Through the grace of God I am still convalescent. My 
prospects now are, that with caution, 1 shall be restored 
again — but O, ichat care is requisite. I can just tottle 
along alone. There is one difficulty under which I am 
laboring; whether it be peculiar to me, or common to our 
race, I will not now say, namely, the pressure of a hard, 
ungrateful heart in view of mercies received. I am op- 
pressed, too, with .a constant sense of vastly inadequate 
views of the excellency of the knowledge of Jesus Christ 
and of the infinite desirableness of being swallowed up in 
his glory. There is one thought most deeply impressed 
upon my mind by the disease from which I am emerging ;. 
if I am to live and* enjoy health, I m.ust return to my 
original rules of regularity in regard to the preparation 
of sermons. All m.ust be completed as early at least as 
Saturday noon. I am certain that great sin is committed 
by ministers at the present day in the violation of physi- 
cal laws. The Lord help us to search out and repent of 
all sin." 

Nov. 8, he wrote to the ministers of the Association, 
to which he belonged, respecting some plan by which a 
sick brother might be aided in the ^pply of his pulpit. The 
suggestion was very kindly received and proved a great 
relief to his mind. He records, at this time, visits from 
several Christian friends, and observes : " Well did I tell 
Mr. H. yesterday, that when T prayed for chastisement, if 
it might be necessary for my spiritual good, I had no 



310 HIS LAST YEAR — SICKNESS AND DEATH. 

more adequate idea that God was so near than Jacob had 
when at Bethel." This day his brother from New Jersey 
arrived. Their meeting, he says, was exceedingly de- 
lightful. Sweet in Christ, he observes, is the intercourse 
of our fraternity. 

The ensuing letter was dictated Nov. 9 : 

"Dear Sarbath-sChool Teachers and Pupils: — 
I am still confined to my sick chamber, though convales- 
cent, and am held back by my Lord and Master from 
seeing you and addressing you in person ; but need I tell 
you that I think of you often, and imagine myself in the 
midst of you, meeting those little ones who used so fondly 
to smile upon me. And what do you think I have hoped 
during my sickness, in regard to you ? That at least 
some among you have thought of me, and prayed for me ; 
not because I am worthy of your prayers, but because I 
have been set to minister to you in the name of Christ 
— have endeavored to lead you to him and thus make you 
happy forever. I have, my young friends, frequently 
endeavored to pray for you, I have felt that you are like 
lambs in a wide wilderness and exposed to ravenous 
wolves. I have bowed before God, saying, O Lord, spare 
these lambs of the fiock ; preserve their young and ten- 
der minds from evil ; suffer them not to utter falsehood or 
disobey their parents, or break the Sabbath, or take the 
name of tha Lord their God in vain. O, how I have 
wished to take you by the hand of faith and holy love, 
and lead you to him who said, ' Sufler the little children 
to come unto me.' Since I have been sick, I have many 
a time thought, how pleasant it would be to myself if the 
little ones of my charge would pray for me in language 
something like this : OLord, our minister is sick, so that he 
cannot come and preach to us ; and now we beseech thee 
to be with him and bless him and restore him to health, 



HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 311 

if it be consistent with thy will ; but whether he live or 
die, may he be wholly thine. I have imagined how de- 
lightful it would be to know that I am thus remembered 
every morning and evening by the little Sabbath-school 
children throughout my flock. I am certain it would do 
you good, because it would lead you to think of the Sa- 
viour, who has told us thus to pray one for another. But, 
my dear friends, there is a particular event which has led 
me to dictate a few lines to you this morning ; indeed, I 
should say events ; the recent death of two individuals 
who have been most intimately connected with you, one 
of them having been a pupil, the other a teacher in your 
school. I desired to notice these events last Sabbath, but 
the week previous I was so feeble as to render it unsafe 
for me to do it. Perhaps it is not too late now to speak to 
you a profitable word. I was rejoiced to hear that those 
impressive events did affect you — that the departed ones 
were called to mind last Sabbath, and that it was a sol- 
emn day. Is it, my dear friends, too much to hope that 
some of your hearts were then so moved as never again 
to become insensible ? You are sinners by nature and by 
practice : the wrath of God will hang over you until you 
repent ; you are liable to be cut down any moment by it. 
In order to become truly and forever happy, you must 
repent and believe in Jesus Christ. By these solemn 
scenes you are urged, my young friends, to inquire 
whether you are prepared for death, judgment and eterni- 
ty. Will you allow this favorable opportunity of seeking 
the Lord to slip out of your hands ? O, how muck I wish 
to say to you on this subject in order, if possible, to 
arouse you to attend to it. I would lead you to the grave 
and aid you in surveying it ; and would point you to Mm 
who will eventually be seen coming in the clouds of 
heaven, to judge the world. Let me assure you most 
solemnly that the idea of being happy loitlioul Christ is a 



312 HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 

delusion ; and that you never can be happy in him, 
without repenting of sin, and believing on his glorious 
name. O, forsake sin and love him ; love hira because 
he is supremely worthy of your love. Love him, because 
he loved you so as to die for you. Behold him standing 
at the door, knocking, and saying, ' If any man hear my 
voice and open the door, I will come in to him and will sup 
with him and he with me.' Look up to the gate of 
heaven and see the kind angels inviting you thither. Hear 
the voice of one who was lately a Sabbath-school teacher 
to some of you, speaking from the world of bliss, and 
saying, ' Prepare, dear children, to meet your God.' 
These few words of exhortation please receive from your 
feeble pastor, whose prayers accompany them that they 
may be set home to your hearts in everlasting blessings." 

To Mrs. McF., Nov. 11 : 

" Mr DEAR, DEAR CousiN ! — Strange and unexpected 
are the allotments of Providence towards us all. Since 
the 14th of August I have been confined to my chamber 
by a violent disease, which still continues in a chronic 
form ; and though I have left my bed and sat up more or 
less, I am now but just able to tottle across the floor. I 
am surrounded, however, by many palliating circum- 
stances ; have a dear companion, whose attention to me 
day and night has been most assiduous ; have a people and 
other Christian friends who have borne me unceasingly in 
the arms of prayer ; and a covenant Saviour from whose 
love I hope, nothing in heaven, earth or hell, will separate 
me. Shall I also revert to the sweet attentions, in particu- 
lar, of my own dear brothers since I have been sick. 

*' And now, my dear cousin, I come to the last sad 
point to be touched in my letter — the death of your dear 
and only son. Would that I had consolations to impart to 
you ; but I have none. You are acquainted already with 



HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 313 

redeeming love, and know that Christ has a voice which 
speaks peace to the submissive soul, when all around is 
tumult. If you lean on Jesus in penitence and confiding 
love, you will find in him true consolation. But you can 
find it nowhere else. I am afraid, my dear cousin — and 
let me say it with all the tenderness of a brother — I am 
afraid P. was your idol^ and that it was necessary he 
should be taken away in order to your own better prepara- 
tion for death. You will now naturally review all the 
past of your life, placing yourself, I trust, at the feet of 
Jesus, repenting of everything that may have been wrong 
in you, and bowing in sweet submission as a child of God 
to his chastising Providence. O, what blessings you will 
find to flow from this event if it draw you nearer to Christ 
and fill your heart wholly with himself. Believe me, 
their was a deep meaning in that prayer of your dying 
father, when he asked God to send on his children what- 
ever afflictions might be needful to wean them from the 
world and bring them home to his everlasting kingdom. 
From the manner m which the Almighty is dealing with 
you, my cousin, not to say myself, though I may almost 
number myself among your father's children, I cannot 
but hope that the prayer is receiving an answer. I might 
enlarge, but forbear. That you may be enabled to make 
the best improvement of your sore bereavement, is the 
earnest prayer of your deeply afflicted, but sympathizing 

cousin." 

Nov, 14. — Mr. T. again wrote his mother by dictation. 
In his letter he speaks of the precious visits from pious 
friends. Of his sickness he remarks : " O how long and 
tedious a scene it has been to nature, but I hope it will prove 
profitable through grace. There is much, dear mother, 
very much of a spiritual bearing connected with my sick- 
ness and the history of the last summer relative to my- 
26 



314 HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 

self which I wish to say to you. But let me express the 
whole in a single thought. Eternity is swallowing up 
everything, and it will be but a breath of time before we 
have all passed into another world. Nay, as I have often 
said to my own flock, it will be but as the twinkling of an 
eye before two and even four hundred years shall have 
rolled over the places we now occupy, filling them with 
other inhabitants and bringing us and all the worldly 
scenes with which we now stand connected into oblivion 
forever. I remain your feeble, though I hope convales- 
cent, and certainly affectionate son."" Journal : " 16. — 
My health has been constantly improving the week past. 
I have far more strength to rise out of my chair, and can 
tottle around the room though still in need of some one to 
watch me lest I fall down. I am laboring under great 
hardness of heart, but feel there is in the Saviour infinite 
love. Fain would I be lost in him. O, that emerging 
from this dark valley of chastisement, if indeed it be his 
will that I should thus emerge and engage in his service, 
I may be as a new man, feeling that my time is short 
at best ; that eternity is just at hand and renewing 
consecration of myself to his great and glorious service. 
18. — Have this morning parted with my dear brother R., 
whose visit has been to me comforting beyond expres- 
sion." 

To Mrs. M d, of Alleghany City, Pa. : 

'' My Dear Cousin : — A few days since by dictation 

to my wife, I wrote a letter to your sister M a. To 

that I refer you for particulars in reference to my health. 
It was only a few days since that I for the first time heard 
read your letter of Sept. 1st, and now I am not able to 
reply to it with my own hand ; nor must you expect a 
long reply. I occupy the room which was assigned to 
you when with us. It has been my residence for fourteen 



HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 315 

weeks. Here I lie on my bed while my wife takes down 
my words. The Lord, I think, has stood by me, enabling 
me to bear the confinement far better than I could have 
anticipated. He has provided for the wants of myself 
and flock in most wonderful and unexpected ways ; and 
I hope to be able to say, through whatever dark valley he 
may lead me, his blessed will be done. Believe me, dear 
cousin, it is of infinite importance that this flesh be puri- 
fied, and that grace be made to predominate. If we are 
only armed with faith, patience and hope in the Lord, we 
shall find everything coming out well eventually. O, 
think of the brightness of glory directly to be revealed to 
every child of God ! How happy shall we be to sit on 
those heavenly hills and sing of victories achieved through 
redeeming grace. O, glorious prospects which constantly 
open before every child of God. We have but a little 
distance to pass ere we shall enjoy their reality. Then, 
in comparison, of what Ihtle account shall we regard the 
few sorrows and pains experienced in their attainment ? 
Happy, happy child of God ! With what most favored 
one of earth would he exchange his situation ? 

" I was inexpressibly pained, my dear cousin, to hear 
of the loss of your trunks, and cannot but hope you have 
already recovered them. Please hasten to let me know 
how it is, as soon as possible after the receipt of this. I 
suppose, of course, my daguerreotype was lost ; the mate 
of it I presume you left with my mother as I requested 
you, though she has forgotten to mention it. I rejoice at 
the opening favorable prospects of your daughter in regard 
to teaching. Should my health be restored I shall love to 
visit you and my Pittsburg friends in some healthful sea- 
sons of the year, that I may become more intimately 
acquainted with those various interesting characters, of 
whom you have such numbers around you. Please re- 
member me most cordially to Mr. Walker, Dr. McGill, 



316 HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 

and Dr. Gale, also, Dr. Swift, from whom I received such 
kind attentions ; likewise to our dear friends across the 
river. God bless you and your children, granting you 
abundantly of his grace here and preserving you to his 
everlasting kingdom. So prays your afflicted but affec- 
tionate cousin. My wife unites with me in this prayer." 

Journal : " Nov. 27. — Thanksgiving in this and tw^enty 
other States, to-day. In many respects to W5, as a family, 
it is a solemn day. I am still confined by sickness, though 
am thought to be recovering. As I partook of my frugal 
and prescribed meal, my wife intimating that she preferred 
a morsel at my side to a feast elsewhere, brought her plate 
and dined in my room. Then the scenes of my sickness 
came over me in all their force, and I burst into tears. 
Yet numerous are our reasons for gratitude. God has, in 
various ways, all along shown himself our friend." Mr. 
T. then alludes to the kind attentions of various persons; 
to presents from Boston and elsewhere ; to the favorable 
manner in which his pulpit had been supplied, and to other 
kind orderings of divine Providence. 

Nov. 30, Mr. T. dictated the following : 

"Dear Sabbath-school : — Allow your Pastor once 
more to address you in a few words. He will endeavor 
not to be tedious, and he hopes you will lend a listening 
ear. The prophet Jeremiah has a passage of Scripture, 
(8 : 20,) which is especially adapted to our consideration on 
this occasion : i The harvest is past, the summer is ended, 
and we are not saved.' For everything there is a time 
and a season ; a spring, a summer, and an autumn, or 
harvest. The seed must be sown, the germ must be put 
forth, the blade be formed, the corn make its appearance, 
and come to autumnal maturity. We have seen again, 
in the natural world, each of the seasons pass before us. 



HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 317 

The snow has melted around us; the ice of rivers and 
brooks and the ocean, has broken up ; the trees have bud- 
ded ; flowers and fruits appeared ; and we were all glad- 
dened by the return of the birds again to us from their 
winter retreats. We have seen the summer clouds arise 
from time to time, and heard the summer thunder roll 
and break over our heads ; we have watched the progress 
of things onward, from one degree of ripeness to another ; 
all nature moving on in her steady course, until autumn 
has once more returned, and we have been permitted to 
regale ourselves with the fruits of the earth. We have 
collected around us on every side the bounties of Provi- 
dence ; and we, as also the people of this nation, through- 
out the length and breadth of it, have been allowed to 
meet on the occasion of our thankso-ivincr festival, with 
our friends, and to praise God for these gifts of his good- 
ness. The seasons of another year, in the natural world, 
have now all passed away ; this is the last day of autumn. 
Its sun will never shine upon us again. All that we can 
now do in this respect, is to say w^ilh the prophet, ' The 
harvest is past, the summer is ended.' There is, how- 
ever, a solemn lesson of instruction, which we can draw 
from the fact. Spiritual concerns have also their times 
and seasons : a spring time, when seed may be sown ; a 
summer, in which it may grow ; and an autumn, in which 
it may come to maturity. Indeed, such must we regard 
the seasons just closing, as they have flitted by us, in re- 
ference to ourselves. They were not given for the mere 
purpose of life's temporal business ; cultivating the earth 
— amassing wealth, and pursuing earthly pleasures, — 
but for spiritual purposes, seeking an interest in Christ, 
and preparing for the nobler state of existence just at 
hand to all the people of God. And how have you im- 
proved it, my dear friends ? Have you attended to this 
great subject as these seasons have been gliding along ? 
26* 



31S HIS LAST YEAR — SICKNESS AND DEATH. 

To multitudes of those who began the year with as fair 
hopes as yourselves, it would be useless for me to address 
this question, for their ears are sealed up in death. You, 
who are still living, I may ask, — for you can yet hear 
xne, — this solemn question; and pray listen — this last 
day of autumn, before its sun has forever set : How 
have you improved the seasons of the past year, in rela- 
tion to the salvation of your immortal souls ? If they 
have not been employed in securing eternal life, they 
must be set down as worse than lost, and will be found at 
last turning the scale against you. Not a few of you 
certainly, had not been ' saved ' when the spring opened 
upon you. You knew nothing of Christ by happy expe- 
rience ; you had neither been brought to see your need 
of him, nor had you tasted the joys of redeeming love ; 
and can you say tliat your sins are forgiven now ? Have 
you wept at the Saviour's feet in view of his pardoning 
mercy ? Were this last sun of autumn now shining upon 
your graves, where would your spirits be found ? With 
Jesus in paradise, singing praises to his name, or in the 
regions of the lost ? Ask yourselves this question in se- 
riousness, and let it press upon your consciences with deep 
solemnity. 

" Sabbath-school Teachers : — The harvest is past, the 
summer is ended, and not a few of those pupils, with 
whom you have been associated from Sabbath to Sabbath, 
are certainly not yet ' saved^'^ and is the fault yours or 
theirs ? Have you been so faithful in dealing with them 
for eternity, that were the Shepherd to call you to account 
in reference to them, you can stand before him with a 
clear conscience ? Have you felt and wept and prayed 
for them as you should ? And with what desires do you 
hope to enter upon the new season which may be allotted 
you for the prosecution of this glorious work ? How 
cheering to behold the husbandman returning in autumn, 



HIS LAST YEAR — SICKNESS AND DEATH. 319 

bringing his sheaves with him ! But more so will it be to 
see the Sabbath-school teacher presenting himself before 
the Saviour above, in company with those whom he has 
been instrumental of leading thither ? May this, my 
friends, be your happy portion ! 

* Ye sinners, fear the Lord, 

While yet 'tis called to-day ; 
Soon will the awful voice of death 
Command your souls away. 

* Soon will the harvest close, 

The summer soon be o'er, 
And soon your injured, angry God, 
"Will hear your prayers no more.' " 

In the latter part of November, Mr. T.'s disease, which 
had been so obstinate, seemed to be yielding, and great 
encouragement was taken by his physician as to his re- 
covery. Early in December, however, he complained of 
soreness on the lungs, with feverish symptoms, not at once 
clearly developed, but soon indicating an attack of influ- 
enza, or lung fever. On the 8th he had a fainting turn, 
which much alarmed his friends. Indeed, for a few mo- 
ments he seemed to be quite gone. From this time he 
had many doubts of his recovery, but did not himself en- 
tirely relinquish the expectation, nor did his friends feel 
that his case was without hope. 

The following memoranda were made by his wife on 
the 14th : " For several days Mr. T. lias enjoyed a sweet 
sense of the Saviour's presence ; at times such, he thinks, 
as he never before felt. Last Sabbath, when he began to 
be much more ill, he was engaged most of the day in 
earnest supplication that the cup of suffering might pass 
from him, or grace be given him to drink it with due sub- 
mission. All the remainder of the week he could speak 
of sweet peace in Christ. He requested me to look up his 
sermon on the text, ' That in me ye might have peace.' He 



820 HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 

wished to see if he had treated the subject as he would 
now do. He thought he could add some hints, which 
would, if he should ever preach it again, enable him to 
do it with more effect ; and added, ' This peace is found 
in Christ. It is only in him that we can have peace.' In 
an interview with Eev. Mr. S. this evening, he spoke of 
his long cherished desire to visit Palestine, and remarked : 
' I may yet be permitted, in the providence of God, to do 
it ; but not, perhaps, until I hover over it, resting on the 
wing of an angel. I should love to visit it in company 
with Gabriel. 1 have always felt, that in order to go there, 
I must have a furlough from my Master.' He then spoke 
of his desire to preach the gospel, as greater than any 
other ; of his willingness to give up all fdr Christ, and to 
count everything beside as worthless in comparison with 
him. He said there were some few literary labors which 
he should love to accomplish, but if permitted to do so, 
he would wish to undertake nothing except on his knees." 
On the ]5th and loth, Mr. T. remained much the same. 
He was dressed, and sat in his easy chair a part of each 
day, and walked without assistance into the next room. 
About dawn on the morning of the 17th, he said to his 
wife, who was sitting by him, that he had been for some 
time enjoying a wonderful visit from his Saviour. He re- 
marked that for several days, about the same hour, he 
had been refreshed with similar visits, but this had been 
more vivid and overwhelming than any other. He had 
been made to feel an inexpressible sense of his own vile- 
ness, and to possess an all-absorbing desire to be lost in 
the glory of God. Especially and intensely was his soul 
drawn out in desires for the conversion of his dear people. 
" You know," he continued, " how this subject pressed 
itself upon my mind in the early part of my sickness. 
You remember the day when the doctor came in and 
found me weeping. I have had anxieties for myself. I 



HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 321 

think God has heard my prayers. I have arranged all 
my worldly matters, and have nothing of this nature to 
trouble my mind. I feel no desire but to be wholly ab- 
sorbed in the divine glory, and if the conversion of this 
people could be brought about by means of my death, 
how joyfully would I depart this moment." He then for 
some time prayed audibly with intense emotion, and the 
whole burden of his prayer was, " For my dear flock, my 
people, — the flock thou, dear Shepherd, hast committed 
to me." He requested his wife to join him in earnest en- 
treaty for this one thing; said '' he knew the tempter was 
near to divert his thoughts." Soon afterwards, he re- 
marked : " I feel, I think, as Isaiah felt, when he saw the 
glory of the Lord in the temple ; and as Job, David, and 
Hezekiah, on particular occasions. Never before, in all 
my sickness, have I been made to feel as I now do. 
What God has before me I know not, whether it be to 
remove me by death or restore me to health. It may be 
that God intends to raise me up to speak again from the 
pulpit, and that he is showing me these things to fit me 
for this further service." In the course of the forenoon 
of the 17th, he was asked, by one writing to an absent 
friend, if he had any message to send, when he dictated 
the substance of what has just been stated, and added: 
" Several hours have elapsed since their commencement, 
but these feelings and intense views remain the same. I 
wish them recorded for the glory of God." Twice during 
the day he was assisted to dress, and sat in his easy chair. 
In the morning he led in family prayer. Portions from 
the 12th, 13th and 14th chapters of Luke had been read 
to him successively for two or three days, and each day 
as the Bible was opened, he would say : " Read on where 
you left off — that is so sweet." To a brother who visited 
him on this day, he remarked : " You see to what we may 
be brought. How infinitely important ,that we be found 
in Christ. 



322 HIS LAST YEAR — SICKNESS AND DEATH. 

During the whole period of his sickness, Mr. T. 
sought to benefit spiritually all who entered his sick 
room. He had a word in season for each. His reason 
was rennarkably preserved. The activity of his mind was 
such, that at times he doubtless taxed himself intellectu- 
ally too much. He could not throw off his love of books, 
or resist his long cherished cravings for knowledge ; he 
must keep some run of the news of the day, and see that 
his papers were all on file. Preeminently true was it of 
him, that his ruling passion was strong in death. A habit 
of minute journalizing, formed in early life, he continued 
even to the last day of his earthly existence. Under date 
of Dec. 16, we find him lying upon his bed, and noting I 
down a few items with a trembling hand ; but soon, un- 
able to proceed, he requests his wnfe to record among 
other things, an angel visit from his brother J. On the 
17th, he alludes to the severity of the cold, to a refreshing 
visit from a dear brother-in-law, and to a cough which 
had for some time been troubling him ; but especially he 
desires to have placed on record for the glory of God, the 
wonderful manifestations to himself on the morning of 
that day, by his Saviour, to which allusion has already 
been made ; states that he wishes now to be anxious for 
nothing but the spiritual welfare of his people, and his 
own preparation '' to enjoy the high privilege of going up 
to the throne of God, and of being received into the arms 
of his love, amid the songs of angels over those who are 
turning to the Lord." 

The following letter will describe the closing scene :* 

" It was my privilege to be with your brother during 
the last few hours of his life. I called at the house about 
6 P. M., and had been there only a few moments, when 

* It was written by Miss L., and sent to the brother in New Jersey. 



HIS LAST YEAR — SICKNESS AND DEATH. 823 

the nurse sent for Mrs. T., who had stepped down stairs 
to see me. Mr. T. was coughing. She went immedi- 
ately to him, and as she did not return, I soon followed 
her up stairs. Together we raised the dear sufferer, and 
supporting him in bed, gained for him a little relief, though 
he was still greatly distressed with incessant coughing. His 
lungs seemed loaded, and he had not strength to relieve 
them. It was very difficult for him to converse. ' The 
Saviour,' he said, ' can send me ease, and none but he ; 
and he will do it if he sees best.' He then asked to have 
prayers offered. A friend and neighbor present led in 
prayer. After this as Mrs. T. stood by him he inquired, 
' who is in the room, my dear ? ' She replied, no one 
but L. who is holding the chair behind you. He now 
looked at me for a minute with intense emotion, and then 
with tones of inexpressible tenderness and affection said 
to his wife, ' Mary, can you tread this thorny road with 
Christ ? give me a kiss, then.' At about 8 he remarked, 
' Well, I don't know but this is the beginning of the end.' 
I said, I hope not, I trust you will be relieved soon, and so 
indeed I thought. In a minute he said, ' I have no fear, 
I am not agitated in the least, if this be death.' Various 
remedies were tried, but nothing seemed to afford relief; 
the coughing continued. Becoming very weary of his 
position, he was laid down in bed, and as the cough did 
not seem aggravated, nor the difficulty of breathing in- 
creased by this change, we still hoped that ease would 
again return. A friend having come to watch, at 10 
came to the bedside, but owing to the dim hght of the 
room, Mr. T. did not at once perceive who he was. On 

being told, he said, ''good evening, Mr. M e, I love to 

have my brethren about me.' In talking, he was obliged to 
pause at nearly every word, and the difficulty of course 
increased as he grew weaker ; but still he made constant 
effort, frequently commencing some Scripture promise or 



324 HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 

verse of a hymn for those about him to finish repeating. 
Between ten and eleven the coughing was so incessant 
that I held a teaspoon more than three-quarters of an hour 
to find an opportunity for him to receive its contents. 
During this time, I think it was, he said, ' Lord Jesus, re- 
ceive my spirit' — ' be found in him' — 'are we all in 
him,^ Later he asked, ' what o'clock is it ? ' On being 
told almost 12, it wants only four minutes, ' O, is it not 
later than that,' he said. So severe was his distress, no 
wonder the time seemed long to him ; it surely did to us. 
Very soon a cloud passed before him, and he exclaimed, 
' O, I am afraid, because I have not the presence of my 
Saviour. O, I have it not as 1 had it this morning. Pray 
for me.' Mr. M — — e offered a few petitions, and he him- 
self prayed with great earnestness : ' Dear Saviour, did I 
not lay myself at thy feet this morning — didst thou not ac- 
cept me ? Thou wilt not cast me off. Thou wilt not forsake 
me.' The verse commencing, 

* The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose/ 

was repeated to him, and he was soothed by it. He com- 
menced the one, 

* There is a fountain filled with blood,* 
and Mrs. T. finished it. The darkness, which was only 
comparative, seemed to vanish, and he exclaimed, ' but 

to be absorbed in the glory of God ; this is what 

1 want.' And these w^re the last words he uttered. Pre- 
vious to this he had asked to be raised up, and also for 
more air. The doors were thrown open and a fan was 
used. He ceased coughing — his head fell gently upon 
the right side, and almost before we were aware the pure 
spirit had winged its way to that bright world where sin 
and suffering are alike unknown." * 

* He expired 15 minutes after midnight, Thursday, Dec. 18, aged 
fifty years and four months. 



HIS LAST YEAR SICKNESS AND DEATH. 325 

His funeral occurred Tuesday, P. M., Dec. 28, amid a 
SROW storm of great force. PJundreds, anxious to attend 
it, were prevented by the severity of the weather. Even 
the clergyman appointed to preach the sermon, though 
residing but four miles distant, could not reach the place. 
Two of Mr. T.'s brothers were present, also two brothers 
of his wife. Neither his mother nor any of his four sis- 
ters were permitted to be present on the solemn occasion. 
Not one of them was able to visit him during his sickness. 

His remains were borne to the sanctuary and the coffin 
placed upon the platform in front of the pulpit where he 
had often stood to administer the Lord's Supper. Appro- 
priate exercises were performed by several pastors who 
had succeeded in pressing their way through the storm. 
A set piece, the 18th hymn, book I., and the 458th of the 
Select, were sung. The pulpit and the entire gallery were 
hung in mourning. Mr. T. was interred in the central 
part of a new cemetery, very near the spot where he stood 
a few years before and delivered a dedicatory address. 
An appropriate funeral sermon was preached in M. 
the next Sabbath by Eev. Dr. Crowell of Essex. The 
parish assumed the expenses of the funeral, and in con- 
junction with the donations of individual friends are about 
to erect a suitable monument at his grave. The inscrip' 
tion is not yet prepared. 

Before night set in, the storm ceased, and the sun sent 
his beams into the chamber wherS the shepherd had ex- 
pired. 

Until the death of Mr. T. his mother's family had re- 
mained unbroken for nearly thirty-two years. On the 
demise of his father, Jan. 5, 1820, four sons and four 
daughters constituted the household of his widowed 
mother. 



27 



326 NOTICES OF HIS DEATH. 

CHAPTER XXIV. 

NOTICES OF HIS DEATH ESTIMATE OF HIS CHARACTER. 

The following notice appeared in the Boston Daily Trav- 
eller, on the day following Mr. T.'s decease : 

" It is with grief that we are called to announce the 
death of the Rev. Oliver A. Taylor, of Manchester, Mass. 
Mr. T. has been the pastor of the Congregational church 
in M. for more than twelve years, and sustained among 
his people and all who knew him, the highest reputation 
as a faithful pastor, and as an eminently devout man. He 
was a man of remarkable simplicity and sincerity of 
character ; and as a scholar had no superior in the county 
and few in the country." 

From many letters of condolence received by Mrs. T. 
on the death of her husband, the following are selected 
as expressive of them all. One individual writes: 

" I hope you need not this to assure you that I sympa- 
thize most sincerely and deeply in your affliction, in the 
removal by death of your dear husband. When we saw 
him last he addressed us in a few and affecting words in- 
dicating his own exceeding peace and the infinite import- 
ance to us and to all to^be ready for the great and solemn 
change. To you, surely, I need not say that you have 
lost a most excellent and devoted husband ; his people a 
most faithful and learned pastor; the ministry of this 
region, one of its most valued and respected members, 
and the community at large, a sincere, honest and high- 
souled man." 

Another writes : 

" He is gone ! The scholar, saint, and pastor — the 



NOTICES OF HIS DEATH. 827 

husband, brother, friend, we shall behold on earth no 
more. His meekness and quietness, the liberality of his 
feelings towards those who differed from him in sentiment 
— his general kindness, his prayers so simple and natu- 
ral, that they seemed the very breath of devotion, and 
his learning so extensive, and yet so unostentatious — all 
these, henceforth, belong to memory alone. For my own 
part, I shall miss him, and mourn him. My opportunities 
of intercourse with him have not been very frequent, but 
each successive one has raised him in my estimation and 
regard. I will not pretend to suggest "to you the consola- 
tions which are appropriate to your situation. I rejoice in 
the thought that you have, and will have every religious 
comfort that can attend and alleviate affliction. And you 
will need it all. May the Almighty arm sustain you." 

Another : 

" Allow me to express to you the deep sympathy which 
I feel in your affliction. I had long known your dear 
husband, and loved as well as esteemed him. I loved 
him not onlv for traits of character shown in his com- 
mon intercourse, but also for that tender and self-sac- 
rificing affection which he manifested towards his mother 
and the younger members of the family. He has gone 
to his reward. Your desolate heart must grieve, but joy 
too is mingled in the cup — joy that you have been blessed 
with the aid of that devoted servant of Christ for so many 
years in the pursuit of that glory which you hope soon to 
participate with him. May he who has made the wound 
bind it up, and indeed be to you more than the best earth- 
ly friend." 

Another : 

" My dear Mrs. Taylor : — Many, very many are 



328 NOTICES OF HIS DEATH. 

the hearts which have been turned most affectionately 
towards you, and are still directed with intense desire, 
that you may experience in the fullest measure all the 
sympathizing consolations of Him who wept with the 
sorrowing Martha and Mary. He is indeed the Christian's 
confidence in life and in death. And blessed, unspeaka- 
bly blessed are they that mourn with the ' joy of grief 
which is your own." 

The following Resolution was passed by the Essex 
South Association, at a meeting held in Salem, Jan. 6, 
1852, and forwarded to the widow of Mr. T. : 

'" Resolved^ In view of the recent decease of onr highly 
esteemed and dearly beloved brother, Rev. Oliver A. 
Taylor, late pastor of the church in Manchester, and a 
member of this Association, greatly valued for his varied 
literary and theological acquirements, his simplicity of 
character, and his devoted piety, that we deeply deplore 
his loss to his arTiicted partner and friends, to the mourn- 
ing flock of which he was the able and affectionate pastor ; 
to the members of this Association ; to the interests of 
Zion in this community and at large ; and that we tender 
our heartfelt condolence to the bereaved family and peo- 
ple, and commend them to God and the word of his 
grace." 

At a meeting of the Salem* Association, held Feb. 10, 
1852, at Beverly, the scribe was directed, by a unanimous 
vote, to place on their records the following minute, and 
send a copy of the same to Mrs. T., viz. : 

" Having been associated, for some years, in intimate 
ministerial relations with the Rev. Oliver Alden Taylor, 
late pastor of the church in Manchester, we would de- 
voutly recognize the admonitory voice of Divine provi- 
dence, in removing him from his earthly labors and great 

* The Essex South and the Salem Associations constituted only 
one body till a short time previous to Mr. T.*s decease. 



AS A PASTOR. 829 

usefulness. In ail our intercourse, and more especially in 
circumstances of trial peculiarly suited to reveal the spirit 
of his heart, we have found hitn a brother, whom we 
have continued to love with the most entire cordiality. 
We shall ever cherish his memory, with very high esteem 
for his character, as ' a good man,' and ' a good minister 
of Jesus Christ.' We would tender an affectionate con- 
dolence to Mrs. Taylor, in her heavy affliction, and to the 
church and people, among whom our deceased brother 
was so signally favored with the blessing of the Holy 
Spirit." 

Soon after the decease of Mr. T., the church and soci- 
ety in Manchester, united very cordially in giving an 
invitation to Rev. Hufus Taylor of Shrewsbury, N. J., 
brother of their late pastor, to settle with them in the 
ministry. Though occupying an important field, he felt 
it his duty to accept this call, and on the 6th of May last, 
was installed as successor of his brother, and at the request 
of the compiler, he has forwarded the ensuing estimate of 
bis predecessor as a pastor : 

" After an intercourse of several months with those 
among whom he spent his entire pastoral lit'e, I will en- 
deavor to give you the impressions made in various ways 
upon my own mind respecting him, in the sacred relation 
of pastor. These impressions will be corroborated more 
or less by the testimony of individuals who knew him 
intimately and long. 

" He was a very laborious pastor. The amount of 
labor that he performed for his people must seem incredi- 
ble to those unacquainted with his active, stirring habits, 
and even with my knowledge of these, it is difficult for 
me to credit the testimony of many respecting his labors. 
He visited much, and turned his visits to good account. 
Considering the extent of his parish, if any dependence 
is to be placed upon general testimony, one might suppose 
27* 



330 AS A PASTOR. 

he could scarcely have done more in this way than he 
did, if he had done nothing else. One person has stated 
that during a sickness of three months the pastor did not 
omit his calls for a single day. But while he was doing 
so much for a single afflicted family, in one direction, few, 
if any of those who called him pastor, had occasion to 
think that his well-known step and kind voice were less 
frequently heard by themselves than at other times. When 
the v/eather would permit he was almost daily moving 
among his people, speaking to one by the way-side or in 
the shop, to another in the field, while for a longer or 
shorter time he would call at the residence of a third. 
Long before the sun or his people were risen he was ac- 
customed to go from house to house with periodicals which 
he laid at their doors, and in this employment it is said he 
was sometimes near a mile from home before the dawn of 
day. But as much as he did in this way, these things, 
for the most part, were only his relaxation from the labors 
of the study where his mind was taxed to the utmost, and to 
a considerable extent for the immediate benefit of his peo- 
ple. So far was he from bringing before them in the name 
of the Lord, that which cost him nothing, that if he erred 
in this matter it was in having his discourses too labored. 
None of his parishioners were overlooked ; none had just 
cause to feel themselves neglected. Those whose age or 
infirmities necessarily kept them from the house of God, 
were special objects of his attention. 

" He was di faithful pastor. In his efforts for the good 
of his people it was his aim to bring out the whole truth 
of God — to keep back nothing that v/ould be profitable 
for them. Evangelical truth which early took a strong 
hold upon his own mind was continually taking deeper 
and deeper root there and bringing forth corresponding fruit 
for the benefit of his people. His aim was to watch for 
souls as one who must give account, and he was satisfied 



AS A PASTOE. 331 

with nothing short of seeing Christ foriiied in them the 
kope of glory. To secure this result he not only preached 
in a bold, earnest and faithful manner, but warned the 
impenitent and delinquent professor in private as well as 
from the sacred desk. He probed most thoroughly the 
hearts of convicted sinners lest they should rest on some- 
thing short of Christ. He was never at ease in Zion but 
constantly on the watch for opportunities to do good. He 
was very apt in turning the various providences that oc- 
curred among his people to good account, and in having 
a word in season for every one. His standard of useful- 
ness was high ; he was constantly striving to reach it and 
mourning over his failures. 

" In the examination of candidates for admission to the 
church, he was not satisfied whh any experience short of 
a deep sense of entire ruin by nature and of dependence 
on the merits of Christ alone for salvation. 

" Our late brother was also a tender and an affectionate 
pastor. Few have possessed more delicate sensibilities, 
a warmer heart, or purer and more ardent affections. To 
all these he gave full scope in the discharge of his paro- 
chial duties. He knew well how to deal with the bruised 
reed and to bind up the broken-hearted. Especially did 
his tenderness and affection manifest itself towards the 
lariibs of his flock, for whom he ' always had a kind word 
and often some little book.' He seldom returned from 
the neighboring city without a supply of presents for 
them, many of which are now carefully preserved as 
mementos of their affectionate pastor whom they will see 
no more. ' He was an unspeakable blessing to the rising 
generation.' He was a very sympathizing pastor. He 
could weep with those that wept, as well as rejoice with 
those that rejoiced. In obedience to the dictates of his 
heart, rather than from a sense of professional duty^ he 
was found promptly and often at the bedside of tbd sick, 



»■ ■ 1 

4 



832 AS A PASTOR. 

and in the habitations of sorrow. After he was laid aside 
from his active labors, one in affliction said, ' O that w^ 
could have our dear minister to visit us, for no voice ever 
soothed my aching heart like his.' Similar to this was 
the language of many. 

" Especially were the poor^ objects of his care. He sought 
them out and in addition to such substantial aid as he felt 
able to render them, he would in a private way secure for 
them the assistance of benevolent friends who were ready 
to cooperate with him in every good work. He thus re- 
lieved the wants of many. And here 1 may allude to his 
scrupulous exactness in the performance of all his prom- 
ises, however much sacrifice it might cost himself. He 
never in any way raised expectations without intending to 
meet them. As a pastor, he cultivated the benevolent 
feelings of his flock. ' During his ministry our yearly 
contributions more than doubled.' ' He never frowned on 
an agent ' of any of our benevolent institutions. 

" Our brother was a successful pastor. At the present 
day we could scarcely commit a greater error than to 
judge of the success of a pastor by the numbers added to 
his church. But if he should be thus judged, his success 
in the ministry would probably equal that of the majority 
of judicious pastors, similarly situated. ' For two winters 
after he took the charge of this flock the place enjoyed 
powerful revivals, during which his labors were blessed 
to the salvation of many souls.' While he was thus 
gathering into the garner of the Lord from the world, he 
was not less useful in building up the saints in the most 
holy faith. The natural turn of his mind and the pecu- 
liar way in which God had led him, well qualified him for 
this work. He could from personal experience enter into 
almost every class and shade of trials that others might 
think peculiar to themselves. But in addition to the good 
accomplished in these ways, we must not lose sight of his 



AS A PASTOR. 333 

deep-laid and far-reaching plans for the future benefit of 
his people. In this repect his works will not only follow 
him, but like the rays of departing day, after the sun has 
gone down, it will be long before he ceases to bless the 
earth. The savor of his name among the people of his 
late charge is as ointment poured forih. ' He spread the 
gospel net wide,' and probably left this people better in- 
doctrinated than they ever were before. Vv hatever good 
developes itself here for years to come will be owing, in a 
great measure, to his labors and prayers while he lived, 
and to that happy influence which he has left behind as the 
heritage of his people. 

" In conclusion ; — our brother, as a pastor, exalted the 
Saviour. It was obvious to those who sat under his minis- 
trations that, to him Christ was the absorbing theme, the 
great central point towards which his efforts were direct- 
ed. In his every-day walk as well as in the pulpit, self 
was very much abased while Jesus was extolled. As the 
highways for a great distance from a metropolis con- 
verge towards it, and as all the rivers are tending to the 
ocean, so his themes, wherever they commenced, not only 
tended to Christ, but terminated in him. He loved to be 
in no other place so well as at his master's feet. He hid 
himself behind the glorious gospel while he unfolded in 
glowing language the great truths respecting man's ruin 
by sin and recovery through Christ. One who has here 
been a professor of religion more than half a century, 
testifies that she never returned from the house of God after 
hearing him preach, without increasingly adoring thoughts 
of God. Thus constantly was he magnifying his office. 

" But his sepulchre is with us. As I pass it and repass 
it from time to time, in my endeavors to carry out the 
plans which he laid and matured for the good of this peo- 
ple, I look towards it and am instructed ; but when I 
think of him as beyond storms, trials and cares, in that 



334 HIS LIBRARY. 

ocean of love for which he aspired, I would not call him 
back but would have his precious dust to sleep on, while 
his influence lingers, and his prayers for his people are 
answering." 

HIS LIBRARY. 

Mr. T. had collected a large and valuable private libra- 
ry. His books, as numbered, amounted tq 2,562. Some 
of them w^ere indeed of little value, while not a few were 
very costly. He had a rare collection of foreign works. 
The purchasing of so many books may have been to some 
extent an error, but he denied himself many a luxury and 
even comfort in order to obtain them. Most of them were 
procured before he became a pastor. His salary did not, 
during the greater part of his residence in M., meet his 
current necessary expenses. 

Before his death he gave directions in regard to the 
disposition to be made of his library. To Union College, 
his Alma Mater, he gave his Arabic works which cost him 
about $150. These he intended as payment of a debt of 
honor to the institution. They were received, however, 
as a legacy. His wife was requested to select whatever 
volumes she might desire for her own use, and he left 
directions that enough be sold to obtain the sum of $200 
for the refunding, with interest, of loans due the Albany 
Presbytery. Soon after his death, the eldest brother com- 
municated this fact to that Presbytery, when ihey very 
generously through a committee, of whom the Eev. Dr. 
Sprague was chairman, surrendered the notes held against 
Mr. T., on condition that the books be not sold, but re- 
tained by the family. A donation had been designated 
by Mr. T. for his brother-in-law, E. L. Cleaveland, D. D., 
of New Haven, Conn. The will of the deceased has 
been very carefully carried out in this particular. The 
three surviving brothers were to receive the remainder of 



HIS LIBRARY. 335 

the library, with the expectation that they would in this 
respect remember their mother and four sisters. This 
desire of the departed has also been executed. It was 
furthermore his request that if the brothers should find 
volumes which would not be of special service to them, 
such should be presented to the library of Amherst Col- 
lege. A valuable donation has accordingly been forward- 
ed to that institution, and the following note has been 
returned : 

" The Trustees of Amherst College have received from 
Eev. T. A. Taylor, Rev. R. Taylor, and Rev. J. Taylor, 
three hundred and eighty-five volumes of German and 
other books, from the library of the late Rev. O. A. Tay- 
lor of Manchester, for which they return a grateful 
acknowledgment. 

" Edv^tard Hitchcock, President, 
" E. S. Snell, Librarian. 
" Amherst, Mass., Aug. 5, 1852." 

The donation was estimated by the college officers at the 
value of $450. It included one hundred and ninety-five 
volumes of the best standard German books ; forty-four 
volumes of other foreign works ; ten volumes of Antiqui- 
ties ; one hundred and thirty-six American and English 
books; three hundred and eighty-five in all. 

So perfectly systematic was Mr. T. in all the arrange- 
ments of his library, that there was not a book in it, the 
place of which was unknown to him as he lay on his sick 
bed in another room. When not taken dow^n for immedi- 
ate use, each occupied its own place. The same exact- 
ness of order pervaded everything pertaining to his study ; 
pen, ink, letters, periodicals, receipts and other papers, 
all had their appropriate places. Nor was he less partic- 
ular in the business matters of life. He kept an account 
of all the letters which he received, also of those that 



336 PUBLICATIONS. 

he wrote. Money received and money expended were 
recorded in a book for the purpose. 

PUBLICATIONS. 

The following list, containing some of the articles pub- 
lished by Mr. T.,is in part copied^ and in part filled out by 
the compiler. 

" While I was at Meadville, Pa., at the request of my 
uncle, I was accustomed to write pieces of poetry, some 
of which he inserted in the papers. The first of the kind 
was written on the occasion of laying the corner-stone of 
'Bentley Hall, July 5, 1820. I spoke it standing on the 
corner-stone. This was published in the ' Western Stand- 
ard,' for August, J 821. The second was an ode composed 
for the 22d of December, 1820, or the two hundredth 
anniversary of the landing of our forefathers. This event 
was celebrated at Meadville, and the ode was sung in the 
evening. It was published in the above-named paper and 
republished in a neighboring one. The third article which 
appeared in print was a poem spoken at the close of a 
funeral oration delivered on the death of J. Hamilton, a 
student of Alleghany College. This was also in the 
' Standard,' the latter part of 1820 or a little later. The 
next consisted of farewell lines to Mr. David Reming- 
ton and lady, who were on their way as missionaries to 
the Choctaws. They were in the ' Standard,' Dec. 22, 
1821. When a member of Union College, I furnished 
several articles in verse for the Mohawk Sentinel. The 
first, enthled ' Charity,' was inserted Oct. 28, 1824. The 
second, ' The Banks of the Mohawk,' Dec, 23, 1824. 
Another was ' The Slave.' While at Andover Theologi- 
cal Seminary, I wrote ' A Mother's Soliloquy over an Only 
and Profligate Child.' It appeared in the Boston Record- 
er, Dec. 23, 1825. It was afterwards imitated very 
closely by some one, and the imitation was printed in a 



PUBLICATIONS. 337 

Philadelphia paper. While at Gloucester in 1827 and 
1828, 1 furnished for the ' Telegraph ' a dissertation which 
I had previously written and read before the Society of 
Inquiry at Andover, on Western Africa. It was published 
in a regular series, with one or two exceptions, making 
eleven numbers in all. In the last named paper, April 
26, 1828, 1 inserted a fragment of a poem entitled Greece. 
My signature in this paper was ' Olivo.' 

Andover Theological Seminary, 1828 and 9. Dur- 
ing the year past, I have translated various articles 
from the Conversations-Lexicon, in German, for Dr. 
Lieber, and received for my labor nearly thirty dollars. 
The articles are too numerous for specification. Some 
of the longest, are Gnade or Grace, Gnosticism, Cathol- 
icism, Coronation, Gold, Goldbeater, Goldbeating, Igni- 
tion, or Glowing Heat, all of which are in the Encyclo- 
pedia Americana. Reinhard's ' Plan of the Founder 
of Christianity,' in 1831, I translated from the German, 
spending about ten months upon it. I commenced 
with the fourth edition, but afterwards obtained the 
ffth. Without any prospect of selling my manu- 
script when completed, I began the translation. It was, 
however, sold for me to the Carvill's of New York, by 
Mr. Woodbridge of Hartford, and was published in 1831. 
Many of its pages cost me one or more days' labor on a 
page to get it into English. I derived assistance occasion- 
ally from brother Schauffler. The work, as printed, has 
a few, though unimportant mistakes in it. I read it over 
from six to eight times and procured the reading of most 
of it by one or two others. March, 1832, 1 published 
' Memoirs and Confessions of Reinhard.' The prepara- 
tion of the Memoirs^ or second part, cost me more labor 
than all the rest. April 16, ' Whate'er God does is kind- 
ly done,' I inserted, by request, in the Journal of Hu- 
manity. It was a translation from the German. A 
28 



338 PUBLICATIONS. 

review of Gurney on the Sabbath, in the Spirit of the Pil- 
grims, was published June, 1833. This has a number of 
typographical mistakes which I have marked in my copy. 
' Augustine on Preaching,' is inserted in the Biblical Re- 
pository, Vol. III., No. 11., July, Art. 4, page 569. In 
May, 1834, 1 prepared an Index for Schmucker's ' Popu- 
lar Theology.' January, 1835, published ' Brief Views of 
the Saviour.' Pfeiffer on Hebrew Music, accompanied with 
Notes, appeared in the numbers of the Biblical Repository 
for July and October, 1835, Vol. VI., pages 136 and 357. 
Reference is made to these articles in the Comp. Com- 
mentary, Vol. IL, page 780, Vol. III., page 139 and 279." 
In 1838 appeared his Catalogue of the Andover Semina- 
ry Library.* In the summer of the same year he pre- 
pared a " Sketch, Statistics, etc. of the Theological Semi- 
nary, Andover, together with a list of all the Seminary 
Alumni^ inclusive of the then graduating class." This doc- 
ument was published in the American Quarterly Register, 
Aug. 1838. Vol. seventh, second series of the Biblical 
Repository contains an article by Mr. T. on " Augustine 
as a Sacred Orator." See the April number, page 375. 
In volume eight of the Christian Review there is an arti- 
cle of his on Chiliasm or Millenarianism ; see page 115. 
Sometime in 1844, the Mass. S. S. Society published a 
Memoir of Mr. Andrew Lee, written by Mr. T. The 
title of the work is '' Piety in Humble Life.^^ A transla- 
tion of the " Dies Iree," by Mr. T., was published in the 
Christian Parlor Magazine for Aug. 1851. 



* Professor Jewett, in the Preface of his Catalogue of the Library 
of Brown University, makes the following allusion to the above work : 
" In the arrangement of the Catalogue, I have followed the plan of 
Mr. O. A. Taylor's Catalogue of the Library of the Theological Semi- 
nary in Andover, Mass. ; a work far superior to all others of the kind, 
which have been published in this country, and which has been 
pronounced in Germany a model for a Catalogue. I have found my 
labors considerably abridged by the use of this accurate work." 



NOTICES OF HIS CHARACTER. 839 

Letters relating to the subject of this Memoir, which 
the compiler has received, with permission to use them. 
Only those parts of the letters are here inserted which 
bear directly on the design of this work. 

From Eev. Dr. Crowell, of Essex, Mass. : 

" I had the pleasure of some acquaintance with him, 
before he was installed as pastor at Manchester. But I 
did not know his worth, until he came to be my neighbor. 
We had many pleasant interviews, and his conversation 
was always instructive and profitable — free from censo- 
riousness, full of candor and kindness, cheerfully serious, 
and often spiritual. He probably was guilty as little of 
the sin of idle words, or foolish talking and jesting, as any 
man living. He was always affable, ready to converse, 
but never disposed to engross the whole conversation. 
In his intercourse with his brethren, he was truly frater- 
nal, treating all with kindness, courtesy, and respect. In 
associational meetings, his gentleness, affection and can- 
dor, were as manifest as his talents and learning. 

" We held frequent correspondence by brief notes in 
Latin^ which he wrote with great apparent ease. These, 
like his conversations, were marked with good sense, 
Christian affection, and devotion to the cause of the Re- 
deemer. Some extracts perhaps might profitably be 
given, were it not that translations by any other hand than 
his, would destroy their identity. 

" As a preacher, he was highly acceptable in all our 
churches. His sermons were rich in argument, illustra- 
tion, and persuasion ; sound in the faith, addressed to the 
conscience, in language chaste, perspicuous, forcible. He 
had the reputation among us of being an instructive, spir- 
itual, and faithful preacher. The tears of his flock in 
their bereavement, and their continued affectionate remem- 
brance of him, bear witness that he was a diligent, faith- 



340 NOTICES OF HIS CHARACTER. 

ful, and kind shepherd over them, as well as an able and 
profitable preacher. 

*' I might say many things more of his excellent char- 
acter, devoted life, and eminent scholarship ; but my 
design in this communication is simply to give, as briefly 
as possible, my humble testimony to his great worth, jfrom 
my own personal acquaintance with Mm, His loss is 
deeply felt by us as of a neighbor, friend and brother 
beloved. May the Great Head of the church raise up 
many more of a like spirit and temper, to build the walls 
of Zion, and restore her waste places." 

From Eev. Mr. Campbell, of Newburyport, Mass. : 
" I once heard him preach in the Harris Street church, 
and shall never forget the sweet and melting influence of 
that sermon upon my own heart. — He appeared remark- 
ably free from that ambition which glorifies self at the 
expense of the cross. As a Christian, and as a preacher, 
he was sincere, unaffected, unpretending, and seemingly 
unconscious of his own real worth. I loved him almost 
from the first moment of our acquaintance. Here is a 
man, I said, in whom is no guile. I can open my heart 
to him without reserve, and have nothing to fear. Our 
little seasons of communion together, I shall ever remem- 
ber with peculiar interest. So far as I recollect, we never 
met, but he had a word for Christ's kingdom, before we 
parted. I was ever made to feel when in his presence, 
that he was in earnest ; that he was living for eternity. 



^> 



From Dr, Nott, President of Union College : 

" It is in keeping with your brother's character, that he 
should have remembered his Alma Mater, even after so 
long an absence. The books you mention which he has 
bequeathed, will be received rather as a memorial of an 
esteemed alumnus, than as the payment of a debt, and 



NOTICES OF HIS CHARACTER. 341 

will be placed in the college library as such. Your 
brother, while at college, sustained a high character as a 
scholar. The catalogue he prepared while at Andover, 
was a model catalogue^ and so it has been regarded both 
here and in other countries ; and many of the papers he 
has written have done credit to him and to us. But his 
work is done, and in the midst of his days he has been 
called to render in his account, and I trust, to receive from 
the Master he served, that note of approbation, ' Well 
done, good and faithful servant : enter thou into the joy 
of thy Lord.' May his death be sanctified to the friends 
he has left." 

From Bishop Potter, of Pennsylvania : 

" You are correct in supposing that I was a Professor 
in Union College when your brother Oliver was a student. 
It is now more than a quarter of a century ; and you will 
not be surprised to hear that the lapse of years, the change 
in my pursuits, and the great number of young men 
(some two thousand) who were under our care at differ- 
ent times, have conspired to obscure my recollections of 
him. His person and manners, indicative of a studious 
and thoughtful life, are distinctly before me. I remember 
him also as addicted to a larger range of studies and to 
severer application than v/as common in those days. His 
conduct was always unexceptionable, and his proficiency 
in some branches of learning marked. Being at that 
time Professor of Mathematics, and desiring to prepare a 
translation of a French work on Analytic Geometry, 
(Legendre's, I think,) I employed your brother to execute 
a rough draft of it. It involved great labor, and a good 
knowledge both of the language of the original and of 
elementary mathematics. I was called away soon after 
to another field of duty, and never undertook the revision 
of his work. It will be found, I think, in the library of 
28* 



342 NOTICES OF HIS CHARACTER. 

Union College, executed with great neatness of penman- 
ship, and with, I doubt not, creditable accuracy. 

*' At subsequent periods of his career, I met evidence 
that he was fulfilling the promise of his college course. 
The works which he published, and of which I have seen 
but a part, indicated an erudition much more extensive 
than common, and one always consecrated to the service 
of religion. The death of such a man is a public loss, 
and it afforded me mournful satisfaction, that, as a Trustee 
of his Alma Mater, I had the opportunity, at its last an- 
nual commencement, to offer a resolution commemorative 
of his virtues, and of the liberality with which he had 
contributed to the increase of its library. The collection 
of books in oriental literature which he bequeathed to it, 
is an expressive monument of his extensive scholarship, 
and of his filial attachment to the foster parent of his 
earlier studies." 

From Professor Hackett, of the Theological Seminary, 
Newton, Mass. : 

" My acquaintance with your deceased brother com- 
menced, if I remember right, in the autumn of 1830. 
With the exception of some private instruction, which I 
received from him in one of the modern languages, I had 
no personal knowledge of him as a teacher. We were in 
the habit of occasional intercourse so long as I remained 
at A., yet after all I saw him but seldom. My chief 
means of forming an opinion of his attainments are those 
furnished by his articles in the literary journals, and his 
other published writings. Yet limited as was my per- 
sonal acquaintance with him, I knew enough of his charac- 
ter and habits to entitle me to say, that he possessed 
eminently some of the best traits of a scholar ; he had 
an uncommon aptitude for acquiring knowledge ; he was 
unwearied in his industry, was enthusiastic, and loved 



NOTICES OF HIS CHARACTER. 343 

Study for its own sake. Philology, when I knew him, was 
probably his favorite pursuit ; and of his proficiency in it, 
we have honorable testimony in the translations from 
different languages which he gave to the public in the 
Biblical Repository. He very justly regarded the German 
language as the key to the richest literature of modern 
times, and spared no labor to make himself a thorough 
master of it. He was an admirer of the noble language 
of the Hebrews, and knew how to read and enjoy the Old 
Testament Scriptures, as those can hardly imagine who 
know them only through the medium of a translation. 
He was fond also of patristic studies, and I have read 
with interest some of his productions relating to them. 
His knowledge of books was extensive. Few men knew 
better than himself where to find the information which 
he needed, on almost any subject. In point of learn- 
ing, he stood certainly among the best informed of our 
clergy, and his death in that respect has deprived this 
body of one of its most able and useful members. I was 
in a foreign land at the time of his decease, and received 
intelligence of it from the late Prof. Edwards, of Andover. 
It will be gratifying to you to know that he mentioned 
your brother in a manner, which evinced both sorrow at 
his death and a high estimation of his character." 

From Rev. Dr. Dana, of Newburyport, Mass. : 

" With your beloved and lamented brother of Man- 
chester, I had considerable acquaintance, but not so much 
as I wished. Still, the views I have entertained of his 
character and worth, I have no hesitation to express. 

" I have ever regarded him as distinguished for a gen- 
uine warmth and kindness of heart. Book-worm as he 
was, his intense and various reading did not seem to chill 
the ardor of his affections. 

" For this ardor of feeling, he was probably indebted 
in part to natural temperament. Probably, too, it was 



344 NOTICES OF HIS CHARACTER. 

cherished by his early education. Yet it was religion^ I 
trust, which rendered it more intense, and more tender, 
more uniform and extensive. It was this which fastened 
his sensibilities on the proper spot ; and which, while it 
inspired strong desires for the temporal comfort of his 
friends, and of others, rendered even this object of small 
account, compared with their spiritual and everlasting 
well-being. 

" He was a genuine scholar, and a ripe one. With 
him, study, and even intense study, seems to have been a 
recreation. None can read his Catalogue of the Library 
of the Andover Theological Seminary, and not perceive 
indications of learning, various and accurate, extensive 
and minute. This work, which, on the plan adopted, 
would seem to constitute, in ordinary cases, the business 
of a life, was compressed by the indefatigable author into 
a few years. He modestly claims for himself nothing 
more, than to have set up for others a guide-ioard to the 
fountains of knowledge. But in doing this, he has exhib- 
ited a mind highly disciplined, and abundantly enriched. 
Professor Tholuck, unless I mistake, has spoken of the 
work as stamping on its author the character of an accu- 
rate and distinguished scholar. 

" But amid all his scholastic and literary attainments, 
he came to the Bible with the simplicity of a child. Here 
he found his heart refreshed, and his piety nourished. 
Here he found a solid, unfailing basis for his own hope, 
and his own religion. The same basis of hope and of 
piety, he uniformly recommended to his dear people. In 
his preaching, the doctrines of the cross were ever upper- 
most — the Saviour's divinity, his atoning blood, his justi- 
fying righteousness, his sanctifying grace, his perfect 
example — in short, his religion — a religion commencing 
in the heart of a fallen, perishing, helpless sinner, by the 
almighty power of God, and carried to its perfection by 
the sovereign and gracious energy of his Spirit. 



NOTICES OF HIS CHARACTER. 345 

" I might expatiate on the uniform purity of his life, 
and the excellency of his Christian example. But these 
were matters of general observation, and general acknowl- 
edgment. There were, indeed, certain idiosyncrasies in 
his character and manners, which sometimes afforded 
food for criticism. But with those who best knew him, 
these things were merged and lost in the solid excellencies 
of his character. 

" On the whole, it is delightful, and edifying as delight- 
ful, to contemplate a man of learning, laying all his 
acquisitions at the foot of the cross — a classical scholar, 
prizing his acquaintance with the Gospel, 

* Above all Greek, above all Koman fame.' " 

From Rev. Dr. Woods, of Andover, Mass. : 

" During the many years your brother resided in this 
place, I had an intimate acquaintance and free intercourse 
with him ; and this intercourse was continued and attended 
with growing endearment, through the whole course of 
his ministry at Manchester. While at Andover, he was a 
diligent and successful student, and very regular in his 
deportment. He was distinguished for literary talents 
and acquisitions. For a time, he was so devoted to intel- 
lectual pursuits, and aspired so ardently after literary 
eminence, that his friends doubted whether he would be 
so happy or so successful as might be wished, in the labors 
of the sacred office. But after he entered that office, a 
most desirable change manifested itself in his religious 
feelings and habits. He loved his work, and labored in 
it with unwearied diligence, and through the divine bless- 
ing, with remarkable success. I well remember what 
ardor and satisfaction he showed, when he gave me an 
account of the work of the Holy Spirit among his people 
during a revival of religion, and with what joy he after- 
wards spoke of the durable fruits of that happy work. 



346 NOTICES OF HIS CHARACTER. 

At that time, and through the subsequent years of his life, 
he made evident progress, not only in the clearness and 
extent of his theological views, but in his attainments in 
vital godliness. He searched the word of God with great 
earnestness, and adopted its obvious teachings, as set forth 
in the Assembly's Shorter Catechism, and in the writings 
of Edwards and other divines of the same Puritan school. 
To him the doctrines of evangelical religion were not 
mere speculations, but matters of Christian experience. 
I learned from his brethren and his people, that he evinced 
a growing interest and zeal in preaching the doctrines of 
grace, and in discharging his pastoral duties. 

" During last October, after Mr. Taylor had been sick 
more than a month, I spent a Sabbath with him by his 
request ; and it was a Sabbath which I cannot reflect upon 
without very lively emotions. It was my first visit to 
Manchester. The evident seriousness and tenderness of 
the congregation in the sanctuary, showed that they were 
mindful of the visitation of God's providence in the dan- 
gerous sickness of their beloved minister. 

" But it was my visit in his sick chamber which made 
the deepest impression on my mind. He had been wasted 
away by a protracted disease, and was so exhausted and 
feeble, that it was a matter of doubt, particularly in my 
own mind, whether he could bear the excitement even of 
a short visit, without injury. But he insisted upon seeing 
me ; and I was truly surprised as well as gratified at the 
brightness of his countenance, the clearness of his thoughts, 
and the earnestness and strength of his utterance. He 
spoke very affectionately of our former intercourse in the 
seminary. He manifested the kindest feelings towards 
his church and society, and expressed his gratitude to 
God for the encouraging success which had attended his 
ministry. He conversed freely of his own Christian 
experience ; of his convictions of sin ; of his severe con- 



NOTICES OF HIS CHARACTER. 347 

flicts with the pride of his own heart ; of the discovery 
he had had of the excellency and all-sufficiency of Christ ; 
and the rest of soul he had found in his abounding grace. 
He spoke of his love to all who bore the image of Christ, 
whatever might be their failings. He spoke with joy of 
going to his home in heaven. But he still said, that he 
should be glad to get well, — for he wanted to preach 
Christ more earnestly and fully than he ever had done ; 
although he had taken great pleasure in dwelling upon 
that theme. But whether he spoke of living and laboring 
in the cause of religion, or of closing his ministry and 
going to be with Christ, he did it with fervent and happy 
emotions. His language was free and earnest throughout. 
But he evidently had inward conceptions and aspirations, 
which he strove in vain to utter. The whole frame of 
his mind, his recollections of the past and anticipations of 
the future, his thoughts of the gospel ministry, his views 
of divine truth and the salvation of sinners, his views of 
Christ and the Holy Spirit, his views o^ the evil of sin 
and the beauty of holiness, all plainly showed that he was 
near to heaven. That visit was a precious one to me, 
and he said it was so to him. I shall remember it as my 
last interview with a former pupil and a beloved servant 
of Christ, who in his labors and trials, especially in the 
latter years of his life, and during his long-continued and 
painful sickness, exhibited clearer and more satisfactory 
evidence than is common among ministers, that he was 
a good man, full of the Holy Ghost and offaith.^'* 



348 MISCELLANEOUS. 

CHAPTER XXV. 

MISCELLANEOUS. 

Address prepared for a particular people on an ordina- 
tion occasion, but not delivered : 

" You are at length united in the choice of a pastor. He 
has accepted your call, and by the laying on of the hands 
of the Presbytery, has been consecrated to his work. The 
relation between a pastor and his flock is a mutual one. 
If the former has Ms duties to perform, so also have the 
latter theirs. It is not enough for the prosperity of the 
gospel, that the pastor prove faithful. He must also be 
sustained by a faithful church, and have his heart con- 
stantly encouraged by their smiles, gentle words, and 
ardent prayers. It is very proper, then, that you too 
should receive a charge on this occasion, as well as he. 
Time will permit me to press upon you but a few sugges- 
tions, although the circumstances would inspire me with 
many. 

'* 1. Receive him with unanimity. 

" Let not the harmony which you have evinced in 
making choice of him, be merely external, but let it de- 
scend deep into your souls and not only penetrate the 
body-corporate in its outward actions, but run through 
each individual and animate every thought and feeling. 
Forgive and forget the past, where there is anything to 
forgive and forget. Unite together in the work of God. 
Look forward to brighter prospects. 

'' 2. Receive him as your pastor in the Lord, — as one 
set over you to feed the flock and watch for souls. 

" Receive him as such ; not in mere outward ap- 
pearance, but in deed and in truth. Pay him all due 
deference, as your spiritual guide. Deal very tenderly 



MISCELLANEOUS. 349 

'with him, in all respects, as j'-our religious teacher, and so 
much the more in that he is young, and cannot, as yet, 
be supposed to have acquired all the wisdom, experience, 
and power of endurance of one who has long been ac- 
customed to the duties of such an office. Protect him, 
as far as possible, from all extraneous evil. Eally around 
him, at all times, to guard him against the tongue of slan- 
der. Be very careful how you bring hasty accusations 
against him, yourselves, even when he may have erred. 
See that you hinder him in nothing relative to his work, 
either by failing to perform your own duties, or by offi- 
ciously interfering with his. Aid and support him in all 
that is proper and good, each in your own station, in be- 
coming ways and measures. 

" 3. Make the best you can of him just as he is, without 
trying to transform him into something else. 

" In order to be useful, we must, as Christians, employ 
to the best advantage the powers and faculties which we 
have received from the God of nature, without trying to 
assume or act out those which we do not possess. 
Wise in this respect, was the resolution of my deceased 
classmate and friend, the Rev. Samuel H. Stearns : ' Re- 
solved, that I will never be disturbed or diverted from my 
purpose by the remarks, conduct and opinions of those 
who do not know my character or understand my motives ; 
but will ever maintain that self-possession, freedom, inde- 
pendence and liberality of feeling which constitute true 
dignity. Why should we be forever undoing the work of 
life ? Why should we wish to be just like every -body 
else ? I will be myself, and make the best of it. God 
grant that I may grow better.' 

" Of course, you also will show yourselves equally 

wise, if you resolve to take your minister just as he is, 

provided he is a Christian, and gives you substantial 

Christian instruction. Nay, you are in duty bound to do 

29 



350 MISCELLANEOUS. 

SO. What if his thoughts should flow in channels differ- 
ent from yours, if the water of life be there ? Will you 
presume to complain, or attempt to prepare artificial chan- 
nels for them of your own, which, after all, may not be 
as good as his ? Would you have him run all his ideas 
into your moulds ? The conceit is vain, and unprofita- 
ble, nay, distracting, in all its tendencies. Make it your 
object to hear what he says, and like the bee, to draw 
sweet from such flowers as you find, without attempting 
to change the nature of the flowers themselves. Listen 
to what he says ; draw truth from it, and make the best 
of it, nor be always complaining for the want of some- 
thing you do not receive, and which, if you could obtain, 
would suit nobody else. Bear in mind that possibly he 
may be the wisest, and that it is very questionable wheth- 
er wisdom will die with you, after all. 

" 4. Receive him in much affection and love, 
" This you are bound to do, for his work's sake. This 
you will do, if you truly appreciate the importance and 
the dignity of his office. He comes to you as a messen- 
ger of God. He comes to you as the ambassador and 
representative of the Holy One of Israel. He comes to you 
with the most solemn and important messages. He comes 
to you under the protection of most weighty declarations and 
precious promises, together with the solemn injunction from 
the Lord : ' Touch not mine annointed and do my proph- 
ets no harm.' He comes to you to warn you of dangers, 
to weep with you in adversity, to bend over the sick-bed, 
to follow you to the grave, expecting to meet you at last 
at the dread tribunal of God. O, then receive him in 
love. If you have proper views and feelings, you will do 
so. And doing so, how tenderly will you deal with him. 
How fearful will you be of unnecessarily wounding his 
feelings ! How watchful against complaining to him of ' 
every little minute circumstance, of every little slip of the 



MISCELLANEOUS. 351 

tongue, and apparent imperfection of statement in uttering 
the truth. How much will you guard against unreasonable- 
ness in your requisitions of him, for visits and other pas- 
toral labors. How much will you at all times endeavor 
to conduct yourselves towards him as Christian gentle- 
men should do, and even with much more tenderness of 
demeanor, since, from the very circumstances of his 
office, it will generally be necessary for him to conceal 
the wounds he may feel, for the sake of the cause in 
which he is engaged ; to avoid the appearance of being 
injured, when, perhaps, a poisoned arrow has pierced his 
very heart. Eemember that his brain is constantly to 
feel the pressure of his high responsibility, and a little 
thing, added to his burden, may greatly weigh him down 
and almost crush his spirits. He will bear, indeed, sus- 
tained by divine grace, all your carelessness and slights, 
and imperfections ; but how much, how very much you 
may aid him by your affection and love. Receive him, 
then, with love unfeigned, in the Lord, and abound to- 
ward him in kindness, for his work's sake. 

" 5. Receive and sustain him in the arms of prayer. 

" His hands will soon grow weary, and his heart begin 
to faint if you do not. In some of you, I have great 
confidence, in this respect. You will remember him in 
the closet, and in your morning and evening devotions at 
the family altar. You will call him to mind on the morn- 
ing of the holy Sabbath. You will bear him continually 
on your hearts. And there is great reason why you 
should do so, — not merely because of his weakness with- 
out divine aid, — but because of the vastness of the work 
he has to perform in this place. If, however, I have con- 
fidence in some of you, there are others, of whom I stand 
in fear. You will too soon forget him. You will not pray 
for him as you ought. He will tell Jesus of the neglect, 
and leave you to settle the matter at the Judgment. I 



352 MISCELLANEOUS. 

would fain say more to you on this occasion, but am ad- 
monished, by want of time, to close. I have addressed 
you as the organ of this Council. Were it expedient, I 
might add various expressions of the interest I feel for 
you personally, — laborer as I myself once was with you, 
for a while, in the gospel, and also of the regard I have 
for your new pastor, — associated as we formerly were 
together, as teacher and pupil, in Biblical studies, — E 
fontihus jpuris Heir aids aquam vitce liaurientes^ — draw- 
ing the waters of life from the pure fountain-head. 
Enough, however. Forget not that the new relations you 
have now formed, extend in their bearings into eternity. 
So live, then, and labor, and suffer together, as pastor and 
people, that when your bodies shall lie in the grave, 
your souls may be united together in singing praise and 
ascribing glory to the blessed Trinity, around the eternal 
throne." 

" Reasons why I cannot unite in fellowship with the 
new society^ in Manchester. Written April, 1843 : 

" I have known from the very beginning, the character 
of the new society which has been formed among us 
during the winter past ; and, so far as occasion required, 
taken my stand aloof from it as one which I could not 
possibly fellowship. Having had no occasion, however, 
which called for a public expression of my views, I have 
hitherto confined myself, in general, to a private expres- 
sion of them. The time has now come which calls for 
such a disclosure, and I freely make it. 

" First. Had the society been ever so orthodox, I should 
question the propriety of holding fellowship with it, at 
present, considering the manner in which it has been 
formed. If persons, who have been accustomed to wor- 
ship together, at length find themselves so differing that 
they must separate, there is a kind, courteous, Christian 



MISCELLANEOUS. 353 

way in which such separation can be effected. The new 
society has not been formed in that way, but, as it were, 
by tearing limb from limb. A man came in and preached 
among us occasionally, saying that he did not intend to 
injure the church ; but his at first infrequent visits became 
more numerous, and he effected a permanent lodgment, 
though all the while uttering the most solemn declarations 
of having no such object in view. I should not fellow- 
ship the devoutest Christian brother, were he to come 
among us after this manner. The proceedings are wholly 
unchristian. It cuts directly across the cords of brotherly 
love, and can be justified on no scriptural grounds. The 
only apology which such intruders can offer is, that they 
do not consider us as Christians, and hence feel them- 
selves under solemn obligations to preach the gospel 
among us, in order to save us from eternal ruin. 

" Secondly, I cannot do anything implying fellowship 
with this new society, because it does not embrace the 
fundamental principles of the gospel. It is founded on 
dangerous errors. 

" Thirdly. I cannot do aught that would indicate ap- 
proval of the man^ who preaches to the new society, for 
I have no evidence that he has been regularly set apart to 
the ministry. He fancies he has received a call from 
God to preach ; speaks of an inward feeling prompting 
him to set himself up as a public teacher. He has been 
heard to say, that he considers himself as equally inspired 
with the apostle Paul. Furthermore, he teaches Millena- 
rianism in its grossest form. This he has done in our 
community for about a year. Moreover, he claims to be 
perfect ; says the wicked will be annihilated, and denies 
the doctrine of total depravity. Some of his associates 
say that total depravity has been done away since Ezek- 

* He styled himself a Christ-ian, 

29* 



354 Ml SCELLANEOUS. 

iel declared that there should be no longer occasion to use 
in Israel the following proverb : ' The fathers have eaten 
sour grapes and the children's teeth are set on edge.' 
This man despises learning, holding it up to contempt, 
contrary to Titus 1 : 9-11. He rails against salaries, in 
direct opposition to what an apostle teaches, and indeed 
contrary to his own demands, being himself a lover of a 
salary. All creeds and covenants he berates, rendering 
it impossible to distinguish him from other heterodox 
teachers. He advocates females speaking in public and 
aims to destroy, utterly, church government ; thus array- 
ing himself against the Scriptures, as we find in 1st Cor. 
14 : 34 ; 1st Tim. 2 : 12. His measures, with inquiring 
souls are adapted to mislead them. What he does say is 
confused and self-contradictory. The great argument 
which he has here used for the accomplishment of his he- 
retical designs, is blackguardism. Though exceedingly 
loose in all doctrinal matters, yet he so teaches the neces- 
sity of immersion in the ordinance of baptism, as to im- 
ply that it is essential to salvation. Finally, he is notori- 
ously a Sabbath-breaker." 

REVIVAL IN HAWLEY, 1816. — Written at H., 1846. 

" What a flood of thought and emotion the discovery of 
the above notice * caused to rush through my mind ! 
The meeting-house directly east of me, is the one in 
which was then witnessed such a display of divine glory ! 
From the chamber of the little white cottage in which I 
am preparing to send you a letter, I look out upon its 
pulpit window ; and were my old minister there engaged 
in preaching, I could distinctly hear his voice. I enter 
the sacred place, and find it the very same, the inroads 

* He refers to an article in the Panoplist of 1816, which he had 
just seen. 



MISCELLANEOUS. 355 

of time alone excepted. I was one of those ffty -three 
that filled up the broad aisle. That revival was the first 
one I ever witnessed, and it produced a great change in 
the religious state of this town. For years previously, 
as we climbed the mountains, on our way to the house of 
God, some in wagons, some on horseback, and more on 
foot, little or nothing was heard, even among professors, 
but conversation about worldly affairs ; and we descended 
these mountains on our w^ay from the house of God, en- 
gaged in no better employment. At noon, the principal 
inhabitants were seen clustered together, in summer time, 
around some well or under some tree, discoursing on 
politics, and engaged in telling revolutionary stories ; or 
if it were winter, they found some neighboring room with 
a fire, about which they crowded, and engaged in the 
same entertainments. I regarded it as a feast to get 
among them, as a listener. I was quite sure to hear 
something of what was going on in the world, or to be 
entertained with war anecdotes. Much secular informa- 
tion did I gather in this way, and many a political discus- 
sion did I hear on these occasions ; one of which, as I 
still remember, respected Napoleon's invading this country. 
There was, indeed, a little coterie of professors who met 
at the minister's, and a few in some other places, who 
talked occasionally of religion ; but even these were en- 
gaged in discussing some knotty point of Calvinism, rather 
than in discoursing on what was to edification in piety. 
Those who retired to pray, there may have been and 
probably were, but I saw them not ; and they were un- 
questionably few in number. At length, the revival began 
to make its appearance. No extra means had been em- 
ployed to bring it on. Protracted meetings and other 
new measures had not then an existence. It came in the 
course of God's providence, under the influence of the 
ordinary means of grace ; and had, doubtless, were the 



356 MISCELLANEOUS. 

truth known, been preceded by much individual interces- 
sion for it, at the mercy-seat; God having previously 
poured out a spirit of supplication upon a class of faithful 
ones. Some time in the course of the sum.mer or autumn 
of 1815, my father, on his return from meeting one Sab- 
bath, informed us that there were persons under conviction 
of sin, and that an individual had obtained a hope. This 
is the first I remember to have heard of the work. About 
the same time, also, there was a gradual increase in the 
number and fervency of the prayer-meetings in the more 
central parts of the town. Never shall I forget a few 
meetings that I attended about this time, of course as an 
impenitent spectator ; and how much of the allotted time 
was wasted in excuses and apologies, that should have 
been spent in solemn prostrations of soul. In course of 
the following winter, I was laid up v/ith a broken arm. 
Severe sickness, too, invaded our family, and detained us 
for some time much from God's house. We continued, 
however, to hear joyful reports respecting the progress of 
the work. There has been nothing like it, it was said, 
since the days of the apostles. It seemed to some, that 
a new season of Pentecost was coming over the land. 
The Lord, too, was merciful to our family in its remote 
corner of the town. My own parents, both of them, ap- 
peared almost converted over again. My mother, in par- 
ticular, on a sick-bed, went through a long and distressing 
scene of darkness, before she began to tune her harp 
anew in praise to God ; which she did in a meeting held 
by the minister at our house when she was recovering, in 
the words of the 18th Psalm, sung at her request : ' Thee 
will I love, O Lord, my strength.' I began, during my 
own confinement to the house, to feel an uncommon desire 
to enjoy the privilege of again going to the sanctuary. I 
felt that I had hitherto been there all my life in vain ; and 
should hear with new ears, if I could only get within 



MISCELLANEOUS. 357 

sound of the preacher's voice. Our neighbors, too, were 
moved in spiritual things. Family after family, that had 
lived all their days as if they had never possessed souls, 
now began to feel, think and talk about finding their way 
to the prayer-meetings ; climbing the long and tedious 
road to the house of God, on the Sabbath. Freely they 
made known their feelings to professors of religion, asking 
what they should do to be saved ; nor was it long before 
an altar of devotion was erected by many a father, that 
had resolved, like Joshua : ' As for me and my house, we 
will serve the Lord.' At length I found myself restored 
so far as to be able to revisit the house of the Lord, and 
to mingle with his people. How changed was the scene ! 
All our way thither it seemed like a journey to Zion. 
Worldly conversation had vanished, and religious taken 
its place. Impenitent persons were deeply anxious ; 
young converts, in the language of Canaan, were speak- 
ing of what the Saviour had done, as they hoped, for 
them ; while experienced Christians were rejoicing anew 
at the bright prospects that allured them on. And again, 
what a different place did we now find our sanctuary ! 
Everything about it had assumed a serious and holy as- 
pect. The very ground around it seemed hallowed. We 
breathed a heavenly atmosphere. Our minister's words, 
looks, and tones of voice, had never been more powerful. 
Every ear was open, and every heart ready to receive 
the truth, and over many a cheek rolled the tear of peni- 
tence. A young lady, who had for some time been 
serious, yet without obtaining a hope, on arising with the 
choir to sing the 13th Psalm, L. M., ' How long, O Lord, 
shall I complain,' burst into tears, and took her seat, un- 
able to proceed. Smiles of joy all around sat on the 
countenances of those who had just commenced the work 
of prayer and praise. At the intermission, nothing more 
was seen or heard of newspapers, revolutionary anecdotes, 



358 MISCELLANEOUS. 

or politics. Clustered together here and there, might be 
seen those who were conversing on the all-engrossing 
topic, religion, or engaged in reading a good spiritual let- 
ter or book ; (Sabbath-schools then were not.) ' O, my 
dear cousin, remember time is short and eternity at hand,' 
were words that caught my ear as they were read, and ^ 
they deeply engraved themselves on my heart. Some 
left the house of God, and resorted to a private room in 
the neighborhood to unite there in devotional exercises. 
The chambers of a public house just at hand, whose 
keeper was not a professor of religion, were consecrated 
to such services, and became rooms of prayer. And, 
when the afternoon public exercises were closed, with 
what reluctance did we leave the courts of the Lord, and 
return to our homes. All the way home we were con- 
versing of the now absorbing theme, or listening to others 
who were dwelling on the same delightful subject. In 
the evening, throughout the several districts of the town, 
were held religious meetings, at which aged Christians 
exhorted and prayed, young converts sang praises, in- 
quirers sought instruction, and hardened sinners gazed in 
amazement. Nor was our religion at that time confined 
to the Sabbath day. It was carried into the week. We 
often turned aside from our daily labors to converse on 
the things of the kingdom. Like Christians in the days 
of the apostles, we continued, as far as we could, daily 
with one accord in the temple of God ; and breaking 
bread from house to house, we ate our meals with glad- 
ness and singleness of heart. Young converts, in the 
glow of their first love, were a beautiful sight to behold. 
Like young Melanchthon, they felt strong for the work of 
the Lord, and were ready to attack Leviathan in any 
point. ' O that I could see Joseph,' said one, just as he 
had returned from a meeting. 'It does seem that I 
could convince him of the importance of salvation.' 



MISCELLANEOUS, 359 

He expressed the feelings of many others. What could 
be more delightful than to see them silting or walking 
together, engaged in speaking of their hopes and fears, 
and to perceive them frequently retiring, either alone or 
with a companion, to engage in prayer to God, that he 
might guide them on their way to Zion. Hallowed friend- 
ships thus commenced, were continued until sundered by 
the different walks of life into which we were afterwards 
led — friendships, as we trust, to be renewed in a coming 
world ! How precious, even now, is the remembrance of 
the evenings that I was permitted to spend at the fireside 
of one still living and walking with God ! All those hours, 
I, with his children, listened to his voice, or inquired of 
him the solution of doubts, we feeling ourselves most 
delightfully engaged. And how sweet did thy voice then 
become to me, dear J. ! We walked, conversed, and 
prayed together, and in secret unitedly resolved to be the 
Lord's forever. Circumstances have cast our lot in places 
distant from each other ; but thy journey, my brother, 
still lies, I trust, along the river of life, towards the city 
of God, where may we, at last, happily join in endless 
praises to our Redeemer. As the season advanced, these 
scenes became increasingly interesting, especially as we 
climbed to the house of God, in company. Our thoughts 
were more and more upon the glories of Christ's kingdom. 
We longed to mingle again with the people of God within 
his courts, in prayer and praise. The words of the Psalm- 
ist seemed ready to break forth from every individual : 
^I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from w^hence 
cometh my help ; my help cometh from the Lord, which 
made heaven and earth,' — while angelic voices seemed 
prepared to respond : ' He will not suffer thy foot to be 
moved ; ' and we felt again ready to reply : ' How amiable 
are thy tabernacles, O Lord of hosts. My soul longeth, 
yea, even fainteth for the courts of the Lord.' Thus, 



360 MISCELLANEOirS. 

from Sabbath to Sabbath, we eagerly ascended the rugged 
mountain, now pausing to refresh ourselves for a moment 
at some spring that gushed forth at the road-side, and 
then pressing on again, ever and anon directing our eyes 
to the lofty summit above us, as far as tall forests would 
permit. The ascent served most beautifully to remind 
us of the going up to Jerusalem in olden time. The opening 
spring appeared an apt emblem of the dawning upon us 
of spiritual delights. The ruggedness of the way re- 
minded us, indeed, of the difficulties which we knew, 
according to the word of God, and the testimony of more 
experienced Christians, we should, sooner or later, have 
to encounter ; but then the fountains of living waters that 
refreshed us, brought sweet intimations of the water of 
life prepared for the weary pilgrim ; and full of present 
happiness, we felt that all would be well. Thus, going 
on from strength to strength, we continued to make our 
appearance before God in his earthly Zion, as we hoped 
finally to do in that above. One after another, we were 
invited to state what the Lord had done for our souls pre- 
paratory to making a public profession of his holy name. 
At length came the 5th of May ! Day of sacred espousals 
to Christ ! Here again how hallowed the scene, in which 
we were engaging ! Most inviting appeared the path of 
duty, most glorious the prospect before us, while we gave 
our assent to the articles of faith, and entered into cove- 
nant with the people of God, and with God himself. The 
choir, as we returned to our seats, sung : 

* Tis done, the great transaction's done, — 
I am the Lord's, and he is mine ; 
He drew me, and I followed on, 
Charmed to confess the voice divine.* 

Time would fail me to speak of the many delightful 
walks, meetings, and conversations, we had together, 
during the following summer, and of the sweet savor the 
revival long left on our spirits." 



HIS WESTERN TOUR. 861 



HIS WESTERN TOUR 1847, 



While on the Pennsylvania canal, alluding to that part 
of his journey already performed, he says : 

" As to railways, &c., it is pleasant, in certain circum- 
stances, to shoot through the country like a streak of 
lightning ; but they are not the things for poets or philos- 
ophers. ' Give me the man of, one book,' it is sometimes 
said. Give me a man of a knapsack, or a horse, or a 
horse and carriage, instead of railroads, for mental, philo- 
sophical and poetical purposes. Such an one will not go 
over so much ground, but he will obtain more elements 
of thought. Why, he might as well be taken upon the 
wings of an eagle, and be borne along through the air as 
in a car. How aggravating ! There comes mountain 
scenery, a beautiful valley, a fairy-like land. You wish 
to catch sight of it, and thrust your face out of the win- 
dow for the purpose, in danger of having it knocked off ; 
or you run and take your stand for a moment on the front 
of the cars, at the peril of your life, and under the inter- 
diction of orders, but it is too late ; you have indeed 
caught one glimpse of it, and it is gone. 

" Pittshurg, Saturday night. — We were introduced 
into a room under which were congregated all the 
negroes of the establishment, sixteen in number at least, 
to my certain knowledge, who kept up a constant 
noise beneath us. Why, said I to my wife, it would 
seem that all the demons of the place are holding a 
jubilee below ! Then, we could have written our names 
on the mantel-piece, in what seemed the dust of ages ; 
and in the morning, a black, heavy column of smoke 
saluted our eyes, seeming to come directly out of the 
ground, and rolling toward the heavens. I almost felt 
myself at length near the mouth of hell ; and without 
half as much exaggeration as the ancients practised, could 
30 



362 HIS WESTERN TOUR. 

imagine myself on the borders of old Pluto's dominions. 
Nor were matters rendered any better on discovering that 
the city has no directory by which to ascertain the resi- 
dence of any of its 70 or 100,000 inhabitants, within a 
circuit of five miles ; nor when, on meeting a man, as 
soon as we stepped out at the corner of our hotel, all 
covered with blood, and apparently badly wounded, and 
with a large crowd about him. He proved to be one from 
the Texan scene, and who had just been fighting. How- 
ever, all this is the dark side of the picture. Things soon 
began to assume a brighter aspect. As I walked along 
the street at one time, I heard the voice of singing, pious 
singing, and met devout-looking persons, with prayer- 
books or hymn-books. We obtained also a better room, 
and opposite to it there was a meeting of the pious. At 
the proper hour we all resorted to Dr. Herron's church and 
heard a most excellent discourse ; sweet hymns, too, were 
sung to fine music, and we soon began to feel ourselves 
in the midst of God's family and at home among them. 
During a stay in Pittsburg, we went into the coal mines 
there to the extent of 400 yards, in a car drawn by dogs, 
deeply sympathizing with persons who have to spend their 
days in such miserable places, getting about one and three- 
quarter cents per bushel by digging, and earning at that 
rate not far from one dollar and fifty cents per day. We 
also visited the United States Arsenal, and examined some 
of the pistols, bullets, etc. ; wandered through the forges 
and foundries where iron is moulded into every shape as 
if it were wax. The work here is hot, and it is said that 
none but temperance men can long endure it. We lost 
one of the most striking features of P. by coming into it 
on Saturday night. It would have looked far more Plu- 
tonic and infernal, we are told, had we entered the city 
n a night when the fires glow all around. 
" On board the Hibernian a few miles below Blanner^ 



HIS WESTERN TOUR. 363 

hassetfs Island. — Yesterday, we gazed with no little inter- 
est on Blannerhassett's Island, immortalized by Wirt in 
his well-known speech. It brought up instantly before us 
the strange and wicked career of Burr ; born of reli- 
gious parents, with high talents, capable ofbecoming an 
angel, but ambitious as Lucifer, wallowing in the filth of 
crime and vileness — gone now to his own place. With 
what unspeakable emotions I found myself standing at his 
grave in Princeton, a few years since, while his course 
was yet fresh ! 

" On the Mississippi River, — We looked for the Mis- 
sissippi river some little time before we came to it, but 
could hardly discover it. It neither made any noise, nor 
did it seem of great width. Many a little pebble stone of 
a stream has danced and roared, and made much more 
commotion. There was no mistaking its character, how- 
ever, when we had fairly reached it, and began to sail 
along on its broad bosom. Moreover, we had no sooner 
advanced a little way up this ' Father of Waters,' than we 
were struck with the fragrance that came floating with the 
breeze, occasioned by the blossoms of the cotton-wood, 
the vine, and various wild flowers. The day was a most 
charming one, quite one of those, the heat excepted, 
which was somewhat intense, to which the poet has re- 
ferred, when he said : 

* Sweet day, so cool, so calm, so bright, 

The bridal of the earth and sky ; 
The dew mil weep thy fall at night, 
For thou must die.' 

" Still more beautiful was the evening ; the moon full 
and clear, the breeze gentle, the air fragrant, the waters 
silvery, and all nature wrapped in silence, (the strong 
heaving lungs of our engine and the ripplings of our 
boat rushing through the waters excepted.) Even the 
drift-wood looks as if it had grown old and decayed 



364 HIS WESTERN TOUR. 

while on its long voyage. And then on, on the waters 
flow like the tide and affairs of life itself, to rush into 
the ocean and at length be lost in that boundless deep. 
It is now drawing near the evening of Saturday, and one 
thought oppresses us ; we shall probably not reach St. 
Louis before midnight, and perhaps not until Sabbath 
morning. This we had not intended. We embarked in 
season, but our foundering upon the sand-bank has caused 
about ten hours delay. What shall be done in this case } 
The Christians among us are considering the question. 
We set out on our journey firmly determined not to travel 
on the Sabbath ; but here is a dilemma. There is a fe^ 
male missionary among us, who, not long since, refusing 
to journey on the Lord's day, was left behind at Wheel- 
ing, at which place she had arrived by stage ; while 
others, professors, would proceed. But her confidence in 
God was not misplaced ; for on Monday morning another 
and lighter steamboat came along, which in the course of 
the day passed by the one she had declined taking and 
which had struck on a sand-bank, being thereby unable 
to proceed ; so that the faithful missionary not only kept 
her conscience clear, but arrived first at her destination. 
''At St, Louis. — A few days since a Catholic child, 
playing in the street, was heard to say to another, ' The 
next war will be between the Catholics and Protestants.' 
My hope is that Catholicism will modify, miclt down and 
entirely vanish before the enlightening influences of Prot- 
estantism. I fear, however, we are nourishing an enemy 
in our bosom to be thrust out at length by fire and sword. 
I am, at least, exceedingly rejoiced to find Americanism 
everywhere bearing sway through this city, and I may say 
through the West. The same books are used in schools ; 
the same tunes and hymns are everywhere sung in the 
house of God ; the same papers of general religious inter- 
est are read ; the same information circulates in every 



HIS WESTERN TOUK. 365 

part. In none of the Protestant institutions that I visited, 
was I more interested than in a high school, taught in this 
city by a graduate of Amherst College. The establish- 
ment is Ms own^ entirely. I have found nothing that goes 
beyond it anywhere in New England. A clergyman 
of high standing said of the proprietor, he is the only 
man professing to be a Christian, a minister of Christ, 
whom I could advise to teach school, rather than to preach, 
as a means of greater good, other things being equal. 
His school attracts the Catholics themselves. As yet they 
have found themselves wholly unable to compete with it. 
Let such schools be multiplied under the influence of true 
religion, as this is, and nothing can be more favorable to 
the prosperity of our country and nothing more fatal to 
Catholicism. 

" I had a long conversation with one of the steamboat 
captains. Himself and father were natives of Virginia, 
and were brought up among slaves, though his mother was 
a New England lady. After speaking against Garrison- 
ism, he declared his utter abhorrence of slavery in all its 
forms ; spoke freely of the everlasting perplexity it occa- 
sioned him in his present business ; said it was impossible 
for him to conceive how any true ministers could uphold 
the system, or do anything to countenance it ; and sol- 
emnly avowed his belief that it must hasten to a close. 

^^ At Nauvoo, — We found ourselves passing through 
the various apartments of the temple, and gazing abroad 
from its lofty dome, upon the scenery around us. As a 
piece of architecture, this building belongs to no order but 
its own — the Nauvoo — being neither composite nor 
Egyptian, but a defiance of all orders. 

" At Peoria, — Having rested ourselves awhile this 

morning, we took an early dinner, and then rode out back 

of the village towards Bishop Chase's Jubilee College, to see 

the bluffs, barrens and prairies. It was a beautiful after- 

30* 



366 HIS WESTERN TOUE. 

noon, though warm. Not a cloud was discoverable that 
indicated rain. We took not even our ordinary thick gar- 
ments with us, and went out about eight miles, interesting 
ourselves in everything by the way — hills, valleys, birds, 
flowers and emigrants ; and, among other things, entering 
one of the Illinois schools, and giving it a thorough exam- 
ination. We then turned homeward, and had made two 
or three miles of our way, when a cloud began to rise in 
the north-west, from which peals of thunder rolled. We 
hardly feared it at first, but nearer and more near it came, 
while we hurried on and still hoped to escape the ap- 
proaching tempest. At length, when we were within 
about two miles of our hotel, it had gathered all around 
us ; over our heads were sharp flashes and heavy peals of 
thunder, and rain began to descend. We feared for the 
horses, lest some of these crashing thunders, with the 
glare of vivid lightning, should render them uncontrollable, 
and then, obliged as we were, much of the way, to de- 
scend a steep bluff, we felt that great danger might await 
us. Scarcely had we arranged ourselves for the coming 
storm, when the lightning appeared to flash directly across 
the horses, instantly followed by one of those dreadful 
bolts of thunder that seem to rend the universe in pieces. 
The animals were startled, but remained controllable, and 
on, on we hurried. When we were within sight of the 
hotel itself, the rain began to pour down in torrents. In 
an instant after reaching it thick heavy hail, that cut and 
lacerated the horses, began to descend, yet under the 
guidance of a very skilful driver, they were permitted to 
rush forward to a shed connected with the stable, the door 
of which was instantly thrown open by one present, 
watching the scene, when they entered, and we 
were saved — seemingly the narrowest escape from de- 
struction we ever experienced. Hail, often two inches 
in diameter and almost uniformly of an inch and a half 



HIS WESTERN TOUR. 367 

in diameter, was pouring down like showers of stones. 
The roof of the building under which we were sheUered, 
was almost broken in by the perpetual battering of 
heaven's artillery. The roar of thunder could be equalled 
only by the continual roar on a field of battle. Floods of 
water, mingled with the hail, poured down as if a lake had 
suddenly been overturned upon us. The storm opened 
its fearful attack about ten minutes after four, P. M. At 
the end of fifteen minutes the sun had begun to shine and 
a brilliant rainbow was seen spanning the south-eastern 
heavens. In twenty minutes the storm was past; but 
what a spectacle it had left behind ! A river was Iherally 
running down the streets, sweeping everything before it. 
The ground was everywhere covered with the large hail- 
stones ; and under the eaves of buildings they were lying 
at least four inches deep. Windows exposed to the storm 
had everywhere been dashed to atoms. Some of the 
roofs, thinly shingled, without boards, in the manner of 
this country, had been penetrated by the hail. Horses 
full of wounds that had dashed furiously through the 
streets until exhausted, were everywhere to be found. 
Trees were stripped of their leaves and tender branches, 
and stood desolate, as if they had been rifled by contend- 
ing armies on a field of battle. Men's hats had been 
crushed through like paper, by the icy balls, and their 
arms, when exposed, were palsied. The first flash of 
lightning, alluded to above, had struck a house, nearly 
killing a child ; the second struck another, tearing it in 
pieces. Fruit was destroyed, and gardens laid entirely 
waste. Taken altogether, it was the sublimest spectacle 
I ever saw ; and we bowed in gratitude to find ourselves 
still in the land of the living. 

" Niagara Falls. — As we approached Niagara, there 
was nothing in the appearance of things indicating the 
Falls to be near. The waters of Lake Erie moved on 



368 HIS WESTERN TOUR. 

with a calm, unruffled surface, towards their narrow out- 
let. Niagara river seemed scarcely quicker than other 
rivers, rising even with her banks, and gliding on with a 
gentle speed. Flowers were blooming sweetly along her 
borders ; and birds were singing melodiously among the 
trees of her shores and islands. As we drew near the 
Eapids, above the Falls, the river appeared unusually 
placid and serene in every aspect. Having lost sight of 
the river altogether, for a while, we suddenly found our- 
selves in the midst of a clump of houses and trees which 
we were told was the Falls Village. We were now pre- 
pared for the great survey ; crossed over to Bath Island, 
thence to Goat Island, going down to a point, from which 
we passed on to the Biddle Stairs, the Terrapin Bridge, 
and thence quite around the Island. In the afternoon a 
company of us, five in number, gave ourselves up to the 
directions of a guide. He took us down to the lower 
landing, a mile and a half below, where, entering the 
^ Maid oftJie Mist,^ a little steamboat, we proceeded up 
the river, sailing close along the Falls, on the American 
side, and passing thence to the shore on the British side, 
running into the mist and spray, and then wheeling and 
running down a short distance to the ferry landing on the 
opposite shore. Ascending the bank we found ourselves 
at the Clifton House ; and after having visited Lundy's 
Lane and the burning Sulphur Spring, we proceeded to 
Barnett's Museum, the table rock, and the spiral stairs, 
near it ; after which we returned home across the ferry, 
directly, by means of a barge, rowed by a single individu- 
al, and were drawn up the bank on an inclined plane. 
This completed our first day's tour. The next day we 
visited Goat Island again, and then passed down the river 
to Bellevue, the narrows, the whirlpool, etc., after which 
our guide left us to ourselves and our guide books. 

" It would be presumption for me, in a running letter. 



HIS WESTERN TOUR. 369 

to attempt a minute description of these Falls. This has 
often been done by others ; and in a very excellent man- 
ner, in Peck's Tourist Companion. The course we took 
was by no means favorable for first impressions. In cross- 
ing over to Bath Island, and thence to Goat Island, one 
neither hears nor sees much of the Falls. From another 
point we obtained an extensive viev/ of the whole Fall, 
while a rainbow in the spray mantled around our feet. 
From the Terrapin Tower, we had a nearer sight on the 
English side, and looking down saw again the little ' Maid 
of the Mist,' ploughing along up through the foam and 
spray, over the whirlpool and the billows — a most inter- 
esting spectacle. But, after all, I found myself returning 
from this survey with not half so elated feelings, as when 
I visited Mount Holyoke. Indeed, 1 began to fear that 
the various objects of interest I had seen elsewhere had 
disqualified me in some measure for an examination of 
this grandest of nature's works. It was not long, howev- 
er, before I was disabused of this error, in the most effec- 
tual manner. Giving ourselves up to our guide, he pro- 
posed to cross over with us at once to the Canada shore. 
Embarking on board the ' Maid of the Mist,' we were soon 
creeping along up the stream close»by the American 
shore, to avoid the current on the opposite side. In a few 
minutes, to our surprise, we saw the little boat making the 
best of her way directly up to the foot of the American 
Falls, which having reached, she glided along by the Bid- 
die Stairs, etc., right into the foam, mist, billows, and 
almost the waterfalls themselves, on the side of the Eng- 
lish shore. This, taking us as it did, wholly at unawares, 
effectually aroused us. It seemed to us like a rebuke 
from the genii of the Falls themselves, for the irreverent 
thoughts and feelings with which we had at first ap- 
proached them. The boat on her return held herself in 
check. We ran to the stream and looked out upon the 



370 ADDRESS AT MANCHESTER. 

awful Niagara for awhile with the deepest, the most over- 
whelming emotions. It was like standing in the presence 
of God, according to prophetic representations. We saw 
his burnished throne before us, the great white cloud 
hanging over it, a rainbow encircling it, incense ascend- 
ing in his presence, and deep-toned thunder rolling around ; 
while bowing in awful reverence we were ready to cry 
out, holy, holy, holy. Lord God of Sabaoth, and shrink to 
nothing before him. From this moment the profoundest 
respect for this great spectacle took full possession of us. 
We never again either thought or spoke of it but with the 
deepest emotions. While these feelings were in full flow, 
we gradually separated from the vision. Our boat had 
reached the opposite shore, and we were ascending the 
bank, towards the Clifton House. All the terrors of the 
former scene had now vanished, and we gazed forth upon 
the Falls as they presented a new and most interesting 
aspect ; one of completeness, grandeur, and yet of the 
most perfect calmness ; a view, in several respects, 
in entire contrast with the one we had just taken from the 
water below. In short, from this time onward, every new 
point from which we contemplated these Falls, seemed to 
lay them open before us, in new relations, adornments 
and charms, like the endless combinations of the kaleid- 
oscope, or a succession in galleries of paintings where 
one leads on to another, and each, though in itself perfect, 
appears more beautiful than the last." 

The following Address was delivered by Mr. T., at the 
consecration of the Union Cemetery, Manchester, Mass., 
July 24th, 1845 : 

" We have been called together, respected neighbors and 
friends, at this time, to consecrate this inclosure for the 
reception of the dead. The ceremony, though in itself 
^ery simple, and destitute of all that pageantry which the 



ADDRESS AT MANCHESTER. 371 

rich and the noble contrive to throw around similar tran- 
sactions, has in it, for us, much that is interesting, — 
adapted to excite emotion, and lead to solemn considera- 
tion. 

" The world in which we live is not to be our home for- 
ever. We are but travellers through it, strangers and 
sojourners, as all our fathers were. There is an amazing 
change coming over us all. Parent and child, brother 
and sister, husband and wife, ere long are to be separated 
by death. No usefulness of employment, no adornments 
of genius and rank, no endearments of affection, can save 
us from this most solemn of all human events. 

" Provision is then to be made for the burial of the de- 
parted. We too have need to say, as said the patriarch 
of old : Give us a possession of a burying place with 
you, that we may bury our dead out of our sight. — Let 
us have the field, and the cave that is therein, and all the 
trees that are in the field, as well as in the borders round 
about, and let them be made sure unto us for a possession 
of a burying place.* 

" It is most clearly the duty of the living thus to provide 
for the decent interment of the dead. So the common 
consent of all mankind has decreed. It is an act, inspired 
by humanity itself; — a practice, which has been observed 
even by enemies in time of war ; and an honor, which 
has but rarely been denied in any country, except to those 
who had violated the laws of nature and God, in some 
most aggravated manner. David passes high encomiums 
on the men of Jabesh-Gilead, who rescued the bones of 
their king and prince from their enemy's wall, and com- 
mitted them to their family vault.t It is part of the praise 
of Tobit, (as we read in the Apocrypha,^) that he went 

* Gen. chap. 23 : 4, 17, 20. 

1 1 Sam. ch. 31 : and 2 Sam. 2:5. + Tobit, chs. 1 and 2. 



372 ADDRESS AT MANCHESTER. 

about burying his murdered countrymen, at the hazard of 
his life ; while Jeremiah threatens it as the greatest tem- 
poral punishment, that the wicked should be left unburied, 
or, as it is emphatically expressed, should be buried with 
the burial of a beast.* Herodotus tells us, that in Egypt, 
if a native or a foreigner were found, either destroyed by 
a crocodile, or drowned in the water, the city nearest 
which the body was discovered was obliged to embalm it, 
paying it every respectful attention, and afterwards depos- 
iting it in some consecrated place. Isaeus brings it as a 
proof that Cleon was not the son of Astyphylus, because 
he neither buried him, nor performed his funeral exe- 
quies. A law of Athens compelled the burial of a dead 
body found by accident, and pronounced the refuser im- 
pious. f 

" The heathen writers on ethics place the duty of inter- 
ring the dead among the first. To leave a body unburied 
they regarded as the height of impiety. Some of them 
carried their attention to the dead beyond the grave. 
Solon, we are told, by an express law forbade any reflec- 
tions on their character ; t while the Egyptians made them 
pass through the form of a trial, and regulated their fu- 
neral rites and ceremonies according to the result. 

*' As to how and where the dead should be buried, cus- 
toms have varied in different ages, and different nations, 
as also among the same people, under different circum- 
stances. We will not stop to discuss these points here, 
for time forbids. 

" It is obvious to remark, that, as a general thing, all 
wish to die in the midst of their friends, — to fall asleep 
in the arms of affection, — to find repose in the land of 
their nativity, and to be gathered to the sepulchres of 
their fathers. Circumstances can indeed modify this feel- 
ing, and Christianity produce a still more elevated one in 

* Jer. 8 ; 2 ; compare with 22 ; 19. f Rees, Art. Burial. 



ADDRESS AT MANCHESTER. 373 

its place. Sir John Moore,* the hero of Corunna, used 
to say, that he should like to die and be buried on the 
field of battle ; and the pious Leighton used often to re- 
mark, that the place where he should prefer to end his 
days, above all others, would be at an inn ; since the whole 
world was to him but a noisy inn, and he himself but a 
mere pilgrim in it, hastening away as fast as possible to 
his father's house.t These, however, were evidently only 
exceptions to a general rule. The feelings of mankind 
on this subject are, as a whole, deep and strong. We 
derive pleasure from the thought that death will overtake 
us amidst those we love, and our remains be laid where 
friends can visit them, and honor them with kind remem- 
brances and tender regards. 

" ' Let him speak on this subject, who has been on a 
pilgrimage for health to a foreign land. Let him speak, 
who has watched at the couch of a dying friend, far from 
his chosen home. Let him speak, who has committed to 
the bosom of the deep, with a sudden, startling plunge, 
some relative or companion. Let such speak, and they 
will tell you, that there is scarcely anything which rends 
the heart of the dying, — aye, and of the surviving, too, 
— with a sharper pang, than the thought that the depart- 
ing are to sleep their last sleep in a land of strangers, or 
in the unseen depths of the ocean.' | 

" The poet has told us how this is, in lines not only of 

great beauty, but of perfect truth : 

* For who, to dumb forgetfulness a prey, 
This pleasing, anxious being e'er resigned, 
Left the warm precincts of the cheerful day, 
Nor cast one longing, ling'ring look behind ? 

* See Wolfe's Remains, p. 30, for a part of my authority ; the rest 
is quoted by memory, from some memoir of Moore that I have read, 
as I suppose. 

t Leighton's "Works, ed. Andover, p. 46. 

J Judge Story's Address at the consecration of Mt. Auburn, either 
in his Misc. Works, or in Guide through Mt. Auburn ; the last, p. 67. 
31 



374 ADDRESS AT MANCHESTER. 

* On some fond breast the parting soul relies ; 
Some pious drops the closing eye requires ; 
E'en from the tomb the voice of Nature cries ; 
E'en in our ashes live their wonted fires ! ' * 

" And then, let Revelation speak on the same point : 
' Bury me not,' said good old Jacob, trembling on the 
verge of the grave, — 'bury me not, I pray thee, in 
Egypt, but I will lie with my fathers ; and thou shalt 
carry me out of Egypt, and bury me in their burying 
place. — There they buried Abraham and Sarah his wife ; 
there they buried Isaac and Rebekah his wife ; and there 
I buried Leah.' t Such are the natural expressions of 
the dying, the instinctive feelings of the human heart, on 
this subject. We would not merely pass our lives with 
our friends. We would fall asleep among them, and re- 
pose with them in the grave. 

" Besides, what is more natural than that the burial 
places of the dead, wherever chosen, should be regarded 
as sacred ? Among the Romans, these enclosures were 
looked on as religious places.f Among the Greeks, they, 
as well as all other things belonging to the dead, were had 
in such esteem, that to deface, or in any way violate them, 
was pronounced sacrilege, and thought to entail certain 
ruin upon the guilty offenders. There is a tradition handed 
down, that Idas, having broken one of the pillars in Apha- 
reus's sepulchre, was immediately struck dead by one of 
Jupiter's thunderbolts, for the crime.§ With similar rev- 
erence do the Chinese regard the depositories of their 
dead ; often visiting them ; and, at the anniversary of 
their parents' death, as well as at the annual feast of the 
tombs, all persons must present offerings to the manes of 

* Judge Story's Address, ut supra ; or Gray's Elegy, Aikin's British 
Poets, p. 654. 

t Genesis, chap, xlvii., v. 29 sq., and chap, xlix., v. 31 sq. 
X Adams's Rom. Antiq., p. 406. 
§ Potter's Gr. Ant., p. 565. 



ADDRESS AT MANCHESTER. 375 

their progenitors.* How it was with the ancient Egyp- 
tians, may be judged from the time and expense devoted 
to the preparation of their subterranean palaces and their 
pyramids, or, in other words, their tombs.t 

" We who live under the light of the gospel, being able, 
by means of that light, to penetrate, in a measure, the 
gloom that, to the heathen, hung over the future, can look 
upon the dead with different, at least with greatly modified 
emotions. The body is but the casket in which a gem is 
deposited for a while. That gem is not lost. It still 
sparkles, in the light of immortality. Beneath the dull 
cold marble there rests nothing but the body, divested of 
all that adorned it. The spirit that animated it has flown 
to another world, and is now engaged in other scenes, f 
Can persons of such a belief feel a reverence for the 
dead, like those who have nothing of the kind on which 
they can rely, — to whose minds, in many cases, death 
seems the end of all things ? Are not Christians, indeed, 
charged not to sorrow for their deceased believing friends, 
as those without hope ? 

" And yet, with all our religious knowledge, we too look 
upon the repositories of the dead as sacred places, and 
feel an unusual awe come over us, as we contemplate the 
tomb. In some respects, indeed, this awe is greatly in- 
creased by our very belief, — the consideration, that the 
body and soul are not separated from each other forever, 
but must one day be united again, — the mortal putting 
on immortality. Why, indeed, should it not be so ? Is 

* Medhurst's China, p. 175. 
t Comp. Wilkinson's ^g., II. 392, etalib. 

J The sentiment here is taken from the beautiful monument of 
Emily Binney, in the Mt. Auburn Cemetery, as follows : 

<* Shed not for her the bitter tear, 
Nor give the heart to vain regret ; 
*Tis but the casket that lies here, — 
The gem that fiU'd it sparkles yet." 



376 ADDRESS AT MANCHESTER. 

the sword of a Washington, or the chair of a pilgrim, 
capable of arousing noble thoughts and keen sensibilities ; 
and shall we not feel an unwonted sacredness collect 
around the ashes once animated by an immortal spirit, — 
now either an angelic form, engaged in the glorious em- 
ployments of heaven, or else wearing the drapery of some 
demon, wandering over the dark fields of eternal ruin ? 
Who can visit the grave of a Washington or of a Napo- 
leon, without peculiar emotions, and the gushing up of a 
thousand thoughts of the past, as well as the glancing for- 
ward of the mind's eye into the future ? 

" Y6ars since, I visited in Newburyport the vault in which 
repose the remains of Whitefield. Would you not have 
me feel, at such a sight, all the facts of his past life, the 
goodness of his heart, his devotion to the gospel of Christ, 
and his amazing power over the soul, — starting up into 
recollection, and passing in review before the mind ? 
' How small .a pattern of a man' must he be, who, with- 
out more than ordinary feelings of sacredness and awe, 
* can contemplate the frame of the house in which dwelt 
such a tenant as Whitefield's soul, — the very ribs that 
were knocked with the beatings of his great heart ; ' * or 
look with indifference upon his grave ? I passed thence, 
at once, to the room in which he died, and in imagination 
beheld him gasping and panting for breath, with a convoy 
of angels around him, waiting to bear him away, feeling, 
as said the poet, that 

* The chamber where the good man meets his fate, 
Is privileged beyond the common walks 
Of virtuous life, — quite on the verge of heaven.' 

" ' The next day after I arrived at the Holy City,' says 
Pliny Fisk, in a letter to some Christian friends, ' I made 
my first visit to the tomb of my Lord. I did not stop to 

* New York Obs. July 12th, 1845. 



ADDRESS AT MANCHESTER. 377 

inquire, whether this place, pointed out as his sepulchre, is 
really such or not. If in this thing there is any delusion, 
I was willing to be deceived for the moment. The church 
was full of people ; but though surrounded by them, I 
could not suppress my feelings. I looked at the dome 
which covers the tomb, and thought of the death and res- 
urrection of my Lord, and burst into tears. I entered 
and kneeled by the marble which is supposed to cover the 
spot where the body lay. My tears flowed freely, and 
my soul seemed to be moved in a way I cannot describe. 
I dedicated myself anew to my Lord, and then offered 
up my prayers for my father, brothers, sisters, and par- 
ticular friends. I implored a blessing on Andover, and 
all ministers and missionaries, and on all the world. It 
seemed then, as if Christ the son of God had really suf- 
fered, died, and risen from the dead. The period of time 
that has elapsed since his death, dwindled, as it were, to a 
moment. The whole seemed present and real. O, what 
sufferings, what love ! Dear brethren, it was for us he 
died. Shall we not then live for him ? If you think I 
have made any sacrifices, or undergone any hardships, I 
assure you, I forgot them all, when in the church of the 
Holy Sepulchre ! ' * 

" Such were the deep feelings of this man of God, on 
viewing the spot where once the Redeemer lay. Was it 
not natural for him to feel, under such circumstances ? 
And in like manner, is it not natural for us all to experi- 
ence some corresponding emotions, as we gaze on the 
sepulchres of the departecJ, even those of the most insig- 
nificant that ever lived ? To what gushing thoughts and 
feelings may not such a sight give rise, in the contempla- 
tive mind ! 

" How full of instruction is the graveyard to all the 

* Bond's Mem. of Fisk, p. 280. 
31* 



378 ADDRESS AT MANCHESTER. 

living ! It acquaints us with the nature of sin. It was this 

that brought death into the world, and all our woe. How 

dreadful an evil, then, must sin be ! The place of burial 

reminds us of our mortality. We are not to be in time 

forever. We shall, in a few days, be carried to that 

place, where the wicked cease from troubling and the 

weary are at rest, — where the prisoners rest together, 

and hear not the voice of the oppressor any more, — 

where both the small and the great are found, and the 

servant is free from his master.* 

" We are reminded of a future state. The grave even 

is not to be our everlasting home. It is but a stopping 

place, where travellers meet for a night's repose. 

< The time draws on, 
When not a single spot of burial earth, 
"Whether on land, or in the spacious sea, 
But must give up its long-committed dust 
Inviolate.' f 

" And then, with the summoned body and reunited soul, 

there must also come up all the past, to be adjusted for 

eternity. O ! the terrors of that day, when 

* Jesus on his throne of wonder, 
Every veil is rent asunder, 
Round him rolling vengeful thunder.' J 

" The graveyard also calls upon us, with a most solemn 
voice, not to fix our thoughts supremely on earthly things, 
but to make our escape from sin, through faith in the 
atonement, seeking the things that are above, where 
Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Would we 
listen to such instruction, how, would it lead us to com- 
mune with ourselves, — moderate our turbulent desires, 
calming our agitated passions, and drawing us after hea- 
venly things. 

* Job, 3 : 17-19. 

t Judge Story's Address, ut supra, p. 73. 

t From my version of the Requiem, <' Dies Irae." 



ADDRESS AT MANCHESTER. 879 

" For myself, I blush not to tell you that I love the grave- 
yard ; and often, in my journey ings, stray away, all alone, 
to look it up. It is soothing, though saddening, to roam 
over its little hillocks and commune with its silent inhabi-^ 
tants. If it remind me of what I have lost, and, so long 
as on earth, am still exposed to lose, it also brings its own 
consolations. If it make me tremble, as a sinner, on the 
verge of ruin, it also speaks to me of glorious hopes, the 
winding up of the sorrows of life and the weary pilgrim's 
safe arrival at his eternal home ! Taking my station in 
some obscure corner, I give myself up to the contempla- 
tions that involuntarily arise. ' How brief a space has 
-elapsed,' say I to myself, ' since these very bodies were 
animated with celestial fire ! The world was all before 
them, as they thought, " where to choose ! " They entered 
upon life's journey with bright hopes. With nimble steps 
and eager aim, they chased its phantoms ! Methinks I now 
see them before me ! 

* They rage and strive, desire and love ! 
But, — all their noise is vain ! ' 

" ' As pass away the fluttering crowd, at the close of a 
gala-day, leaving streets and commons in silence and 
repose — these are departed. The dying agony is over ! 
The last farewell has been uttered. The funeral proces- 
sion has done its work. The loved form has disappeared 
forever from human view ; and friends drowned in tears 
have strewn flowers over the grave ! How silent are 
the dead ! Life's fitful fever over, sweetly they slumber ! 
No care corrodes them. No discords disturb their quiet ! 
And is this all that is left of man, I ask ? ' Instantly my 
thoughts break away from their re very, to follow the 
immortal spirit in its flight. 

* Whither, ah, whither has it gone ? * 

is an inquiry that presses upon me, and my thoughts pass 



380 ADDRESS AT MANCHESTER. 

to the utmost boundaries of time, and would penetrate the 
secrets of eternity, beholding departed souls either exalt- 
ed to the glories of heaven, or plunged into the mis- 
eries of hell ; but a voice from the eternal throne, ^ Fear 
God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole 
duty of man,' bids me desist. Then, standing on a point 
from which both worlds can be contemplated, I feel, that 
for the first time, I am forming a proper estimate of 
earthly things, and am learning how to live. O, what 
errors are rectified, what darkness is chased away from 
the soul by a little light from eternity ! 

" Were there time, I should like to address you awhile 
on the principles by which we should be governed in the 
selection and adornment of our burial-places. They 
should neither be decked with too much gaity, nor yet be 
altogether hung over with gloom. 

" On the one hand, they should speak a cheerful 
language to the Christian, — pointing, as with a finger, 
on every monument, in every walk and shade, to the tran- 
quillity of heaven, the rest that remains for the people of 
God. On the other, they should speak in direful omens 
to the sinner, — thundering in his ears the terrors of the 
law ; flashing upon him the fearful truth that the way of 
the transgressor is hard ; and beckoning him, at every 
step, to prepare to meet his God ! It is time for me, 
however, to revert to the occasion that has brought us 
together, and to the more immediate object of these exer- 
cises, namely, to set apart this enclosure, in a consecra- 
tory act, for the reception of the dead. 

" You are aware that the first burial places in this re- 
gion, were those of the aborigines of the country. Of 
these, three in particular have been discovered in this 
town — one, where Capt. John Knight's new barn now 
stands, or near there ; the other, not far from the sea, at 
Kettle Cove, in a spot marked by a mound of earth ; and 



ADDRESS AT MANCHESTER. 381 

the third a little south of the spot where we are now 
assembled. Of these, the last named one is doubtless the 
most recent, — that, probably, of the Indians who lived 
here subsequently to the discovery and settlement of this 
country by the whites, and a little before. The other two 
are probably quite ancient ; at least, the first-named one. 
When it was discovered, it bore indubitable marks of an- 
tiquity. In addition to these, it is not at all impossible 
that the Indians buried elsewhere, and often, even, in a 
private way. 

" The first white inhabitants of the place were probably 
buried a little to the south and east of the Congregational 
Meeting-House, — dead bodies and coffins having been 
found there, in the removal of the earth for building pur- 
poses. The first notice I find on record, in reference to 
the origin of our old yard, taking Dr. Leach's Manuscript 
History of Manchester for my guide, is dated in the year 
1660. It formerly extended across the present road. 
There is also an old burying place, as you are aware, at 
Kettle Cove, which has, for some years, been disused. 
Whether this was ever set apart as a public burying- 
ground or not, I am unable to say. Nor do I know when 
it was first devoted to burial purposes. Probably, howev- 
er, it was subsequent, in its origin, to our present public 
yard ; usually called the town burying-yard, and was never 
anything more than a private enclosure, used by those, in 
particular, who resided at that Cove. 

" The town yard was, at first, very small ; and has 
often been enlarged, and for the third time, at least, very 
recently. It is even now much crowded, and is in other 
respects objectionable. These facts led several of our 
enterprising inhabitants, some time since, to think of an- 
other spot, for themselves and families, with the intention 
of opening it to such others as might be disposed to join 
them. The result of that movement you see before you 



382 ADDRESS AT MANCHESTER. 

in the present enclosure. In reference to the purpose to 
which it is to be devoted, by all among us, who wish to 
have the members of their families here collected together 
side by side, when they sleep in death, it has been called 
the Union Cemetery. 

" It makes no proud pretensions. It presumes not to 
vie with Pere Lachaise^ Laurel Hill^ Mount Auburn^ or 
Harmony Grove. It has, however^ its own beauties of 
location, will admit of suitable ornaments, and is well 
adapted to the purpose for which it was intended ; and we 
are now here to consecrate it by suitable exercises. Hence- 
forth, then, let it be remembered that this is sacred ground. 
This soil which we now see around us enclosed, is set 
apart for a hallowed use. Here the dead are to be laid, 
and to sleep until the morning of the resurrection. I now 
stand before you by the request and direction of the pro- 
prietors, to declare, that from the present time onward, 
this enclosure is consecrated to such a hallowed purpose. 
Hereafter, this ground, in the noblest sense, ' belongs no 
longer to the living, but to the dead.' May it remain for- 
ever inviolate. 

" And here, before I close, how easy would it be to 
glance into the future history of this little field ! What 
weeping processions may come here and deposit their 
precious burdens. What blighted hopes may be laid low, 
in this earth ! It is indeed removed from the walks of 
the great. No proud Mausoleums, no haughty monu- 
ments may here arise. Yet kind and noble hearts will 
here be laid, — those that had beat high with the love of 
God ; yes, 

* Here, in this sequestered spot be laid, 

Some heart once pregnant with celestial fire, 
Hands that the rod of empire might have swayed, 
Or waked to ecstasy the living lyre.* 

" I must not, however, pursue this thought. Let me 



ADDRESS AT MANCHESTER. 383 

ask you all, before parting, to consider, each one for him- 
self, how soon you may be brought here to slumber. A 
few years since, I saw a laborer engaged on a private 
burying-yard, just laid out near our public ground ; and 
I hesitated whether I should not ask him, if he had been 
so wise as to secure a mansion of rest for his soul, as 
well as a grave for his body ; but I passed on in silence. 
Only a few days after, this very man was laid down 
there, in the sleep of death. It is wise to think of this 
subject on the present occasion. 

* While here ye enclose 
A spot "where your ashes in peace may repose, — 
Where the living may come and commune with the dead, 
With God, and his soul, and with reverence tread, 
On the sod which he soon may be sleeping below, — 
Have ye chosen the home where the spirit shall go ? 

< Shall it dwell where the gardens of Paradise bloom, 
And flowers are not opening to die o'er the tomb ? 
With the song of an angel, a vesture of light. 
Shall it live in a world free from shadow and blight ; 
Where the waters are pure, from a fount never sealed, 
And the secrets of heaven are in glory revealed ? ' * 

" Let us not forget, that while we think of others, we 
ourselves are hastening to the tomb ; and while the melan- 
choly fact of life's uncertainty, and the nearness of death 
alarm us — let us look through the gloom of the grave to 
the light of heaven ; and, by faith, secure its joys and 
glories as our own. Fearlessly, then, shall we be able to 
look into the tomb, and with the poet, exclaim : 

* Corruption, earth and worms. 
Shall but refine this flesh, 
* Till my triumphant spirit comes, 
To put it on afresh. 



** Poems, by Miss H. F. Gould, p. 34. 



384 PILGRIMS OF LEYDEN. 

* God, my Redeemer lives, 

And often from the skies, 
Looks down and watches all my dust, 
' Till he shall bid it rise. 

* Arrayed in glorious grace, 

Shall these vile bodies shine ; 
And every shape, and every face, 
Look heavenly and divine.* " 



/ 



An Ode, written in Meadville, Pa., and sung at the cele- 
bration, in that place, of the two hundredth anniversary 
of the landing of our Pilgrim Fathers on Plymouth Rock. 
As here printed, the Ode is much altered from its original 
form. The changes, however, in it, were made by Mr. 
T. himself. At the time when he first composed it, he 
was nineteen years of age. 

PILGRIMS OF LEYDEN. 

With joy to celebrate the day, 
When our forefathers' graiefid lay. 

From Plymouth Rock first rose, 
In songs of praise, let all aspire, 
And glowing with celestial fire, 

God's altar round enclose. 

To-day, two hundred ye^xs ago, 

Fresh from the Mayflower moored below, — 

Well furled her tattered sails, — 
They bent around in holy form, 
The ocean rolling and the storm 

Still heaved in sadd'ning wails. 

Pilgrims of Leyden, hallowed band, 
Far from their homes and native land, 

All stained with martyr's gore. 
They sought a vine and tree to find. 
Where peace might dwell, and they reclined, 

Securely, God adore. 



PILGRIMS OF LEYDEN. 385 

Thanks to Old Holland's generous aid, 
For peace and quiet, walk and shade, 

Perfumed of heavenly flowers ; 
Beyond the reach of pope or king, 
Or other such infernal thing, 

They sought to plant their bowers. • 

Behold them on the crested wave, 
Delft-haven leaving, sad but brave, 

The unknown seas to dare ; 
Kind hearts, the Christian and the true, 
Along the shore have waved adieu. 

And now stand weeping there. 

On, on they plough across the main, 
Back beaten oft, they try again, 

While round the tempest roars ; 
Now hanging on the billowy brow. 
Now sinking in the gulf below, 

"While each his God implores. 

In vain death stares in horrid forms, 
And hell excites infernal storms. 

To merge them in the waves ; 
Their Lord is with them on the deep. 
His church is sailing in the ship, — 

His mighty presence saves ! 

Though tempests howl and dangers thrill, 
His voice they hear, so calm and still, 

' Tls J, he not afraid, — 
Till straight along the sandy shore, 
They hear the billows break and roar, 

Beneath the bow displayed. 

And now — bless'd hope, and pledges sure, 
To those who faithfully endure ! — 

Behold the hallowed band ! 
With lulling gale and joyful song. 
They coast the broken shore along, 

And reach the promised land ! 

O, day of darkness, doubt and fears. 
When round that rock the scalding tears, 
First fell in grateful prayer ; 

32 



386 LINES TO AN AFFLICTED SISTER. 

The Indian, famine, winter's cold, 
Disease and other woes untold ; 
Yet God they felt was there ! 

And Ae was there^ old Israel's Sire, 
• The shining cloud, the train of fire. 

The manna and the rod ; 
To-day, from tyrants disenslaved, '^ 

We live, because above them waved, 

The banner of their God ! 

Then come, ye sons and daughters, bring 
New honors to this mighty King ; 

Our fathers' God adore ! 
Roll, roll his rapturous praise around, 
From hill to vale, until the sound 

Extend/rom shore to shore. 



LINES TO AN AFFLICTED SISTER. — 1839. 

Mary, my dear, you do not hear me, 
For hills divide and many a care ; 

Yet I am often sighing near thee, 
And weeping for thee fast in prayer ; 
O, surely you might feel me there. 

But late my closing eyes espied thee 
In anguish sore ; much gone to waste ; 

I rose and ran and knelt beside thee, 
And called salvation's cup in haste ; — 
Methinks my sister would not taste. 

Just laid upon my anxious pillow. 
That oft for thee with tears I lave, 

I saw thee on a broken billow. 
And a life-boat gliding near to save ; 
Yet Mary struggled with the wave. 

I've borne thee oft to Zion's mountain. 
And walked with thee around the brink 

Of Calvary's gushing healing fountain. 
Where I was cured ; yet hard to think 
My sister would not stoop to drink. 



SPRING. 387 

I see it all around me flowing — 

God's love — an ocean deep and wide, 
I feel its raptures through me glowing, 

And fain would sail along the tide, 

With Mary smiling at my side. 

O come, my sister, cease thy weeping, 

A brighter day must sure be nigh — 
The star of morn I feel is sleeping 

For thee in yonder cloudless sky ; 

Come, yield thy heart and wige thine eye. 

"What thous^h no more the spring delight thee, 

And flow'rets vainly strew thy way, — 
Eternity is dawning brightly, 

How lovely is the opening day ! 

While angels whisper, '' Come away." 



SPRING. — 1842. 

Sweet Spring is coming, is coming ; 

I smell her fragrant breeze. 
And hear the birds a humming, 

In merry glees, 

Around me in the trees, — 
Sweet Spring is coming, is coming. 

As wont, the zephyrs quaffing, 
I walked, at dawn, to-day, 

And heard a robin laughing, 
On a lofty spray, 
And a warbling brown bird* say, 

Sweet Spring is coming, is coming. 

And hark ! the frogs are peeping ; 

See ! the lambs are sporting by ; 
While the serpent forth is creeping. 

And the wild geese cry. 

On their journey through the sky,- 
O, surely Spring is coming. 



* The Fringiila Juncorum, or Rush Sparrow. 



388 TO MY WIFE ON THE DEATH OF HER MOTHER. 

Just now, in beauties blushing, 

I plucked a Venus' Pride, 
And found my foot was crushing. 

Yet undescried, 

A violet at its side ; 
0, surely Spring is coming, 

I know it, the word is spoken ; 

The reign of storms is o'er ; 
The chains of ice are broken. 

From shore to shore ; 

I have heard the torrent roar, 
Por Spring was coming, was coming. 

Farewell, departing Winter, 

Thy favors we recall, 
Long evenings for the printer, 

Or the Lyceum-hall, 

Or religion's solemn call, 
Yet tearless, tearless sever ! 

Sweet Spring, our bosoms bless thee ; 
V All hail thy gentle reign ! 

"With flow'rets fair to dress thee, 
"We'll hasten to the plain, 
"With all the youthful train, 

For welcome is thy coming. 



TO MY WIFE ON THE DEATH OF HES, MOTHER. 1845. 

The vital spark of heavenly flame. 

Has surely, surely fled ; 
The cold that creeps along her frame, 

Proclaims that she is dead. 
She wings her way among the spheres, 
To where the throne appears. 

Last eve she sweetly closed the day, 

E-apt in redeeming love ; 
This morn she's on her shining way. 

To join the songs above. 
She wakes amid seraphic strains. 
Upon the heavenly plains. 



TO MY WIFE ON THE DEATH OF HER MOTHER. 389 

O, gentle death., without a sting ! 

Is this indeed to die ? 
Borne on an angel's balmy wing, 

She passes to the sky ! 
And yet we're drowned in tears of grief, 
For here 's the withered leaf. 

"VVe knew that eighty years had spanned 

Life's checkered scenes away ; 
And long in Beulah's happy land, 

Had heard her sing and pray, 
With Zion's city full in view, 
Yet seemed it not so true. / 

Though she had felt the stern control 

Of age, disease, and care, 
Warm were the affections of her soul — 

There was no winter there ; 
And in God's house she still was seen, 
Fragrant, and fair, and green. 

* Tis sweet to call her form to mind, 

That glowed with inward grace ; 
Her looks benign, her words so kind, 

The gentlest of her race ! — 
The charity, the prayer, and praise, 
In which she passed her days. 

AYho can her listening ear forget, 

Her eye devoutly closed ; 
When round the mercy seat we met, 

In holy thought composed ; 
Or with what joy her soul would beam, 
When Jesus was the theme. 

Alas, to think she's gone, she's gone ! 

That tenderest earthly friend ! 
While here we sought to cheer her on, 

And every want attend ! 
O, how we'd fear to give her pain, 
If she were here again ! 

But ah, no tears will her restore, 
To cheer our lonely home ; 
32* 



390 HYMN. 

We firxd her in the room no more, 

Smiling to see us come. 
Her books we find, her place of prayer, 
But mother is not there ! 

You need not go, my dear, to-night, 
Before your eyelids close, 

Or rise, betimes, ere morning light, 
To look for her repose. 

Deep sleep is on her aged brow. 

She sleeps in Jesus now. 

Yet Mary, wipe away that tear, 
Nor be with sorrow riven ; 

For shining angels have been here — 
This is the gate of heaven ; 

Ethereal fragrance spreads around,— 

I feel 'tis holy ground. 

We'll bear the precious dust away, 
And plume our wings to fly ; 

While waiting for eternal day. 
We hope like her to die, — 

To wake amid angelic strains, 

Upon the heavenly plains. 



HYMN, 



Sung at the reopening of the Orthodox Con j relational Churchy in Man- 
chester, Mass.f April Wi, 1846. 

COMPOSED IJY THE PASTOR. 

The Heaven of Heavens, Great God, in vain 
Expands, thy glory to contain ; 

And in its sapphire blaze 
The Archangel, with his starry wings, 
Stands veiled and trembling while he sings, 

Unequal to thy praise. 

And will the Almighty condescend, 
In temples made with hands, to attend 

Devotion's feeble flame ? 
The pledge is given ! Thy words declare 
That humble souls shall find Thee there 

Who meet in Jesus' name. 



C. MARDENBOROUGH NICKELS. 391 

The thunders of thy voice are o'er ; 
Thou com'st in robes of fire no more; 

All is serene and still ; 
And yet. around the altar bowed, 
"We feel thy glory like a cloud, 

Encircling Zion's hill ! 

The house behold ! Great One in Three, 
That we have here prepared for Thee ; 

And in thy boundless love 
Upon its walls inscribe thy name, 
Upon its altar light the flame 

That glows in hearts above. 

Here often have we met and prayed, 
And seen thy wondrous power displayed. 

And sung of sins forgiven ; 
O, make it still a ** dreadful place," 
Thy house of holiness and grace, 

And still the gate of Heaven. 

And when the trumpet's mighty swell 
Shall rive the dead through earth and hell, 

And judgment roll along ! 
Let thousands rise, to join the strains 
That echo o'er the starry plains, 
" Jesus forever lives and reigns ! " 

Who here began the song ! 



C. MARDENBOROUGH NICKELS, 

Only son of Rev. C. M. Nickels , of Gloxicester^ Mass., who died 
Atig. 18, 1846, aged 5 years. 

Near where loud roar the angry waves. 

Along the rocky shore, 
And sailors often find their graves. 

Two kindred souls adore ; 
And with them there was one. 
From heaven received, an only son. 

Whene'er I sought their love to share, 
And met the bounding child. 



392 C. MARDENBOROUGH NICKELS. 

To see his curly locks of hair, 

And mark how sweet he smiled. 
Would soothe my cares away ; 
A cherub round me seemed to play. 

Oft, when some little thing I sung, 
For him or for his mother, 

Around my chair he fondly hung, 
And asked me for another ; 

Or ran to get his toys, 

And showed them to express his joys. 

And then, to hear his father tell, 

How, in his simple way, 
His eyes with tears for sin would swell, 

And heartily would pray, 
And Jesus' words repeat, 
As if he thought them very sweet ! 

The other day I sought the door, 
Alas, poor Mardenborough ! 

He met me with his kiss no more ; 
His parents full of sorrow, 

Showed me his little bed. 

And where he lay, but cold and dead ! 

Beneath the stroke of grief, they felt, 
How much their hearts were broken, 

As round the mercy-seat we knelt. 
Cannot in words be spoken. 

' Twas hard to see him die. 

Though angels kindly hovered nigh ! 

** I long to go,'* one day he gently sighed, 
*' And live wdth Him in heaven. 

Who children loved, and came and died, 
That we might be forgiven ; 

I long his face to see, 

Pray, mother, would you go with me r *' 

A dream came o'er him like a wave. 
He seemed Death's vale to tread. 

Till with a kiss that Jesus gave, 
The strange enchantment fled ; 

He breathed to earth, farewell ! 

And with his Lord began to dwell ! 



DIES IR^. 393 



DIES IR^. 



The celebrated Latin Hymn, beginning with Dies 
IrcB, is known to all scholars. My object, in the follow- 
ing version of it, has been, in connection with the spirit, 
to retain, as far as possible, the exact rhythm of the origi- 
nal, so that both the one and the other could be sung to 
the same tune. Of course, like all poetry transferred 
from one language into another, it must be regarded as 
an imitation rather than a translation. 

It was my primary intention also to give a critical his- 
tory of the hymn itself ; and I early began to make col- 
lections for this purpose, but since the Rev. Dr. Williams 
has gone so far into it, (though a volume might be written 
in continuance of the same,) I have concluded to omit it. 
It may be simply remarked, that it is supposed to have 
been written by Thomas de Celano, a Minorite monk, and 
a native of Italy, about A. D. 1250. Many versions have 
been made of it into almost all languao-es. Of those in 
English, several may be seen in Williams's work. The 
last version into English that has met my eye, and proba- 
bly the most successful one, preserving, like my own, the 
double rhyme, and beginning with, 

" Day shall dawn that lias no morn," 

was first published in the Newark Advertiser, and is said 
to have been made by Dr. Abraham Coles, of that city. 
My own version, here published, was made several years 
since, and before I had seen any rendering of it into Eng- 
lish verse, preserving the exact features of the original. 
In the first stanza, I have preferred to drop the heathen 
idea that the Sybils were capable of truly prophesying. 
Those who wish to retain it, may read the second line, 

** Sybils sung, and David's lyre." 

There are several various readings of parts of the hymn, 



394 DIES IR^. 

of which no notice is taken ; and one, of the first stanza, 
dropping the idea respecting the Sybils and introducing 
that of the standard of the cross waving in triumph over 
the world, as the Saviour comes to judgment. This last 
may be expressed with a tolerable degree of exactness, 
thus, — 

** Lo the day, that day of ire, 
Burning with devouring fire, 
"Waves the banner of Messiah.*' 

^ The closing stanza of the hymn, as will be seen, is 
peculiar. In the original, the two closing lines are made 
to contain a prayer for the dead, thus : — 

" Pie Jesu Domine, 
Dona eis requiem." 

I have so far varied from it as to have nothing shock- 
ing to the feelings of a Protestant Christian. Indeed, this 
is the only place in which there comes out anything 
peculiar to the Roman form of Christianity. All the rest 
of the hymn is of the purest doctrinal character, and has 
faith in Christ for its fundamental principle ; thus showing 
that even in the dark ages there were those who had the 
light of life in great, if not in perfect purity. Those who 
wish to enter more at large into the subject of this hymn, 
may consult " Anthologie christlicher GesUnge aus der 
alten und mittlern Zeit, von August Jacob Eambach 
3 Bds. Altonee in Leipzig, 1817," vol. I., p. 32 seq. ; 
and especially, Dr. William R. Williams''s Misc., 2d ed., 
N. Y., 1850, p. 78." 

[Translation.] 

Lo the day ! that day of ire, 
Sung by Zion's hallowed lyre, 
Burning with devouring fire ! 

O, the terrors vast arising, 
Of the Judge all scrutinizing, 
On a cloud the world surprising. 



DIES IRiS. 395 

Hear the trumpet loudly swelling, 
Through earth's dark sepulchral dwelling, 
Man before the throne compelling. 

Death aghast, and wide creation, 
See the dead of every nation, 
Hise in Judgment-expectation. 

Forth is brought the Book of Ages, 
Flashing direly with presages, 
All things blazoned on its pages ! 

Jesus on his throne of wonder ! 

Every veil is rent asunder, 

Round him rolling vengeful thunder. 

Ah, me ! shrink those, righteous being ! 
Heaven and earth prepare for fleeing ! 
Can I bear the eye all-seeing ! 

Yet, enthroned in sapphire-blazes, 
Awful King, thy grace amazes, — 
Save me for its endless praises ! 

By thee once in death extended, 
"Was a ruined world befriended ! 
On thee hang my hopes suspended. 

For me thou didst bless the manger, 
Bear the cross and brave its danger ; 
O, remember still the stranger ! 

Let compassion, kindly yearning, 
The demands of justice spurning. 
Blot the leaves against me burning ! 

Hear the plea thy suppliant urges, 
Trembling on destruction's verges — 
'Neath him rolling fiery surges. 

Must I from thy face be driven, 
"When vile Mary was forgiven. 
And the thief assured of Heaven ? 

Justly may thy vengeance lower ; 
Yet in mercy show thy power — 
Let not endless flames devour ! 



396 MONUMENTAL INSCRIPTION. 

In the last adjudication, 
Grant my guilty soul a station 
With, the children of salvation. 

From thy joys celestial never, 

"With the vile my spirit sever. 
In thy wrath to burn forever. 

Joined with myriads now before thee, 
"Would thy guilty worm adore thee — 
Hear his trembling voice implore thee ! 

Day of grief and woe surprising, 
"When to judgment all are rising, 
Then, — in mercy veiled, each feature, — 
Spare, O, spare, the guilty creature ; 
With thee, Lord and Saviour blest ! 
Let him find eternal rest. 

Amen. 



MONUMENTAL INSCRIPTION. 
[Front Side.] 

THE KEVEREND 

OLIYER ALDEN TAYLOR, 

Born at Yarmouth, Mass., 

Aug. 1, 1801, 

Installed here as Pastor, 

Sept. 18, 1839, 

Died. Dec 18, 1851. 



[Opposite Side.] 
RESURGEMUS. 

He was a man of clear intellect, of deep and various learning, of 
humility, candor and kindness; a laborious Student, an able 
Preacher, a devoted Pastor; he was in every relation faith- 
ful, and lived as one "who must give account." 
Tom, while yet in his full strength, from the 
warm affections of wife, kindred and 
flock, he calmly resigned 
them all and fell 
asleep in 
Jesus. 



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